LETTERSFISHER FAILSI remember when I was just an ignorant youngraimboy, in the big city for the first time. That’s•her. I saw the U of C—those tall, archingi-jjhvs, t!\ delicate, pouting Gothic doorways,the . rupee* gargolyes that said ‘that me now’.! *uldn’t wait to graduate from high school; 1,?d to enroll in her only fifteen, as a student inthe College. She took me in her first class, slowlysubjecting me to Freud; then quickly faster,Plato, Marx, Wittgenstein, Durkheim. Piaget,Aristotle. There were so many conflicting truthsand insolvable paradoxes i though I was going todie. When she added calculus and organicchemistry, 1 couldn’t stand it anymore. I explod¬ed a :,d became a quivering mass of jelly.We d.U l over and over again for the next fouryears—it w*>. great. I cost my parents their lifesavings, and when I was finished, I was sodevastated I became a janitor at Radio Shack forthe res' of my life. But it was worth it.David Fisher, former student in the CollegeABERRANT SEXNOTHING NEWEditors;The article in the Winter ’84 issue of TheMagazine on auto-erotic asphyxia was cer¬tainly very interesting but missed some im¬portant facts. To call ‘ AEA” a “new” campus craze is to forget its widespreadpopularity on campus during my under¬graduate days. Just thought I would drop aline to let today’s “Reg Rats” know that we“old Fogies” weren’t so “square” as theymight think when it came to aberrant sexualpractices.Judge Frederic AufderheideAB ’43 LLB ’46DAUGHTER LIESThank you for writing an article about what agood time students have at the University(“What Reg Rats Party”, Spring ’83). Now weknow better when our daughter calls up andcomplains about how difficult it is to survive theUniversity of Chicago.Parents of Susan Gillmore,second-year student in the CollegeDOOGIE POO POOYour magazine is wonderful; the University isstupendous; Hyde Park is dazzlingly spec¬tacular; Chicago is the greatest city on the faceof the earth. This is the best of all possibleworlds.Could you please do an article on why there isso much dog crap on the sidewalks when thesnow melts in the winter?Name withheld on request WHEN WILL SHE COME DOWN? Petula Sho An Hung,BA’78 is a Chicago performance artist who has spent the lastthree years crucified in a corn field. Petula asserts, “What I’mdoing expand’s the audience’s conception of art.’’ Her mother,Ezmerelda (PhD’65) — seen behind Petula has been a wonder¬ful role model — she has been hanging in the field since 1969.Like mother, like daughter.UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6, 1986-2 SATURDAY-10:30 p.m.THE GREAT VIGIL OF EASTERbreakfast following service EASTERATROCKEFELLERSUNDAY-11:00 a.m.EASTER SERVICE - Bernard O. Brown,Dean of the Chapel, preaching MEMORIALCHAPELJPoATMiT • Photo ResTOMtionCorporate Photography♦ Passport Photoi * WioDinc •Pukjc Reunions, Photo l.DMOflSSIOMlrHOTOMAPMUSASSOCIATION (The University ofCHICAGOMagazine/Spring 1985IN THIS ISSUEThunder Shakes the MidwayA top-secret military helicopter, Maroon Thunder, puts the University on the military map and paves theway for an ROTC pregram.Page 12New Fraternity and New ImageFraternities are back nationwide, and the University of Chicago is no exception.Page 15Springschmutz After DarkAfer ‘nerk’ and ‘slunk', students can now ‘schmutz out’ for classes in this academic oriented pajama partyon the quads.Page 23When Reg Rats RebelOutside of the classroom, University of Chicago students really do study all the time.Page 26DEPARTMENTSOn the Quads 6Our Quarterly Plea for Money 28Books by Alumni 30Pushing Up Daisies 30Class News 33Crossword 36American Express, Visa and MasterCard welcome.Limited reservations accepted. 55th & Hvde Park Blvd.643-5500 600 S. Dearborn939-6600FREE DESSERTwith dinnerIn celebration of our 4th year serving you inHyde Park, we’re offering our sinfullydelicious desserts and pastries FREE.Simply choose one from our pastry tray afteryou order dinner. Show your waitperson thisad and the dessert’s on us.Lunch Tues-Sat, 11:30-2:30 Sundayn. ...Brunch 10:30-2:30Dinner Mon-Thurs, 5:00-10:30Fri-Sat, 5:00-12:00Sun, 5:00-9:00Valid Through April 30S-UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6. 1986LETTERSFISHER FAILSI remember w hen I was just an ignorant youngfarmboy, in the big city for the first time. That’swhen I saw the U of C—those tall, archingspires, the delicate, pouting Gothic doorways,the frenzied gargolyes that said ‘that me now’.I couldn’t wait to graduate from high school; 1had to enroll in her only fifteen, as a student inthe College. She took me in her first class, slowlysubjecting me to Freud; then quickly faster,Plato, Marx, Wittgenstein, Durkheim, Piaget,Aristotle. There were so many conflicting truthsand insolvable paradoxes 1 though 1 was going todie. When she added calculus and organicchemistry, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I explod¬ed and became a quivering mass of jelly.We did it over and over again for the next fouryears—it was great. 