I: - ' />MMGuide forProspectiveStudents&The Universityof Chicago)y WnBmMi ,0 ■HP jJ1 B , fl A - ‘ 1m5234 S. Dorchester Ave.Walk to museums, parks, the lakeSTUDIO APARTMENTSFurnished and unfurnishedutilities includedLaundry roomSundeck • Secure buildingCampus bus at our doorCall 9-5 for appointment324-0200RockefellerChapelSunday9 amEcumenical Serviceof Holy Communion10 amReligious InstructionFor Children11 amUniversity Religious ServiceBernard 0. BrownDean of the ChapelDoes the End ofthe Term Mean theEnd of Your HospitalInsurance Protection?Short Term Hospital plan providesfast low cost "interim" coverage ifyou're in between jobs, or recentlygraduated.It offers a choice of 60, 90, 120,or 180 day protection. Comprehen¬sive coverage. Low rates. And thepolicy can be issued on the spot.That quick.Let me tell you the details of thisquick coverage plan.Lord & RogersInsurance Agency4747 West Peterson Avenue Suite 400Chicago, Illinois 60646282-6900NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE"C"SHOP MO VE!Lehnoff SchoolOf Music & Dance STA Y FIT!Dance of all kinds taughtby experts• Dance Exercise - for fitnessand good tone• Ballet - beginners to Pointeand everything in between• Jazz - learn to move withrhythm and style1438 E. 37th St.288-3300 G.W. OPTICIANS1519 E. 55thTel. 947-9335Eyes examined and Contact Lenses fitted byregistered Optometrists.SpeciaEsts in Quality Eyewear at ReasonablePrices.Lab on premises for fast service - framesreplaced, lenses duplicated and pre¬scriptions filled.NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE"C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials)CUSTOMER INFORMATION FROM GENERAL MOTORSHOW MUCH IS TOO MUCHTO DRINK IF YOU'RE DRIVING?USING THIS CHART MAY HELP YOU KNOW YOUR LIMITFirst, you should under¬stand that drinking any amountof alcohol can impair your abil¬ity to drive.The generally acceptedway to measure intoxication isby your Blood Alcohol Concen¬tration (BAC). In most areas, thelegal definition of intoxication is.10 percent BAC and above.However, long before you reach.10 BAC, your judgment andmotor skills deteriorate rapidly.In fact, some states include thedefinition of impaired drivingability, which usually begins at.05 percent.Important factors to keepin mind are how much you’vedrunk in a given period of time,how much you weigh andwhether you’ve been eating.Your age. individual metabolismand experience with drinkingare also factors. However, it sim¬ply is not true that beer or wine isless likely to make you drunkthan so-called "hard” drinks. A6-ounce glass of wine, a 12-ouncecan of beer or l*/2 ounces of86-proof whiskey have about thesame amount of alcohol and willhave about the same effect onyou.How to estimate yourBlood Alcohol Concentration.Although the effects of alcoholvary a great deal, the averageeffects are shown in the accom¬panying chart prepared by theNational Highway Traffic SafetyAdministration. Find yourweight in the left-hand columnand then refer to the number ofdrinks you have had or intend tohave over a two-hour period. Forexample, if you weigh 160pounds and have had four beersover the first two hours you'redrinking, your Blood AlcoholConcentration would be dan¬gerously beyond .05 percent, andyour driving ability would beseriously impaired-a dangerousdriving situation. Six beers inthe same period would give youa BAC of over .10 percent-the level generally accepted as proofof intoxication.It is easier to get drunkthan it is to get sober. Theeffects of drinking do taper off asthe alcohol passes through yourbody, but the drop is slow. In theexample above, the person who Kven if you’re not drink¬ing, other drivers may be. Yourbest protection is still the seatbelts in your car. Accidents dohappen, and wearing lap andshoulder belts doubles yourchances of coming through onealive.DRINKS (TWO-HOUR PERIOD)Weight l'j ozs. 86° Liquor or 12 ozs. Beer10 11 1210 11 1210 11 1210 11 1210 11 1210 11 1210 11 1210 11 12BE CAREFUL DRIVINGBAC TO .05% DRIVING IMPAIRED.05-.09% DO NOT DRIVE.10% & UPSource: N'HTSAThe chart shows average responses. Younger people generally becomeimpaired sooner, while older people have more vision problems at night.Tests show a wide range of responses even for people of the same ageand weight. For some people, one drink may he too many.had six .beers would still havesignificant traces of alcohol inhis blood six hours later. Havinga full stomach will postponesomewhat the effects of alcohol,but it will not keep you frombecoming drunk.Black coffee, cold showers,or walking around outdoors willdo nothing to make you sober. Ofcourse, someone who claims,Til be okay as soon as 1 getbehind the wheel,” may be mak¬ing a fatal misjudgment.At General Motors, we havedeveloped a device which tests adriver’s reflexes and motor re¬sponses before it allowrs the carto start. The Department ofTransportation is now testing itin California as a deterrent torepeat offenders. Txlay, you, thedriver, have to know your limitsand when you’ve gone beyondthem. If you have any doubts,don’t drive. This advertisement is partof our continuing effort togive customers useful infor¬mation about their cars andtrucks and the companythat builds them.Chevrolet • PontiacOldsmobile • BuickCadillac • CMC Truck2—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983■ Learning at the CollegeLife in this college of 2,900 students is asboring as the students who come here.Consider some of the elements that cometogether in this one college. The College is aninsignificant burden on one of the world’s leadingresearch Universities, but is large enough to beconsidered an unavoidable annoyance by much ofthe faculty. It’s in a city of diverse racialmake-up yet it manages to keep itself relativelyclean of undesirables. At over 90 years of age, itis one of the most forgotten and forgettableinstitutions in the world, yet it manages tomaintain a self-esteem of unbelievably inflatedproportions.Often called “the University of Chicago of themidwest,’’ the University is acclaimed byeveryone in the know (read, other Chicagostudents) as one of the truly abstruse institutionsin the world. By constantly mentioning itself inthe same breath as institutions of majorimportance, the College hopes to fulfill the sacredmission and purpose inherent in the indentitycrises of a backwater bastion of brain building.In toto (winner of 7 grammies), this Universityis light, yet weighty; sweetly aromatic, yetnoxious; distinctively old, yet callowty youthful;half baked, yet totally fried; dynamically bubbly,yet swampily murky; startlingly innovative, butimaginitively stable; sublty provocative, yet nottoo far from innocence.This is why we are putting out this publication:to convince you and The New York Times that weare indeed special, that we suffer more, that weare humiliated constantly, that the weather iseven worse than you might have expected, andfinally that we are exceptionally tiresome on thesubject of ourselves. Learningat the CollegeNorthwestern students often visit Hyde Park55th and Hyde Park Boulevard643-5500ANNIVERSARYCELEBRATIONHAVE YOUR CAKE & EAT IT TWO!To commemorate our second yearin business, we will be giving awayFREE desserts with dinner. April 1stthru 4th. University ID required.Credit cards accepted • Something like reservations taken.JOIN US FOR EASTER DINNER!Lunch:Tuea.-Sat. 11:30-2:30 DINNER: Mon.-Thurs. 5:00-10:30Sunday Brunch: 10:30-2:30 Fri.-Sat. 5:00-12:00Sunday 5:00-9:00The Chicago Maroon—Friday. April 1 1983—3The CollegeI went on one of those tours of colleges on the EastCoast, and people there were very cold; they hadno interest in me as a prospective student. Thechange when I visited here was so dramatic. Every¬body was very interested in me as a person. Facul¬ty members and students alike were very helpfuland very warm. I decided to come here because ofthe friendlier atmosphere. Besides, I didn’t get ac¬cepted anywhere else. — Fourth-year student.I never talk to undergraduates because they neverhave anything interesting to say.' — Saul Bellow,the Pompus Ass Professor of Social Thought. Why Would Anyone Come To The CollegeAt the end of the nineteenth century, a smallgroup of educators and intellectuals decided tofound a major seat of learning in the midwest. It'sbeen a resting spot for asses ever since.The new University was a place for testing oldtraditions and starting new ones. Women were ad¬mitted and treated equally with some of the straydogs roaming campus. Illiteracy as an intellectualdiscipline was born here. The architecture of TyCobb brought the theory of base stealing to Cobb Hall and other early University buildings. JohnDewey transformed the American educational sys¬tem but failed in his efforts to take credit for theDewey Decimal system. Within 15 years FacultyMember Albert Michealson was measuring thespeed of his own toothbrush, beginning a long tra¬dition of Nobel Prize winning work here. Thirty-five years later Enrico Fermi cracked the first nailunder the stands at Stagg Field.All of this, of course, has nothing to do with anyof you.The 750 young men and women who enter the col¬lege each year contribute to this innovative, intel¬lectual environment (to the tune of $10,000). Theycome from fifty states and a dozen foreign coun¬tries, representing every variety of the upper-mid¬dle class suburban background.This homogeneous background could make lifedull here were it not for the tremendous variety ofneuroses, psychoses and assorted maladjustmentsof the students. One roommate may fall to pieceswhen it rains while another may burn him or her¬self with cigarettes when the Cubs lose. Many stu¬dents will convince themselves that they areworthless human beings, but just as many will in¬flate their egos to oceanic proportions. Some stu¬dents cry when the Rockefeller bells chime andsome students crawl into the fetal position in themiddle of the quads. No student will remain un¬scathed by the stress and no student will graduatewith their stability untattered. After all, nervousbreakdowns are the spice of life here.There is one common element that has drawn stu¬dents to the College. It is the reputation of the cur¬riculum. In the college, “general education’’ is not anew infatuation by a meaningless phrase. No mat¬ter what your major is, you can call yourself “pre-grad” because the college curriculum, beyond thecore, is nothing if not preparation for the subdis¬ciplines of questionable academic research. :AN EVENING WITH8:30 PMAPRIL 4MANDEL HALLBROUGHT TO YOU BYTHE MAJOR ACTIVITIES BOARD2 TIX/UCID2 UCID/PERSON WITH UC STUDENT ID $7ALL OTHERS $12STUDENT TICKET SALES BEGIN 3-29*GENERAL SALES BEGIN 3-30USE YOUR VISA OR MASTER CARD TO CHARGE BY PHONECALL THE REYNOLDS CLUB TICKET CENTER 962-73004—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983 ■■ILearning at the CollegeMany of you, when you hear the phrase,“common chore,” may assume you’re going to betold to read some books or take a few coursesthat everyone has to take. The Chore at Chicagodoes not work that way: you’re going to readthousands of books and take many courses thateveryone has to take. You will discover thatwhat is “common” is neither the book nor coursetitles but the frequency of students dropping outof the program.What does this mean in practical terms for yourfirst two year# in the College? First, it means thatduring half your years here you will have no sayin how you are educated. Second, it means thatyou will be able to enroll in various sciencecourses entitled “Plug and Chug 101, 102 and103.”In the core students learn the diacriticalcombination of various generalization in order tocreate, in the terms of the lingo,megageneralizations. More than that, students inthe Chore do a lot of grappling, most of it withthe fundamental problems, achievements andstatements of our civilization. The result is aninculcation, an integration, a textualization, atrivialization a revitalization and a menstruationof the fundamental intellectual methods andviewpoints.It is this process of pretentious meaninglessnesswhich the University is all about. The purpose ofthe Common Chore is clearly stated: thefundamental discovery of the breadth ofintelluctual fundamentalisms in the context ofmajor disciplinai .