—..*r r.vw:yj ty Archive:.Stvictiaj vO’J. j. .ruicuP. _• j; l i’ l; v L:n . b r aryFee 0 F::u go Maroonrsity of Chicago Friday, March 14, 1975MAROON SUPPRESSEDED BOARD SUSPENDEDSUPPRESSION: University security guard stands lonely vigil outside locked Maroon office. Student newspaper nowunder UC-SG controlIn an unprecedentedmove, the Universityadministration abolished theMaroon and suspended themembers of the editorialboard. The shutdown orderwas issued by Dean ofStudents Charles O’ConnellWednesday morning Thenewspaper’s suppressionwas unexpected and shockedfaculty and students alike.The Maroon, the officialstudent newspaper of theUniversity since before theturn of the century, will bereplaced by a new journal.The Chicago Bulletins-Record run under theauspices of studentgovernment.O’Connell’s order wasdelivered to editor-in-chiefTim Rudy and the managingeditor. Jeff Roth, Wednesdaymorning in a brief, but tensemeeting in the dean's officeThe administration wasabolishing the paper,according to O'Connell, forvarious reasons: illegalpartying in the editorialoffices, the loose publicmorals of most (if not all)editorial personnel,reception of stolendocuments, the misquotationof official Universitypersonnel, and ideologicalneutrality.Rudy denied all thecharges.All nine members of theeditorial board have beensuspended from classesretroactive to the beginning of the present quarter Plansfor further disciplinaryaction, if any, have not yetbeen announcedThe former ecitorialoffices of the Maroon, on thethird floor of Ida Noyes,were locked on Tuesdayevening and not reopened onWednesday. A Universitysecurity detail was posted atthe “Ivory Tower” toprevent Maroon employeesfrom enteringTwo hours after thesupression order was issuedthe editorial board went intoemergency session at theHovel i unofficial residence ofRudy and Roth. Mr U of CRonald D. Spolsino. DaveCohen - widely reknowned asthe third best guitarist inPittsburgh, and historianJames Jobb.) The boardunanimously decided tocontinue publication of theMaroon - along with specialsections, the Grey CityJournal and the ChicagoLiterary Review, afterbusiness manager Paul “theHustler” Yovovich,contacted aboard RobertVesco's yacht in theCaribbean while lining upadvertising assured editorsthat advertising would not beadversely affected by theloss of UniversitysponsorshipThe board also approved aresolution to appeal to thetrustees for reinstatement.continued on page 13Kissinger newUC President Architects copTop Honors Spolsino namedMr. U of Cpage 2i ♦ ♦;»» t.M t.» MM.M.t.M J AM J JJLVAM.V AVJ.U.M* V page 18if t M f * t.t M.f M H m I t M M M t I page 5JKissinger takes over UCKISSINGER New UC Prez lays down the law.Biology to take overCollegiate divisions' The life of the mind willundergo a long neededreform at the Universitywhen the five Collegiatedivisions are merged intoone new biological sciencesdivision in autumn quarter1975,” according to CharlesOxnard, dean of the College.“The new program ofundergraduate educationwill foster a truly liberalspirit in our students,”Oxnard continued. Citing thefact that eighty per cent ofthis years entering class arebiology majors and that allof next years freshmenintend to become doctors,Oxnard said, “this newprogram does not change themeaning of a liberaleducation.”In the reformed College,common core will consist offour year long sequences inbiology, chemistry,mathematics and the historyof science.Students will be requiredto complete these courses intheir first two years at theCollege. Upperclassmen willHumor IssueThis tenth week specialhumor issue of the ChicagoMaroon lacks any factualbasis in reality. None of thestories are true, nor are mostquotations the real words ofthe speaker We deny anyand all relation to realpersons or events. Our in¬tentions is to be funny in anabsurd, tasteless, and oftendisgusting manner. I trustwe have succeededThe editor wishes toespecially thank all specialissue staffers for their hardwork, often done at the expense of their studies andother “extracurricular”activities. concentrate on introductorymedicine courses.In addition, fourth yearCollege students will berequired to spend onequarter in residence at theStudent Health Services atBillings, assisting doctors inpatient examinations.A four year physicaleducation requirement forall students completes thescheduled reforms. Thisrequirement is meant tofulfill the University’s goalof “a sound mind in a soundbody.”“Faculty members whocurrently occupy themselveswith non-scientific materialwill have to make someadjustments,” Oxnardconceded, although he saidthis will be more a matter ofshifting their emphasis.“For example, philosophershave largely ignoredAristotle's biologicalwritings in favor of his ethicsand political philosphy. Nowwe’re asking them to take acloser look at works whichdeserve seriousconsideration.”Oxnard said the effort hasalready begun to restructurecourses currently offered inthe humanities, and socialsciences Collegiatedivisions, as well as the NewCollegiate division. “WayneBooth will offer a course nextSpring called Rhetoric andIrony in Standard BiologicalTexts.” said Oxnard “Thedean of the humanitiesdivision, Karl Weintraub willbe teaching the ‘History ofWestern Biology’ in thewinter and spring ”Other courses to be offerednext year include Geneticsas a Mode of Intelligibility,Aims and Rules of Biology,Ancient Near-EasternMedicine, SocialOrganization amongInvertebates and Economicand Social Problems ofCrustaceansFriday,WWMi^—noonoM ogosirO adT-,M .VobrH Henry A. Kissinger will bethe next President of theUniversity of Chicago, theMaroon has learned.Several usually reliablesources have tentativelysuggested that, barring *anysignificant denials by fairlyhighly placed administrationinsiders, speaking in theirquasi-official and semi¬official capacities,respectively, somethingresmelbing a “qualifiedconfirmation” of thesealleged reports couldconceivably be expectedfrom reasonablyknowledgeable Kissingerintimates within anessentially unspecifiedperiod of time, according tothe Maroon’s top secretinformants.The exclusive news cameas speculation about the newchief executive spread toinclude such names as OttoKerner, Edward Hanrahan.Chester Gould, the ReverendGardner “Ted” Armstrong,and George Fenniman of the“You Bet Your Life”television program.Kissinger s appointment isexpected to end all suchirresponsible rumormongeringJoseph Blazv, thepresident of the student-plant departmentpresidential searchcommittee, could not hereached for comment.However, a spokesman forthe committee said “He(Blazv) is crazy” (aboutKissinger’s appointment).Other members of thecommittee refused tocomment.Kissinger has beenreported “unavailable forcomment’’ by theEstablishment News Media,who have conspired with theFederal Government tosuppress this story. TheState Department“officially” does not know where Kissinger is, butunassailably believablesources reported him to be inParis, Hanoi, the PhnomPenh airport, Calucutta, theSavoy Hotel in Tel Aviv,Archbishop Makarios’summer cottage inLeningrad, and Oak LawnCommunity High School.All of these reports havebeen confirmed byparticipants in the plot tocover-up Kissinger’s truelocation - a conspiracywhich, according to anunderstandably anonymoussource, threatens to create“a cancer on the presidencyof this University.”But in an unprecedentedjournalistic coup, a Maroonreporter was able to locateKissinger and has filed thefollowing story, datelined,“With Rebel Forces Insidethe Midway SteamTunnels:”Maroon: Mr Kissinger,we’ve. . .Kissinger: Please, it’sDoctor Kissinger to you . .Q: Not at this University.Now we’ve . .A: I knew I should havestayed at Harvard - lookcan’t you at least call mywife Doctor?Q: Does she have a NobelPrize9A: Well, I think she keptthe one Lee Due Tho gaveher . .Q: Forget it - Vietnam is adead issue on this campus.A: So is my wife.Q: You’d be surprised.Now tell me, Henry - can Icall you Henry9A: I suppose so,considering we’re inside thissteam tunnel. You’re surethis interview will never seethe light of day?Q: Not in Hyde Park. ButHenry, what makes the mostpowerful man in the worlddecide to become Presidentof the U of C?A: How should I know? Ask Ed Levi.Q: We ;ve tried that beforeand it never works. Let’sstart somewhere else: Whatbrings you to this steamtunnel?A: The rebel forces,stupid: Didn’t you read thedateline on this article?Q: Be serious, Han, noone reads the Maroon. Butwho are these rebelsfighting?A: Whoever I tell them to -they’re my PLO.Q: PLO?A: Personal LiberationOrganization. They’vecarried out destabilizationprocedures in manypolitically sensitive areasvital to our national security.Q: What does that mean?A: They blow up theclowns I don’t like.Q: So why are you hidingout in the steam tunnels?BULLETIN: Dean of theCollege Charles Oxnardannounced at press time thatall in-class finals for winterquarter 1975 have beencancelled This will notA: After our lastdestabilization action, areporter from theWashington Post spotted medriving a truck full of handgrenades into the PhnomPenh Hilton. I had to make adeal with him to save myhide.Q: So that’s why youaccepted the job here?A: Of course. It’s the onlyplace where I can make aserious contribution to theacademic community andlead a band of hoods at thesame time.Q: Tell me more aboutyour resignation at State. A: After the jig was up inPhnom Penh, I split to D.C.to head off this Post story. Itold the Post I’d leave townin 48 hours if they killed thestory. On my way over toclean out my desk, I sawyour search committee’sfull-page ad in Law andOrder magazine. I ran backto my office, stuffed atoothbrush and sometelephone taps in a suitcase,called the boys in PhnomPenh, and arranged to meetthem here.Q: So why the steamtunnel ploy?A: When I hit town, Icalled up the student-plantdepartment searchcommittee to apply for thejob. They were thrilled, but Itold them I had 35 guerillaswith me and we had to hideout until things cooled off.They said to sit tight andaffect previously assignedtake-home finals or in-classfinals already taken.According to Oxnardspring break will begin“pronto."they'd arrange everything.Ten minutes later, a streetsweeper, two garbagetrucks, and eight guys ongolf carts show up, and thenext thing I know we’reunderground.Q: Incredible - by the way,who is the Post reporter whohas the goods on you?A: All I can tell you is thathe will soon be appointed to avery high post in the StateDepartment. Say, don’tthose pipes ever stopbanging?Q : Yeah, aroundcontinued on page 6Has Bellow resigned?College cancels finalsA Maroon investigationhas disclosed the fact thatSaul Bellow passed awaythis August. Rumorsconcerning Bellow’s deathhad been circulating amonginformed sources for weeks,prompted by the revelationof an anonymous tipster thatBellow had not been seen oncampus since theappearance of the cometKohoutekBellow had been chairmanof the Committee on SocialThought and professor in thedepartment of english, aswell as a successful novelistConfirmation of therumors was provided byUniversity vice-president forpublic affairs D. j. R.Bruckner “Yes, Mr. Bellowtook his leave of this worldon August 24, 1974.”When queried on thesilence of the Universitypublic information office onthe matter, Brucknerrejoined, “We could not seeany reason for publicizing it.Everything which did occuroccurred within the normal procedural channels of theUniversity. Mr. Bellow gavethe usual two weeks notice,submitting a letter ofresignation to formerpresident Levi on August 10.He cited an offer of ‘eternaltenure’ and a desire to leavethe Windy City for warmerenvirons as reasons forleaving the University.”Bruckner went on toexplain that the task offinding a replacement forBellow had been assigned tothe standing committee ondilletantism.A check with the CookCounty coroner revealedthat Bellow’s death had beenduly recorded in that office.The death certificate cited‘‘failure of theepistomology” as cause ofdeath.These revelations have notsatisfied certain speculatorsin the astrophysicsdepartment who advance onalternative explanation forBellow’s absence fromcontinued on page 3'.