1 cost my parents their lifesavings, and when 1 was finished, I was sodevastated I became a janitor at Radio Shack forthe rest of my life. But it was worth it.David Fisher, former student in the CollegeABERRANT SEXNOTHING NEWEditors:The article in the Winter ’84 issue of TheMagazine on auto-erotic asphyxia was cer¬tainly very interesting but missed some im¬portant facts. To call “AEA” a “new” campus craze is to forget its widespreadpopularity on campus during my under¬graduate days. Just thought I would drop aline to let today’s "Reg Rats” know' that we“old Fogies” weren’t so “square” as theymight think when it came to aberrant sexualpractices.Judge Frederic AufderheideAB '43 LLB ’46DAUGHTER LIESThank you for writing an article about what agood time students have at the University(“W’hat Reg Rats Party”, Spring ’83). Now weknow better when our daughter calls up andcomplains about how difficult it is to survive theUniversity of Chicago.Parents of Susan Gillmore,second-year studert in the CollegeDOOGIE POO POOYour magazine is wonderful; the University isstupendous; Hyde Park is dazzlingly spec¬tacular; Chicago is the greatest city on the faceof the earth. This is the best of all possibleworlds.Could you please do an article on why there isso much dog crap on the sidewalks when thesnow melts in the winter?Name withheld on request WHEN WILL SHE COME DOWN? Petula Sho An Hung,BA’78 is a Chicago performance artist who has spent the lastthree years crucified in a corn field. Petula asserts, “What I’mdoing expand’s the audience's conception of art.’’ Her mother,Ezmerelda (PhD’65) — seen behind Petula has been a wonder¬ful role model — she has been hanging in the field since 1969.Like mother, like daughter.HAS PUNCH!'U", * "•'"''"/'/'i C, fife?,,'' '/' '; ' >COLLEGE STUDENTAPRIL 1-10■■ * :/ SATURDAY -10:30 p.m.THE GREAT VIGIL OF EASTERbreakfast following service EASTERATROCKEFELLERSUNDAV ■ 11:00a.rr,.EABTPR SERVICE - Bernard O. Brown,Dean of the Chapel, preaching MEMORIAL.'EL<■ • Weootnc ♦ Poimwir • Photo RcstomtiomPu«jc Reunions * Corpomtc Photocmm+v, Photo l.D. * P4S5>ort PhotoMOftSSlOMtntorMuntuBissoci*nofl(wmmUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6, 1986 -2The University ofCHICAGOMagazine/Spring 1985IN THIS ISSUEThunder Shakes the MidwayA top-secret military helicopter, Maroon Thunder, puts the University on the military map and paves theway for an ROTC program.Page 12New Fraternity and New ImageFraternities are back nationwide, and the University of Chicago is no exception.Page 15Springschmutz After DarkAfer ‘nerk’ and ‘slunk’, students can now ‘schmutz out’ for classes in this academic oriented pajama partyon the quads.Page 23When Reg Rats RebelOutside of the classroom, University of Chicago students really do study all the time.Page 25DEPARTMENTSOn the Quads 6Our Quarterly Plea for Money 28Books by Alumni 30Pushing Up Daisies 30Class News 33Crossword 3655th & Hvde Park Blvd. 600 S. Dearborn643-5500 939-6600FREE DESSERTwith dinner .In celebration of our 4th year serving you inHyde Park, we’re offering our sinfullydelicious desserts and pastries FREE.Simply choose one from our pastry tray afteryou order dinner. Show your waitperson thisad and the dessert's on us.Lunch Tues-Sat, ! 1:30-2:30 Sundaytv w c ™ -nBrimch 10:30-2:30Dinner Mon-Thurs, 5:00-10:30Fri-Sat, 5:00-12:00Sun, 5:00-9:00Valid Through April 30American Express, Visa and MasterCard welcome.Limited reservations accepted.3 UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAG A/.iNfc/APKlL 6. 1S»86MOSIC'fKJSIC' MUSICTHE DEPARTMENT OF MUSICpresents:Friday, April 5 - Monty Adams, fluta and EasleyBlackwood, piano.8:00 p.m.. Qoodspeed Recital HaltPerforming works by Bach, Mozart, Reinecke, Ibert andProkofiev.Admission is free,Trtursday, April 11 - Noontime Concert Series1? ;5 p.m., Goodspeed Recital HailJfe-emy Warburg, soprano; Gail Giilispie, lute, Ann Faulkner,portative orgain.“The Story of the Rood and Other Medieve; Songs of Devotion’Admission is free.UPCOMING CONCERTSFriday, April 12 - Contemporary ChamberFV'./ers r? the University of Chicago8:00 p.m , Handel Hallc *!ph Si ipey, Music Directorrosr.’onf5' . 'he Fromm Music Foundation.MiIU t Ra*,, Four Play (1983); Shulamit Ran: Trio (1981);Faye-kite, Iverman: No Strings (1982); Peter Liebrson:Conceno ’o iour groups of instruments (1972)—commissionedby the Fromm Music Foundation at Harvard, Olivier Messi?en:Oiseaux exotiques (1956) - (Andrea Swan, piano).Admission free Wl rH TICKET. Send n'qu-.t End stampedenvelope to Department of Music Concert Office, GoH 31Q.Sunday April 14 - V an Bistrow, cello andMarjorie Benson, piano3:00 p.m., Goodspeed Recital HallMusic of Schumann, Bach, Martinu, Brahms.Admission is frppincision usiofiosicEP THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGOJOHN M. OLIN CENTERpresentsA lecture series onRELIGION AND POLITICS1985Spring QuarterWednesday, April 10: Bernard Lewis, Professor of Near EasternStudies, Princeton University