* cross-referentializationdoo-wah, doo-wah.THE VISITING FELLOWS COMMITTEEpresentsWILLIAM F. BUCKLEY, JRspeaking onREFLECTIONS ON CURRENT DISORDERSQuestions/Answers to FollowThursday, April 7,1983 4:00 P.M. Law School AuditoriumThe Chicago Maroon—Friday, April l, 1983—5rContacts for Sale!What Is A Bargain?The 4 questions most frequently asked about contact lenses are:1 How Much Are Your Lenses72 How Much Are Your Lenses73 How Much Are Your Lenses74 How Much Are Your Lenses7What is really more important, the lowest price, or the best fit¬ting lenses? We think the 4 questions should be: Suffering From....Cluster - Phobia?Computer Terminal Blues?Tired of waiting for a computer terminal?Tired of having 8 people looking over your shoulder whenyou do get one? Tired of getting bumped off a terminaljust before you find the treasure?Why not own your own?For only $599 you can own a ZenithZT-1 Desk Top Terminal.Explore the colassal caves or the depths of SPSS, write your dissertationor blast the Klingons in your own living room or anywhere you have atelephone jack. And you can access any of the commercial informationservices such as CompuServe or Dow Jones.This package includes:•A full size, typewriter-style keyboard,•A 12” green phosphor monitor,•Automatic dial-up and log on,•Memory for 26 phone numbers•Functions as an electric typewriter*1. Is the doctor really a contact lense specialist7(or is he an eyeglass salesman ?)2 Can I expect professional service and care7(or will I be handled by inept non-professional salespeople?)3 Are the quality of lenses the best available7(or are they off-brands and seconds?)4 The question is. not how much are your lenses, butwill I receive the best care, the best quality and thebest price.We at CONTACT LENSES UNLIMITED meet all the above crite¬ria of CARE, SERVICE, QUALITY AND PRICE.TRY TO BEAT THESE VALVES!SUPER-WET BAUSCH & LOMBFLEXIBLE SOFLENSONLY $29.00 B3, B4,&F SERIESSuper-thin highly wet- only$33.75table lens specifically Basic series of lensesdesigned to correct that Bausch & Lombthose patients who built their reputationwere previous hard oncontact lens failures• NEW SUPER SOFT HIGH OXYGEN TRANSFER ULTRATHIN - $43.75New super-soft highly oxygen transferable lenses used to correctthose patients who were previous soft lens failures• SUPER-WET TORIC CORRECTING FOR ASTIGMATISM - $100.00The same remarkable material as the super-wet flexible lenses but spe- -cifically designed to our exact specifications to correct for difficult as¬tigmatism ‘• SOFT LENSES CORRECTING FOR ASTIGMATISM (TORIC) - 8160.00If you have ever been told that you couldn t wear soft lens due to astig- !matism now you probably can j• EXTENDED WEAR LENSES - $ 160.00The ones you sleep with no more cleaning sterilizing nightly, no moredaily Insertation and Removal wake up in the morning and seeLimit 1 pair per patientProfessional fee additional (required)(includes - Eye Examination. Training Wearing Instructions and Carrying Case)OUR PROMISE TO YOU:If you aren t pleased with your lenses after 60 days, cost of the lenses will be re¬funded All contact lens fitting done by our Contact Lens Specialists.Dr S C Fostiak and Dr John S SchusterWe can replace your lost or broken lenses in 4 hours or less!(if lenses are in stock)IF YOU WANT THE BEST COME TO THE BEST'CONTACT LENSES UNLIMITED1724 Sherman Ave., Evamton, IL 60201 ?566 N. CUHt St.. Chicago. IL 606J4(above County Scat)864-4441 880-5400 / As a special introductory offer, for orders placedbefore March 9, we will throw in a free subscription toCompuServe, including 5 free hours of connect time.For more information or a demonstration,call (evenings)241-6155 (Natalie) 548-1755 (Mike)Mastercharge/Visa accepted. Quantity pricing available.*with parallel printer (not included)The Student Activities Office regrets the printing error in theSAO Spring Calendar, Part I. It should read as follows:TUESDAY APRIL 12WOODWARD COURT LECTURE: Marshall 0 Sahlins Deptof Anthropology, "Captain James Cook or The Dying God"8 30 p m Woodward Court Cafeteria Reception FollowingDOC FILMS: Days of Wine & Roses 8 p m Cobb $1 50WEDNESDAY APRIL 13ALUMNI OFFICE: Life After Graduation Series — Com¬munication 8 The Media" 12 noon Roble House Bring SackLunch, beverages provided Call 753-2178 for infoTALKING PICTURES: Mr, Hulot's Holiday — featuringJacques Tati, famous French comedian 7 30 p.m l-House$2 Free PopcornLSF: The Lavendar Hill Mob 8 30 p m Law School $2DOC FILMS: No Thanksgiving for Red & Any Given World8 p m Cobb $1 50THURSDAY APRIL 14HILLEL FACULTY LUNCHEON: The Symbols 8 Rituals ofBirth 8 Marriage A Modern Jewish Approach" Rabbi DanielI Liefer 12 p m $3 RSVP 752-1127HILLEL: Yom Hashoah Community Service — a program olmusic 8 readings in remembrance of the Holocaust 4 p mChicago Sinai Congregation 5350 South Shore DriveMUSIC DEPT. NOONTIME CONCERT: Suzanne Schersoprano, Richard Carnes - piano w. members of the USO,Barbara Schubert, conductor — All Wagner program12 15 p.m Goodspeed Hall FreeTALKING PICTURES: Knife in the Water 7:30 p.m l-House$2 Free PopcornLSF: San Francisco 8 30 p.m Law School $2DOC FILMS'. Simplemente Jenny & Chugviaoo 8pmCobb $2WOMEN'S UNION SEMINAR: Details TBA 7 30 pmIda Noyes East LoungeFRIDAY APRIL 15SAO TICKET DISCOUNT DEADLINE: Twyla Tharp DanceFoundation $6 • $ 12 Come to Rm 210 Ida NoyesCOLLEGE ADMISSIONS & THE STUDENT SCHOOLSCOMMITTEE: April Weekend I for prospective studentsCONCRETE GOTHIC THEATRE: "The Real InspectorHound" by Top Stoppard, directed by Geoffrey Potter8 p m Reynolds Club 3rd Floor Theatre Tickets $2 50 8$3 at the doorHILLEL LECTURE: "Modern Hebrew Literature Goes onAllyah" David Patterson, visiting professor at NU. author ofThe Hebrew Novel in Czarist Russia" 8:30 p.m HilletHouse Call 7 5 £ -1127 for TnfoDOC FILMS: Conan the Barbarian 7 pjn 9pm & 11 omCobb $2SATURDAY APRIL 16CONCRETE GOTHIC THEATRE: "The Real InspectorHound" by Tom Stoppard, directed by Geoffrey Potter8 p m Reynolds Club 3rd Floor Theatre Tickets $2 50 8$3 at the doorARMENIAN STUDENTS ASSOCIATION: Armenian Partyw/authentic Armenian band 8 refreshments, 9 p.m. - 1 a ml-House $1 all are welcome Call 753-2274 for infoLSF: Casab/anca 7 15 p m 8 9 30 p m Law School $2DOC FILMS: The Long Good Friday 7 15pm 8 9 30pmCobb $2MARRS: All Day Event — Jousting, Feasting, etc DetailsTBA Ida Noyes Hall SUNDAY APRIL 17ORIENTAL INSTITUTE FILMS: Megiddo: City of Destruction2 p m Museum Auditorium FreeROCKEFELLER CHAPEL: Joseph Cardinal Bernadin —guest lecture on the Christian mission in the contemporaryworld 3 p.m.MUSIC DEPT: Early Music Series — "The Hilliard En¬semble" Vocal Music from the 12th to early 19th Centuries8 p m Mandel Hall For tickets call 962-8068 or 962-7300LSF: Casablanca 8 30 p m Law School $2DOC FILMS: Circle of Deceit 8pm Cobb $2WEDNESDAY APRIL 20INTERNATIONAL HOUSE: Middle Eastern Dinner w/complimentary beverages 8 live music 4 30pm -7 30pml-House Dining Room For info caH 753-2274LSF: Too Hot to Handle 9 15 p m Law School $2DOC FILMS: The Children's Hour 8 p.m Cobb $1 50THURSDAY APRIL 21CONCRETE GOTHIC THEATRE: "The Real InspectorHound" by Tom Stoppard, directed by Geoffrey Potter8 p m Reynolds Club 3rd Floor Theatre Tickets $2 50 8$3 at the doorMUSIC DEPT. NOONTIME CONCERT: Ellen Hamssoprano. Bruce Tammen • baritone Schumann duets12 15p.m Goodspeed Hall FreeTALKING PICTURES: La Dolce Vita l-House $2 FreePopcornLSF: Gaslight 8 30 p.m Law School $2DOC FILMS: Rebellion in Patagonia 8 p m Cobb $2FRIDAY APRIL 22COLLEGE ADMISSION & THE STUDENT SCHOOLSCOMMITTEE: April Weekend II for prospective studentsCONCRETE GOTHIC THEATRE: "The Real InspectorHound" by Tom Stoppard, directed by Geoffrey Potter8 p m Reynolds Club 3rd Floor Theatre Tickets $2 50 8$3 at the doorHILLEL LECTURE: "What Does The Lord Require of You?Moral Obligations to a Supernatural Authority" JosephCropsey, Dept ot Political Science 8 30 p m Hillel HouseCONTEMPORARY CHAMBER PLAYERS OF THE UNIVER¬SITY OF CHICAGO: Elsa Charleston - soprano 8 membersof the Rockefeller Chapel Choir CCP director - RalphShapey Schuller, Schwanter, Webern program 8 p.mMandel Hall For Free Tickets send stamped self-addressedenvelope to Music Dept Concert Office. Goodspeed Hall310, 5845 S Ellis Ave , Chicago 60637TALKING PICTURES: Persona 7 30 pm 8 9 30 pml-House $2 Free PopcornINTERNATIONAL HOUSE: International Coffeehouse —open mike, refreshments served 9 p m - 1 a m l-Housecall 753-2274 for infoDOC FILMS: The Creature from the Black Lagoon in 3-D7 p.m , 9 p.m. 8 11 p m Cobb $2SATURDAY APRIL 23CONCRETE GOTHIC THEATRE: "The Real InspectorHound" by Tom Stoppard, directed by Geoffrey Potter8 p m Reynolds Club 3rd Floor Theatre Tickets $2 50 8$3 at the doorINTERNATIONAL HOUSE: Association tor the Advance¬ment ot Creative Musicians ! A ACM) presents their 'LargeEnsemble" 3 pm, l-House Tickets $5, $4 8 $3 Call753-2274 for infoLSF: Rebel Without a Cause 7pm 89 30 p m Law SchoolDOC FILMS: My Favorite Year 7pm 4930pm Cobb $26—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983The College HousesThe College’s residential system, as much asany other single feature, reflects student life atChicago. Fortunately, students are allowed tomove out of the system after their first year. Theroughly five major Residence Halls containapproximately 24 smaller, but equally dull,College Houses. Living arrangements includeeverything from singles to suites, from coedfloors to single-sex housing to dorms with no sexat e!l. In architectual design the halls range fromtne Neo-Gothic of the campus Quadrangles tocontemporary cinderblock. All are located withinmugging distance of the surroundingneighborhoods.Life in the College Houses is claustrophobic,insular, hostile — each House tends to develop asense that it is the best and must prove it at allcosts, usually via intramural competitions andall-cafeteria foodfights. Other house activitiesinclude booze and cheese parties with semi-soberprofessors, penny-diving in Botany Pond, and thequarterly Primal Scream on the first night ofExam Week. Occasionally, or as often as housefunds will allow, houses send out for pizza, holdbarbeques, and commit acts of vandalism onother houses. Some events are formal and edifying, such asVoodvard Kert’s lung tredition of wilcumminghonored gists to speak to you... Many famouspeople come to these lectures, and many studentspig out at the reception afterwards.Houses offer plenty of conveniences: gamerooms, community kitchens, music practice rooms,computer terminals, vending machines, and videogames. However, few houses actually have anyof these conveniences, and those which do existtend to be unusable.Each of the Residence Halls is administered by aResident Master, a senior member of the facultyor administration who will sometimes have anOpen House but usually tries to avoid students asmuch as possible. Each small College House hasResident Heads (younger members of the facultyor administration, or very old-looking graduatestudents), who have their own ResidentAssistants, who have not decided on a name fortheir underlings and so do not have any. Yet.Together they are supposed to provide adviceand act as parents, but are usually only asknosey questions and look the other way when youbreak house rules. Some act like “one of thegang,” only older; others act like James Watt toyour wildlife. I guess I like living in Pierce because if you'reupset about something you can just run aroundurinating in the hallway, burning mattresses andtrashing elevators and nobody cares. — Secondyear student.The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—7The CollegeUniversity's new dorm complex on 69th St. and Cottage GroveI really love the University of Chicago social lifebecause I’ve always lived by the motto “Virginshave more fun.’’ — Fourth Year student.Organization of Black Students meets at footballgame Social Life: Beyond the RegensteinIn addition to the animosities formed in theCollege Houses, there are many other ways toforce students to associate with one another.Several major campus events draw out largesegments of the student body — The HomecomingLoss, the Festival of the Humanities, the AnnualSpring Dance. But by and large students herechoose to involve themselves in smaller activitiesto match their mental capacities. We adhere tothe Chicago Commandent, “Thou shalt notcongregate.’’Social life in the College is usually informalbecause few students have a wardrobecontaining anything more than T-shirts and jeans.Almost every night there are the same oldworn-out campus flicks. Beside that the onlyother entertaining thing to do is to sit by theMoore sculpture and watch it tarnish or lie downin front of Kent and listen to the ivy grow.Afterwards students can mosey on down 57thStreet to one of the local used book stores orptomaine palaces. On 55th street stands thestudent union: Jimmy’s, here you can shoulder upto the bar next to your favorite prof, join him inquaffing a few brews and smell the sweet aromaof his “beer and peanuts’’ belch.Athletics and RecreationSince football went out at the same time dormfood did, the “Monsters of the Midway’’nickname must refer to the Plant Department.That’s not to say sports are not important. Howmany other schools can say they have not lost anice hockey game since 1892. We have anextensive Intramural sports program that fostersabout as much athletic drama as a volleyballgame in an Annette Funicello movie.Two athletic activities do have a strongfollowing in the College, however. Track is verypopular, in part because many students havefound the 100-meter dash helpful in gettingaround Hyde Park at night. And the wrestlingteam recently won a championship, credited inpart to the members’ volunteer work in crowdcontrol during the Lascivious Costume Ball andafter Core Chemistry finals.Student Activities and OrganizationsIn the back of the Student Directory every yearis a long list of Student Organizations, many ofwhich meet for the sole purpose of milking theStudent Government for money. They frequentlysucceed. Most of the groups relate to very small,specific groups on campus, such as the SlovakComic Book Club or Left-Handed HeterosexualNose Pickers and Earwax Collectors, and theirsister society the Organization for Feminist ToeJam Eaters. You will have a chance to find out allabout all of them on Student Activities night,which is a combination carnival and freak show.Many groups have an incredible impact on thestudent body at lage. Student Government doesnot. They hold many meetings which few attendand an unbroken record of scandal-riddenelections.In the arts, Frenchfriars is a student musicalcomedy group which trys to perform two musicalsa year in a cramped, leftover theater in ReynoldsClub (why is it called a club?). We would like tosay they are the funniest thing on campus but weare not that big of liars. DOC Films (named byBugs Bunny’s) claims to be the oldest student filmsociety in America, and the films look like it.The only independent student organization isthe school newspaper, The Chicago Maroon, whichis worth everything it costs to obtain. Whileproviding an outlet for student news and opinionsit primarily functions to catch droppings in birdcages and soak up the oil from the dioxin filledfish it wraps.8—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 19834 * ♦ 4for they/iOs><> spring production"4*REYNOLDS CLUB: New Theater *sat. april 2nd10:00-6:00Bring a Sor^ or read -Tor* a non-Sin^ir^ role!GOETTLER PRIZETHE HAROLD E. GOETTLER POLITICAL INSTITUTIONS PRIZE• FIRST PRIZE• SECOND PRIZE• THIRD PRIZEEssays are invited from undergraduates that clearlyand significantly relate to the origin, development,structure, or functioning of political institutions.Essays will be judged on the basis of the evidencewhich they give or the writer’s ability toa) formulate and distinguish the elements of the problem;b) assess relevant evidence;c) relate such elements and evidence to relevant theoreticalliterature;d) organize and present data and conclusions clearly andcogently.Essays submitted must be between 3,000 and 15,000words in length; adequately documented in proper form;typed in double space; and submitted in .two copies.Prizes will be announced at the Annual Honors Assembly.The judges reserve the right to make no awards.DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONTuesday, 12 April 1983TO HME 248$750$500$250 BRENT■ - The Episcopal Church at the University of ChicagoHouse 5540 South Woodlawn AvenueTHE GREAT VIGIL OF EASTERSATURDAY, APRIL 2 AT 8 PMAT AGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCHON FIFTY FIFTH AT WOODLAWNHOLY COMMUNION EVERY SUNDAYAT 5:30 PM AT BRENT HOUSEAND EVERY THURSDAYAT NOON AT BOND CHAPELThe Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—9The CollegeI came here without a typological conceptualiza¬tion of society’s rhetorical framework. Now Ispend a lot of time picking lint out of my navel. —Third-year student.Library books are often recalled at inconvenienttimes Doc movie marathons interfere with student grooming Veni,ed. Vidi, Medici — / came, I saw, I constipat-—Second yearThe ArtsThis is an intellectual school; artistic personsare advised to apply to Juilliard. For those whohave come here and discover a previouslydormant interest in the arts which is onlyincreased by participation in the classic Art forAmoebas (ArtDes 090), there are few outlets.You can peruse the modular sculptures created byBucky Schwartz, listen to the serene screechingsof the 1C or read the exquisite graffitti inEckhart.The University’s annual Folk Festival givesstudents a chance to get involved by sellingtickets, ushering, and other menial tasks(preparing them for life after graduation).The Major Activities Board, theoreoticalrecipients of the exhorbitant annual ActivitiesFee, required of all students in the College,sponsors at least one concert every quarter.Usually it is somenew-punk-jazz-swing-wave-band with anappealing name like Oink Oink Oink or The LivingAbortions.The OFFERS GOOD FOR FIRST TIME CLIENTS ONLY(hair performers )1621 E. 55th St. • 241-7778Open 7 Days A Week©1983, The HAIR PERFORMERS10—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983PERMS NOW 50% OFF ORCOMPLETE SHAPING AND STYLING NOW $5.00 OFFThe latest news in hair comes from the HAIR PERFORMERS. News inPerms — innovative conditioning waves that improve the look, textureand feel of your hair. News in cuts — uncomplicated shapes thatmove easily from casual to professional to nighttime dramatic. Takeadvantage of our great introductory offer and make your own news' NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE "C" SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials) HYDE PARK UNION CHURCH5600 S. Woodlawn Ave.Church School (all ages) 9:45 a.m.Worship Nursery Provided 11:00 a.m.W. Kenneth Williams, MinisterSusan Johnson. Baptist Campus MinisterCome, Worship, Study, ServeLife in ChicagoEXPERT MECHANICAL SERVICEFOREIGN & DOMESTIC CARSTUNE-UP • BRAKE JOBS • ELECTRICALSHOCK ABSORBERS • OIL CHANGES • LUBESBATTERIES • MUFFLERS • AIR CONDITIONINGENCLOSED, SECURE, AND REASONABLY PRICEDPARKING FACILITIES — AN ALTERNATIVE TOPARKING ON THE STREETS THIS WINTERHYDE PARK GARAGE5508 SOUTH LAKE PARK • 241-622010% DISCOUNT ON MECHANICAL WORKWITH THIS COUPONPICK UP & DELIVERY AVAILABLETHE FLAMINGO APARTMENTS5500 South Shore DriveSTUDIOS & ONE BEDROOMS•Unfurnished and furnished•U. of C. Bus Stop•Free Pool Membership•Carpeting and Drapes Included•Secure Building - Emily's Dress Shop•University Subsidy for Students & Staff•Delicatessen *Beauty Shop•Barber Shop •T.J.'s Restaurant•Dentist *Valet ShopFREE PARKINGMr. Keller 752*3800 Easter SpecialsCalifornia & Italian Wine Sale20% OFFFrenchLe Grand ChineauChardonnax7 99 750 mlAlmadenMountain Wines^ 99 15 ItrGrants 8 yr. oldScotch•7 99 750 ml GermanWesthofener BergklosterSpatlese5.99 7 0mCOUPON SPECIAL II MARINGER I PiperLIEBFRAUMILCH J Ex-Dry Champagne| Exp 4-4-82| Reg 4 59 39 ! 13 99 750 mlSmirnoff 80°Vodka^99 750 ml Bacardi RumLight or DarkCJ29 750 mlRemy MartinVS Cognac«750 mi12"12-12 oz. Cans Old Style J. Bavet BrandyJJ99 752 ml6-12 oz. Cans Pepsi3" Warmonly 79 WarmonlyK1MBARK LIQUORS & WINE SHOPPE1214 E. 53rd St. • In Kimbark Plaza • 493-3355Store Hours: Sun. noon - midnightMon. - Thurs. 8 a.m. - 1 o.m. • Fri. & Sat. 8 a.m. - 2 a.m.The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—11Life in ChicagoThe University was founded by men whoseextraordinary resources far exceeded theirintelligence or compassion. They could havechosen any location for the new University—NewYork, Florida, the Bahamas, Vail, evenCalifornia. Instead, they chose a plot of floodedswamp land on the south side of a sprawling,filthy city in the middle of nowhere.Nearly a hundred years later, that swamp landhas been transformed into a neighborhood whichis a combination of the qualities of a small Iowafarmtown, the French Riviera and New York’sCentral Park. That is to say, it’s boring,expensive and dangerous.Hyde Park has a tradition of being one ofChicago’s entertainment centers—an area dottedwith nightclubs and jazz spots. Hyde Park has atradition for being the home of hordes oftalented artists. Hyde Park has a tradition forbeing the center of innovative architecture and imaginative landscapes. All of those traditionsare long dead.Nevertheless, because of the concentration ofUniversity faculty and students within therelatively small Hyde Park area, sociologistshave labeled this the most intelligent and themost socially inept neighborhood in the world.Recently, because of skyrocketing crime figuresand the decrepitude of the police forces, HydePark has borne closer and closer resemblence tothe Hobbesian state of nature, particularly afternightfall. And perhaps it was that old Britishphilosopher who described Hyde Park best whenhe wrote:There is no place for industry, because thefruit thereof is uncertain; and consequentlyno culture of the earth; no navigation, nor useof the commodities that may be imported bysea; no commodious building; no instruments of moving, and removing such things as re¬quire much force; no Knowledge of the face ofthe earth; no account of Time; no arts; no let¬ters; no society; and which is worst of all, con¬tinual fear, and danger of violent death; andthe life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish,and short.This delightful philosphic laboratoryatmosphere was created by an urbandevelopment program named after one of T.S.Eliot’s poems, Project Wasteland. Theaccomplishments of the program are everywherein evidence, but no place more so than on 55thStreet, which has been named World’s UgliestStreet by Architectural Digest four years in arow. Of particular interest are the windowless,brick senior citizen homes on 55th betweenWoodlawn and Kimbark, designed in theneo-mausoleum style.That is not to say that Hyde Park is a lifelessneighborhood. Fine dining can be enjoyed atHarold’s Chicken on 53rd and convenient take-outcan be gotten from Morry’s deli, which iscurrently expanding so that by October therewill be a Morry’s next to every white securityphone.One of the most exciting places in Hyde Park isa private little hotspot called Hanna’sChickenshack, or more popularly, the Best LittleWhorehouse in Hyde Park. Located on the cornerof 59th Street and University Avenue, thechickenshack provides relatively inexpensiverelief from the frustrations of University life. Forthose short of cash, the Classics Department hasopened a similiar service in the Classics Buildingcalled Plato’s Retreat. It is here that studentfaculty relations grow the most intimate.Visible from the fifth floor of the Regenstein isan area entitled “Chicago.” This place, named bythe Indian word for “place of foul smell” is a noperson’s land (no sexism here) where people donot read Aristotle and where the Baker Reportisn’t worth spit. Accordingly, Hyde Parkers neverventure up into those underdeveloped regionsunless under the protection of the CW van serviceon the way to the airport.To the south of the University is an area calledWoodlawn, which, according to the newspapers,is economically underdeveloped. In order topreserve the “economic purity” of this area, theUniversity has erected access barriers along 61stStreet. A lot of University students would like togo down tc Woodlawn and do a little partying,but it wouldn’t be fair to subject thatneighborhood to our vandalism and our crime.It’s just another example of the University’surban altruism.In sum, the key to living in Hyde Park is toremember the words of Philadelphia MayorFrank Rizzo: “The streets are safe; it’s thepeople who are dangerous.”The University is downwind from Gary, Indiana/ moved out of Hyde Park because I was tired ofrunning into faculty wives in the supermarket withwhom id had affairs. - Saul Bellow, AssociateProfessor of crankiness.12—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983mmmNOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE"C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials) MetropolitanCommunity Churchof the Resurrection5638 So. Woodlawn 579-1299Outreach to the Gay CommunityWorship - Sunday 3 pmJoin Us Now!Put the pastin yourfuture!LIVE INAN HISTORICI AND MARKThoroughly renovated apartments offer the convenience ofcontemporary' living space combined with all the best elementsof v intage design. Park and lakefront prov ide a natural settingfor affordable elegance with dramatic views.