■Wll to V*1 ‘ ,bb’c DEAD: Professor Saul Bellow, no longer with usc avf*;*? hVtvjyqo o»v .'w v oEDITORIALOur long winter of discontent is almost over. Thechills of sub-zero weather, the winds from the ArcticNorth, the unheated apartments on grey coldmornings, and the long unendurable walks to and froma distant campus will soon be things of the past. Adistant memory. All gone. Kaput! As we yearn forspring, yet so we will miss (but not too often) winter.The spring thaw is a natural, even divine, process,that brings joy and gladness into men’s hearts. Butmen must be open to the process, willing to see beauty,appreciate beauty, feel beauty. A closed heart and/ora warped mind will only see, appreciate, and feelperversion.But spring is not a time for perversion, though wethink, in our humble opinion, that a good solid case canbe made for perversion in winter.As the snow on the quads melts into water let ourbitterness and pent-up frustrations dissolve into atorrent of felicity, a tumultous outpouring oftenderness for men and man, man and woman,woman and woman, professor and student, etc.Aren’t you glad spring is coming?Just because you wear blue jeans doesn’t mean youhave to smoke marijuana. Why does the hipgeneration put its sexual identity on the line intexchange for this so-called euphoria? Scientificexperts are investigating links between hormoneimbalances, chromosome damage, male breastdevelopment, and this so-called passport to pleasure.Too many students mistake this dangerous drug’sfalse and misleading reveries for the real Life of theMind. We need only look to the backward nations tosee the revolting effects of rampant, indeedcommonplace use of pot.Even the most intelligent individuals can betempted to artificially induced disaster through thisstepping stone to destruction. Even here in HydePark, so-called potheads are abusing this drug even asyou read this very newspaper.So don’t let peer pressure force you into a decisionyou don’t want to make. Stay straight and keep yourhead together. Life may not be a bowl of cherries, butit’s sure not a bowl of dope.Bates bores“Bunnies are small furrycreatures. They have longpointed ears, fluffy whitetails, and little pink noseswhich they twitch back andforth.” So spoke Norman F.Bates, associate professor ofEnglish in the College,before a rapt crowd of some13 students, at Wednesdaynight’s Woodward Courtlecture, apparently becausehe meant it. Bates’ subjectwas ‘‘The Anth ropo -morphised Metaphor:A Structural Approach.”Leaning with excessiveforce on a rather flimsilyconstructed floorlamp in thenicely appointed living roomof the Woodward Courtresident master, Bateswould occasionally gaspwith something very muchlike fear as he sensed hissupport was about to giveway. Explaining the gist of atheory which had evidentlytaken years of his life andsome several tens ofthousands of dollars ofuniversity money whichotherwise would have beenfunneled through a dummycorporation established bythe University’s board oftrustees to purchase bananafutures in a number of smallSouth American republicsowned and operated by Nelson Rockefeller, currentvice-president of the UnitedStates and a long time friendof the Universitycommunity.Bates wouid, from timeto time, interrupt himselfin mid-thought as a blankexpression came into hissteel-grey eyes, rolling hishead around in the mannerof a man trying to shakewater out of his ears, aquizzical expression on hisface which would soon bereplaced by a look of sheeramazement as he wonderedto himself just where,indeed, this sentence hadbegun and where it waslikely to end ah wait I can seeit coming now it’s only tenwords away thank God whata relief this is. Ahhh. Now I’llwrite in short. Choppy littlesentences. Just Like BobGreene.Deciding it was time for anew paragraph after all that,Bates continued. “Let meexplain myself,” he said, hislong yellow fingers sinkingtheir way to the pack ofDisque Bleu cigarettessecreted in the inner pocketof his cordoroy sports jacket.Placing the cigarettebetween his lips, as if he hadbeen doing it all his life,Bates took a cheap butane No News is Good NewsTrust policy reforms UCIn a recent interview withthe Maroon, acting presidentJohn T. Wilson said that hedid not see himself as aninnovator but as onecontinuing the policies of hispredecessor, Edward Levi.Wilson announced today,however, plans for a fewminor reforms which hesaid, “Levi would agree withif he were still here.”Designed to promote anattitude of “trust andlighter from his pocket andset fire to it. A wave of reliefseemed to course throughthe lanky body balanced soprecariously on thefloorlamp.It had been a long time,Bates thought, the thickorange fumes of the Frenchcigarette shooting like jetstreams from his nostrils.Yes, a long time indeed. Thewinter of 1953, a table outsidea dingy cafe off the Bois duBoulougne. He had beenwaiting for someone, heremembered, but he couldnot recall exactly who.Perhaps it had been Julie,the gamin who had occupiedso much of his thoughtduring those years in Paris.More likely it had beenRaoul, the street-wise flicwhose trenchcoat andungainly shuffle made himresemble nothing more thanan animated laundry bagfrom a distance of fiftyyards. The waiter must havenoticed the impatience thatplayed across his face, sincehe approached the tablewithout being called. Arough hand, the fingernailsdirtied by the day’s labor,intruded itself into Bates'line of vision. The hand helda short, blunt cigarette.“Monsieur,” the voice hadsaid, “Try one of mine.” openness” toward studentsand community, the newpolicy will become effectivethis fall. The specifics of the“trust-thy-student” policywill affect the determinationof course grades, thecirculation of library books,mandatory tuition charges,and the security force.As part of the newprogram students will nowbe permitted to determinetheir own grades. WhenBates accepted the offerwith a slight raise of hiseyebrows. Stubbing out theCaporal he had beensmoking with little attention,Bates lit the waiter’scigarette. The first draw wasa revelation. A glance at themarkings on the paper toldhim it was a Disque Bleu. Hehad smoked them ever since.“Bunnies often appear inassociation with squirrels,robins, and small boys withpeculiar first names. Oneneed not look very far todiscover the implications ofthis particular grouping. Notvery far, at all.”A touch of boredom hadcrept into the tone of Bates’voice, an emotion reflectedin the faces of whatremained of his audience.Izaac Wirzsup, residentmaster, looked pained as hepassed a platter of Oreocookies in* an apparentattempt to salvage what hadbeen a disappointing eveningfor most of those present.The attempt was a completefailure.Next quarter’s WoodwardCourt lecture series willbegin on April second, whenMilton Friedman will speakon “The Economist andSenility: A PersonalApproach.” asked if he thought thiswould result in a rise in theaverage grade pointaverage, especially amongpre-med students, Dean ofStudents Charles O’Connellstated that he did “not thinkthat there would be anydiscernible increase and ifthere were it could probablybe attributed to the fact thatstudents would be workingharder under the newprogram.’’Also as part of theprogram, books will nolonger have to be chargedout from Regenstein or thedepartmental libraries.Students will now be trustedto return the books “whenthey are finished withthem.” Faculty members,however, will still berequired to charge books outat the circulation counterResponding to fears thatthe new program willdiminish the number ofbooks in the library’scollection, library directorStanley McElderry said that.“On the contrary, we expectthe library’s holdings toincrease since students willbe encouraged, though notcontinued from page 2campus. A spokespersoncommented: "An exhaustivesearch of Mr Bellow's workshas convinced us that thesimultaneous appearance ofthe comet and thedisappearance of Bellow wasmore than a coincidenceThey occurred at a once intwo million year closestapproach of a galaxy towhich there are numerousreferences in Bellow’sworks Kohoutek was on itsway there after its passbyhere It is our contention that required, to donate some oftheir own books to thelibrary on a share and sharealike basis ”A key element in the newprogram will be the abolitionof any mandatory tuitioncharge. Students will now bepermitted to contribute what“they feel is appropriate" toa large collection box to beinstalled in the bursar'sofficeWhen asked by the Maroonif the new policy might notresult in less money beingcollected by the UniversityMrs Edith Montag of thebursar’s officeresponded: “To trust otherswillingly is a virtuerewarded in heaven.Students will now beexpected to pay according totheir ability. Some studentswill of course pay less thanthe $3,000 per year but Iexpect others, who are morefortunate, will make up thedifference by paying morethan the $3,000 per year.”Finally, pointing out thatthere had been no crime inHyde Park for the last threecontinued on page 1 4extraterrestrial beings ofhigh intelligence, acontention lent credence byhis constant complaintsabout the lack of such beingsin this world, himself beingthe only example he couldever think of, that Bellow hashitched a ride on theintergalactic answer toYellow Cab and is on his wayto Mr Sammler’s planet.”A check with Yellow Cab’sintergalactic office revealedthat while one of theirvehicles had made such arun the only passenger was aman by the name of HerzogChicogo Maroon—3Bellow made contact withFriday, March 14, 1975 TheWoodwardAstrophysics explainsBellow's disappearanceUFO, Rudy tangle at Jimmy'sSix people were injuredand two were arrested whena fight broke out at Jimmy’s,55th and Woodlawn Avenue,shortly after midnight lastTuesday night. Analtercation between twopatrons developed into a brawl that was only stoppedby the intervention of citypolice twenty minutes later.Tim Rudy, editor-in-chiefof the Maroon, had allegedlybeen drinking at the bar forseveral hours when JanetGainsburger, one of the organizers of the UniversityFeminist Organization,walked in.In a gesture of gratitudefor her innumerable helpfulcriticisms of the Maroon.Rudy sent down a ShirleyTemple to Gainsburger atthe other end of the bar.Upon receiving the drinkGainsburger allegedlywalked up to Rudy andemptied the contents of theglass over his head. Rudy’sslurred reply was inaudibleover the din of the bar room The ensuing scufflebetween Rudy andGainsburger soon involvedmost of the patrons in thefront bar. Chairs and tableswere overturned and brokenglass covered the floor.James Wilson, proprietorof the tavern, denied,that there had been ex¬tensive damage. Two ofthe bartenders and RonSpolsino, a College senior,subdued particularly unrulydrinkers with baseball batskept expressly for that purpose.By the time the policearrived the fighting hadsubsided to a great extent.Officers had to forciblyremove Gainsburger and anaccomplice, who had pinnedRudy to the floor.Gainsburger and anunidentified feminist werebrought to the 21st policedistrict station at 300 E. 29thSt where they were bookedon charges of disorderlyconduct and aggravatedassault. They were released on $500 personal bond. Bothwere unavailable forcommentReliable sources havedisclosed that on previousoccasions Gainsburger re¬ferred to Rudy as a “horse'sass” and had also expresseda desire to “stomp that kid(Rudy) into the ground.”Six persons were treatedat Billings hospital for cutsand bruises sustained duringthe fight. Rudy was treatedfor a “human” bite andreleasedEmployment prospects bleakfor University graduatesUniversity graduates,faced with the tightest jobmarket in years, havediscovered ingenious newmethods of finding em¬ployment.The University has ex¬pressed increasing concernabout the unusually largenumber of graduates whowill not attend law ormedical school next year,estimated by CareerCounselling Director AnitaSandke to be as high as twopercent. ”1 can't imagine what they plan to do outthere." she quippedHowever, an informalMaroon survey of graduateshas revealed that studentsare adapting to the recessionexonomy by taking a numberof hard-to-find jobs.“Looking for jobs is tough,but you have to know whereto look,” remarked onestudent. “Career Coun¬selling is useless—they toldme by best chances were inthe poultry processing and liquified margrine in¬dustries. That’s how Idiscovered my confidentialsources.”Although few studentswould reveal where theydiscovered their jobs, theMaroon was able to locatethe most popular em¬ployment informationsources. One favorite amongunemployed students is theuse of matchbooks. “I'vebeen launched on six orseven exciting careers in thelast year,” reported cne student “Between theCleveland Institute ofElectronics, Control DataInstitutes, and the MaryTyler Moore School of CuteConduct. I managed to learnhow to wire toasters, threadcomputer tapes, and gush "The student admitted,however, that he wascurrently employed as apizza greaser at Nicky’s.Another potential em¬ployment information sourcecontinued on page 1 1RUDY: At the scene of the crime..NOW PLAYING ATTHESE GREAT THEATRES:P itl GATEWAYChicagoBREMEN ITinley Park i&iQiiiu-EVANSTON II GOLF MILL IIEvanston Nilesj&zCPiidi-LA GRANGE GLENWOODLa Grange GlenwoodThe Second. 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A community with an enthusiastic familyfeeling where not only our talents are shared but our short¬comings, too. If you feel as we do. that service to youth can bean important mission in your life we welcome your interest.iaaitaansFor more information about Salesian Priests andBrothers, mail this coupon toFather Joseph Maffei, S.D.B. Room B- 172«•.OF ST. JOHN BOSCOBox 639. New Rochelle, N Y 1080?I am interested in the Priesthood □ BrotherhoodName — AgeStreet Address _ . _City State. Zip-Phone. — -Education — — — IIIIIIYour Current Job.4 The Chicago Maroon - Friday, March 14, 1975- PWrOM Ctt-'GM.x . • C ' * e . rO’OiV. , <;>*>YtSpolsino gets sexist nodfrom U of C womenUniversity student RonSpolsino has been named“Mr. U. of C.” by theSubmissive FemalesOrganization (SFO).The SFO annually bestowsthis title upon theUniversity’s “mostattractive, dynamic, andperceptive male specimen,”according to a spokespersonfor the group, TinaTaffypull.Spolsino defeated a smallbut well-qualified group ofcontestants which includedDennis Nirvana, StuartSweet, Thomas Cook,Kareem AbdulKrauss, andJames Ginsberg. Pastwinners of this “highly”coveted title include DavidAffelder, Charles Percy, andco-winners Leopold andLoeb.Spolsino, a fourth yearstudent in the College and aBoston native was praised bythe SFO as “a man who holdshis own in the classroom aswell as the bedroom.”Though nominally a politicalscience major, sources closeto Spolsino report that‘‘Ron’s real expertisetranscends the life of themind.”Reached during a quietevening at home with a fewadmirers (see photos),Spolsino granted thisexclusive interview to aMaroon reporter: Q: Mr. Spolsino, sir, Isuppose my first questionshould be: Why do womenfind you so irresistiblyattractive?A: Would you hold thiscigar for me?Q: What is it about yourpersonality that so excitesthe opposite sex?A: Would you hold thisdrink for me?Q: No, I try not to drinkwhile working.A: I try not to work whiledrinking Would you hold thisgirl for me?Q: No, I try not to...A: Never mind. What areyou doing here anyway?Q: The readers of theMaroon want to know thesecrets of your outstandingsexual achievements.A: It’s no secret, really.I'm the only man on thiscampus who understandswomen.Q: Could you provide uswith some of your morehelpful insights?A: There are two kinds ofwomen: the quiet stupid kindwho hardly ever sayanything and the loud stupidkind who talk all the time.It’s them I really hate. I’lladmit there are some womenwho are just as smart asmost men.Q: How does the mostdesirable man in Hyde Parktrack down the women he wants?A: As you can see, mybiggest problem is keepingthem away: keeping themoff my back; keeping themoff my tail; keeping them offmy —Q: Never mind. How doyou choose from among yournumerous admirers?A: It’s harder than youthink, buddy I’ve had todevelop the Ron SpolsinoFemale Assets RatingSystem, or FARS.Q: What criteria do youuse to evaluate thecompetitors?A: My rating system hasnothing to do withpersonality, nothing to dowith intelligence; it’s basedsolely on one female asset:•looks!Q: Don’t you think this is arather barbaric a ndnarrowminded complex ofconcepts?A: Look kid, I know for afact that it can’t haveanything to do withpersonality or intelligence.Let’s face it, you can’t feel abrain.Q: Has the feministmovement affected yourrating system?A: Liberated women justdon’t stack up. The wholemovement is a collection ofbitches. They started outcontinued on page 16 SPOLSINO: "Very fine.”Young Designs byELIZABETH GORDONHair Designers1620 E. 53rd St.288-2900 9AM-9PM 7 Day* A WeekHYDE PARK PIPE AND TOBACCO SHOP1552 E. 53rd - under 1C tracksAll students get 10% offask for "Big Jim''Pipe*Pip* Tobocro* Imported CigarettesCigars THEG.F. HANDEL'SP6TTINGER. TE DEUMandODE TO ST CCCIl^S DAYSUNDAY. MAf\CH 16.1^75 3=3DPMMANDEL HALl ’57t11& UNIVERSITYSoloists: Teresa Otantes- Dale Terbeek-RobeiT Heimikson* lamesdi Loreto•University of Chicago ChorusNorrh Shore Music Center ChorusHyde Park Chamber OtvhestraJAMES Mack Conductor-’’Eiee 6-Open to the Public IDA NOYES BAKERYWILL BEOPENDURING INTERIMMON. MAR. 2410 SAT. MAR. 2910 A.M.