and Institutefor Advanced Study; John M. Olin VisitingProfessor, University of Chicago.4:00p.m., Social Science Research Building,Room 122,1126E. 59th StreetThursday, April 25: Mohammad Arkoun, Professor of Arabicand Islamic studies, Nouvelle Sorbonne,Paris4:00p.m., Social Science Research Building,Room 122,1126E. 59th StreetWednesday, May 22: Fazlur Rahman, Professor of Near EasternLanguages and Civilizations, University ofChicago4:00p.m., Social Science Research Building,Room 122,1126E. 59th StreetXL, STUDENT OMBUDSMAN 1985-86The University is now seeking applicants for the position of StudentOmbudsman. The Ombudsman’s term of office will not begin until Autumn1985. He or she will be expected to work with the current StudentOmbudsman through the remainder of the academic year.Applications from individual students, graduate or undergraduate, arewelcome, as are nominations from individual students or faculty. Amongundergraduates, preference will be given to students entering their senioryear in 1985-86. Applications should be in letter form and must besubmitted to the Office of the Dean of Students in the University byMonday, April 22nd. They should indicate the candidate’s academic areaand level, number of years at the University, relevant experience, and otherspecial qualifications for the position of Ombudsman. At least three letters ofrecommendation from other students or members of the faculty or staffshould also be submitted by the April 22nd deadline.Applicants will be interviewed by a student-faculty committee; theappointment will be made by the President.The Student Ombudsman is a part-time salaried official of the Universitywho is also a registered degree candidate. The Ombudsman is appointed bythe President to serve in addition to the regular organization of theUniversity in cases where there are allegations of specific unfairness orinefficiency. The Ombudsman writes a quarterly report, published by theUniversity, giving a general account of the office’s activities and makingsuch recommendations as may be deemed appropriate.#DEADLINE: Monday, April 22UNIVERSITY OF CIIICAoO MAuAZlNK/APRri. ft ac J1MA J M i '•’< t~ <■>••• v*7* •» * **C=HJHLLLEL FOUNDATION 5715 S. WOODLAWN 752-1127 jTUESDAY, APRIL 97:30 P.M.OJRREi.T STRATEGIC RELATIONSBET. i <1 ISRAEL AND AMERICA:ARMS . iiLITARY COOPERATION,INTELLIGENCE.MAJOR GENERALWILLIAM LEVINE(Retired U.S. Army) NEW CLASSLEARN TO READ HEBREWTUESDAYS 10:00 A.M.For Beginners -Mini course in readingPrayer Book HebrewTeacher Lisa LiebermanStarting NowMost classes will startthe week after PassoverApril 15th WEDNESDAY, APRIL 107:30 P.M.THE PLIGHT OF THE ETHIOPIAN JEWSOPERATION MOSESMR ROBERT SCHRAYF3.CHAIRMAN, TASK EGRCCON ETHIOPIAN JEWRYOE THE NATIONALRELATIONS COMMITTEEHAPPY PASSOVER HAG SAMEACH AND WE'RE NOT FOOLINGLUNCHEON MENU> FROM li:00 A.M. TO2.30P.M.Tuesday thru SaturdayCHFOR WEEKLY SPECIAL!AND BAR-B-Q PORKRIBS, BAR-B-Q PORK, FRIED WON TON. . 4.6B4 CHICKEN CHOP SUEY5 CHICKEN CHOP SUEY AND EGG FOO YOUNG ...6 BEEF CHOP SUEY7 BEEF CHOP SUEY AND EGG FOO YOUNG8 EGG FOO YOUNG9 SHRIMP FRIED RICE AND EGG FOO YOUNG ..10 VEGETABLE CHOP SUEY AND EGG FOO YOUNG.11 SHRIMP CHOP SUEY AND EGG FOO YOUNG . .12 SWEET SOUR CHtCKEN AND BOO SOL.13 S.VEET SOUR PORK AND FRIED R!U:noon - 4:3itfmday, April 5,1985orth Lounge, Reynolds Cl(Comer of 53rd and Hyde Park Blvd.) 955-2200ThcUCIkebanainvites the UC«6mnmnity to attend anIkcbatiu Exhibitionsponsored by SAO and partially funded through Student Activities Fee Good Food Fast,Instead of Fast Food FastFar Bast Kitchen6-UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5. 18*5ON THE QUADSADMINISTRATIVECHANGESPresident Hanna Gray has instituted aradical change in the structure of the Uni¬versity's administration. As cf April 1, 1985President Gray will be in complete controlof all University matters. Previously, theBoard of Trustees were responsible formany of the financial decisions facing theUniversity.When asked what had provoked thechange, Gray replied, “They were a big fatpain in my ass, so I buried the little buggersalive.” Mrs. Gray says that the entireBoard of trustees are now under the recentlycompleted Crerar Library. Jonth m Kleinbard, Vice President of Propaganda, statedthat the burials had nothing to do with re¬ports of a foul stench in the luxuriousCrerar canteen.DEGREES FORTHE DEADDean Don Devine, working in conjactionwith Dean Chuckles O’Connell of the tIniversity, has unveiled a fundraising programwith a new twist. “We already milk alumni $for everything they’re worth, right?” says (Devine. “And we already milk the parentsof the students pretty bad too, and of emir. ithe students themselves. So the Questionwe, as administrators, have been askingourselves, is how can ve get money frompeople who never came here?”The idea of the campaign is to give honor¬ary degrees to persons already deceased, foran appropriate donation from a survivingloved one. O’Connell said. “We see this asan opportunity for people