—All new kitchens and appliances — Community room—Wall - to - wall carpeting — Resident manager—Air conditioning - Round the-clock security'— Optional indoor or outdoor — Laundry facilities onparking each floorStudios, One, Two and Three Bedroom apartments.One Bedroom from $-480 — Two Bedroom from $660Rent includes heat, cooking gas. and master TV antenna.CfiPmbmmeJtouse1642 East 56th Street^In Hyde Park, across the park fromThe Museum of Science and Industry1Equal Housing Opportunity Managed by Metroplex. Inc .New and RebuiltTypewriters,Calculators,Dictators, AddersCasioHewlett PackardTexas Instrument REPAIRSPECIALISTSon IBM, SCM,Olympia, etc.FREE repairestimatesCanonSharp RENTALSavailable withU.ofC I D.The University of Chicago BookstoreOffice Machines & Photographic Dept.970 East 58th Street 2nd Floor962-7558 • 5-4364 (ON CAMPUS) Cornell Law SchoolUndergraduate Prelaw ProgramJune 6 to July 19, 1983A demanding six-week programfor college students who wantto learn what law school is like.For further information write to Jane G. Death,Cornell Law School, 634 Myron Taylor Hall, Box 15,Ithaca, NY 14853I I l I I I I I I I I I I I ITKTonight at 7. 9 and 11: Life, barf me out! You haven't seenFAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH yet? Like, you'vejust got to see it. It’s awesome, totally awesome!Saturday at 7, 9 and 11: Jeff Bridges goes through theelectronic looking glass in the techno-fantasy, TRON.Sunday at 8: Hector Babenco s acclaimed and harrowing lookat life on the streets of Brazil. PIXOTE.All shows in Cobb Hall. 581 1 So. Ellis. Admission for eachshow is $2. For further information, call our 24-hour DocFilmline. 962-8575. (Note: FastTimes at Ridgemont High israted R. You have been warned.)Next Weekend: Pink Floyd:The Wall, and Truffaut’s TheWoman Next Door11111 r/v^DOC FILMS^Thp Phioonn U*» r-;4Who Be the Students?14—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983 Peter Poindexter, Class of 1984I knew life at the University of Chicago was noteasy for black students. Lucky for me, I’m white.Even still, life here isn’t easy. But that is why Ilike the University of Chicago; you are alwaysbeing challenged. You’re challenged to writedefinitive essays on the Marxist view of thecaste system of African army ants. You’rechallenged to determine unknown chemicalcompounds using the Socratic Method. You’rechallenged to meet someone and have a deepand meaningful relationship. In short, almostevery aspect of your experience here pits yourintellectual, emotional, and physical devices upagainst the rigorous but ever stimulating tests ofcollege life.So far, I’m 0 for 134.But I’m learning a lot. I think the College offersthe best liberal arts education in the country.Where else does a student have thedisadvantages of a small undergraduate collegewithin a full-scale, cumbersome, leadinguniversity? Where else do students discuss bothdiscrete integration on infinite manifolds andAristotle’s Nicomachean Pathetics during thesame dinner conversation? Where else does onefind Marx’ That's Capital! and Watson’sMolecular Biology of the Gene Scene in the samebookpack? Where else does anyone care?My main interest is in economics. The econdepartment here is among the tops in the world.Furthermore, unlike the other comparableinstitutions, I can take classes with less than 20students taught by world-famous economists. It’snot like at some universities where you needbinoculars to see the professor. I love the small,intimate classes. (Did you know that GeorgeStigler has a big wart on his chin?)One of the great things about this school is thediversity of the students here. My next-doorneighbor is from the Deep South (South Dakota, Ithink) and one of my best friends is from Idaho.Can you believe it? When I was in high school inChris Paloalto, class of 1985Not surprisingly, my search for the perfectwave has brought me to the University ofChicago. Long a mecca for le nouveau monde, theUniversity is now the focal point of surf culture.In 1969 the “Chicago school’’ of surfingintroduced the concept of non-oceanicality to thestagnant beach milieu. At first, the notion of drysurfing ran counter to the California orthodoxy.But as the surfing esthetic underwent its naturalevolution, students of surf began to see theapplications of absurdism to the surfing idiom.Suddenly the assumed connection betweensurfing and water — long considered thecornerstone of the discipline — seemed tenuous.Avant garde surfers began experimenting withgrass surfing, sand surfing and ultimately,concrete surfing. Narrow minded critics notedthat the new forms did not allow for movement, aprecondition, they argued, for the consummationof the surf ideal.But articles in surf journals from University ofChicago professors argued persuasively that thenotion of moveability was an arbitrary bourgeoislimitation. Better, these thinkers argued, thatsurfers achieve a spiritual transcendence on astationary board than be constricted to singletemporal planes while experiencing somematerial, and thus ephemeral, perception ofmovement.This debate was in the air, then, while I wasmaking my decision on where to find the perfectwave. Thanks to Chicago professors, my decisionwas liberated from the romantic stipulations ofcoastal demands. I decided to come to Chicago topursue the absurdist wave. Washington I used to think that Idaho was apotato-factory. And when I came here anddiscovered that it was a state with real people init, wow, it just blew me.I have gotten very involved in athletics here. Ibelieve it’s important that students get involvedin activities beyond the classroom. Last week, Iparticipated in this national chess tourney.Earlier I ran in this race called the Turkey Trot.That was loads of fun. I didn’t finish among theleaders but my dormmates said I definitely wasthe biggest turkey in the race. That really mademe feel good, knowing that my house wasrooting for me.When I arrived I discovered an explosion ofsurfing possibilities. From the original absurdistschool had sprouted a myriad of surfingsubdisciplines. There was dada surfing, symbolistsurfering, neo-classical surfing and, of course,neo-conservative surfing. Department colloquiaoften erupted into bitter arguments as differentsurf theoriticians were breaking new ground.That atmosphere of tumult continues today. I’msure future intellectual surf historians willconsider this era the high point of the surfingrennaissance and Chicago the center. Meanwhile,I stand on my board in the center of the quadswaiting for my wave to come in.:-<£>, juiiaumPRELIMINARY APPLICATION FOR ADMISSION1.Name (if none, please explain):Last First Middle2. Age: (check one) 25-10 30-31 45-32 18-68 Other3. Sex: (check as many as apply)Male Female 60-40 What? Hardly Ever4. Race: (check some) (If Czech, check Czech)Black White Brown Mauve Olive Steeplechase Spanish surnamed Aboriginal Mixed Breed Other5. Religion: (check only one if monotheist)Roaming Catholic Zoroastrian Seventy Day Adventist Third Day Exhibitionist WASP Be atleQuaker Shaker Rock and Roller Satanist Existentialist Grocerylist Hindu BuddhuJewish (if so, check one: Orthodox Reformed Orthopedic Brooklyn) Russian Orthodox Haitian Pa padoxEternal Paradox Virulent Smallpox Mennonite Gilleteite Mormon Moron MormoneyUnitarian Rotarian Presbyterian Vicepresbyterian Baptist Zaptist Onamatopoeiaist AnarchistSunkist Frenchkist Christian Scientist (if so, check one: chemistery physics biology) Moslem MuslimMi slum Msslmmmm Atheist Agnostic Asthmatic Arthritic Greek6. Education: (check as many as apply)Primary Secondary Tertiary Higher Post Graduate Doctoral Even Higher7. Marital Status (check it out)Single Married Separated (knee or shoulder; circle one) Divorced Shacked Up Playing the Field Frustrated8. Are both your parents living?9. Are you living?10. Who is your guardian if you are a minor?11. What is your quest?12. What is your favorite color?13. Who won the 1957 World Series?14. How many furlongs in a mile?15. Why do you want to become a student at the University of Chicago? (Write a succinct essay of 250,000 words in the margins of this form.)16. Are you insane?As an applicant, you must prove your ability to handle the work of the College. Questions 17-26 deal with skills andknowledge necessary for success at Chicago.27. Can you tie your shoes by yourself?28.-How many books did you read last summer?40-90 91-140 141-280 281-500 501-1000 1001 or more29. How many books have you written? (Do not include po etry collections, short stories, or plays.)3-5 6-10 11-20 21-50 51 or more30. How many sports can you play with great proficiency?3-5 6-9 10 or more None (eligible for early notification)31. What are your SAT scores?1550-1600 Other (if other, please explain)32. What were your high school grades?Straight A’s One B in Shop One B in Driver’s Ed33. How many meaningful, intellectual, emotional relationships have you had?None Almost one I tried One34. How many meaningful, intellectual, emotional, sexual relationships have you had?None Not a one Almost one, sort of OneQuestions 35-38 are concerned with your ability to pay and your need for financial aid.35. What is your yearly income?$0-$23.56 $23.56-$2000 $2001-$2197.05 $2197.05 $100,000 Over $100,000.36. How much money can you devote to your college education?All of it More37. Are your parents loaded?Yes No (if no, plese skip to end)38. Add the total amount earned by you and both of yourparents over the last six years, multiply by six and add$1500 to estimate your expected contribution to yourtuition and fees. 39. Birthdate__ .Birthplace40. Social Security Number Birthstone41.-Has any member of your family attended or been associated with the University of Chicago?Yes No If so, does this person openly admit it? Yes No Only under tortureThe Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—15The CollegePlanning Your College CareerA college education is commonly considered ameans to an end — admission to a goodprofessional school, training for a rewarding job— in short, a key to “getting ahead.” Manystudents see college as a place for fun andlearning, where they will make life-long friendsand gain an understanding of the world aroundthem.Students at Chicago learn to abandon thisnaiwve idealism early in their college careers. Itis important to realize that while lesser beingswill one day be obligated to take their places inthe professional world, development of a broadset of emotional complexes is an end in itself.When you graduate, you leave not only with anaccumulation of irrelevent facts and skills, butwith a variety of finely-hone neuroses.Tuition increases are often announced just before bedtimebOCK*m>£ DStDfcAtThePhoenix The Record You HAVEN’T Been Waiting For:THEYOU! L HATE THIS RECORDon: THE ONLY LABEL IN THE WORLD R ECORD"....THE STACKS WILL NEVER BE THE SAMEAFTER THIS ALBUM HITS THE CHARTS...A REAL MASTERPIECE!!"-The Chicago Tribune"3.5 million books can't be wrong... A tributeto the amazingly banal success of the"Life of the Mind."-Rolling Stone"Hanna Gray's command of the Urdu languagereally accentuates her bass-playing."-Simon Frith"You need look no further than 'Reg Rocks'to find the way to the better life... or atleast the card catalog... great lyrics!!"