-4 P.M.PLACE YOUR HOLIDAYORDERS EARLY753-3587Friday, March 14.1 975 - The Chicago Maroon—5When a chest x-ray shows that you have apotential killer like TB or cancer, it’s not a prettypicture. But it’s an important picture because itcan help the doctor detect and catch the killerin time.When doctors are out to catch these poten¬tial killers, they want the sharpest, clearest x-rayfilms they can get. And that’s why people atKodak spend so many hours creating new andbetter x-ray film equipment. Already, the resultsinclude convenience for the patient, economyfor the hospital, an even more useful tool for the radiologist—and, most important, reduced radi¬ation exposure.Researching and creating better x-ray filmsis good for our business, which is why we wentinto them in the first place. But it does our soci¬ety good, too—which isn’t a bad feeling. After all,our business depends on our society—so wecare what happens to it.% *Kodak.More than a business.If you think Kodakis just pretty pictures,you ought to haveyour chest examined.6—The Chicago Maroon - Friday, March 14, 1975 Kissinger makes deal;energy for concessionscontinued from page 2Memorial Day. When willyou assume your duties as Uof C President?A: I’m still negotiatingwith the search committee,but 1 would say thatprospects for a settlementiook reasonably good. Bothsides seem willing to makesignificant territorialconcessions, and. . .Q: Wait a minute; justhow much of the Universityis now under your control?A: Upon landing ourforces - excuse me, arrivingin Chicago, we proceeded toinitiate a series of sneakattacks. - excuse me,protective reaction strikes,in an area bounded roughlyby the IC tracks. CottageGrove Avenue. 55th Street,and the DMZ excuse me 61stStreet. I would say that wehave established areasonably secure strangle¬hold - excuse me, viablegoverment in this areaQ: But Henry, that’s thewhole University! How toyou account for the fact thatno one in Hyde Park has seenany trace of you or vourguerillas?A: You clearly aren’taware of the moresophisticated forms ofblackmail - sorry, strategy.By controlling the steamtunnels in this area, we’vebeen able to take over -excuse me, regulate theUniversity’s entire energysupply. Through OPEC. . .Q: OPEC?A: Yes, my Organizationfor Personal Exploitation ofChicago. We can shut down,at a moment’s notice,everything from the electronmicropscope to the businessschool’s TV lounge.Q: Well, you can’t be ailbad, then - But what are youdemanding in return?A: I will accept tneCzardom - excuse me,presidency of this Universityonly if certain basicconditions are met. First ofall, I want my face paintedinto the stained glasswindows in Bartlett Gym, themural on the 3rd floor of IdaNoyes, and the Universityseal.Q: You’ll replace theEagle?A: Yes, with a turkey,holding a barrel of oil in oneclaw, and a nuclear reactorin the other. The school’smotto will be changed to “InEnergy there is Strength” ormaybe “In Kissinger there isstrength” or maybe “InKissinger there iseverything,” or . . .Q: I think the power hasdriven him mad - any otherconcessions, Henry?A: Are you kidding? It’sjust the beginning: 'niere’llbe Kissinger Library,Kissinger Kommons, HenryHall, Nancy’s Natatorium.They laughed at me whenthey said I’d take over HydePark, they said I was mad. But I’ll show them, just like Ishowed Lee Due Tho, andSadat and Rabin, andMarvin Kalb, and . . .Q: Calm down, Henry.Once negotiations arecompleted, what are yourplans for the Universitycommunity?A: Everyone knows aUniversity president’s mostimportant job is to raisemoney. I believe that this isunworthy of such a dignifiedposition. We cannot allow thewelfare of this grand andglorious institution to rest onthe whims of a few foreign -excuse me, corporatepowers. I intend to make thisUniversity financially self-sufficient.Q: How can you do tnat:A : It’s simple: We’llreplace the power plant witha nuclear reactor whichproduces plutonium Ifcorporations can’t reach anagreement with us on howmuch they should, morallyand patriotically, pay us intribue - excuse me,contributions, this weapon -excuse me, contingency planwill allow the University touse important new threats -whoops, incentives whichwill insure their cooperation.Q: Where do yourguerillas, er, associates fitin’’A: As the new board oftrustees, I expect them todeal aggressively with theUniversity’s problems,particularly the crimesituation. Their first actionwill be to replace the presentsecurity force with hoodlums- excuse me, crimeprevention experts fromaround the world. Thistechnique has met with greatsuccess on campuses such asthe University of SouthKorea and Haiti High.Q: W’hat will you do aboutHyde Park social life?A : As part of myPersonality DevelpmentProgram. I will personallyappear at one Hyde Parkparty each week. . .Q: Good Luck.A: Accompanied by mywife.Q: Hey, does your wifehave any friends?A: If it’s anyone butSpolsino, then she’ll haveme to answer to.Q: Henry, I’m lookingforward to life in Hyde Parkunder your vigorousleadership. When do youexpect to take office?A: Most of the stumblingblocks are already out of theway. I don’t know anythingabout the remainingopposition, but it soundsweak. Perhaps you could tellme something about theirleaders, a Miss FrederikaBlankner. . .Q: I hear Phnom Pneh isbeautiful this time of year.v. VUniversity housing finally admits defeat;Business students run capitalistic kitchenThe bankrupt Universityhousing and food serviceshave been sold to a group ofbusiness students who planto turn a tidy profit.University housingdirector Ed Turkingtonannounced the move lastweek, claiming that it wasthe only way the Universitycould make the services payfor themselves.The new management isheaded bv second yearbusiness student CashCallous, who plans to“maximize profits” byelimination of “wasteful andextravagant food servicesfrills” and “unnecessaryhousing extras.” He detailedmost of the newmanagement’s plans for theMaroon.In the food service area,all dining halls will beclosed. “Operating fancyservices like these halls iswhat’s ruining our profits,”claimed Callous. Under thenew plan, all students willeat at picnic tables onthe quads. “This newcentralized location providesan attractive and profitableplace to serve food,”according to Callous.The traditional three-meals-a-day plan will bereplaced by one meal, to beserved at varying times eachday. The hours will be keptsecret until just before chowtime, and then howled in code by official University yodelerRon Spolsina. “This adds amuch-needed element ofsurprise to our meals,” saidCallous, “And think howmuch you’ll enjoy the nextday’s feed if you miss one.”Cafeteria trays and disheswill be replaced in the newsystem by such “all-purposeutensils” as bowls andspoons according to Callous.“It’s scandalous how muchmoney is wasted each yearwashing unnecessary itemslike forks and plates.”Specially designed mealswill be prepared with thenew dishes in mind,including gruel, porridge,mush, reconstituted oatmeal, and “Famous Chilis ofthe Past.”New beverages will add tothe “new and improvedgreen in the gills’ look”offered by Callous’ foodservice. His plans call forreplacement of all presentdrinks by such “traditionalfavorites” as pre-swoeter.edKool Aid. powdered milk,freeze-dried Gatorade. andcream soda concentrate. Asa replacement for coffee andtea. the new service willprovide No-Doz tablets;Callous said students wouldbe encouraged to bring theirown hot water.Housing services will alsobe revolutionized by thechange in management. NewDELIVERSChocolate Eclairs10:00 to 2:00 a.m.mn• EYE EXAMINATIONS• CONTACT LENSES (Soft & Hard)• PRESCRIPTIONS FILLEDDR. MORTON R. MASLOVOptometristsHyde Park Shopping Center1 510 E. 55th St.363-6363 management will reversethe process of changingdouble rooms into singles.“All three main dorms are ?study in wasted space,”according to Crass Cramm,the new housing director andsecond-year businessstudent. “We’re very excitedabout our new livingconcepts like ‘Quads,’‘Quints,’ and the ‘Baker’sDozen Suite’.”Cramm believes too muchmoney is wasted in thehousing system on serviceswhich “no Hyde Parklandlord would provide.Useless frills wasteeverybody’s money.”Cramm will eliminate thiswaste through replacing thedorm desks with a mailboxand a pay phone,substituting hopskotchcourts for other recreationalequipment, and replacingdorm pianos with combs andrubber bands.Cramm also plans to savemoney on security. “Ourdorms are just too safe.Anyone who lives in anapartment knows that if youlive in Hyde Park, youexpect to be robbed. Wedon’t want to disappointanyone.” Cramm plans toeliminate the locked doors inthe dorms with courtyards,and do away with theelectrically - controlledsecurity doors. “Just thinkhow much energy we’llsave,” he commented.The most significantchanges planned are thosedealing with the dorm lounges. Cramm calls theseareas “potential goldmines.With all that essentiallyunused space, we cangenerate much higher rentalrevenues and higherprofits.” The lounges will berented to the highest bidder.Cramm said that potentialtenants included the FederalDrug Enforcement Agency,the Sun Myung Moon Re-Birthday Choir andMarching Band, and ControlData Institutes.Cramm also plans toexploit the “big, big marketfor media exploitation” ofhousing residents. Allstereos will be banned, andonly the housing service'snew closed circuit TVs willbe permitted inside thedorms. Music will be piped inby “a nationally known DJ,”according to Cramm, who isconsidering big names likeMike Muzak and SammySellout.The TV programming willinclude “a variety ofstudent-oriented shows”which Cramm claimedwould include such all-timefavorites as “Tom Snyder’sGeniality Hints,” “TheJulian Levi-MarshallKorshak Comedy Hour.” and“Lynn Burton Live at Ribsand Bibs ”The new operations areexpected “to pay forthemselves and then some,”according to Cramm Wheninformed that many studentsconsidered making a profit5735 1975PASSOVERHave you registered for Passover meals and Sederplacements? Deadline March 14. At Hillel House.Were coordinating Seder home hospitality forcollege age youth and offering meal package atHillel House from Sun. eve. March 30 throughThurs. April 3. SEDER WORKSHOPS MARCH 17 & 18AT 8 P.M.Haggadoth and Seder Pockets For SaleBRUIT HOUSE ECUMENICAL CENTER5540 WoediawnFRIDAYSHERRY HOUR 4:30-6:00 PM.SUNDAY5:00 P JA. Underground Oierch6:00 P.M. Supper $1.254:50 P M. STATION WTNT fee hiringThe Sawdast Trail QaartotDo* Muster Paul ThiheatetJet Price John ThemaseeALL WELCOMERlDNOITjobsessionL . . A A i . i with this ad thru monday march 17th from such a non-competitive not be business students - webusiness to be immoral, don’t have any courses likeCramm replied “They must that.”ETHER BUNNY: It s a gas.ST. GREGORY OF NYSSALutheran Campus Parishat the University of ChicagoMARCH 16. 