to buy a lovingtribute to the dear departed — say dear olddad was a wonderful guy, but he never wentto school. You can lovingly honor his memo¬ry, upgrade your intellectual lineage, and atthe same time the quality of a University de¬gree is not yr dermined, because the recipi¬ent is already dead, right? So who cares?”Persons wishing to arrange an honorarydegree lor a dear departed one must simplypay full tuition — minus room and board. Ofcourse — four years worth of a D.O.A. BA,and six years worth for an R.I.PhD.Departed students will receive a diploma,invitations to all alumni-sponsored eventsfor graduates, and he have their name print¬ed in the graduation program.FASCISTSON CAMPUSThis quarter’s Visiting Fellow will be Au¬guste Pinochet, fascist dictator of Chile. Inaddition to sharing meals with students inWoodward Court, and giving a keynote ad¬dress, “Human Rights Abuses: Hurts SoGood”, Pinochet will also be honored at aspecial soiree at the home of PresidentHanna Gray. Like Gray, Pinochet (Auggieto his friends) i? a notorious cut-up; rumorhas it that he’f planning to deliver his o vntake on the Academy Awards, citing raeAmerican institutions that have been mosthelpful to him in oppressing the Chileanpeople. The Reagan administration is ashoe-in for top honors, but U. of C. might j well win something — afte^ all, best boyNathan Tarcov of the FoliSci departmentspent a couple of years do’ng Pinochet’sbooks. Keep your fingers crossed! —RichWhiteCARTOON ARTAT SMA RTSmart Gallery k’cks off its spring seasonwith an exciting new exhibition to be enti¬tled: “Three and a half Years of ejecting:The Smurf In American Art.” The Renais¬sance Society wii! be opening a smallershow in conjunction, to be called: “Friendsof the Smurf: Images of Care Bears, Straw¬berry Shortcake, and Hello Kitty”.Professor Reinhold Hellfish, head of theSmart Gallery, says “I’m especially excitedabout the show, because it’s the first exhibitwe’ve organized right here since I took overthe Gallery three years ago. Those littleblue men really turn me on — well, they’reart.” Hellfish, in addition to running theGallery, is Chairman of the Art History De¬partment, leader of the local Elks Lodge,owner of a Learn to Draw By Mail company,and a freelance artist for Naughty GreetingCards Inc Can a guy be too busy? Some ofProfessor Hellfish’s students seem to thinkA special lecture/film series has been or¬ganized in conjunction with the exhibits.April 5 “Investing in Smurf Art,” by Ske-vington Bennington III; April 12: “If TheSmurfs and the Care Bears had a War, WhoWould Win?” by Reinhold Hellfish; April19: A special free screening of the CareBears Movie. —Buffy PicassoJoel and Ted sport their new Hollywood look.PROFS GOHOLLYWOODTwo University Professors, Ted Cohen ofPhilosophy and Joel Snyder of General Stu¬dies in the Humanities, will be leaving thecampus after this spring to host their ownsyndicated television talk show. Cohensaid, “It’s only logical — we love to talk andwe’re inseparable”. Snyder said, “They of¬fered me an exclusive contract — I won theMr. Academic America contest last spring,you know — but I said l wouldn’t go unlessTed could come too. We’re inseparable, youknow, and we do love to talk.”Unlike most talk shows, this show {fcentsutively titled Clever Boys) will feature noguests — each week, Snyder and Cohen willtalk about a different aspect of themselves, their lives, or their acacemic careers. Tenta¬tive topics include: “Us — we hated eachother when we were undergrads, youi know”, “Let me tell you about Sue Son-| tag ’, and “How we really feel about base-| ball”, and “Do our wives get jealous of ourirmdible friendship?” The show is sche¬dule u> be aired in six hour segments, run¬ning nightly for ten weeks at a time.FASCISTSON CAMPUSThe University of Chicago announced inMarch that it will have a complete ROTCtraining program on campus, beginning inthe fall of 1986. “The University, by partici¬pation in government and military researchprojects and by its purchase of the JohnCrerar engineering and science collection,has become an ideal site for such a pro¬gram,” said a spokesman (AB ’71, AM ’73)for the United States Army.The ROTC program will result in manychanges in the look of the campus and thestudent body. Renewing a commitment tophysical conditioning, the University, be¬ginning in Fall Quarter 1986, will conduct allfreshman physical education tests at In¬diana Dunes. The tests, which will have adistinctly military flavor, were designed byformer Green Berets, who will receive assis¬tant professorships in the physical educa¬tion department.Expanded offerings in the phys ed depart¬ment include riflery, hand-to-hand combat,outdoor survival, urban guerilla tactics (atwo-quarter course with a classroom/lecturepart as well), and ballistics.The University will convert the Westernhalf of the Midway Plaisance into a base forthe recruits, which should comprise up to 25percent of the class of 1989, according Deanof Admissions and Financial Aid DanHall.ROTC: Vision of the future.DEAN ONTHE SCREENEverybody dreams of playing a role in amovie, but only rarely does a once-in-a-life-time part come along. Herman Sinaiko,dean of students in the College, receivedsuch a role in Universal Pictures’ 1984 re¬lease, Repo Man, when the dean played thepart of the quiet yet quizzical driver of thealiens in that 1964 Chevy.