■The Voice of AmericaREMEMBER, WE'RE STILL FULLYSTOCKED WITH TEXTBOOKS FORSPRING QUARTER - SAVE SOME MONEY! Available for only2 P-chem booksand a songat the Phoenix.16—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983Planning Your Academic ProgramThe Common CoreThe College assists you in attaining this goal byorganizing its curriculum into integrated,individually structured, four-year programs ofemotional meltdown. Each student begins with theCommon Core, which consists of full-yearsequences in each of the four liberal arts:cynicism, depression, paranoia and punitivepsychology. These courses are of courseintroductory, in the sense that they assume norudimentary character flaws.What the Core provides above all is a commonlanguage. Since nearly everyone at the Collegehas serious problems, it is important for evenwell-adjusted students to learn to view things inthe worst possible light.The Collegiate Division of Cynicism offersseveral courses for incoming freshmen, but allcourses are designed to acquaint students withthe fundamentals of undermining personalachievement, abandoning positive values, andpromiscuity.The Paranoid Collegiate Division stresses acommon theme of inferiority, in an attempt toshow students how relatively worthless they arein the overall scheme of things. After the Coreparanoia course, the best students will findthemselves incapable of meeting new people, lonely, and beginning to develop nervoustwitches. Chainsmoking and heavy drinking arerecommended.Most entering students have previousexperience at a superficial level with the ethicsof depression, so Core courses in the DepressingCollegiate Division start on a more advancedlevel than those in other divisions. Indeed, theCollege is ranked the best in the nation fordepression in all its variations, primarily becauseof an extraordinary indoctrination withgrayness: sky, buildings, professors’ faces, dormfood, bathroom stalls, and Hanna, to name but afew examples.The introductory course in punitive psychology,generally taken during the second year, isformulated to enable students to inflict deepemotional wounds on others, effectively applyingall that was learned in other Core courses. Basicfocuses of the punitive disciplines include masteryin the application of guilt and development of anability to subvert individual self-esteem, withsome emphasis on warping the minds of children.In addition, all second-year students areexpected to complete the customary sophomoreyear nervous breakdown before selecting theirareas of concentration. This requirement mayalso be met by an attempt at suicide, with thosesuccessful receiving an honorary degree.In my first Core course I was very shy, but by themiddle of the year I had learned to be extraordi¬narily longwinded. It really worked^for me. — Sec¬ond Year. Professor Kuviasungnark approaches the podium priorto his address during the University's 4328th convocationceremonyThe Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—17Sticks & StuffCOLLECTIBLES • ANTIQUES • USED FURNITURE •CLOCKS • LAMPS • ALL WOOL INDIAN RUGSAND A VARIETY OF KNICK-KNACKS ATREASONABLE PRICE§* -'1719 E. 55th St. Hours 6f>7-lf»l()Tues-Fri Noon - 7 pmSat & Sun 10 am - 5 pmTHECHICAGO POLITICALUNIONPRESENTSA PARLIAMENTARYDEBATEUNIV. OFVICTORIA, VS.NEW ZEALAND UNIV. OFCHICAGODEBATINGSOCIETY(Australian and 3rd at NorthNew Zealand Champs, American Championship,12th at Worlds) 6th at Worlds) tFriday, April 1stSocial Science 1227:00 P.M. Used desks,chairs, files,and sofasBRANDEQUIPMENT 8560 S. ChicagoRE 4-2111Open Daily 8 30-5Sat. 9-2CALVERT HOUSE5735 S. UNIVERSITY288-2311GOOD FRIDAYHOLY SATURDAYEASTER SUNDAY 2:30 pm Stations of the Cross3:00 to 4:00 pm Individual Sacrament ofReconciliation5:00 pm Celebration of the Lord’s Passion(Bond Chapel)3:00 to 5:00 pm Individual Sacrament of &Reconciliation §8:00 pm Easter Vigil Service (Bond Chapel) §§5:00 am Easter Sunrise Mass at the Point £(55th and the Lake) £Other Masses: 8:30 am, 11:00 am(Bond Chapel), 5:00 pmICELANDER IS STILLYOUR BEST VALUETO EUROPECONTINENTALBREAKFAST•Fresh-baked croissant•100% fresh-groundColumbian Coffee•Fresh-squeezedorange juice*2.00Now open at 6:30 am667-2000 GOLDCITY INNGivenby the MaroonOpen DailyFrom 11:30 a.m.to 9:00 p.m.5228 Harper 493-2559Eat more for lessA Gold Mine Of Good FoodStudent Discount:10% for table service5% for take homeHyde Park’s Best Cantonese Food LUXEMBOURG ,R0UN0TRIP<489 <499 <589EDAM FROMDAITIlAflDC/ conui KUItINEW YORK If ALI IIYlUlfC/WASHINGTON rtiUMCHICAGOSuper APEX Fares. April 1-April 30, 1983. 7-60 day stay, 14 day advance purchase required.ALSO LOW COST SERVICE TO PARIS, FRANKFURT, AMSTERDAM ANDNICE. AND, REMEMBER, ONLY ICELANDER FLIES YOU TO THEBREATHTAKING BEAUTY OF ICELAND. AND INCLUDES ALL THESE EXTRAS:■ Free deluxe motorcoach from Luxembourg to Frankfurt, Dusseldorf,Cologne, Bitburg, Mannheim, Wuppertal and Kehl, Germany. ■ Bargaincar rentals from $99/week in Luxembourg. ■ Free wine with dinner,cognac after.Icelandair to Luxembourg. Luxair connecting service to other destinations.(Chicago-Midweek Fare.) Purchase tickets mU.S. All (ares subject to change and governmentapproval. See your travel agent or call 800/555-1212 for the toll-free Icelandair number inyour area.ICELANDAIRNOW MORI THAN IVIR YOUR BIST VALUT TO WROPl18—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, Ap^i l, 1983Planning Your Academic ProgramAreas of ConcentrationWhen you select an area of concentraion, you ineffect choose one of the Collegiate Divisions —PunPsych, Noid, Dep or Cyn. Each division has itsown requirements for general education beyondthe Common Core; students who remain mentallyhealthy after the second year will be placed onProgress Probation and subjected to severephysical trauma. Those students who persist inpositive development will be asked to transfer tothe University of California at Berkeley.Discipline in the Humanities 204A philosphic introduction to the history of this branchof physical culture. Readings include DeSade, selectionsfrom Sader-Masoch, House Beautiful, and LeatherJournal biweekly. MWF 11:30, plus lab Wed. 7 p.m. PQ:No consent, but one year Phys Ed required. Mr. PlayerBioSci 107: Our Smelly EarthSatisfies common core requirement and preparesstudent for upper-level courses in the olfactorilogicalsciences. Various research papers will be assigned. PQ:Student must be able to distinguish jasmine from dieselexhaust. 8:30 MWF Ms. SneereSocSci 160: Equality and Community in Hyde ParkThe maintenance of a unique, liberal, intellectual,urban neighborhood through renewal geared to createan interracial middle class liberal intellectual urbanneighborhood by liberal intellectual displacement ofpoor blacks is examined in its unique role in modernsociology. PQ: Sympathy with UniversityAdministration. MWF 10:30 Mr. UnsuttleArt History 100: Art in Contempt — Rock, Scissors, PaperConflict in art as an ecumenical yet dramatallurgicallyexistential and somehow historically and literarilyinsignificant process describing a parabola in thecomplex field of civilization. PQ. Profundity TT 1-2:20KosmopoulousSocSci 300 American Prostituional History (Public Affairs356)From the “social clubs” of Miles Standish to theestablishment of PONY, the ins and outs of the other“peculiar institution” are examined in the red light ofrecent developments. F,S 12 a m. Ms. LameyNCD 247: Rhetoric, Rhetoric, Rhetoric, and LawThis survey course charts the myriad plethora ofvoluminous, expansive, extensive, comprehensive,exhaustive, and all-encompassing issues whichdetermine and identify the nature, method, mode, form,and morphology of civilizational argumentativedirectives influencing the metaphysical, teleological,logistical, mechanical, philosphical, psychological,socialogical, economic, political, cultural, humanistic,biological, eternal aspects of everything. M-F All day.Mr. Smith and Ms. JonesChemistry 20-to-1 Orgasmic ChemistryBond formation in hormonal chemicals and enzymereleases which trigger erogenous response areexplored in this laboratory-based course. MWF 8:30Lab MTWTF 1:00-7:10 PQ: Chem 107 and consent. Mr.Gomer, Ms. HoldboidChemistry 703 Advanced Physical ChemistryBreakdown of student’s nerves is the goal of thiscourse. Topics for study are not listed here, but restassured they are all impossible, and that the professorsare not only incompetent and incoherent, but will fail75 percent of the students. Required of all pre-meds.MWF 8:30 Staff.Fetal pigs make delicious dinners at University commons A lot of people here are interested in gettinggood grades, but not me. I mean, getting an “A"is justso ostentatious. And besides, I don’t reallyneed good grades so I let other people get them.I mean, I could get good grades if I wanted to, itsjust that I don’t fell like it. I’ve got moreimportant things to do, honest.—Third year.Fellowship requests take many formsU of C President Hanna GrayThe Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—19The CollegeThere’s a myth around here that all students do iswork and work. But I have found that I can havefun too. I can work at my own pace and when Iwant to. You really don’t have to work constantlyto get by. — Sixth-year student.The University of Chicago is the brainchild of anidea frought with intellectual integrity. Unfortun¬ately, it’s not on speaking terms with its parents.—Second yearU of C Security officers conduct thorough investigationsNuclear Physics Learn atomic annihilation from a depart¬ment of Nobel Prize winners. Students take twelvecourses in the area of concentration and complete a seniorweapon from top secret government documents. One ad¬vanced student in the NuPhys department claims to main¬tain a personal arsenal capable of reducing the SovietUnion to a smoking, eradiating ruin in less than anhour.Political Anarchy The CIA has a complex plan to eliminatethe central bureaucracies of every sovereign nation onEarth in a single decapitating stroke. Learn how an out¬sider with proper training in espionage and code-break¬ing can set this irreversable process in motion with nomore than six phone calls.Biological Diseases Students receive thorough training inall types of germ warfare. The entire University of Chi¬cago campus was wiped out in 1932 when a brilliantfourth-year Bio student developed a fatal and communi¬cable strain of leprosy.History of Depravity This historical survey of sexual insan¬ity includes treatment of the great masters: the MarquisdeSade, Caligula, the Turkist Sultans of 17th century,and others. First hand experience is encouraged. Art and Design Although notorious for being the worst de¬partment in the school, you can probably still learn some¬thing.Art History Learn to engage in textualization, contextuali-zation and trivialization while sitting in the dark lookingat slides.Anthropology Venture to primitive cultures (anyplace out¬side of Hyde Park) and learn why these people seem to behaving more fun.Early Christian Literature Read the books that Billy Gra¬ham and Pope John Paul II wrote when they were kids.Behavioral Sciences Prove obvious facts while denyingthat your actually a psychology major with a fancyname.Biology Cut up rats, mistreat animals and get in to medschool.Economics Major in this if you don’t really have an inter¬est in anything but you wouldn’t mind being rich.Classical Languages and Literatures Learn a dead lan¬guage and then argue about it in lifeless prose.English Learn New Wave Litcrit and then write a preten¬tious book in imitation of Henry James.Far Eastern Lang and Lit Wade through impossible lan¬guage and then get a job making Godzilla pictures. Low faculty/student ratio promotes discussionsunder the most hazardous conditions1 Tie Blachstone Hotel636 So. Michigan Ave.