1975THE FIFTH SIND\1 OF LEMCOFFEE AND PREP4RVTI0NI0 A.M.KICHARIST AT 10:20 A M.Graham Taylor Chapel5757 S. INIYERSm-Friday, March 14, 1975 - The Chicago Maroon—7LANDT: Guilty or Not Guilty? CloseDan “Skip” (Skippy)I.andt, director of studentactivities, was arrested bythe Chicago police Thursday,March 13, when the Pubopened for Happy Hour withtopless barmaids. Skippyand the offending coeds wereforced into a nearby paddywagon and taken to district21 police headquarters at 300E. 29th St.Police were summoned tothe Pub by Marie Hauville,assistant director of studentactivities, when shediscovered the toplessbarmaids during herafternoon beer break.Norman Bates, associateprofessor of English in theCollege and a notorious Pubhabitue described whathappened when Hauvilleentered the pub: “She5C years as©we saved studentsas much as SC*1*cn a diamond ring.Back in 1924 Raccoon coats and rum¬ble seats were very big And when itcame to getting engaged, student-were very interested in a Chicagocompany that promised them verybig savings on a diamond ring.The company was S. A Peck Andthe diamonds they sold built a repu¬tation that allows them t<> sellVanity Fair Diamonds to college-tudents all across the United StatesAnd we are -till helping ,-tudent-save as much as 50',.How do we do it? Simple. We han¬dle every step in the making of aToday,we still do. ring, from buying the rough dia¬mond- and making our own settingsto selling the ring directly to you.There are no middleman profits todrive up the price.In fact, we re so confident of ourlow prices and fine quality that wecover them in our exclusive VanityFair guarantee ... if not completelysatisfied your full purchase pricerefunded within 30days.Send for our free, full color 44-page catalog. Or visit our diamond8—The Chicago Maroon - Friday, March 14, 1975 □ pub; nab Landtwaltzed up to the bar and letout a shriek. She passed outimmediately. Roused frommy stupor by thisdisturbance, I poured thecontents of my pitcher in herface. She opened her eyeswide and ran upstairs. Thenext thing I knew, cops wereeverywhere.”Ten Chicago policemenstormed into the Pub at 4:27pm. The three patrons wenton with their game of airhockey, paying no attention to the police.The topless barmaids wereintended to attract morecustomers to the financiallyfaltering establishment inthe basement of Ida NoyesHall.Hauville said, “He (Landt)must have planned thiswhole thing himself. I knownothing about it. It’sdisgusting. Wait ’till Gilberthears about this!”Gilbert Rosenberg,manager of the Pub, contacted at his Floridavacation hotel, told theMaroon, “I had no plans tohire topless girls, althoughit’s not such a bad idea.”The barmaids werereleased on their ownrecognizance. Skippy isbeing held for psychiatricobservation CharlesO’Connell, dean of students,has suspended Skippypending a full investigationof the incident.Nets to invade campusFollowing the astoundingrating successes of theMidnight Specials filmed inBartlett Gym, televisionnetworks are clamoring forproduction time on theUniversity campus.Nancy Numbers, head ofthe NBC ratings division,reported that the MidnightSpecials recently filmedhere drew an unbelievable 98percent of the potentialaudience “Kids today arereally ready for the life of themind,” she gushed “Thesheer intellectual energy ofthe University gave theaudience a real rush. We had10,000 letters on the shots ofthe stained glass windowsalone.”These ratings have sentthe other two networksscrambling to the Universityto arrange productionschedules. D.J.R Bruckner,University vice-president forpublic affairs, listed some ofthe shows which will befilmed next quarter: “CBS will shoot an episodeof Kojak in the Fieldhouse, aCarol Burnette Show in theReynold's Club Theatre,Medical Center will do ashow in the Brain ResearchPavillion, Hawaii Five-O willbe shot in the Ida NoyesSwimming pool, Mary TylerMoore in Business East, andThe Waltons will be shot inthe Ideas & MethodsCommittee offices A guestappearance by Saul Bellowis planned.“ABC will shoot a Streetsof San Francisco in HarperLibrary, a Marcus Welby inthe Student Health Clinic,and an episode of Hot LBaltimore in Burton-Judson.” Both networks alsowant to do news specialshere: CBS plans one on therecession’s effect onstudents, to be shot inside thebookstore, while ABC willfilm the life of a Universitygraduate student, to be shotentirely inside Regenstein.The flood of network applications has produced aspace crunch next quarter,according to Bruckner. “TVshows will take up so muchspace and time that manyclasses will have to berescheduled or moved," hesaid The registrar’s officeannounced that it will soonpublish a special TVsupplement to this quarter’stime schedule, allowingstudents to choose coursesaccording to which showthey would prefer to watch.The boom will also providejobs for many Universitystudents, since the TVnetworks will employ themas extras on the shows. Inaddition, the University willreceive ‘‘facilitiesimprovements’’ from thenetworks in proportion totheir use of the campus.Included in the plans are an80-story office building, to bebuilt by CBS. and a 50.000seat stadium, to be providedby ABC. Details were notannouncedOpryland '75wants you in show businessthis summer.Audition now in Chicago1 - 5 p m Monday, March 3 iHoward Johnson Skokie-Evanston 9334 Skokie Blvd10 a m. - 3 p m Tuesday, April 1Omnium Hotel, Northwestern RoomYour talent as a performer or a technician can grow this summer in the beautiful Tennessee woods nearNashville At Opryland USA, you 11 be working with professionals in the heart of music country Andyou'll be earning a good salaryNine live musical productions in this 110-acre entertainment park will showcase the full range ofAmerican song — from Dixieland to folk to rock.Besides scheduled Opryland shows to entertain more than 1.9 million park visitors special tours,convention shows and television productions could become a part of your Opryland performing experi¬ence. Entertainers from Opryland have introduced America’s music to the Soviet Union and appeared atthe White HouseCom* shew us your song, donco,musk or specialty act!We re searching for nearly 230 performersCome to our audition prepared to give twoor more examples of your talent One shoulddemonstrate your versatility and ability to adapt roother styles A piano accompanist, record player,guitar amp and tape recorder will be available.Non-EquityOprylandCome be a part of the wonderOpryland USA is an entertainment property of The National Life and Accident Insurance CompanyTochnkions,bring us your resume.We re looking for about 30 of you — stage man¬agers, lighting technicians, sound engineers, andfollow spot operators Please report to the auditionwith a typed resume You will be interviewed inperson by the Technical DirectorUniversity plans memorial toThe University has justannounced plans to constructa new physical educationcomplex to be named afterpresident emeritus EdwardH. Levi.Plans for the Edward H.Levi Memorial SportsComplex include a newOlympic swimming pool,gymnasiums, polo stables,and all the other usualathletic paraphernalia. However, the highlights ofthe plan, as outlined byUniversity vice-president forprograms and projects,Cedric Chermick will be “theRobert Maynard HutchinsMemorial Exercise Room,equipped with a completeselection of beds, sofas, andover-stuffed chairs, and theFred R. Brooks Jr.Memorial Playground,equipped with a complete selection of swingsets,jungle-gyms, slides, andteeter-totters.” The complexalso includes facilities forthe expanded physicaleducation requirementenvisioned in Dean Oxnard’sreform of the College.Maroon reporters haveasked acting-presidentJames Wilson how theUniversity intends to befinanced, especially con¬ sidering the University’scurrent monetary problems.Wilson responded thattentative plans are nowbeing laid for a Universitywide rummage sale andauction.Items to be auctionedinclude Julian Levi’s Cognac collection, the Editor’sChair from the ChicagoMaroon, and Ron Spolsino’sempty beer bottle collectionSchwartz raps cover-upThe 6.3 people buriedbeneath Regenstein aredoing as well as could behoped, the Maroon learned inan exclusive interview withAristotle Schwartz,spokesperson for the trappedgroup.Communicating by meansof tapping on the floor of Blevel, Schwartz stated thatthe group had found an oldrecord player and someSpike Jones records and wasspending most of its timeplaying bridge and listening to the albums. The biggestmorale problem, accordingto Schwartz, was that thegroup didn’t “have enoughplayers for duplicate.”Schwartz, long timeUniversity student, is nonewcomer to such adversity,having spent many yearslost in the pre-renovationstacks of Harper library inthe course of his research onWallace Frasisco Smyrd,Hyde Park philantrophistand inventor. Schwartz,author of the definitive. Wallace Kransisco Smyrd,Myth or Legend?, has longcontended that Smyrd hasbeen slighted in the annals ofUniversity history.Schwartz’s book centeredaround his exposition of thisconspiracy against Smyrd.prime donor for WoodwardCourt and investor of theautomatic urinal Materperfected by Ron Spolsinoi,blaming the conspiracy onalleged indiscretions on thepart of Smyrd and the wife ofa former Universitypresident. The book also advanced the plan that thisinjustice be rectified byrenaming the WoodwardCourt houses Wallace,Fransisco and Smyrd(Upper and Lower), as hadbeen originally planned. Onethird of the controversialplan has already been putinto effect.Schwartz hinted that hisincarceration beneathRegenstein might have beenpart of a concerted effort tosubvert the growingmovement to resurrectSmyrd’s name.With This Ad OnlyUsed Desks *15Used Chairs *5&uPNew Chairs *25"cosh and carry""*»• X UIPMENTAUPPLY COJ3600 Commercial Ave.Open Mon.-Sat. 8:30-5:00RE 4-2111SPECIALDISCOUNTPRICESofFOR ALL STUDENTS& FACULTY MEMBERSJust present your UniversityChicago Identification card.As Students or Faculty Membersthe University of Chicago you are en¬titled to special money savingdiscount prices on all materials usedon Volkswagen Service Work, allVolkswagen Parts, Accessories andany new or used Volkswagen you buyfrom Volkswagen South Shore.Authorized VOLKSWAGENVolkswagen SOUTH SHORE7234 S. Stony islandOpen Doily 9AM lot PM.Opon Saturday Soios-9 A.M.-5 P.M.Ports- 9 A.M.-t 2 NoonPhone 288 49fr r 0 *■» m m * m mmmwrm m -m mDeafer ACECYCLE SHOP1621 E. 55th St.Chicago, IL 60615643-0622Service is ourBusinessBicycle Sales &ServicesDiscounts tor Universitv otChicago PeopleWe’re your Vivitar Lens Headquarters!See the complete line of Vivitar Automatic Lenses.Whether it's a wide angle, portrait, telephoto orzoom, there’s a Vivitar lens for your 35mm SLRcamera.lit &■ LENS mUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGOBOOKSTORE5730 S. Ellis Ave. 2nd floorPhoto Dept. >ssxs*^r4»r r a** m MMMMMMWMmMmwmmMmm ' J »••••••••• ex- PresidentInterested donors are invitedto contact the office of D. J.R.Bruckner in the ad¬ministration building.The Maroon has learnedfrom private sources thatLevi is now posing for a statue to be placed outsidethe complex. This lastingmemorial, to be unveiled inthe event of Levi’s death,features Ed Levi throwing adiscus in a classic GreekposefcOLD CITY IMM***£ given * * * *by the MaroonNew Hours: Open DailyFrom 11:30 a.m.to 9:00 p.m.A Gold Mine Of Good Food"Student Discount:1 0°o for table service5% for take homeHyde Park's Best Cantonese Food5228 Harper 493-2559(near Harper Court)Eat more for less.|(Try our convenient take-out orders. ************************4Frttfay? McJrttrTS * T9T5.r TfT§ “CKIfiogo 'Mqfid4rv--9,^cpf f .yob'i < - rcoo TTjdaji - 1»• bThe Ch icago Maroonclown-in-chiefTim RudyFred Egler John Vail Paul Yovovichhumor czar master of perversion hustlerDavid Candelaphoto phoniesassociate clownsMike Rudy Maria Crawford ScottdisstaffJacques Brezon Tom McNamaraJohn Lawler Jeff RothBreck Borcherding Miles ArcherMark Spieglan Gary FieldAnn Thorne Steve KroeterDave Kehr Lisa CapeiiThe Chicago Maroon is published twice a weekduring the academic year. Advertising andsubscriptions are handled by the Business Manager(Paul Yovovich), 1212 E. 59th St., Chicago, III. 60637.Phone (312) 753-3266.Spring or Summer Vacationin New Orleans?Stay at theQLO TOWN VILLA....and save money!Intimate French Quarter villa restored to meet your every need Tourist apartments bv the week starting from $100 All feature new pnvatebath- and kitchen facilities Stav in the heart of the fabulous French Quarterand SAVE MONEY' Send for free brochure616 Ursuline St. New Orleans. La. 70116 AC(504) 522 1793|i '‘Steppenwolf explodes andburns in image and color.”— Kevin Kelly, Boston GlobeHERMANNHESSE'SKtHKHWOlPfTfKl sPk-V Af jirwnfv VON sNIXM IXlMINKJU YWTW r^TFPPfSWOlF (o-starr^PfRRf QfMfNTI CARI ARDMASfLlIRiWrOr'be nr h\ ^fFRMANN HfSSt Uus* fx (,fORf i (Jfl. NT7ftr ret* ed bv Mf l\ IN FISHMAN and RICHARD HFRl ANDux ut''.f Prortii t« Pt FFP | sPR.Af l T VWittm anrf Dm ted K FRF D HAMSR „. ^.Dist byj WM LANGE fVRFUMS IV RH»ms(‘ DIRCXDC CMLgr SYSTEM |NOW PLAYINGAT THESE THEATRESU. A. MARINA 1MarinaCityEDENSNorthbrook ADELPHIChicagoWILLOW CREEKPalatineU. A. CINEMAQfktroot CALENDARFriday March 14 Sunday March 16COLLOQUIUM: Delivery of honors paper in Poli. Sci: "Political Implications ofWomen's Liberation: The Feminist Movement and How to Squash if",by RonaldSpolsino, Jimmy's, 1 a m.BASKETBALL: The Maroons takeon tough quintet from National College of theBlind; Field House; 8:00UFO: Third in a continuing series bringing women role models to campus. Guest:Fanne Foxe Cyril's House of Tiki, 10:00 p m , 12:00 p.mKENNEDY: Sen. Edward M Kennedy will address freshmen on "Sound Mindand Sound Body A Rationale for the Swimming Requirement", Bartlett Gym,Natatorium noonDANCE: Master Class at Ida Noyes "The Art of the 'Pas de Deux' "with masterdancer Phillip Kurland, 4 p m.TRACK: UCTC features high jump symposium led by Milton Friedman, 1 p mBURSAR'S: Bursar's Investigation into Controlling Holdouts (BITCH) will holdan open symposium on the problems of collecting overdue tuition payments, at 4pm, contact E Montag, BITCH, chairpersonSaturday March 15PARTY: Bail Bond party for alleged criminal and former Student Activitiesdirector Skip Landt 8 00 pm, residence of Stuart Sweet, Univ. V P for StudentAffairsFLIES: The Human Fly Club will hold an organizational meeting at 3 a m.Sunday, Hinds Lab main entranceSHUTTLECOQUETTES; Women's badminton team tries to squeeze whey out ofBall State, 3 30 Ida NoyesPARTY: "Let's Get Acquainted" party, at acting president John Wilson'sresidence, 8 00 p mPROTEST: Ex Maroon staffers sponsor an impeach Stuart Sweet rally, noon,quadrangles Help us force Sweet to give up his SG Presidency!FILM: "Contour Plowing in Hyde Park." Animal Husbandry Film Society, Cobb,8 pm LECTURE: "Recent Advances in Otalarynological Techniques" LindaLovelace, Mandel Hall, 8 30 p mSOLIDARITY MEETING: Ex Maroon staffers meet at the Hovel to plan anApology Issue. 