“It’s a demanding role which matched mypersonality so well,’ Sinaiko commented,‘and I knd sc much tun Why can’t studentshere have as much fun ae I did making that,that silly movie?”continued on page eightUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5, 1986-6ticketsan sale at the reynolds club box office7$ students -on sale monday april 812$ noil-students - on sale wedenesday april 10visa &. ffastercard accepted 962-7300a pres ation of the Major Activities Board7—UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAG AZINE APRIL 5. 1986ON THE QUADScontinued from page sixThe ever-popular Sinaiko, who drives areal-life car only slightly better than his on¬screen persona, refused to comment onwhether the Malibu’s trunk contained radio¬active chemical waste from the basementsof Jones and Kent Halls, instead of contain¬ing dead aliens, as the movie claimed.HOMOGENEOUSROCKIn a push to bring Hyde Park into stylisticuniformity with the campus, the University hascommitted a huge sum of money to destory andrebuild every structure between 51st and 59thStreets. Most buildings will be razed to provideparkland and parking lots. Buildings to be leftstanding include University Park Towers (affec¬tionately known as “Carbon MonoxideTowers”), and the Hyde Park Shopping Center;, the Too store building and Robie House (bothbrick) will be refaced in concrete to match the In¬diana limestone of the Main Quadrangle. TheOffice of University Planning did not name thesum slated tor the renovation, but a spokesmansaid it is “in the high zillions: this project is thefirst priority on the Administration’s agenda.”SPACE AGEBIBLIOTECHWhen University President Hanna Graydedicated the John Preare library last fall, sheSDoke of the University’s undying commitmentto scholarship: “For the University of Chicagostudent, even twenty-four hours of studyingaren’t enough.” With that motto, the latest jointventure between the University’s department ofphysics, biochemistry, and library science open¬ed a new age of academic technology at theUniversity of Chicago.With several hundred thousand volumes and acomplex array of generators and magnets,Preare library is the nation’s only premierscience library whose collections and patrons areaccelerated to over 99 percent of the speed oflight to take advantage of relativistic time-dilation effects. The library is a rotating ring setbehind a limestone facade that blends inbeautifully with the University’s gothic architec¬ture. Patrons enter the ring through pods thataccelerate to match the 186,000 miles per secondspeed of the ring.Students of all disciplines find the newfacilities comfortable and helpful. Says SpamShaw, AB ’73 and currently an eleventh-yeargraduate student in Akkadian, “It’s great to beable to go to the library at 8 o’clock, pull an all -nighter, and still have time to go t,o Jimmy’s andnerk it up like I used to when I was a Reg rat.”One particularly unique feature is the specialtreatments students must receive so that theirbodies are not torn to shreds by the force of ac¬celeration. These treatments harden the body’scell walls, giving the skin a pleasantly plastic feeland an attractive translucent sheen. This processpresents no problem for chemistry major AlbertShmeer: “I have to come here anyway, becausethis is where all of the texts for my research pro¬ject are located. I don’t really mind having myskin polymerized since, as a chemist, I’ll beworking around and unsafely handling toxicsubstances all of my life.”One convenient sid«‘-affect of this treatment isthat all desire for food or defecation is removed, which allows Preare to be the only library in theU of C system built without a coffee-shop orrestrooms. College student Kim Lee sums it upperfectly: “Why eat a candy bar or go to thebathroom when it takes time away from study¬ing?”According to Marvin Dunkel, director of theUniversity of Chicago Libraries, “PreareLibrary is unequivocally the best time-dilationscience library in the world.”