• Close to the U of C (10 minutes north)• Plan your next conference/meeting or group housing• Special rates for University of Chicago affiliates or visitors,$32.00 single / $37.00 double• 17 conference rooms to accommodate 10-500We now feature the hilarious production of SHEAR MADNESS in the MayfairTheatre, and Joe Segal’s famous JAZZ SHOWCASE in the intimate BlackstoneCafe. (Student discounts - Sunday matinee - 3 pm.)FOR ROOM RESERVATIONS, OR FOR MOREINFORMATION OR TOUR & PRESENTATION, CALLNATALIE VITEK, DIRECTOR OF SALES427-430020—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983 PHOTOGRAPHIC & OFFICEFILM MACHINE DEPTPtOCESSINGRENTALSBATTERIESRADIOSFRAMES CAMERASPHOTO ALBUMSDARKROOM EQ.CASSETTE TAPERECORDERSVIDEO TAPEUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGOBOOKSTORE970 EAST 58 TH ST m 962i75584MHMPlanning Your Academic ProgramGeneral Studies in the Humanities Reach new heights in dil-letantism and then make vague generalities about the fu¬tility of politics and the politics of futility.Geography Do what you did in sixth grade only with big¬ger words.Germanic Lang and Lit Nobody majors in this anyway.History Simplify the past into intellectual categories andthen live in them, thereby avoiding the present.HipSS For pretentious biology majors.Ideas and Methods Learn nothing while enrolling in amajor that covers everything.Linguistics Annoy your friends by asking mute questionsabout the meaning of words.Math Learn how to avoid writing papers.Applied Math Contradiction in terms.Medieval Studies Learn that life was intolerable beforeshampoo, toothbrushes and electric razors.Music Learn to apreciate music but, by all means, not toplay any.Near Eastern Lang and Lit Same thing as Far Eastern Langand Lit only less so.Philosophy Become as confused as your professors pon¬dering the inanities of advanced logic and sophistry.Physics Learn enough about the universe to be able todeny that everything but science has any value.Political Science Get into law school by divising complexnumerical models to unpredictable phenomenon.PERL Get into law school by competing with people aspretentious as yourself.Public Affairs Become an expert in the mundane while pre¬paring yourself for a dull life as a bureaucrat.Religion Try to rationalize matters of faith.Romance Lang and Lit Most people leave the programwhen they find out it doesn’t lead to good sex.Russian Lang and Lit Study Russian and read about tyran¬ny while under the delusion that you will solve the ColdWar.Sociology Learn how to build a meaningless discipline bymaking up words that other people think mean some¬thing.Tutorial Studies Find a pushover professor and don't doany work.The College offers many other courses of study, too nu¬merous to list here.The College of the University of Chicago is known as theAlcatraz of the Midwest. Apply today for an experiencein amorality that will remain with you for the rest of yourlife.5309 S. Blackstone • 947-0200OUR FAMOUS STUFFED PIZZA IN THE PAN IS NOWAVAILABLE IN HYDE PARKOPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK • 11 AM TO 12 MIDNIGHTCocktails • Pleasant Dining • Pick-Up‘•Chicago’s best pizza!" — Chicago Magazine, March 1977“The ultimate in pizza!” — Naw York Tlmaa, January 1980 M^rty; flreasy SpoCounter liSSrmation^Id Tracy: The Thom Bi[Uhsnsr-s Irme Ironing of Ritetoi:ommoirm I9 ■ J SoyaWlf /»* ;TORESEMINAR^5757 S. UNM-F 9:30-6 332-438100-4:00The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—21The CollegeCommittee on Social ThoughtI really like the selection of people nere. There areoutrageous reactionary nerds, Stalinist nerds,Maoist nerds, anarchist nerds, New York Jewishnerds, Virginia aristocratic nerds, small-town andmidwestern nerds. There's every stereotypeyou’ve ever heard of and a lot of Biology Depart¬ment can’t yet classify. — Second-year student. Flash floods are always a possibilityPassions run high during faculty tenure meetingsCHINESE-AMERICAN RESTAURANTSpecializing in Cantoneseand American dishesOpen Daily 11 A.-8:30 P.M.Closed Monday1318 £. 63rd MU 4-1062 Ugly DucklingRENT-A-CAR1608 E. 53rd StreetS14.$0perday 200 Free MittsBetween IC Trocks aoMand Cornell 00**28™\This SummerAt Cornell University you can enjoy aremarkable variety of courses andlearning opportunities. In a setting ofbeautiful lakes, parks, ravines, andwaterfalls, you can fulfill requirements,accelerate your degree program, orsimply take the courses that you’vealways put off. Ithaca, a smallcosmopolitan city, is located in amagnificent, varied countryside thatoffers you water sports and ball games,climbing and camping, theater andoutdoor concerts, soaring and biking,birding and hiking... Call or write to seefor yourself why Cornell is the place youshould be this summer.Cornell University Summer SessionB12 Ives Hall—Box 15Ithaca, New York 14853607/256-4987 NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE"C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials) NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE"C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials)BRING IN THIS COUPON AND SAVEServiceOptiCflf50% OffFramesChoose from the entire selection of frames including designerlines such as Gloria Vanderbilt and Christian Dior Then take50% off the regular price Offer good with this coupon andstudent/faculty identification when ordering a complete pair ofprescription glasses No other discounts applicableOffer Good At All ChicagolandArea Locations IAo»>wC»dOpen All Day Saturdayand Sunday Mall HoursPROFESSIONAL EYE EXAMINATION AVAILABLE22—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983AdmissionsStudents who have gained admission to theUniversity are usually seeking a high qualityliberal arts education, have excelled in theircourses in high school, have outstandingextracurricular record, have superiorrecommendations from principals, teachers andcongressmen, have SAT scores in the top twopercentiles, and have wealthy parents. Thesestudents, however, decide to go to other schools.In making admission decisions, the Collegeconsults students’ academic and extracurricularrecords; recommendations; and SAT or ACTscores. The College also looks for evidence ofstudents’ personal promise and motivation and oftheir ability to write clearly and effectively.Application essays are scrutinized. Campus oralumni interviews also contribute to the selectionprocess. Then, after months of deliberation andcontemplation, the Admissions committee finallymakes its decision: Heads, you’re in; Tails, you’reout.The Early Notification PlanApplicants who really, truly, definitely want tocome to the College, who are absolutely sure thatthe College is their first choice, who know thatthey would rather be in the College thananywhere else, are encouraged to apply underthe Early Notification Plan. They are alsoencouraged to have their head examined.Early AdmissionSecondary school students with superiorability, preparation, and premature senility mayapply to the College after two or three years ofhigh school (whichever is less). The faculty skate-off brightens an otherwise tense winter quarter finals weekSTUDENT GOVERNMENT ASSEMBLY MEETINGSTUESDAY • APRIL 5 • 7:30 PM • IDA NOYES SUN PARLORDelegation petitions due t Elections will be 4th weekPublic Lecture Seriessponsored by the Enrico Fermi Instituteof the Univ. of ChicagoTHE ARTHUR H. COMPTON LECTURES17th SERIES BYMARK J. OREGLIAThe Enrico Fermi InstituteSaturdays • April 2 - June 4, 1983THE HIGH ENERGY PARTICLEACCELERATORS: THEIR HISTORYACHIEVEMENTS & FUTUREFIRST LECTURE: ELECTRON BEAMS ATTHE TURN OF THE CENTURYSATURDAY • APRIL 2 • 11 AMEckhart Hall - Room 133 - 1118 E. 58th St.For further Information - phone 962-7823 j HILLEL PRESENTS A LECTUREonRABBINIC FANTASY:Fictional Narrativein Rabbinic LiteratureProf. David SternDept, of Rabbinics and Medieval Hebrew Lit.Univ. of Judaism, Los AngelesSUNDAY* APRIL3*8PMHillel House - 5715 S. WoodlawnThe Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—23■ - - —The CollegeThe College attempts to assure all prospectivestudents that they have equal access to adequatefinancial aid. Once we get you here, however,you’ll learn the awful truth: it’s who you know,to whom you’re related, and how much you have.Many families with income over $35,000 receivesubstantial financial aid, and the more over$35,000 they make, the better the chances. Inestimating the amount of an applicant’s need, theCommittee on College Aid considers any of thefollowing: 1. The family’s ability to pay (based on parents’income level, grandparent’s income level,number of dependants, college costs for otherchildren, retirement needs, second mortgageopportunities, year and make of car, etc.)2. The student’s financial portfolio, including (butnot limited to) savings, stocks, real estate,piggy bank, and proj ected earnings fromsummer, term-time, and post-graduateemployment. 3. The possibility (based on careful studies onthe student’s genealogy) of a building beingdonated to the campus.4. The student’s value on the open market.Expenses at the CollegeIf you have to ask, you can’t afford to attend.For those who aren’t asking, basic expenses inthe College for the next year will be in the rangeof $14,000, depending on where you live, withhow many people, how many courses you take,and how many professors you plan to bribe. Thisis comparable with rates at other schools whichalso select students by their ability to paythrough the nose. Tuition may be lower at publicinstitutions, but hey — you get what you pay for.Gift AssistanceIn attempting to meet students’ financial needs,the College has the usual program whereby ifyou promise to give large gifts after graduation(often using parents, dipolmas, and first-bornchildren as collateral), the College will give youassistance in paying for your education here.The Financial Aid Form (or, the 18th reason to go toH & R Block)To assist in determining the amount that youcan reasonably or otherwise be exptected from afamily’s resourses, parents are required to file acompleted University of Chicago - CollegeFinancial Aid Form (UCCFAF) with the Collegewhen the student applies. This form is onlyslightly more complicated than the unabridged1040 form, and you may want to consult anaccountant on some sections. This is separatefrom the CSSFAF (College Scholarship ServiceFinancial Aid Form), which is only accepted forthose prospectives students who have a combinedSAT of 160 and a composite. ACT of 36.Acceptance of the CSSFAF does not imply that itwill be considered, but it keeps parents happy.NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE "C" SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials)MARCH SPECIALSheboygan Bratwurston a home-bakedFrench Roll,withfresh fruit & aglass ofAugsburger(on tap)$2.9553^St.& tyfaApex)667-2000NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE "C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials) CELEBRATE THE VERNAL EQUINOXTjybe PA.rU ArMS^rysQa tterySee Our New Look For SpringOPEN HOUSESaturday April 2 12 to 4NEW: Wearable Art by EstherPLUSH: Pottery, Batik, SoftSculpture, Jewelry, & More!Beautiful hand-rafted gifts fordiscriminating shoppers57th & WoodlawnAt the Unitarian ChurchGallery Hours; Thurs 12 to 3 Fn 12 to 3Sat 12 to 4 Sun 10 to 1 Dr. Kurt RosenbaumOptometrist(53 Kimbark Plaza)1200 E. 53rd St.493-8372Intelligent people know thedifference between advertisedcheap glasses or contact lensesand competent professionalservice with quality material.Beware of bait advertising.Eye ExaminationsFashion Eye WearContact LensesYOUR CHANCE TO COME TO LONDONJunior-y*ar program*. Postgraduate diplomas. One-year Master'sdegree* nd Research opportunities in the social sciences are offered Kat tha London School of Economics and Political Science.The wide ronge of subjects includesAccounting & Finance, Actuarial Science Anthropology. Business Studies.Economics Econometrics, Economic History, European Studies. Geography,Government, Industrial Relations, International History, InternationalRelations. Low Management Science Operational Research, Philosophy,Planning Studies. Population Studies Politics Sea Use Policy, SocialAdministration, Sociol Work Sociology, Social Psychology, Statistical ondMathematical Sciences Systems AnolysisApplication blanks troniA dmlulom (•glitrar. L.S.f.. Houpilon Slrnl London WC1. inf IondPImm flat* wk*tk*r Junior yomr or poil(r«4ual*Use London School of Economics and Political Science NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELI ,Located InTHE"C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Speciols)A PEASANT LUNCHFrench Onion Soup AuCratin served with Cheddarand Swiss Cheese andCrisp, Fresh Apple Wedges.French Bread from ourmorning oven—and a glassof house wine of yourchoice.*3.95667-2000NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE"C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials)24—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983Financial AidFinancial Aid CounselingThe counselors in the Office of College Aid areavailable to discuss any special problems thatmay arise. They are often able to offersuggestions for personal budgeting (see Frankiethe Fish or Jockey Joe”) and may be able todirect students to additional sources of financialassistance (see Madame Cluque or Dealer Dan).The Students’ ContributionAs students are the primary beneficiaries ofhigher education, they are expected to put in themost effort. This does not merely mean toilingover your textbooks, but toiling over North Fieldas well. Many students are hired by theUniversity in a variety of menial jobs, mainly atminimum wage although a lucky few who knowmore about the University can get work-study,which pays much, much more for doing j ust aslittle.Special Scholarships (if you can get them, youdon’t need them)The College has available for a number ofscholarships which are awarded withoutconsideration of financial need or other pertinentmatters.