2 a mCLIMBING: University Expedition club meets at 3 p m at base of RockefellerChapel in preparation for climb to the topSEMINAR: "Hyde Park Bathroom Grafitti. A Symbolist View" NormanGorman, prof of English, Sumatra State University Rosenwald Hall, 2p mCONCERT: The Brass Choir performs memorable moments from the MidnightSpecial Bond Chapel, 7pmMonday March 17FILM "Anchovy Fishing m the South Pacific " Pizza Film Society, Soc So 122,4 p.mMEDICAL LEGAL SEMINAR "Medicare Loopholes and How to ExploitThem " Dr Hormone Malone, prof of Lucrative Medicine, Parsons College Soc.Sci 122 2 p mLECTURE: "Hyde Park Parties: Threat or Menace?" William Walnut,University Social Coordinator Cobb 302, 6 30 a m.CONCERT The String Quartet performs "The Monkees Greatest Hits " BondChapel, 7pmHANGINGS Public hangings of all Maroon personnel connected with Humoredition Mam quads, immediately afterKANGAROO COURT: University of Chicago v The Maroon, et al Charges to beannounced approximately 10 minutes before trial Honorable X Post Factopresiding Plant Department Garage, MidnightWORKSHOP Hyde Park Criminal Society offers a self help course"Fundamentalsof Successful Street Crime." Alley behind Mr G's, Ja mTELEVISION: Psychology professor Swede Swallow appears on Channel 7'sPerspectives", 6 30 a m , to discuss: "The Hyde Park Mind Where Is It Now?"Mulvaney knocks prosports ignoranceThe University shouldforget about wasting moneyon new gym facilities andathletic scholarships forwomen and instead spend iton teaching womensomething aboutprofessional sports, women’sphys ed director Mary JeanMulvaney assertedyesterday.“Women at this Univer¬sity, and in general, know-next to nothing aboutprofessional sports,”Mulvaney charged in anexclusive interview with theMaroon. “And their generalignorance of such mattersleads to their askingridiculous questions andmaking banal remarks whilemale friends struggle tofollow the progress ofprofessional contests on thetevlevision.”Mulvaney illustrated herpoint with numerousexamples. “Many womenare unable correctly todistinguish between theBears and the Bulls. Aminority believe the termsrefer to the stock market.But most women are at leastaware that these are namesof professional teams. The only problem is that they arenot certain which, and thisconf usion results i nquestions like the recentlyoverheard: ‘Well, Fred, howdo you think the Bears willdo in the playoffs? which isfoolish.”Other women have becomenotorious for interrupting abaseball game with theuncalled-for remark: “Thisis boring. Nothing is hap¬pening except some guysstanding out on the grass arescratching themselves. Whydon’t we switch over to themovie on the other chan-nel‘>” Many become upset onNew Year’s Day andcomplain of boredom, beingunable to appreciate theexciting gridiron contestswhich are the mark of thebowl games.To correct this unfortunatesituation. Mulvaneyrecommended that a newprogram of instruction in thebasics of modern spectatorsports he developed, and thatChicago coeds be required toattend it. There they wouldlearn that a “long drive”does not refer to a trip by carto Pittsburgh, that “stealingcontinued on page 1 1 HUSTLED: How s business?6 ulltocrs Periodicals Cru.5309 South Kimbark Chicago, Illinois 60615(100 Ft. South of 53rd Street on Kimbark)Near Kimbark Shopping Center955 • 04701000 INTERNATIONAL PERIODICALSAND PAPERBACKSForeign language fashionPOLITICAL LITERARYEUROPEAN SPECIAL INTERESTBLACK PRESS INTERIOR DESIGN10% OFF WITH THIS ADThe BIO Name n LitttC Magazines THIS WEEK FEATURINGRussianGermanSpanish andPortuguese Language BooksRussian Language BooksMilitary History BooksCrafts BooksMusic Books75,000 New & Used BooksBooks for:The ScholarThe BrowserThe CollectorPOWELL'S BOOKSHOP1503 E. 57th 9 A.M. toll P.M. EverydaylOWThe Chicago Maroon * Friday, March. V4,4975 ■1/ r ” srv■ - ~ ■Jv* —tKm* 111 ' m * mm Local female athletesiis? approve new P-E ruleDANIELS: UC Ph.D. Jack Daniels can't find a job. continued from page 10a base” is not a reprehen¬sible activity, and that the‘‘blue line” does not markthe ’ boundary betweenpornography and art.Asked to comment onMulvaney’s proposal, quite afew of the campus’ femaleathletes expressed approval.‘‘I think it’s a good idea.”stated Sophomore Dudleyscholar Laura Silvieus. ‘‘I’vealways wondered why I’msupposed to throw the ballthrough the hoop out there. Also I’d like to know whythey say basketball isn’t a‘contact sport?”Center Vadis Cothranagreed. “I think I un¬derstand what basketball’sall about But there are a lotof other sports I’m interestedin, like football and hockey.Why, I might even be able toplay hockey! I could hit apuck with my stick!”Not all comments on theproposal were favorable,however. Some males inparticular said they had reservations about theproposed move “The basicprinciple behind it is a goodone,” said College seniorRonald Spolsino. “Televisedsports are a crucial elementof the modern domesticscene, and women shouldprepare themselves for thedomestic life for which theyare otherwise so well-equipped Only I’m not surethat all of them will be ableto grasp the subtleties in¬volved in professionalsports.”Matchbooks, TV help give gradsbig edge in job market battlescontinued from page 4is late-night television. Onestudent claimed that "I’venow graduated from theAmerican Truck DrivingSchool, Cash RegisterCollege, and the Institute ofMotorcycle Mechanics. AndI did it all at home in myspare time!” This studentwas briefly employed in theproduce-crishing depart¬ment of the Hyde Park Co-opThe most successfulemployment seekershowever, operate throughword of mouth. “I hungaround the right places forawhile and things started tohappen,” said one student. “I found out about my joboutside the bookstore.”When asked about the natureof his employment, thestudent claimed it wasconfidential. He later ad¬mitted that he was employedby the Evelyn Wood Schoolof Reading Dynamics as apage-turner.Undaunted by the tight jobmarket, many students havefound pleasant andsatisfying jobs. One womanstudent (see photo) finds herjob ‘‘exciting and en¬tertaining And you meet somany interesting people!”When pressed for details,however, she would give onlyher name and telephone numberOther students have foundjobs in a variety of fieldsThe Maroon found the mostpopular fields includedLavatory Maintenance,Conctrolled SubstanceDistribution, Sewer Science,and Industrial Dust¬gathering.Despite all this activity, afew University graduatescontinue to remain alooffrom the employmentscramble. Asked to com¬ment on the philosophicalbasis for his self-inducedretirement, one such in¬dividual (see photo) replied:“With booze like this, whoneeds a job?” UNEMPLOYED: Is it worth o trip to the Tiki?We are bringing back those"Good Old Days", before recessionand inflation. Bargains, Prices.SMITH-CORONA*ODronamafic 2200^ectric portable typewriterNow—the professional printed look...for homework, schoolwork and letters. Reg. SaleSmith Corona regular ribbon models with power return.Model 210 (elite only) $229.00 $199.00Model 220 (pica only) $259.00 $229.00Smith Corona Cartridge ribbon models with power return.Model 2100 (pica 8* elite) $249.00 $224.00Model 2200 (pica 8- elite) $275.00 $253.00Olivetti Adder - Q-T $115.00 $ 98.00Olivetti Multiplier M-20 $275.00 $172.00Sale prices from machines we have in stock only.No special orders. Reg. SaleCotton ribbon $1.75 $1.25Silk ribbon $2.95 $2.35Carbon ribbon - Roytype 71 $12.00doz. $8.40 doz.Carbon ribbon - Roytype 5/16 $12.00 doz. $8.40 doz.Smith Cartridge ribbon $2.45 $1.95March 14thr 1975 - April 12th, 1975 -UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO BOOKSTORE5750 S. ELLIS AVENUECHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60637Hours: Monday thru Friday 8:00 to 5:00Saturday 9:00 to 1:00Friday March 14, 1975 - The Chicago Maroon—11. iFBI to help UniversityEdward Turkington,director of student housing,announced Thursday thatthe University is therecipient of a $1.5 milliongrant from the FederalBureau of Investigation. Themoney is earmarked forexpansion of the housingstaff.Half of the money will gotoward doubling the currentnumber of resident headsand assistants and the otherhalf will endow a “VisitingAgents Fund”. Interest fromthe endowment will be usedto offset the expenses ofhaving one visiting FBIagent live in eachundergraduate dormitory ona yearly basis.“We are pleased to be able to offer our students thisunique opportunity of beingin daily contact with amember of our most elitelaw enforcement agency.”said Turkington. “It shouldinduce a great sense ofsecurity to know thatwherever you go, whateveryou do, an FBI agent is neverfar away.”Turkington sees furtherbenefits accruing from thisliving situation. “Thepresence of the agentsshould also help eliminateone problem that hasplagued the housing staff forseveral years now: thatpervasive nucleus ofthoughtless, misguidedindividuals who daily exposeinnocent young students to the dread perils ofmarijuana addiction.”When confronted with thepossibility that the presenceof the agents couldextremely curtail theactivity of politicaldissidents in the dormitoriesTurkington dismissed thefears as “groundless”. “Thisis and will remain anacademic environment, acommunity of scholars, aforum for the unbridledexchange of ideas. Noscholarly pursuit will becurtailed: no student needfear censure; only thecommies will have to watchout.”Concurrent with theannouncement of the grantTurkington announced new' housing staff requirements.All housing staff memberswill be required to:•meet minimum height andw eight requirements of sixfeet and two hundredpounds;•run a mile in lessthan 4:30;* have had minimally twoyears training in anapproved martial art;•take an oath to support anddefend the Constitution ofthe United States; “***be able to leap tallbuildings in a singlebound.“It’s the way Ed Leviwould have wanted if.”quipped Turkington.As remedies go, the CBS Radio Mystery Theater may notbe as effective as holding your breath or walking around witha bag over your head, but it's a lot more fun.Every night of the week, Mystery Theater brings you tales ofsuspense, terror and intrigue. It's a great show, but thatisn't the only reason we want you to listen to it.You see, we're the importers of Vinya* Rose wine, and we'reone of the show’s sponsors. As you might suppose, wewant people to know about Vinya.Vinya is light and crisp ami refreshing. And it’s available ina variety of sizes.In short, it's a^lawic Portuguese Rose.So why not pick up some Ifinytledi# aadheep it by your sideduring tonigfeft Mystery Theater.That way, when you're scared out of you^^l^p^l'kmiw ^who to thank. , / . / Mystery Theater Is onevery night at 10:30 PMlonWBBM 178012—The Chicago Maroon - Friday, March 14, 1975 BLAZY; How crazy?Thereoffice uAmericaNetworkLet’s giveAmericaa hand!I0NAL COLLEGETCH IN!” WEEKAPRIL 7-11s probably an organized Pitch In'irogram on your campus for theApril 7-11.;ontact your college informationfurther details —and help givehand with the litter problem.ourself a big hand for helping')sored by the brewers ot ^i <''•> ’ * M.t.t t i > i •LCrazed Sweet controls papercontinued from page 1Rudy will fly to Washingtonthis weekend to appeal topresident emeritus EdwardLevi, now US attorneygeneral and a life trustee ofthe University, to interceedon the Maroon’s behalfThe Maroon has learnedthat the paper’s abolitionhad been in planning sinceThanksgiving when aneditorial attacked campus“politicos.” The last strawswere apparently an exposeof a “crisis” at the Maroon radical newsletter and abarroom brawl involving theeditor.The “crisis” concernedlayout and copy problemseditors faced when“photogenic” Edward Levileft for Washington. Rothdenied there was any crisis:“I realized after talking tosome of our women on thestaff that the actingpresident is even morephotogenic than Levi was. Iwas planning a front page with five or six Wilsonpictures when thishappened.”Stuart Sweet, studentgovernment president, wasappointed vice-president forstudent affairs onWednesday afternoon. Sweetis the fifth vice-presidentappointed by the Universityin a month.As University vice-president, Sweet will beresponsible for thepublication of the Bulletins-Record along with a board ofHOVEL: Exiled Maroon staffers carry on.LOUIE S BARBER SHOPWill style your hair at youwould like it done.1303 E. 53rd St.FA 4 3878 CHARTERSwe arrange all types of chartersU-travel, inc.Coll leille Cole at 667-3900 directors composed of theleadership of some studentorganizations. Sweet willassume the role of editor-in-chief. He has no plans forresigning from the SGpresidency. The Bulletins-Kecord will be under thefinal authority of D J RBruckner, vice president forpublic affairsMaroon editorscondemned the Universityand student governmenttakeover of the paper. Onestaffer noted that “ThoughBruckner has been a realhelp to us 'on innumerableoccasions ... the prospect of astudent paper beingcensored by anadministration PR man isdisgusting. Sweet must beout of his mind.”The Maroon has alsolearned that the takeoverinvolves a “deal” betweenthe administration andstudent groups In return forprimary control over thenewspaper the board ofdirectors must print all PI(public information)releases.In return Sweet plans togive student groups theirown individual pages, cutdown on sports coverage,channel news into onecolumn on the front page,and increase ad rates. Sweet was overheard toremark to SG leaders that“we should keep sports, butwe ll reduce it to half a pagewith no photos or boxscores.”When an angry presidentof one of the numerous smallcampus groups protested anincrease in ad rates andreminded Sweet of his recent“extortion” complaintsagainst the Maroon Sweetblushed, but admitted, “Thepaper is just getting startedand we will have manyproblems. You know. I’m inthe business school The SGpresidency