“At $937,000,000, we’ve provided thestudents of the University of Chicago withanothe. incalcuable benefit,” said Dean ofStud 'nti. Donald Levine in a nott to student* ex¬plaining the planned 238 percent tuition increasefor the next year. “We realize it is askingstudents quite a bit to shoulder extra costs equalto an imported sports car, but you must realizethat an opportunity we are offering-a chancefor extra time...we are buying time for the soulof the University, settling the problem Faustusfaced once and for all.”RIBS ‘N’ ROOMSDue to an increase in the numbers of in¬coming freshmen, the University is explor¬ing new housing in Hyde Park the Office ofHousing announced recently. Ed the Turk,Director of Housing, unveiled plans lastweek for a new dormitory at Dorchester and53rd Street. Formerly the site of Ribs 'nBibs which was gutted by a three alarmblaze in November, the building will be con¬verted by September into 10 double roomsfor undergraduates. “We like to think ofthis as a luxury dormitory,” said The Turkas he presented plans for the new residence.Each room will contain a barbeque pit, un¬limited supplies of hot sauce and a deep fat fryer. Rooms will also have such custo¬mized features as smoked glass plexiglasspartitions and attractive plywood panelling.Among the many suggested names for thenew dorm, the most popular seems to be“Half-a-Slab Hall”.Will these lovely Hyde Park buildings perish?TOO MUCHMONEY???Stuart Hall, MBA ’84, has made good in theoutside world, and returned to share his goodfortune with his alma mater: creating an endow¬ment fund for the Graduate School of Businessof The University of Chicago. A spokesman forthe Business School said: “Frankly, we’restumped. Between Administration funding andalumni gifts, we have so much money we don’tknow what to do with it. Free weekly beer; twogrey suits for each student; we’ve done all wecan. Even the new six-foot video screen weordered for the coffeeshop is paid for in ad¬vance. Really, if you have any ideas about howwe can get rid of this cash, please let us know.”COMPUTER GRAFFITI ARTISTEveryone who saw the recent movie 2010found out that the temperamental HALcomputer of 2001 fame is the creation of aUniversity of Chicago professor.20i0-viewers also discovered that this in¬ventor has created an additional talkingcomputer. This computer has a female voiceand is called “SAL.”Dale “Pygmalion” Future, the gifted U ofC inventor, is quite unspoiled by all thepublicity he has received of late. “My inter¬est is in the advancement of computerscience and computer psychology, and notin movie making,” Future claimed.Turning to SAL, who is situated in thecorner of the inventor’s Ryerson office, Fu¬ture asked the she-computer to show me alisting of his scholarly projects since themaking of 2001.“Not now,” SAL complained, “I have aheadache.”“Let’s talk about something else,” re¬quested Future.“O.K.,” I said, “how did you get interest¬ed in the computer field?”“Well, I’ve always been able to relatewith machines better than withhumans....”“But what about Kate?” cut in SAL.“That’s over with, and you know my feel¬ings about you, SAL,” Future Quickly coun¬tered. SAL decided at this point in the interviewto logout, which, according to SAL’s cre¬ator, is her way of pouting.“Anyway, where was I?”, asked Future.“You were telling me how you got in¬volved with computers.”“Oh yeah. It all started during my under¬grad years at Chicago. I was so lonely backthen that I used to go to the computer termi¬nal clusters just so I could hear the girlsmoan when their programs didn’t work,”confined Future. “That’s what got me start¬ed on computers.”“What do you do when you’re not withcomputers?”“I think up and write graffiti on theUSITE bathroom wall,” Future responded.“I’m the one,” Future proudly added, “whocame up with the USITE classic, ‘PrimitiveEarth Technology’ with an arrow pointingto the toilet.”“Mm hmm. As long as we’re on the topicof earthling vs. alien culture, what did youralien friends — the ones who built the hugeblack monoliths — think of the Universityof Chicago?” I asked the computer enthusi¬ast.“It was kind of disappointing. When thesuperbeings saw the IJ of C sweatshirt I waswearing, they said, Oh, you’re with Circlecampus, right? ) guess ignorance about theTJ of C is Universal,” Future sighed.UNIVE ISITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5. 1986 -8REGISTER NOWforSpring Aerobics ClassesTaught by Lisa Douglassat International HouseClass Offered: Mon. Wed. & Fri.6:10 p.m.Starting Wednesday, April 3MEN AND WOMEN WELCOMEGeneral Registration: $45.00 fora Ten Week SessionFor More Information Contact:The Program OfficeInternational House1414 E. 59th Street753-2274SPECIAL n«SFORAH STUDfNTSANDffCUUYJust present your University of Chicago identification :ard.As students or faculty members you are entitled to specialmoney-saving DISCOUNTS on Chevrolet and Volkswagenparts, accessories and any new or used automobile you buvfrom Ruby Chevrolet/Volkswagen.GBNIRAI. MOTORS HUTT* EfVSIONRUSTY JONESRUSTPROOFINGORCHAMPMANHOOD LOCKON ANY CAR PURCHASEDTHRU 6/30/85With This Coupon. Offer Expires 6/30/85 INTERNATIONALCOFFEEHOUSEMARKRIGGSNational jDulcimer Citamsion jHester' oyRay GudeSpecial Performance byJim De Wan and Steve BuddeOLD TIME AMERICAN TUNES ONFIDDLE, GUITAR, AND MANDOLIN.INTERNATIONAL HOUSE . . . .. _ _1414 East 59th street Friday, April 5, 9pm-1 amGeneral Admission - $2 Complimentary RefreshmentsA SACRED ORATORIO BYCM •IIAXDKLmi: woeklili.llr chapei. choir**SOLOIST S* AM) ORCHESTRA- ’MtTOR WEIIER*DIRECTORPALM SUNDAYMARCH HI. AT 4 I»MGOOD FRIDAY\ PR 11. 