“High School Alum(na)” scholarships are givento any first-year student who was an alum oralumna of a participating high school wasvaledictorian of his/her class, promised to spendhis/her entire educational career at theUniversity of Chicago while in his/her sophomoreyear of high school, and has a rushing record ofat least 139 yards per game.“College Honor Scholarships” are given onmerit alone, but a candidate must also be thepresident (or equivalent) of a major studentorganization and must be actively involved in atleast two others, as well as being a member of atleast one championship intercollegiate team.Interested students must apply before they enterschool and exactly four weeks before thebeginning of each successive term for which theywish to receive the scholarship.National Merit Scholarships are recognized inthe College, but only students who have a genetichistory of excellence of study in the College, andwho have received the Scholarship for obtaininga combined SAT of at least 1600, are allowed touse the Scholarship while in the College.U of C graduates have no trouble finding workNOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE "C SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials) NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE "C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials) NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE "C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials) NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE "C" SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials)PREPARE FORMCAT ★ SAT ★ LSAt ★ GMAT ★ GRE^INTRODUCTION TO LAW SCHOOLGRE PSYCH ★ GRE BIO ★ OCATVAT ★ MAT * SSAT ★ PSATDAT * ACHIEVEMENTS ★ ACTTOEFL ★ MSKP * NMB 1,11,111ECFMG ★ FLEX * VQE ★ RN BDSNDB 1. 11 * NPB 1 ★ ESLCPA ★ SPEED READINGpfog^mi«Howt Stanley Hlit Any C+otf And S«e For You'MftWhy W« Man® The DtfferanceSpeed Reading Courea feature#Free Demo LeeeonCeM For Dave 4 T.mee 1 KAPLANEDUCATIONALCENTERARLINGTON HEIGHTS CENTER2025 S ARLINGTON HEIGHTS ROADARLINGTON HEIGHTS, IL 60005(312) 437-6650CHICAGO CENTER6216 N CLARK STCHICAGO. IL 60660(312) 764-5151 HIGHLANO PARK CENTER474 CENTRAL AVENUEHIGHLANO PARK IL 60035(312) 433-7410LAGRANGE CENTERt« S LAGRANGELAGRANGE. IL 60525(312) 352-5840SPRING, SUMMER, FALL, INTENSIVEClasses StartingTHIS MONTH | NEXT MONTHGMAT LSATGRE/DAYTIME ...SAT ACT GRE.. 4WK/GMAT/LSAT.| SPEED REAOINGCoureet Constantly UpdatedOutage NV Slate 0»y CALL TOu. reft 900 773 1 797Center* m Ma*or US Cr*<ea Puerto »<o and Toronto Canada t +.A.g fi2 RfllnjlrfHErlnCenterforLanguageStudies SummerIntensive Language Programsat Beloit CollegeArabic JapaneseChinese RussianEnglish as a Second LanguageA ten-week, full-tirpe program June 13-August 19).Rigorous instruction in difficult languages andcultures by first-rate, devoted staff drawn frominstitutions across the nation. Small classes,individual attention. Minimum six hours of in¬struction daily in addition to class tutorials andindividual preparation. Four Beloit credits (16 credithours) available for foreign language programs.Instruction, room, and board are $2,500.For more information, write: John Wyatt, ProgramDirector, Center for Language Studies, BeloitCollege, Beloit, Wisconsin 53511 TORAHIS ALIVE AND WELLIN ISRAEL(212) 751-6070The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April l, 1983—25Classified AdsCLASSIFIEDADVERTISINGClassified advertising in the Chicago Maroon is$2 for the first line and $1 for each additionalline. Lines are 45characters long INCLUDINGspaces and punctuation. Special headings are20 character lines at $2 per line. Ads are not ac¬cepted over the phone, and they must be paidin advance. Submit all ads in person or by mailto The Chicago Maroon, 1212 E. 59th St.,Chicago, III. 60637 ATTN: Classified Ads. Ouroffice is in Ida Noyes Rm. 304. Deadlines:Wednesday noon for the Friday issue, Fridaynoon for the Tuesday issue. Absolutely no ex¬ceptions will be made! In case of errors forwhich the Maroon is responsible, adjustmentswill be made or corrections run only it thebusiness office is notified WITHIN ONECALENDAR WEEK of the original publica¬tion. The Maroon is not liable for any errors.SPACECONDO FOR SALE1450 E. 55th StreetOne bedroom unit in move-in condition. Ownerleaving country. Must sell! Pool. Indoor Park¬ing. Health Club. 24 Hour Security.Call Olga or Al 334 0010MATANKY & ASSOC.6100 S. Dorchester, 2 BR apts for rent, 1 & 2bath, cptd., stove & refrig., all electric, securi¬ty buzzer, 1 yr. lease, 1 mo. sec. dept., no pets,$435 $450. CALL Sharon at 369 8484 for appt. &SPECIAL rent rebate offer good till 4/19/83.Furn. room 1 block from campus in 5 rm apt.Available 2 ref required call bef. 8:00 or at 5:00p.m. 324-7104Hyde Park Studio Apts 245.00 clean quietbuilding newly decorated + carpeted stove +refrig laundry facilities 24 hour manager 5140S. Woodlawn 493 625055th & INGLESIDE1bedroom condo in lovely security courtyardbuilding. New kitchen, bath. Full carpetingover beautiful oak floors - take your pick!Great association & amenities. Low, lowassessment! $43,000. Call24l-5198Regents Park one bedroom apt. May 1 26th fl.View of Lake 4- Downtown 492.00 947-0453Sunny pleasant apartment available May 1ston Kimbark between 55th and 56th Share Ownbedroom Reasonable rent Call 947-9679APARTMENTSFOR RENTGRAFF &CHECK1617 E. 55th St.Large2%,4 & 6 rm.apts.• immediateOccitfavicyBU8-5566 For Rent: 1-bdrm Univ. Park condo, avail.5/1/83 $460/mth Call 241-6282Sunny 2 br 2 ba Univ. Park Condo, hlth club,swimming pool, sundeck, a/c $650.00 mo. availMay 1st Indoor parking (optional) $50.00 JessWilliams 621 5234/241 6950May 1 Sublet with option. Huge sunny furnish¬ed studio. $317 per month. Must be student. Bbus 1C close to Coop Mr. G'sCall 363 1497E. Hyde Park Condo for rent. 4 BR, 2 Bth,parking aval, immed., yearly lease, UC/CTAbuses. Days 793 8170/nites 493 9225.One Bedroom Condo For SaleStudent returning to his native country. Mustsell unit at 1450 E. 55th Street. Move-in condi¬tion. Asking only $43,000 tor quick sale. Bankfinancing. Call Bowe/Morris now 334-0010Matanky and Assoc.FOR SALEPASSPORT PHOTOS WHILE YOU WAIT!Model Camera 1342 E 55th 493 6700.House Sale Sat April 2 10-2 1426 E. 54 lamps,fans, clothes, etc.Great Bike! '73 Yamaha 125RT strt. Igl. on/offroad bike elec. & kick start NEW: hdlight,piston seals, 60mpg w/helmet. Must sell $250neg. Call 241-6487 keep trying. This is a greatdeal!!!TECHNICS SL-D303 Turntable. Direct drive,fully automatic. Mint $200. includes cartridge,box, all papers, 241 6438, leave message.Moving sale Saturday April 2 9 a.m.-3 p.m. 5523So. Everett Oak dining rm set, old radio,household items galore.BOOKSUsed Book Sale. 25% off until April 15. One toNine everyday. Aspidistra Bookshop 2630 N.Clark.1978 Honda Accord LX Excellent Condition$3500 or best offer 962 8498 days 241 5617 eves.Fuji FRII 90 Cassettes 10 for $29.902 for $6.99 Less Special RebateFuji VHS T120 Tapes $12.95 Less $2.00 RebateFuji VHS T120 H6 tapes $14.95 Less $2.00RebateMODEL CAMERA 1342 E. 55th St. 493 6700KODAK VR1000 Film In Stock Now!!!MODEL CAMERA 1342 E. 55th St. 493-6700PRESSES ap to 25x38^...Fast print to 22x28The Southsides largest andmost complete print shopOffstt & letterpressLAYOUT & ARTPHOTO COMPOSITIONOver 100 tvpestyles forbrochures, hooks, ad books- all your printing needsCo*plete Blidery includesgang stitching, perfectbinding, plastic binding, diecutting, embossing, hotstamping, eyeletting, tinningBANKERSPRINTHU 7-31425832 So. Green UNIONLABEL yI enjoy my contactLenses made byDr. Kurt RosenbaumOptometristKimbark Plaza1200 E. 53rd St.493-837226—The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1 marian realty,inc.D3REALTORStudio and 1 BedroomApartments Available— Students Welcome —On Campus Bus LineConcerned Service5480 S. Cornell684-54001983 ±PEOPLE WANTEDPaid subjects needed for experiments onmemory, perception and language processing.Research conducted by students and faculty inthe Committee on Cognition and Communica¬tion, Department of Behavioral Sciences.Phone 962 8859.OVERSEAS JOBS - Summer/year round.Europe, S. Amer., Australia, Asia. All Fields,$500 $1200 monthly. Sightseeing. Free info.Write IJC Box 52 14-5 Corona Del Mar, CA92625.OFFICE MANAGER, 15 40 hrs./wk. at $5 7/hr.Typing, Administrative Experience Required,Send 2pg resume to 322 Social Sciences, 1126 E.59th St. ChicagoNeed typist familiar with stylistic canons of Uof C to type 350-word dissertation. Call Robert363 8189 after 9:30 p.m.Responsible student for early morning + lateafternoon childcare for our two school agedaughters near campus. Salary + partialboard. Please call 567-3474 or 643-5307.Quiet nonsmoking roommate wanted forspacious apt near campus. Please call 962-8041weekday mornings, 752-1099 evenings andweekends.Persons with childcare experience to care for10 month old in our home, Tues.-Thurs. a.m.and Friday, all day. Call 924-6129, after 12.MIDRASH: Come help record one volume ofthe Midrash. In English with sometransliterated Hebrew. Call U. of C. Recordingfor the Blind. 288 7077 M F 10-5.Paid sujects needed for experiments onmemory, perception and language processing.Research conducted by students and faculty inthe Committee on Cognition and Communication, Department of Behavioral Sciences. 9628859SERVICESJUDITH TYPES-and has a memory. Phone955 4417.CATERING. Custom menus for all occasions.Wendy Gerick 538 1324.Toddler Childcare Available. Experiencedcaregiver, small group, all day. 684-2820.The Group For The Study Of CommunicationProcesses is offering a 4 session trainingseminar in Active Listening for resear¬chers/interviewers beginning 4/21. Total costis $100. For more information, call 363-8580.PROFESSIONAL TYPING. Large or smalljobs. Competitive prices. 324-5943,667-4285.MOVING AND HAULING Discount Prices onall moving and hauling free parking servicefree estimates references courteous Bill 4939122. If no ans keep trying!Cello, bass lessons. Exp. teacher, prof, musician. 324-2144; leave message.NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE"C"SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials)M«mberAmerican Optometric AssociationDR. M.R. MASLOVOPTOMETRIST• EYE EXAMINATIONS• FASHION EYEWEAR• ALL TYPES OFCONTACT LENSESASK ABOUT OUR ANNUALSERVICE AGREEMENT 'sLOCATED INTHE HYDE PARKSHOPPING CENTER1510 E. 55th363-6100 SCENESCOOKING CLASSES. Chinese and Interna-tional series. Wendy Gerick 538-1324.THAI COOKING CLASSES. For informationcall Wendy Gerick's Cooking School. 538 1324.SHOW THAT YOU CARE: Join U of C Circle KOrganizational meeting 7 PM Tues, April 5INH.WANTEDBeautiful black & white kittens looking for em-pires and loving subjects to rule. All arehealthy & inquisitive. Call 363-0689 after 5.PERSONALSFor Anonymous Exchange Of Thoughts, Feel¬ings, Dreams, Story Ideas, Etc. With FemaleUndergrad English Major Write To Goldspinner 5824 S. Kimbark Ave. Box 3121 Chicago, III.60637.RIDESI'm interested in being a car pool rider, livingin Hammond, IN area. Will drive to your home.Call Kathy at 962 9577.DAWNin the South Atlantic... Suddenly a Harrier flysover and there is the sound of shells. The BritishInvasion has begun! This is "The FalklandsWar," not some cheap quickie design, but a detail¬ed simulation of the battle based on top levelBritish sources, including participants in the bat¬tle. Every plane, ship and troop used by both sidesare in this simulation. Also included : a large threecolor map, over 100 counters, charts, rules andplayers' notes in an attractive bookshelf box. Thefight for the wind swept islands is on! $14.00 (III.residents please add 84« tax) plus $1 for postageand handling to CLOSE SIMULATIONS, Dept. T.P.O. Box 2247, Northbrook, II. 60062.LANGUAGECOURSESThrough Chicago Cluster of TheologicalSchools at the Lutheran School of Theology (on55th St.) Professional instruction by experienc¬ed teachers and/or native speakers in FREN¬CH/GERMAN/LATIN/SPANISH. Fees rangefrom $80 for 10 hours of instruction per quarterto $220 for 50 hours. SEE BELOW FORSPECIFICSor CALL CCTS: 667 3500. ext. 266.FRENCH COURSESThrough CCTS at LSTC, Rm. 206. Beg. March30, 7 9 Fee: $110. for info/reg call CCTS 6673500 x 266or M. SCHNEIDER 947 8176.GERMAN COURSESThrough CCTS at LSTC, Rm 203I Two quarter course (2nd qtr), beg. March 29,83. Tues. 7:30 9:30 Fee: $110.II ADVANCED READING. Beginning March31, 1983. Wed. 7:30 9:30, fee $110III 16 WEEK INTENSIVE (Iwkbreak) Beg.March 28, 83 M/Th. 7:30 9:30; fee $220.IV CONVERSATION FOR STUDENTS WITHREADING KNOWLEDGE. By appointment.For infor/reg. call G.F. Miller, PhD. (nativespeaker) 