doesn't pay shitIt’s time I made a littlemoney, but that would bewrong.”A Sweet business associateis allegedly recommendingthat all students be assesseda subscription price thatwould be added to tuitionSweet is reportedlyreceptive to the ideaDennis Nirvana, rapeditor, condemned theundermining of the Maroonand has promised anappropriate editorialwhenever rap goes to printCampus counsel Joe Morrisoffered his services to toeMaroon editorial board, butwas politely turned downWe will resume publicationon April 1mmDELIVERSFudge Brownies10:00 to 2:00 a.m.J* MAD BOG .The Who's John Ent untie, anti introducinghis new group "OX”. See them on tour and listento their new album "Mad Dog” (MCA-2129)Appearing at:ARIE CROWN THEATER, ChicagoThursday, March 20th 2 Pana VueAutomatic Viewer$11 992 Pana Vue 3Folding Viewer2 Pana Vue 1Viewer$3 5034*0Pocket Camera Outfit• N*m electron*: *iv«a* «lomjl.c espo*u'«consol • Sn*rp 30 clamant t 9 5 lam •Mata»n8ar • OouMa exposure prawrmeon cor'rok • Via now tfroptn HO Cjrt’Xtyayou up *0 Vt • 4’/ Warp co*0#p»>n#s • Com** bosod comp**M* <Jatacf»$42 00Universityof ChicagoBookstore5750 S Ellis 2nd FloorPhoto DeptFriday , March 14, 1975 - The Chicago Maroon—13Let's appreciate University sports complex:unsolicited praise for athletic facilitiesHas anyone ever reallystopped to give theUniversity credit for itsathletic facilities? Hundredsof University people use thecombined facilities of IdaNoyes, Bartlett, and theFieldhouse—not to mentionthe outdoor facilities—everyday. Yet who pauses topraise where praise is due?People tend to complainabout the facilities, withoutrecognizing the value of theidea behind the present stateof these athletic provinggrounds. They complainperhaps because the abovementioned places appear toosmall or too crowded. Butdon’t they see the reasons forthe way things are?If the pool at Ida Noyes issmall, then it brings peoplecloser together and give laneswimmers more opportunityto practice their turns.If free lance swimmersand swim club membershave found Bartlett poolcrowded at popular hours. haven’t they learnedsportsmanship in conflict?If the University providesonly five poorly arrangedhunks of locker for men atIda Noyes and a shantyGADFLYunder the bleachers and partof the men’s locker room forwomen at the Fieldhouse, itcould be because theUniversity doesn’t want tomake special arrangementsfor each sex, in order toavoid charges of sexism.If an athlete suffers fromthe dinginess of locker roomsor the mustiness of facilityair. then perhaps he doesn’trealize the brilliant help theUniversity has provided Isn't it a true stroke of geniusfor the University to changethe meaning of the wordfacility from implying “tomake easier” to implying“to make more difficult”?The idea concerns thematter of the spirit. If theUniversity maintainsfacilities that foster a closed-in feeling, it could bebecause (following thedialectic) the athlete willtend to shine withenthusiasm when he goes tocompete in the facilities ofanother institution of higherlearning.Isn’t it true that theUniversity administration isso certain of theindependence of spirit of itsstudents and faculty that itcan afford to leave obstacleslying in their path? Aren’told, crowded facilitiesexcellent obstacles toathletic endeavor? Shouldn’teveryone take time toconsider the merits ofuniversity facilities?Trust reforms take effect next fallcontinued from page 3years the University has alsoannounced the disbanding ofthe security force, effectiveSeptember 1 of this year.David O’Leary, director of the University securitypolice, said that he and hismen were “not disappointedthat we are losing our jobsbut proud that we haveperformed a job well doneand happy that there is no longer any need for us inHyde Park.”The program will be run onan experimental basis forone year or until a successoris found to acting presidentWilson.THE COLLEGIUM MUSI CUM'*'HOWARD M- BROWN, DirectorsFRIDAY, MARCH 14 6-SATURDAY, MARCH 15,1975'*'AT 8:30 PM- IN BOND CHAPEL'*c i . - *• • - +» * * * ». < • • 114—The Chicago Maroon - Friday, March 14, 1975 ROBERT ARDREYauthor ofAFRICAN GENESIS, THE TERRITORIAL WPERATIVEAND THE SOCIAL CONTRACTINFORMAL LECTURE- DISCUSSION8:30 PJM.FRIDAY MARCH 14WOODWARD COURT5825 S. WOODLAWN1iI University opensFamous landlady Acapulco bound,University coughs up the cashAfter seven years of hornslocked in battle, climbingthrough court after court,accumulating three filecabinets worth of papers, theUniversity of Chicago hasfinally broken its silenceregarding the infamousFrederika Blankner. D.J.R.Bruckner, vice president forPublic Affairs, announcedWednesday the new officialline; “Suuchh a Deal!!”Bruckner furtherelaborated by stating theUniversity would not onlypay Blankner’s utilities(which the city currentlydoes) but also her tenants,her legal fees, buy her a new scarf (you know with thebicentennial coming up •after all,” said Bruckner)and ‘‘shell out for an allexpenses paid tour ofLiechtenstein.”“Suuchh a deal!!”proclaimed Bruckner. ‘‘Andif she doesn’t wantLiechtenstein, we’ll send herto Jersey City and throw inRon Spolsino for free.Frederika wasted no timein replying. In a 2 a m. phoneconversation with theMaroon she said, “Cop Out!!I want Acapulco. After allmy trips to the StateSupreme Court and the U.S.Supreme Court pursuing theWho thehell isRonSpolsino?ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATIONSBgtAcbjeg — Gena RowlandsBest Director—John CassavetesPITER FALK/GENA ROWLANDS787 8722 J*AT*« OAILVMTiirU ft Chicago alvlll CliTln Michigan \ STARTS FRIDAYMARCH 14EXCLUSIVELY ATTHESE 2 THEATRES illusive cause of due process,a cornerstone of ourConstitution, a linch pin ofour lives, I feel theUniversity, along with theDUR, HUD, the mayor,George Romney, Levi andLevi, Kaplan and Kurlandshould know better than toviolate the rights of thelandlords of the world. I havemaps and maps, documentsand documents, xeroxes andxeroxes,” she continued,“proving I’m right.”Highly placed veryinformed sources intimatethe recent theft of theOriental Institute wasmerely cover for dirt theunderground had dug upfrom one of its steamtunnels. Core tests andCarbon-14 analysis wereperformed in a secret labbeneath 6034 S. Woodlawn.The sources state thediscovery forced theUniversity into its newposition.Many questions still lingeron regarding the case of thelittle woman from the SouthSide. Will the monument toher years of toil as a PhDremain? Will Maroonclassifieds still echo theTAI-SAM-MMCHINESE AMERICANRESTAURANTSpecializing inCAKTONESE ANDAMERICAN DISHESOPEN DAILY11 A.M. TO 8:30 P.M.SUNDAYS AND HOLIDAYS12 TO 8:30 P.M.Order* to tako out1318 East 63rd MU 4-1062A Man ForOthers--A ForeignMissionaryPriestThat s what a Columben Fatharis He i a man who car** anda man who share* a man whoraachas out to missions m Asiaand Latin America to share theGood News that Jesus trulycares for them He s a man whocommits his life totally to othersso they can live their lives asGod intended Being aCOLUMBAN FATHER•s a tough challenge but if youthink you have what it takes andare a Catholic young man. 17 to26. write today for ourFREE 16-Pag« BookletColumban Father* r.I SL Columban*. NE 68094 II I am interested in becoming a || Catholic Missionary Priest jj Pleas* send me your bookletI ICm lw~ Itip Ffeona secret filesFREDERIKA: Posh Constitution House.theme “Live in Freida'sfamous building?”Bruckner stated that afew concerned citizens ofChicago were consideringseeking landmark status forthe three-flat. The Maroonwas unable to obtain anyinformation of substanceregarding this group exceptthat two of them were quiteclose to the Maroon severalyears ago, and operate under the alias of “Pumpkin .”“Nevertheless,” Brucknerconcluded, “we have everyreason to believe that ourstep by step negotiations will result in a solutionsatisfactory to all concernedBut I don’t know aboutAcapulco. Miami Bitch?Maybe ”CoAjrnta tures jmJ W.Tprrt SupMXxl A F*n By Ken WusnH * lummy' By Thr Who Rased On Tl»* Wm.k Opera By FHe k**f»Virr*JStart**.} Ann Margret As The Mjfhrt Oliver Weed As Thr Love* Wrxjr- D&Hiey Tommy And Featuring t Run Juhn As The Pmpdtf ^t/ardCAjesl Arfr .ts £nc Clapton. John Entveistle. Keith Mook Paul Pfcchulas. Jack ’Vhmson. Rofcrrt Povuefl Pete Iwenshend. Tina Turner (j The WhoAsSaXusteProAxeT Harry Benr\ Musscai Dim tor TVte VwnvhridL Scree* IS he-kusset t:«es utivePrixluc fishery! Wrtue And Christopher StampFVciduredBy Hubert Stt^MXJd And hen RusseA U*e«i led By h*i WusseA Oujk m Sound!rxk Atxjm or> Drydur Me^urds and tapesPrevented with the added wonder of pQ * «ni-«n»-,iTgai.rQUINTAPH0N1C SOUND .*/ I » iuv»e CNcagokesi Show^sjai ttt rff$0/1.opensa«.m.FRIDAYannmarcrlt day :;f Sta.teL3.ke i?i ANN-MAR6RET- Conli^uout »*, n rNUW 7.'. Os cfKit woumght show tw saTukoat ^ onwec oat •»•4Spols: 'can't feel brain'continued from page 5it’sSPOLSINO: Simply amazing. with penis envy andtaken a drastic form.Q: What kind of woman doyou find physicallyattractive?A: I have my personalprejudice. Face is not realimportant. It’s important butnot real important. She hasto have a good ass.Q: Just how does this scalework?A: Well each girl is given arating from zero to ten.Q. Where does the averagewoman lie on your scale?A. There are no averagewomen, just mediocrewomen.Q: Do all your favoritesget tens?A: I’ve never seen a ten.The highest I’ve ever seen isa 9.5, but I'm still looking. Q: How will the title “Mr.U of C” affect your life?A: All I can say is I’mhappy to get the formalrecognition that everybody knows I deserve.Q: Do you think you willever change your view ofwomen?A: I find it difficult to talk about women. Either they doit well or they don’t do it.Now if you’ll excuse me Ihave a long night ahead ofme. . . .TWO honors Julian LeviBlankner gives awardJulian H. Levi, director ofthe South East ChicagoCommission and professor ofurbane studies in theUniversity, has been cited asMan of the Year by TheWoodlawn Organization(TWO).At a formal dinnerThursday night at the poshConstitution House. Dr.M.owA*"riamito CM . ... »■ ooor utfi* uCT-M0S,'s;>0‘Wfc- , , wU l' Of C. ^.TS -_ 1 SO* - c,sTtACp»APLOYEtStN'«u£oO»C.»OCAM»VISIN' tOWW 74 CHIVY CAPRICESFACTOKY AIK CONDIORIGINALLY $5495 SAVE $1800U3 hSIoS^bank,:qi kC-c »•:FREElMOTOROLA STEREO TAPE PLAYER «*»BUY-OF-THE-WEEK74 CHEVROLET IMPALAFoctory Air, Automatic Trans., Power Steering,Power Brakes. White Walls. Candy Apple Red.White Landau Roof. 3695Way Less With Your Giant Trade1 Classic Styling1 PowerSteering. Power Brakes Power Windows. Power SeatsPower Door Locks! fact Air1 Vinyl Roof WhitewallTires Radio Predrwen’74 VEGA HATCHBACKAulomaliC trans trod*Ide mouldingswMewali; radio fearerStk Nc 35'573Ch£V IMPALAV8 Automatic TransPower Steering PowerBrakes Radio andWhitewalls. Stk. *352972 :hev vega2 Or Hatchback tutoIrans Radio WhitewallsStk 3617 ’2288’2145 12/12 72 CHEV. IMPALA STATION WAGONV8 automatic transsower steering >act ancone radio rack ‘1988 74 CHEVY VISASfACJOKY AIK CONDIORIGINALLY $2996 SAVE $709whitewash Stk tu j6?l12 MONTHS Ofl 12 000 MILESMECHANICAL INSURANCE CpVERAGEFOR USED CAR BUYERS’1288 NOW AVAILABLE! NEW 1-TEAK,12,006-MIL! VSCB CAB (MAN ANTEt I 71 CHEV STATION WAGON9 uassenge’ automatic' t (annoradio whiiewaiis S>k No 1 UOO360570 CHEV STATION WAGON9 oassenger V8 radioautomatic trans power ».brakes power steeringwhitewalls Stk No 3582 2287788 Wa* Less With Your Giant Trade1 Whitewall Tires AMRadio. Economy 4 Plus many luiunous extras'mmDON'T GO HALFWAY OPEN SUNDAYSiPaVil 1* Chevrolet6522 S. COTTAGE GROVE AVE. VPHONE: Ml 3-3500 open daily til 8 pm • sat l sun til 6 pm16 The Chicago Maroon - Friday. Marrh 14 197S Frederika Blankner, trusteeof TWO. referred to Levi’s“arduous efforts to preservethe integrity of theneighborhood” and his“deep concern for theresidents of Woodlawn” asfactors in his selection of the honor.“No other single personhas campaigned so diligentlyand so effectively to insurethat the interests of theresidents of Woodlawn arecontinued on page 2GROCKEFELLERMEMORIAL CHAPELCONVOCATION SUNDAYMarch 16* 11:00 A.M.E. SPENCER PARSONSDean of the Chapel"LIMITS AS THE JUDGEMENTOF GOD”mnmmsDELIVERSBaklava10:00to 2:00 a.m. OB5C55IOJAMESSCHULTZCLEANERSCUSTOM QU AUTYCLEANING10% student discount1343 E. 53rd S».752-6933 CARPET CITY6740 STONV ISLAND324-7998Has what you need from a$10 used 9x12 Rug to acustom carpet. Specializingin Remnants & Mill returnsat a fraction of the oriqinalcost.Decoration Colors andQualities Additional 10%'Discount with this Ad.FREE DELIVERYKIMBARKLIQUORS•WINE MERCHANTSOF THE FINESTIMPORTED ANDDOMESTIC WINESFeaturing our direct imports,bringing better value to youlINI ONLY TRUE WINE SHOT IN NYBE BARK53 RD KIMBARK LIQUORS, IK*.1214 E. 53rd St.53-Klmbark Plaza HY-3-3355■aaaH -For over 130 years weVe been usingthe word "quality” in our advertising.Once again, we’d like to tell you whatwe mean by it.Blue Ribbon quality means the best tasting beer you canget. A quality achieved only by using the finest ingredientsand by adhering to the most rigid of brewing standards.In Milwaukee, the beer capital of the world, Pabst BlueRibbon continues to be the overwhelming best selleryear after year. Blue Ribbon outsells its nearestcompetitor nearly five to one. 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Low prices ,ifor 1 & 2 week tours. ■CAR&RAILTOURS ;Choiceof 1 2& 3 week tours \Gowhereyouwant Campcs |too* |ICELANDIC TOURS ‘Expeditions for naturalists. |geologists Vikmg history itours *AFFINITYGROUPTOURS IForm your own school dub ■group of at least 25 members Itraveling together Save |money Have fun with friends ■Icelandic offers daily scheduled Ijets from New York, and several |lets weekly from Chicago, to ILuxembourg m the heart of JEurope At lower fares than any |other schedu'ed airline §since 19521 *S SEE YOUR TRAVEL AGENTi ICELANDIC| AIRLINES| Your Best Buy In The SkyJWORLDCAMPUSAFLOATSail either in Septemberor February, with the shipas your classroom and theworld your campus . . combine accredited study withfascinating visits to the fabled ports of the Caribbean.Africa, the Mediterranean,and the Americas Over 10.000 undergraduates from450 colleges have alreadysailed with WCA — |omthem! Financial aid available Write today for freecatalog.WCA. Chapman CollegeBox F. Orange. CA 92666Friday, March 14, 1975 - The Chicago Maroon—17C'.u ‘ L ■ * V v.'