5 AT H PAIroOvLt-llllr memorl\l£haj?EMc^SOSOITH VVOODLAWNG':/ TCHJ&tGp• rt*606^7:V. W* -S’ « .v, v v 0K ‘ ■: - » A - ■ - "'A.NVE9-UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE APRIL 5. 1985Macintosh 5I2KU. of C, Computation Center’sMicrocomputer Distribution Center1307 E. 60th Street, rear entranceSpecial Limited-Time Offer:(only while our current stock lasts) Jf128K Macintosh, Imagewriter printer $1695 «and external Mac drive j512K Macintosh, Imagewriter printer $2295 iand external Mac Drive |Other Apple Products & Prices !AppleCare Carry-In Service J128K Macintosh $1180 External Mac Drive $ 350 1512K Macintosh $1780 Laser Writer Printer $4620 !Imagewriter $ 436 512K Memory upgrade $ 600 !12 Month Service contracts for 128K Mac ($108), •512K Mac ($138), Imagewriter ($60), j, and other Macintosh products. *Complete price lists available at USITE (Wieboldt j310), 5737 S. University, and MDC, Offer is limited ito U.C. departments and lull-time faculty, students, Jand staff. Orders should be placed at the Ml/C, i1307 E. 60th Street (rear entrance). Call 962-3452 jfpiMormstign. jUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL S 1ft0-I/mm The NORTH SIDEMAROON EXPRESSRIDES AGAINTickets for the Maroon Express can bepurchased with a U of C ID at the Ida Noyesinformation desk, Reynolds Club boxoffice, or any Residence Hall front desk.Individual one-way tickets cost $1.25.Schedule for Maroon ExpressNorthboundIda Noyes 6:30 pm 8:30 pm 10:30 pm —Shoreland 6:40 pm 8:40 pm 10:40 pm —Art Institute 6:55 pm 8:55 pm m m —Water Tower PlaceInner Lake Shore Drive 7:10 pm 9:10 pm -- mm& Division (1200 N)Clark & LaSalle(1700 N)Grant Hospital 7:30 pm 9:30 pm mm mm(We\.„.«ir & Lincoln)Divei£«« & Clark 7:45 pm 9:45 pm 11:15 pm 1:45 am•Courtesy drop-off stop: by request on I y, Note: No pick-up at this location.SouthboundDiversey & Clark 7:45 pm 9:45 pm 11:45 pm 1:45 amGrant Hospital — — Midnight 2:00 am(Webster & Lincoln)Water Tower Place — — 12:15 am 2:15 am(I. Magnin)Art Institute — 10:00 pm 12:30 am 2:30 amShoreland — — ★ ' *Ida Noyes 8:30 pm 10:30 pm * *4 V f J T* Drop-offs throughout Hyde Park, including Shoreland and Ida Noyes.ll-UMVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE APRIL 5, 1985Not since the Manhattan Projectm the early 1940’s has a govern¬ment-sponsored military projectat the University been cloaked inso much secrecy. What is this bigMaroon secret?DEATHm It’s 5:30 a.m., and against the almost sur¬real morning skies of Lake Michigan movesa black shadow, barely visible above the ho¬rizon. As the shadow moves closer, you hearthe thwump-thwump-thwump of chopperblades gracefully sweeping the water, andfinally you look up as the University of Chi¬cago Hospital’s Helicopter heads toward itsMidway base after a night of delivering life¬saving drugs to remote areas or deliveringseverely injured people to the hospital’s na¬tionally famous emergency clinics andwards.To the myriad of University of Chicagostudents, faculty, and staff who jog aroundthe Point in the morning, or simply sit at thePoint to witness the sun rise over the Lake,the sight of the helicopter is routine. Butnone of those people, no matter how inquisi¬tive or imaginative, really knows the truthbehind those early morning flights. In fact,not since the Manhattan Project in the early1940’s has a government-sponsored militaryproject at the University been cloaked in somuch secrecy. What is this big Maroon se¬cret. .University president Hanna Gray an¬nounced in late March that for the last twoyears the University has aided the UnitedStates government in the development of aStar Wars style defense helicopter, affec¬ tionately known around the University ad¬ministration as "Maroon Thunder’’. Thun¬dering into the University with a S3.2 billionprice tag, the state-of-the-art military vehi¬cle brought with it a host of famous physi¬cists and played a large part in the Universi¬ty’s commitment to build its large sciencequadrangle west of Ellis Avenue."It got to the point where we all said‘We’re not just building a machine here,we're making history’ ’’ said R. Richard Pu-truskin (AB ’57, SM ’59, PhD ’63), researchdirector for the project and a professor ofphysics at Princeton University. Putruskin,who studied at the University of Chicago atthe tail end of its Golden Age of Physics inthe 1940’s and 50’s, eagerly jumped at thechance to return to Hyde Park and play alarge part in its landmark research project.“The University has always been a pio¬neer in all frontiers, and I’m glad to be back,to push the frontiers of science just one stepahead,’’ Putruskin added. The Russian-born physicist and military tactics special¬ist wiP deliver the keynote address at theUniversity symposium "The University ofChicago and Tt’s Moral and Ethical Obliga¬tions to Military Maneuvers" at 4 p.m.Monday, April 8, in Mandel Hall.The Quadrangles, always buzzing withMAROON THUNDERUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5. 