363 1 384or CCTS 667 3500 x 266.LATIN COURSEThrough CCTS at LSTC by appointment. CallFather Zborowski 324 2626 or CCTS 667 3500 x266.1701 E. 55TH 11-7 EVERYDAY684-3375 262-1 593Classified AdsSPANISH COURSESI Beginning Spanish: Mo. 5:30-7:00 Rm 206 Fee$80. Beg. March 28 for info/reg call instr. C.Rosario 288 8289 or CCTS 667 3500 X 266II INTERMEDIATE SPANISH: Tue. 6 7:30Rm 206 Fee $80. Beg. March 28. For info/reg.call instr. K Beekie 947 0203 or CCTS 667 3500 x266.COMPUTATION CENTERFREE CLASSES FORSPRING QUARTERThe Computation Center will once again offersa series of free seminars and low cost coursesto the University community for springquarter. These seminars begin April 5 and continue throughout the quarter. A free scheduleof these seminars and courses is availablefrom the Center at the following locations:Usite Business Office (Wieboldt 310), from10:30 to 2:00, Monday - Friday; Main BusinessOffice (Merriam 164,1313 E. 60th), from 8:30 to4:30, Monday - Friday and at the Staff OfficeBuilding (5737 S. University), 8:30 to 5:00,Monday - Friday. Copies of the schedule mayalso be obtained from the Social Science Advisor in Pick 123, the Program Advisor in Usiteand the Terminal Attendant in Usite. With theaddition of the second DECSYSTEM-20 com¬puter and the conversion to the MVS operatingsystem on the IBM machine, considerable newsubject matter has been added to the seminarsand new ones are offered. Please pick up yourcopy of the schedule and attend any of theseminars or courses of interest.GRADUATE STUDIES INENVIRONMENTAL ANDOCCUPATIONALHEALTH SCIENCESThe Environmental and Occupational HealthSciences Program within the School of PublicHealth, University of Illinois at Chicago, offersmasters and doctoral programs for careers inenvironmental sciences; industrial hygiene;health effects assessment and toxicology;human factors and safety. Applicants musthold an undergraduate degree, including soundbackgrounds in several of the relevantdisciplines (chemistry, biology, mathematics,physics, engineering, health sciences, law,economics, geography, architecture). Limitedfinancial support is available on a competitivebasis. For further information contact: VeraDonlan, School of Public Health, University ofIllinois at Chicago, Box 6998, Chicago, IL 60680(312) 996 8856.The University of Illinois is an Affirmative Action/Equal Opportunity institution. SUMMER JOBSWORKSHOPThe first Summer Jobs Information Workshopwill be Tuesday, April 5 at Noon. These hourlyworkshops will be held weekly throughout theSpring Quarter in Room 200, Reynolds Club.PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIOPortraits, Weddings, and Special Events arenow being booked by Hyde Park's newest portrait studio. Call and speak with Ron Milewskiat The Better Image.1344 E. 55th St. 493 6701KUNDAL1NI YOGAGet your mojo moving. Experience yourselfwake up and keep up. Beginners Tues 5 pm In¬termediate Thurs 5pm Ida Noyes LibraryBegins April 5+7HERPES RESEARCHUsing interferon for recurrent genital herpes.For males over 18. Howard Brown MemorialClinic, 2676 N. Halsted, 871 5777. Conductingconfidential sexually transmitted diseasetesting and treatment.RESEARCH SUBJECTSNEEDEDEarn $123 for participation in a 6 week studyinvolving commonly used drugs. Must be bet¬ween 21 and 35 and in good health. Minimaltime required. No injections or blood samplinginvolved. For information call Dr. Chait at 9621536 between 11 am and 3 pm weekdays.GETTINGMARRIED?Two U of C graduates have supplied bands andcatering services for dozens of university andHyde Park weddings in the last five years.Music and catering available for all budgets.Call David or Marcus 752-6510PUB CONCERTPRESENCE III returns for another pro¬gressive fusion jazz concert. Thursday, April 7,10-12. 21 + over. Memberships at door.NOW OPENOur NewestMORRY'S DELILocated InTHE "C" SHOP1131 E. 57th St. • Reynolds Club(See our full page ad for Grand Opening Specials)CalendarFRIDAYRockefeller Chapel: Good Friday Community Ser¬vice 12 p.m.: Couperin's Lecons de Tenebres. Eli¬zabeth Gottlieb, soprano; Joy Huston. Mezzo-so¬prano; Mary Springfels, gamba: and ThomasJones, organ: 5 p.m Sing-Along of Rossini s Sta-bat Mater 8 p.m. SI info: 753-3383U.C. Asian Christian Fellowship: Paul Abbott on"Who is this Man Jesus?" 7:30 p.m INHCalvert House: Stations of the Cross. 2:30 p.m.;Celebration of the Lord's Passion 5 p.m. BondChapelGeophysics Dept.: Lectures: Roger M. Wakimotoon “Microburst Activity Over the High Plains"1:30 p.m. Hinds Aud.; A T. Anderson and G. Swi-hart on "Gas Filter Processing" 3 p.m. Hinds101I-House: International Coffeehouse - Open MikeFree Admission. Refreshments will be served. 9p m. - 1 a m. call 753-2274 for info.DOC: Fast Times at Ridgemont High 7 p.m . 9 p.m& 11 p.m Cobb S2SATURDAYCrossroads: Passover Dinner 6 p.m. 84.50. Reser¬vation Nece-ssary. Film "Judaism: The ChosenPeople" 7:30 p.m. FreeCalvert House: Easter Vigil Service 8 p.m BondChapelHillel: Orthodox Sabbath Services 9:15 a m.; Up¬stairs Minyan Sabbath Services 9:30 a m.LSF: Woman of the Year 7 p.m. & 9:30 p.m LawSchool Aud. 82DOC: Tron 7. 9. & 11 p m. Cobb $2Court Theatre: Preview of Loot 8 p.m. NewTheatre For tickets call 753-4472SUNDAYRockefeller Chapel: Ecumenical Service of HolyCommunion 9 a.m.; Religious Instruction for Kids 10 & 11 a.m.: University Religious Service. Bar¬nard O. BrownCalvert House: Easter Sunrise Service at the Point5:20 a.m.: Mass 8:30 a.m. Calvert House: Mass 11a.m Bond Chapel; Mass 5 p.m. Bond Chapel; Eas¬ter Supper 6 p.m. Calvert House.Brent House: Episcopal Eucharist and Supper 5:30p.m.Hillel: Lecture: David Sternn on "Rabbinic Fan¬tasy: Fictional Narrative In Rabbinic Literature"8 p.m.Oriental Institute: Free Film: The Archaeologistand How He Works 2 p.m.T’ai Chi: Classes 3-5 p.m. Cloister Club, INH info752-7460 or 288-7113LSF: The Treasure of Sierra Madre 8:30 p.m. LawSchool Aud. 82DOC: Pixte 8 p.m. Cobb 82Court Theatre: Preview of Loot 2:30 & 7:30 p.m.New Theatre call 753-4472 for ticketsMONDAYCrossroads: English Classes: Beg. 10 a.m.; Int.10:45 a.m.: Beg. Spanish 7.15 p.m.. Beg. Dutch 7:30p.m.U.C. Judo Club: Practice 6 p.m. Bartlett GymChemistry Dept.: Lecture: Robert H Grubbs on' Transition Metal-Carbon Double Bond in Cataly¬sis and Synthesis" 4 p.m. Kent 107Aerobic Dance: 5:15 p.m. INH. S20/8 Classes.835 16; info call Linda Li 753-2249GALA GAY PARTY: The II gay rights bill sup¬port party Write a letter, drink All invited. 9 p m5234 S. Ingleside #2 or call Tom Lampinen324-7591MAB CONCERT: "Weather Report' 8:30 pmMandel Hall 87 & $12 call 962-7300 for ticketsSAO Eclectic Ed Reg After Hours Special: 5pm7 p.m Rm 210 INH Same Prices'DOC: Study in Choreography for Camera. Meshesin the Afternoon. 8 p.m Cobb $1.50 JUDAISMTraditional Passover Meal 6:00 pm $4.50. Call684 6060 for reservation. Film: "Judaism: TheChosen People" 7:30 pm. Sat. April 2 atCrossroads5621 S. Blackstone.LANGUAGE CLASSESAt Crossroads5621 S. Blackstone. Beg. Levels:Spanish, Dutch, Chinese, Polish, Portugese,German. Adv. Conversational French.Students $12. Non-students$15. Call 684 6060 forinfo.GRADUATE STUDENTSWANTEDGraduate Students are needed to judgeParliamentary Debate at the AmericanParliamentary Debate Championships onApril 8 9 at U of C. We will pay you #30 for judg¬ing 6 rounds. If interested, call Lisa Becker-man at 241 6587 or Vince Hillery at 241-7488. Wewill train!GRADUATE STUDENTSIf you signed up to judge at the AmericanParliamentary debate Championships on April8-9, please attend our judging workshop onApril 5 at 7 pm in Ida Noyes Hall! Observersare welcome.THE KISS!Auditions for Bye Bye Birdie! Sat. 4/2 10-6 pmIn the Reynolds Club 1st floor theatre. Thereare singing roles and otherwise too!PUB HAPPY HOUR20% off on all wines, sherries, and 8 tap beersdaily, 4:30 6:30. inexpensive food, includingsandwiches + Medici pizzas available till 1a.m. each morning. 21 + over membership atdoor.AEROBIC DANCINGClasses beg 4/4 or 4/6 5:15 at Ida Noyes everyMon. or Wed. 8 classes/$20 or 16 for $35 Call Lily Li 753-2249 for more information. RHAPSODY IN BLUEDelta Sigma Semi-Formal at Ida Noyes HallSaturday, April 9, 9 pm Tickets on sale Mon-Fri at Reynolds Club, Cobb, and dining halls$4GAY? LESBIAN?The GROUP meets every Tuesday of thequarter at 8:00 pm starting Apr 5 at 5446 S.Kimbark. Part discussion, part social, theGROUP is sponsored by GALA. All arewelcome. Also April 23 GALA hosts a discobenefit for the Howard Brown MemorialClinic. Northwestern GALA had been invited.Watch for further details.BEGINNERSGYMNASTICSCLASSES FOR ADULTS meet Mon & Thur,Bartlett Gym, 5:15 PM. Starts 4/7/83. S20/QtrCall for information d. I BX#3 0354, e. 955 8627.TWYLA THARPModern Dance Co. Sat May 7 8 pm Discounttkts $11.25, $8.25, $6.00 on sale until April 15S.A.O. Rm 210 Ida Noyes 753 3592AUDITIONS!!For the Blackfriars spring production of ByeBye Birdie! Bring a song or try for non singingroles. Come Sat. 4/2 10-6 to the Reynolds ClubNew Theatre. Be there and bring a friend.PUB CONCERTPRESENCE ill returns for another progressive fusion jazz concert. Thursday, April 7,10 12. 21 + over. Membership at door.UNITTRAYS!Tired of all your game pieces falling out oftheir boxes? Try CLOSE SIMULATIONS UnitTrays. Hold them upside down and nothingfalls out! 3 tor $6.65, plus $1 postage. (III.residents ad 40‘ tax) to CLOSE SIMULATIONSP.O. Box 2246, Dept. T, Northbrook, II. 60062.493-0666 • CALL ANYTIMECAMPUS FAVORITE 58th & BLACKSTONEHitoric residence pre-dates usual Victorians. We put it about1884. Wonderfully updated systems. Wonderfully traditionallibrary has real fireplace. 10 rooms in all. Asking $250.00SEE FOREVER6 rooms,stunning kitchen. Acrossfrom the Museum of Scienceand Industry, $112,500.OUTER DRIVE AND LAKEis your front yard; six sun¬shine filled rooms, end unit,high first floor, $79,500.54th and East Lake ViewPark.PROMONTORY POINT-55th & Lake Shore Drive. Has a stunning five-room new kitchen.Newly painted. New window treatments. West private wing.$45,009.The Chicago Maroon—Friday, April 1, 1983—27o> r NOW OPENour newest &>%o0<s>%?°MORRY’S DELIlocated inTHE“C”SHOP1131 E. 57th Street • In the Reynolds Club•NOW 2 LOCATIONS TO «OUR NEWEST MORRY’S IN THE ‘COME TO MORRY’SSERVE YOU BETTER “C”-SHOP OFFERS YOU GREAT FOOD IN THE “C”-SHOPAT LOW PRICES PLUS SOMETHING FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCHBRAND NEW - SEATING FOR & HAPPY HOUR (FROMHUNDREDS OF PEOPLE 3 PM TO CLOSING)HOURS WEEK OF APRIL 1 M-F 7:00 AM-5 PMSAT 10:00 A.M.-4PM STARTING SOONMORRY’S NEW HOURS M-F 7:00 AM-10 PMSAT. 10:00 AM-4 PMHELP US CELEBRATE OUR GRAND OPENING WITH THESE SPECIALS FROM MORRY’S:BREAKFAST LUNCH• FREE COFFEE with our own special EGG MacMORRY ..•FREE COFFEE with our HOT BAGEL & CREAM CHEESE(to 10 am)•JUMBO DONUTS 1 09onlyonly 55°only 33° •JUMBO PASTRAMI INCREDIBLE OFFER 1 59MORRY’S “C”-SHOPBUY 3 DONUTS GET ONEMORE DONUT OR CUP OFCOFFEE FREEexp 4/8* 1 MORRY’S “C”-SHOPDOZEN onlyDONUTS 299exp 4/8•MORRYS SPECIAL YOGURT plain 55^ FLAVORED 60^•APPLE TURNOVER . . 65c •BRAN/BLUEBERRY MUFFINS . .. 55°•HOT PECAN ROLLS . 65c«JUMBO SWEET ROLLS 40°•BESS COOKIES Best buy on campus! 37c•FRESH BUTTER CROISSANTS 56c MORRY’S “C”-SHOP exp4-8BUY GET3 MORRY’S “C”-SHOP «p4-0] BUY GETJUMBO m 1 1 1 ^ JUMBO m iPASTRAMI 1 MORE| < TURKEY MORE |SANDWICHES 1 FREEH 1 ^ SANDWICHES 1 FREE! 1• JUMBO TURKEY 1 85• JUMBO SALAMI 1 39• JUMBO HAM 169MORRY’S “C”-SHOPBUY GET3 JUMBOHAMSANDWICHES 1MORE|OFREE! | Jexp. 4-8 j] MORRY’S “C”-SHOPBUY GETJUMBOSALAMISANDWICHES 1 MOREFREE!exp 4-8MORRY’S “C”-SHOPFRESHBUTTERCROISSANTS3 145>1 WIDE VARIETY OF SOUPS,SALADS, CAKES, PIES &PASTRIES TO CHOOSE FROM • TUNA SALAD 1 34• MORRY S SUB 99°• GERMAN SAUSAGE 179•JUMBO HOT DOG 79°•CHOPPED CHICKEN LIVER .1 39 •CHICKEN SALAD 1 39• RUMANIAN SAUSAGE 1 29•POLISH SAUSAGE 1 29•GYROS 149•BBQ PASTRAMI 1 59•BBQ RIB TIP 149MORRY’S HAPPY HOUR SPECIALS CLOSINGJUMBOHOT JUMBO 04 cq ITALIAN £4 noDOGS O 9V PASTRAMr I 08 SAUSAGE * 1 U839c JUMBO 04 RQPASTRAMr 1 MORRY’S HAND SCOOPED ICE CREAMspeciaRlbleNnd,•16 Flavors to choose from ^ ll imrd _ .•The biggest scoops in town | Qrnnn•All ice cream topped with B . . . only fwhipped cream cherry & cookie 01/ JUMBO^ /2 SCOOPS . . . only “Play Morry’s Daily ‘ SAY THE SECRET WORD” contestand win si 00°° worth of FREE FOOD- ln°Tn^ s&pMORRY’S -A great place to name your children after! MORRY’S DELI•In the “C"-Shop»1131 E. 57th St.•In the U of C Bookstore • 58th & Ellis•5500 S. Cornell • 1603 E. 55th St.