.v *. AV.W’i •„* \ inniMKtt.Campus buildings praisedThe University hasreceived the Magikist Lips“Kromium Kisser” awardfor outstanding architecturalachievement.The award was presentedat a recent architects'convocation marking thetenth anniversary of theappearance of the “proposedstudent village” on campusmaps.Carmelita Pope, whopresented the award onbehalf of the Magikistcompany, commended theUniversity for its“outstanding achievementsin dynamic and innovativearchitecture. And you keepall your carpeting so clean! ”The award appears to bethe first realacknowledgement of theUniversity’s ArchitectAppeasement Program(AAP). The University hasangered many architectsand critics by its habitualcheapening or abandonmentof planned buildingsdesigned by well-knownarchitects. AAP wasdesigned to complete orimprove these buildings and.in the University publicinformation department'swords, to “get theseprimadonnas off our backsonce and for all.”The results of the programcan be observed in theaccompanying pictures,which were displayed at therecent architect’sconvocation John Gerard Bodkin VIII, professor ofarchitectural shortcuts atthe Arthur Rubloff Instituteof Mobile Home Technology,described the architecturalcommunity’s reaction to theUniversity’s new buildingprogram:“These works memoralizea memorable memorial tothose outworn, indeedobsolete visions of grandeurnursed so lovingly by thosepseudo-asthetes among uswho would not only scorn,but who go so far as to mockthese lasting tributes ofenduring art which willendure — should I say.survive — both their criticsand their criticizers. Thesebold steps from the precipiceof predictability into thevalleys of verisimiltude willelevate this University toveritable pinnacles ofprofundity. Now if they'donly tear down the Center forContinuing Education.”The ArchitectsAppeasement Program hasmet with such overwhelmingapproval in so many circlesthat the University plans toextend it to buildingsdesigned by lesser-knownarchitects. Buildings to beimproved in this secondphase of the project includethe hospital parking garage,the newstand at 55th St. andWoodlawn Avenue, and thegreenhouses. The architectsnames are being withheld bythe University for“humanitarian reasons.”Wit-ins*SANDWICHv""mvmini n**{' '' ■ McDonald'sB ILL 10N SOLD18—The Chicago Maroon - Friday, March 14, 1975Architecture wins kudosSONY TC-40AMiniatureBattery OperatedAction Corder withBuilt In CondenserMicrophone SONY TC 45Deluxe MiniatureBattery-OperatedAction-Corder withBuilt-In CondenserMicrophone andAutomatic Shut Off SONY TC 55Sub-MmlatureBattery OperatedAction-Corder withBuilt In CondenserMicrophone andAutomatic Shut OffTuck one away. In a purse, in a pocket, in a briefcase Thedependable Action Corders from SONY are ready to recordwhenever you want them to. Each features SONY'S famousbuilt in condenser microphone and a full range speaker forcrisp, rich soundTAPE RECORDERSUniversity of ChicagoBookstore5750S. Ellis 2nd FloorPhoto Dept.A product frorSUPERSCOPE You newer heard it so goodFriday, March 14, 1975 - The Chicago Maroon—19r, \ K • > %Maroon resorts toheadlines to fill spacecontinued from page 16best served by the actions ofour political institutions. Mr. Levi has acted with candorand integrity so uncommonand so welcome in modernpolitics.” Blankner cited hisKUDOS: Woodlawn s Man of the Year. plan for the area known asSouth Campus as “brilliantin concept, a model forintelligent urban land-use plans.”Levi commented that hewas “deeply moved” by theaward and that it had come as a “complete surprise.”As material represent¬ations of the award Leviwas presented with a re¬ plica of the statue “Justice”executed in polystyrene anda lifetime subscription to theIntellectual Digest.URBAN RENEWAL: Artists conception of proposed Avenues. Present structures will be demolished. Expe-55th Street project between Univeristy and Kenwood cted completion of Hyde Park s newest bars: 1984.THE PITS: Shape of things to come?20—The Chicago Maroon - Friday, March 14, 1975<» - riooTi*.* rrrvvi > i - r,\v > > rj iv/ •' LOCATED AT THE HOVELETTEFROM MIDNITE ’TIL DAWNEVERY NIGHTSPOLSINO’SMassage ParlorandGrill"y«i com get it at SpoliitutY'A great placeto think.Ladies and gentlemen, faculty andstudents, distinguished residents of HydePark. We extend to you a cordial welcomeand invite you to look over The Court HydePark’s newest condominium. Consider theadvantages:* Minutes away from where you need to go:Harper, Regenstein, Cobb, the Bursar.* Easy access to Rockefeller Chapel orwhatever house of Worship you choose.* Pest control is available.* Equipped with modern vending machinesto satisfy your Midnight Munchies.* Laundry facilities often accessible.* Handy cafeteria service for the on-the-gostudent.* Walking distance from Ida Noyes Hall, theLab School, and the steam plant.* Convenient elevator service; save yourenergy after a hard day of study. * Modern acousitc design allowsWhistleStop whistles to be heard anywherein the building.Aren’t you tired of room-and-board fees?Of apartment rent? Of living where thecommon people live? Now's your chance.Own a piece of the University. Live likeyou’ve never lived before...and will neverwant to live again.StyeCourtImaginative interior architecture featuresinnovative neolithic motif 5825 South Woodlawn, Hyde ParkA University CondominiumBy Maroon Management. Ltd.UNIVERSITYHOUSINGThis is a fake ad, intended for humor only.Friday, March 14, 1975 - The Chicago Maroon—21WAA announces athletic awardMeanwhile, aspokesperson for the men’sdepartment countered,“How do you like the nerveof those dames? We’ve beentrying like hell for sevenyears to win a football game,and they go and blow all thatmoney on some chick who’sgonna play varsitybadminton.The reluctance on the partof the men’s department tobe enthusiastic about thegrants was shared by IMDirector Bill Slendl whoclaimed, “This could meanthe end of our Pert Coed IMprogram. I mean, I’m all forfun, but when our men beginto suffer physical danger,that’s where I draw the line.’The University is believedto be the first to offer grant-in-aid to Amazons, in fact itis believed to be the first toever think of doing so.Assistant Dean of Studentsin the University, JamesNice, offered, “The idea firstcame to me while I waswatching the finals of thewomen’s arm wrestlingchampionships on the WideWorld of Sports. When Ibrought the idea up to thetrustees they thought that itwas ridiculous, so I was forced to go over their headsand negotiate directly withSports Information Director,Mike Krauss.”Assistant Dean of Studentsin the University, JamesNice, offered, “The idea firstcame to me while I waswatching the finals of thewomens’ arm wrestlingchampionships on the WideWorld of Sports. When Ibrought the idea up to thetrustees they thought that itwas ridiculous, so I wasforced to go over their headand negotiate directly withSports Information Director,Mike Krauss.”(Editor's Note: To fill upthe space on this page wewere forced to run aparagraph twice. In ourjudgment this was the bestone. We apologize for anyinconvenience to thereader.)In this, the first year of theprogram, the University isfortunate to have twowonderful recipients. Thefirst, Wanda Playhoops, is7’4”, 125 pounds, and hopesto be able to play basketballand softball at theUniversity. Wanda says thathitting a softball is the hardest thing for her tomaster in athletics, due toher rather large strike zone.She claims that she hasn’thad a ball called on her sinceher phillie league days.The other winner,Beaphona Hoof, is 4’3”, 340pounds and plans to wrestledwarfs Sunday morning onchannel 26 to help defray thecosts of her quality liberaleducation.The winners were selectedfrom a group of threeapplicants from across thecountry. Women’s athleticdirector, “Mean Mary Jean”Mulvanney said of theselection, “The caliber ofapplicants has made it verydifficult to make a finalselection. I was very pleasedwith all of our finalists andparticularly impressed bythe academic and athleticskills demonstrated by ourwinners.”The University presentlyoffers competition forwomen in 37 varsity sportsand plans to add 7 more nextyear in compliance withFederal Title XI regulationswhich specify that theinstitution had better spendmore money on women thanthey do on men, or else.Maroons capture Midwestfree-form track titleKRAUSS: Sports information director Mike Krauss,shown here in one of his more serious moments, atte¬mpts to extract his foot from his mouth. By HOLDIN DAFORTThe WAA (Women forAcademics in Athletics) hasannounced theestablishment of theGertrude GussieAcademic/ Athletic scholar¬ship for Amazons. The twoGussie scholarships willbe granted in the samespirit as the 16 A.A. Studdscholarships for men, inaccordnace with theapparent ratio of men towomen in the college.Ridiculous as it may seem,the Gussie scholarship doesnot require the lucky amazonto participate in athletics atthe University. Rather, therecipient need only maintaingood academic standing inthe University, or failingthat, be able to come up withthe 1150 smackers at thestart of each quarter.A spokesman for thewomen’s department stated,“I feel that the scholarshipwill help upgrade thephysical stature of theundergraduate community.”By SAM SPADEDespite a few minormishaps, last week's firstannual Chicago and MidwestConference Free-FormTrack and Field meet was asolid success.The first event in the meet,the 60 yard dash, was won byMaroon sprinter GeorgeJonas. Unfortunately, thetimers had to ask Jonas tokeep running until they couldget their recalcitrantstopwatches to kick off. Thewinning time of 3:18.9established a new low inlocal track history.The pole vault results werealmost tragic. Afterclearning 12’6” along withthree other finalists,Chicago’s Ray Daze wasclotheslined by the seemingly immobilecrossbar in his next attempt.Only a miraculous catch byteammate Patulka andmouth-to-mouth infusions ofwarm oxygen supplied byPR man Mike Krauss savedthe bewildered Daze.Questioned about theincident later, the FieldHouse equipment managerexplained. “I got so tired ofthe damned stick falling offall the time that I decided tonail it on real good.”One of the new events, theRTA Crosstown Maraton,proved to be the meet’s mostexciting. Brian Bertoletti,Chicago’s ace roadrunner,got into trouble early whenhis Drexel bus wascomandeered at 43rd andIndiana by a nine-year oldHINES: Maroon center Carey Hines pensively contem-Jdates the subtleties of the complicated Chicago of-ense during a spare moment.22—The Chicago Maroon • Friday, March 14, 1975 bandit prince in search ofFudgesicle money.The Wheaton College teamgot off to a quick lead via theJackson park el. However,the confident suburbanitesencountered somedifficulties when theystopped off for lunch at thePizzeria Uno, where they arestill waiting for a table.Scott Barrett, the NorthCentral All-American,seemed to have the racesewn up when he rounded theWater Tower on foot andthen hailed a Checker, whichhe asked for a lift to the UC.Barrett’s scheme failedwhen the cabbie depositedhim, bereft of funds, at theCircle Campus of theUniversity of Illinois.Ron Spolsino, who wasmoonlighting as a runnerfrom Wabash College,eventually appeared nearthe finish line. Running weston 57th at University with ablock to go, a UC “A”minibus roared past thegasping Spolsino anddeposited the smugBertoletti at the tape. ACarleton harrier finishedsecond in an A1 Loebdriveaway car, whileChicago’s Tony Matianelle RTA CROSSTOWN MARATHON: Anything on wheels was fair game in the firstannual RTA Crosstown Marathon. Here, Ben Felts hitches a ride in an ambulance.came in third in the WHPKtrafficopter.Elsewhere in the meet,O’Dyer Onafire captured thespecial 40 yard shotputter’shandicap, paying $2.80 towin.Dan Giltebrandt won twofirst-place medals, takingthe mile in 4:17.8 andbreaking the only UC trackrecord he did not alreadyhold in the eight-lap hop. Danwas so proud of the newstandard that heimmediately announced adecision to bronze both of hisfeet. “I wanted to leave moreto this University than just abunch of cold digits,” Dan told the Maroon.The team finishes in themeet came down to one lastpivotal event, the DiscusBallet. After a perfect scorein the compulsories,Chicago’s Mike Carhook wasgiven only a 3.2 rating on hissolo, “The SugarplumFairy’’. Carhook, whothought his pirouettesdeserved a much highermark, promptly rushed thescorers’ table brandishingan armful of javelins.The surviving judge waslast seen running madlydown Cottage Grovescreaming “Nine point oh!Nine Point Oh!”Following a short conference with UC coachFred Blazedon, the meetdirectors unanimouslydecided that the Maroonteam, being the only one thatcould pass the requisiteChinese literacy standard,surely deserved the teamprize.Next week, the varsitytrack team will engage in anOlympic tune-up against theUniversity of Mars. Askedwhether he thought thegravity difference wouldaffect his team’sperformance, CoachBlazedon smiledenigmatically and said "welike to think that we’reversatile.”MAROON CLASSIFIED ADSSPACEWanted Rent or Exch 3 4 BR Furn.Hse or Flat AcYr 75 76 Twersky,14848 Manuella, Los Altos, Hills, CA94072The SG Housing Service hasuncovered 61 vacancies Peoplelooking for space should stop by ourIda Noyes office between 10 and 5 onTuesday or Thursday If you know ofavailable space we'll give free serviceFurn room in HP Townhs avail, by4/1. Babysitting possible Laun andkitchen privileges Must be quiet nonsmoker 324 6637ONE OF A KIND spectacular 9 rmapt 3 baths, lovely liv & din rms withsolarium, gorgeous 2/b fplc , 4 bdrms.,cptd, htd, lake view E South Shore,tel 221 6607 or 474 52832 Roommates wanted for SPR QTR56th & University Furn Cheap 2415576Female wanted for room in largesunny apt 54th & Dorechster 155/moCall Linda or Robin eves 241 62567 1/2 room furnished kitchenette aptfor April 1st or sooner $135 mo Oneperson 5442 Harper NI3 9389One roommate for fully furn aot fromApr 1 $65 00 mo Call Judy 643 8766Room with priv bath, some kitchenprivileges Med or qrad student Facaprt Near campus Call 00 3 8486before 10 AM or after 4 PMSummer cottage sea shore propertyMaine accomodations tarn or 8 boatingswimming sarlmg tennis contact 49373287 l/? rfn apt , $l75/mo . 5455Biackstone second ft , avail March28.call 752 8114 afternoon 8, eveningRoommate wanted for spr qtr onlyone block from library 955 7353 lateRoom, share bath on campus for childcare. Spring quarter 947 6303weekdays 9 53roomlbedapt 54th Harper No pets.Avail 5/1 Call 764 2493REBATES! I am paying rent on a newapt Must find male to take overhousing contract 241 5794CHICAGO BEACH HOTELBEAUTIFUL FURNISHEDAPARTMENTS Near beach, parks,loop, UC and IC trams, 11 mins to loopbusses door Modest daily, weekly,monthly rates 24 hr desk Completehotel services 5100 S Cornell D03 7400Miss Smith.HYDE PARK TWO BEDROOMCONDO APRT for sale In excellentcond Reasonable, Oak floors, modVERSAILLES5254 S. DorchesterWELL MAINTAINEDBUILDINGATTRACTIVE 1 % AND2 V, ROOM STUDIOSFURNISHEDor UNFURNISHED$117.o $209Based on AvailabilityAll Utilities IncludedAt Campus Bus StopFA 4-0200 Mrs. Groak kitchen & bath, 1453 E 56th St AssesS52/mo. 337 2400, or Ml3 2332 Barbara3 1/2 room apartment with kitchenfacilities avail for Spring Qtr for 2people in Greenwood Hall. Please call955 7353 Keep Trying!Single room & oriv. bath in privatehome S85/mo 3 blks from campusCall 324 4481 avail March 1 Forfemale studentCo ed frat has several spaces open forspring quarter S415/qtr incl. 15 mealsper week. Call Anne or Denise, 3 3112,SCENESSoup It wilts the moustache andclouds the spectacles; the spoonscrapes the lip and bangs the teeth asthe soup dribbles down the chin; Imight be tempted to give it up if itweren't so good Lunch at theGargoyle 11 30 2 00 PMHave a Bonnie time with Kolock! WithNorman & John at Sanctuary March15 2 shows 8 00. 10 00 Tickets $2Benefit for Emma Goldman women'shealth clinic Fr 3/14 8 PM 1AM BlueGargoyle 5655 S University MusicGreat South Side Sisters' Band &Films on the women's healthmovement All women are welcomeElla Jenkins Fun Festival presentedby parent cooperative for early IrngFoiksmger Ella Jenkins, clowns, foodfilms, Sunday 2 PM March 16 UnitedChurch of Hyde Park 1448 E 53rd StFor information call 684 6363Recycle newspapers, cans, glass onSaturdays at 54th Place at GreenwoodSundays at 6102 South BiackstoneBoth days from 10 til 4Register now for Passover meals andSeder placements Deadline is 3/14Hillers Seder Workshops, History &Traditions of Passover. Mon, March17, 8 00 PM, Making a SederHaggadah. Rituals, Food, TuesMarch 18, 8 00 P M Haggadoth &Seder packets for sale at Hillel HouseMERCE CUNNINGHAM ANDDANCE COMPANY Tonight at 8, IdaNoyes Gym Saturday at 8 PM DanceProgram at Mandei Hall Ticketsavailable at Mandei Hall box office 116 Student discounts availableYou wiM be surprised how goodNATURAL FOODS can taste, if youcook them the MARCROBIOTICWAY For lessons call 363 4126DINNER FOR 2 for Under $10 M THDinner Specials The COURT HOUSEin Harper CourtPEOPLE WANTEDWanted Tutor in Algebra Trig Call721 5480 after 4 PMOPPORTUNITY Babysitting withtwo grade school girls in a live insituation plus weekly remuneration of$25. Call evenings 624 8363WANTED Happy, spunky, optimistic.j PIZZAPLATTER1460 E. 53rdMl 3*2800! FAST DELIVERY j! AND PICKUPOAK FURNITURE-ANTIQUESRCFINISHID + AS IS170$ E. 55th667-43001-64)0 PMTUES.-SAT. DesksTablesChairsDressersBookcasesMuchMoreWe Also DotReflnishing individuals to be trained to do therapywith pre school children during schoolhours, now till June, min 20 hrs /wk$2 50/hr 332 1260OPPORTUNITY Sparetime, earn upto $100 weekly in your homeaddressing circulars! List of firmswith offers sent for just $2 00!Guaranteed WG Smith Enterprises,Box 561 BK, Sunnyvale, CA 94088We are looking for a warm,responsible sitter for our 16 month oldboy in our home, 15 16 hrs a week,starting March 74th Pleasant homenear campus Call Jim or Sara, 6840705Female Models Wanted MidwestPhoto Assn seeks attractive modelstor fashion and figure assignmentsMust be 5'3" or shorter, no experiencenecessary Salary $12 00/hr call 3323768Hyde Park real estate office hasposition open for a full time leasingclerk receptionist Also seeking apart time account clerk, good typingskills important Call Mrs Bilger HY37525Child care, drivers license studentpreferred in exchange for room,board, plus pay, on campus family,srping guarter 94 7 90 54 eveningsNeed a babysitter on weekdays call752 3961WANTED Graduate student(preferably in social work or relatedfield) to work part time with a Jewishyoung adults group in southernsuburbs Someone who can workduring the summer and continuethrough next year For moreinformation or application, callCollege Age Youth Services at-3466700Portraits 4 tor $4 and up MaynardStudios 1459 E 53 2nd fl 643 4083PEOPLE FOR SALETyping Services reasonableShorthand also Pick up 8. DeliveryCall 49 3 0920 after 6 PMEXPERT TRANSCRIBING reels 14yrs U of C exp on seminars, lectures,Tegal and staf projects Reasonablerates Call M Ownens. 839 8883TELEVISION BUSTED RonaldBlack can make it right again,CHEAPLY, QUICKLY. andGUARANTEEDLY" Color or B8.WCall anytime 667 5257Thesis, desertations. term papers,general office corres typed on latestIBM corrective typewriter Ratesreasonable Phone 739 4257All typing, exp sec., IBM carbonribbon One copy FREE 684 0949For exp piano teacher call 947 9746Quality carpetnry and cabinetry atreasonable rate Call Don 955 0525Exp cello teacher will take all ages374 2144TAX RETURNS Prepared byexperienced accountant Reasonable684 1930MILES ARCHER MOVERSReasonable prices ExperiencedPersonnel Call 947 0698 or 752 4910 forWANTEDlTh* Mgroon ngeds oBusiness Monoggr for ngxty«or. A part-tim* job of 20-30 hours a week it involvesod sales, accounting andgeneral supervision of allbusiness aspects of thenewspaper. M B.A. studentswould find this an ideal jobboth financially and for theexperience. Send a resumeto the Maroon, INH 304.HICKORYlCamping EquipmentRental324-1499summer lESS Than!europe 4/0ruADTCDC * » AteCHARTFRSi,-ii lull injl1 800 3?b 48b/' REG FiRE CREATIVE WRITING Workshop bywriter columnist, help on theses, etcMU 4 3174Robert Stone Movers 324 6725FOR SALEt' Equipment for complete darkroominc Omega Dll Enlarger with 2lenses Call 221 9038 after 8 00 PMGUILINI conducting MAHLER'S 9th3/29 7 $13 tickets 363 4300 x 41167 Dodge Dart slant 6 eng tuned Mustsee 550 Tom 947 5513 871 511367 VW Reliable $400 741 6616BEDROOM SET Full size headboardand frame, dresser, night stand andchair Blue antique finish Asking $50Aiso pine desk and 4'x6' cotton orientaldesign rug 241 6374'65 Chevy 63000 needs little repair butruns well $75 Call 241 5512Summer in Europe Pick up in Paris1974 VW campmobile 14,000 miles$3800 Suzanne 643 7300 or 525 8328’67 MUSTANG V8, new tires, battery,muffler, $450 363 4300 apt 304BONNIE KOLOCComes to the south side with Normarand John March 15 7 shows *8 00,10 00 $2STAGE COMBATWORKSHOPSign up it interested RC 3rd flOttered Spring Qtr by Jos MartinezTime & days to be decided 753 3581WANTEDThings cluttering your life,,>'5?Recycle clothes, books, sporting 8.household goods toys, small furnitureHyde Park Unitarian Coop NurserySchool Benefit CALL 493 0384 or 6437250 for pick up.THE BEARD ~McClure's play about Harlow & Billythe K,d Mar 14 & 16 at 8 30 March 15at 7 PM 1 hr playing time Only $1 503 3 581JOURNALISTSWriters interested in working for TheChicago Maroon contact the NewsEditor, 753 3265PAN PIZZADELIVERYThe Medici Delivers from 5 10 p mweekdays, 5 11 p.m Saturday. 6677394 Save 60 cents if you pick it upyourselfPETSHYDE PARK KITTENS enjoy people,apartments, dry cat food Availablenow, FREE, Call 955 6079. after 6RIDESRIDESand RIDERStOr Boston SpringBreak Please call 955 7353 lateFOLKDANCEFolkdance continues through finals! Uof C fotkdancers in Ida Noyes 8 PMevery Sunday General level andMonday beginning level, withteoChing, 50cdonation, Friday generallevel no teaching free Fignf finalsfrustration with folkdance frolic!HEALTHThe Committee for Improvement ofStudent Health is interested in anydissatisfactions you may have with thehealth service It you have a complaintor want to know more 8,/or join callAlan at 955 2316 7 12 PMGAY LIBERATIONBenefit for Emma Goldman women shealth clinic Fri 314 8 p.m.1 a m. at Blue Gargoyle 5655 S University.Music Greater South Side Sisters'Band & Films on the women's healthmovement All women are welcomeBOOKS BOUGHTCash for used books Powells 1503 E57th St 995 7780STEP TUTORINGInterested in helping neighborhoodchildren? Student TutoringElementary Project needs volunteersto tutor students b> weekly in schoolwork or with special projects Formore information call Jay Sugarmanat 947 8804 or Mary Lou Gebka, 6438766REFRIGERATORRENTALMini frige Pennies a day Freedelivery Call Swan Rental 721 4400FREE CONCERTUC Collegium Choir and solo groupMusic by Ockeghem and 10th C l*aiMarch 14 & 15. Fri , Saf Bond Chapel8 30 p mCOLLEGIUMUC Collegium Musicum Motet Choir,H Brown, director Free concert Fri,and Sat March 14 15, 8 30 pm BondChapel. Ockeghem 8. lOst C ItaliansWE DELIVERTHE GOODIESThe tines* cherry macroons direct toyour door 1 7 doz $1 35 Dozen $2 50Other goodies too Ask Cali MidnightObsession 10 00 p m ? 00 a m 7911771TYPING SERVICESUNSHINE TYPING SERVICEReasonable rates Some Free Editing788 2235YOGAProfessors, degree candidates,students conquer hypertension withpersonal instruction from 88 year oldSri Nerode of India DO 3 0155 HY 37454 CLASSIFIEDSMaroon classifieds are charged by thetine. 25 spaces per line 50 cents perline for UC people, 40 cents per line forepeat. 75 cents per line for non UCpeople, 60 cents to repeat Ads must besubmitted in person or mailed to theMaroon 1212 E 59th St , Chicago60637 No ads will be taken over thephone The ads must be paid inadvance Deadline for Tuesday'spaper is Friday af 3 30, deadline forFriday's paper is Wednesday at 3:30For further information call 753 3265PERSONALSDEFY DALEY Write in QuinnBrisben (Socialist) for Mayor April 1.Write for literature Socialist Party ofIII . Box 507. Berwyn, III 60407PREGNANCY TESTINGtO AM 2 PM Saturday $1 50 donationAugustana Church at 55th 8,Wood i awnBy The South SideWomen’s Health ServicesSouth S'de Rape Crisis Line, 667 4014A referral and moral supportcommunity service We can help!WRITERS WORKSHOP (PL 2 8377)Writing HELP by professionals forthesis, reports, speech, etc MU 4 3124WOMEN'SMAGAZINEPRIMAVERA the women s literarymagazine, is on sale for SI 50 at the IdaNoyes information desk and theReynolds ClubWANTEDlThg Mgroon nggds aBusiness Monoggr for n#xtygor. A port-tim* job of 20-30 hours o weak it involvesod sales, accounting andgenerol supervision of allbusiness aspects of thenewspaper. M.B.A. studentswould find this an ideol jobboth financially and for theexperience. Send a resumeto the Moroon. INH 304. dtiivey? Ine. finestsnfc&s 3BO “Veats direct t<Llpur coor mVvk-dejwsr fvocti^Oocadoc,, ce?olue5, CoffeeCax£5, -Pastries,Hufj,cold Sod&jpop ^fiawucUwere . Ask US -CALL.U*e.5 open I'.oo# v-Pe-livencs fOpm-2.a.wiWlin 1*414tv evtfey* - $ 2. 00fiugyu Charge 5^**ON -AU-Individual AttentionTo Most Smoll Cors312-mi 3-3113foreign car hospital & clinic, inc•^5424 south kimbark avenue • Chicago 60615GREEN THUMBS NEEDEDlllWe are adding an indoor Plant Dept, to several ofour stores this month. Individuals who know how tocare for plants and enjoy assisting people are ideal.Hours are flexible; full-time or part-time positionsavailable. Apply in person at any of the followinglocations:SAXON PAMT A HOME CARE CENTERS. 4845 South Ashland Ave.8915 South Stony Island9255 South Western Ave.28 East 112th Place EYE EXAMINATIONSFASHION EYEWEARCONTACT LENSESDR. KURTROSENBAUMOptometrist(53 Kimbark Piaza;1200 East 53rd StreetHYde Park 3-8372Friday, March 14 -'theChlfcdgNb '-2?c\Yf ,S1 -{phnl - rccrvV ^i’iO - v£J ■WINE AND CHEESE SALESPREAD CHEDDARSIDEALLY SUITED TO MAKE DIPS OR TO SPREAD FOR SNACKINGCHOOSE FROM: VERY SHARP, GARLIC. BLUE, HICKORY SMOKED $175only I PER LB.(Regular Price $2.49)per lb. HOLLANDEDAMGOUDA S1$1 9595 per lb.per lb.NORWAYCANADABLACK DIAMOND s1"DENMARKCHRISTIAN IX With Cumin snd Caraway Seeds .1 per lb.DANISH DLUE s149per.b.ESROM PORT SALUT s169Per.bGRAND TOAST HAVARTI 9169per.tTYDO s.159ENGLANDALE CHEDDAR s.195CHESHIRE ?.1" Perlb. TOBESWlssSTILTON GRADE Af PRIME SJ99 per|b n has to comd fromFRANCE EMMENTHALER Large Eye, Grade A Prime 69 ^ ^GRUYERE Ideal for fondueper lb.per lb. NOKKELOST with spices or without S159 per ib.TILSITER s129pertb.JARLSBERG Bulk Cut *139 Per ib.SWEDENS149 perlh.FONTINASWITZERLANDS1 69BRIE NOUVEAU 60'jBullerlat s209 per ib. unurciic Ideal for fondue POP ID.FRENCH CABERNET SAUVIGNON AT LESS THAN CALIFORNIA PRICESBORDEAUX RED WINES OF GOOD VINTAGES1972 CHATEAU CANTAOUSSELS 51991964 CHATEAU GERBAY I1969 CHATEAU DU GLANA I $098 Each Q S1A001970 CHATEAU MONTGALLON 0 Fifth 0 for IIIFifth1970 CHATEAU PARET-BEAUSEJOUR MIX OR MATCHHOURSDoily 10a.ni.-9 p.m.Sunday Noon-6 p.m. Complete PartyService From2427 East 72nd StreetBA 1-9210 Appetizers to Zinfandel351 East 103rd Street500-1011 HOURSDaily 10 a.m.-9 p.m.Sunday Noon-6 p.m.24—The Chicago Maroon - Friday, March 14, 1975I