1986-12iMaroon Thunder — it’s not just a machine— it’s history.debate on the world’s political and socialquestions, clamored earlier this year withthe news that ROTC may soon become anequal partner with Aristotle and Thucy¬dides in the University’s curricular panth¬eon. The Maroon, the University’s studentnewspaper, contained many spirited dia¬tribes on the merits of the Military on theMidway. Maroon Thunder represents onlyone of the University's steps in the formalimplementation of the ROTC program."Students must have wondered why theUniversity would buy the Crerar collectionand move it into such a fine building,’’ saidUniversity of Chicago aesthetics and phi¬losophy professor Ted Cohen (AB ’59), whocouldn’t resist the opportunity to speak onone of his non-specialities. ‘‘Of what poss¬ible use could the Electrical EngineersWeekly and books on making dynamite beto an enclave of dedicated theorists.. ”Crerar Library and the Science Quadran¬gle, though, have indeed provided an in¬valuable resource to the 15 nationally ren¬owned scientists and military officialsinvolved in the project. Only the days ofEnrico Fermi and the splitting of the atomrival the prestige and the work of this groupof history-makers, and some, like Universi¬ty Nobel Laureate Jim Cronon (AB ’53, SM’55, PhD ’59) feel the dawn of the second Golden Age in the physics department.‘‘It’s fascinating to watch the fallout fromthis project,” said Cronon.. who convenient¬ly lent his name to the subatomic particlethe ‘cronon’ he co-discovered at the Univer¬sity’s Fermilab Accelerator in 1971.Just what is Maroon Thunder and whatcan it do.. The University has released onlya few specifics, but the helicopter reported¬ly can carry up to 10 wounded at a time,serves as an aerial hospital, can fly belowmost radar surveillance at speeds upwardsof 500 mph, and can be equipped with medi¬um range offensive ballistic weapons.‘‘And that’s only the tip of a very largeiceberg!” said Peter Pinchew (AB ’78), theproject’s youngest participant and clearlyone of its most excited.‘‘What’s more important than what thisthing can do is what it means 4- politically,five, ten, fifteen years from now,” saidNathan Tarpit, the Olin Center Directorwho lobbied mercilessly for the Universityto undertake Maroon Thunder after its ini¬tial proposal by the Reagan Administrationin 1981. Tarpit, who will also speak at Mon¬day’s symposium, called the project “mutu¬ally beneficial” and added that “when thesecurity of democratic governments in Cen¬tral America and elsewhere remain so peril¬ous, the University had no choice but to back the United States government andback Maroon Thunder 100 percent.”The secrecy surrounding the course of theproject, which began in spring 1983, stemsfrom President Hanna Gray’s desire to sup¬port the military interests of the govern¬ment without fueling a campus-wide furor.“We felt the Maroon Thunder Project to befully in line with our long range plans forfunding and for curriculum,” Gray said.“But on the other hand we didn’t want a re¬peat of the 1969 sit-ins in the administrationbuilding,” she added, displaying her igno¬rance of contemporary methods of peacefuldemonstration.Maroon Thunder is currently in its finalstages of testing, during which it plays therole of emergency service helicopter. Thatrole most coincides with what MaroonThunder will initially do when it enters fullcombat use in the fall of this year. The fleetMaroon and W’hite vehicle, however, has al¬ready left an indelible mark on the Univer¬sity, one which will last for years to come.As Putruskin eloquently elaborated in hisdeepest feelings toward the project, “it’schilling that a University so dedicated to ex¬ploring life’s infinite beauty would spend somuch money, so many times, to create themeans to destroy that beauty.”Already used in police warfare against the city’s more sophisticated street criminals, Maroon Thunder here destroys a suspecthelicopter at the Cabrini-Green Housing project.13—UNTVFRSITY OF CHIT4GO M \G.\ZINE APRIL 0.ECLECTICEDECLECTICED•ECLECTICED•ECLECTICED.ECLECTICED SAO’S ECLECTIC ED• AFRO-CARIBBEAN DANCE Harry DetryDAYS: Tuesdays & ThursdaysDATE: April 16 - May 23TIME: 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes Cloister ClubCOST: $30 for 12 sessions• AEROBIC EXERCISE Hilary BarnesDAYS: Tuesdays & ThursdaysDATE: April 16 - June 6TIME: 5:30-6:30 p.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes Cloister ClubCOST: $30 for 16 sessions• EARLY MORNING AEROBIC EXERCISE Lisa DouglasDAYS: Mondays, Wednesdays & FridaysDATE: April 8 - June 10TIME: 7:30-8:30 a.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes GymCOST: $45 for 27 sessions• BALLROOM DANCE -FRED & GINGER 101 & 102 Arturo Perez-ReyesDAYS: MondaysDATE: April 15 - May 13TIME: Fred & Ginger 101: 6:00 - 7:30 p.m.9:00 - 10:30 p.m.Fred & Ginger 102: 7:30 - 9:00 p.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes 3rd Floor Theater.COST: $25/person for 5 sessions• BELLY DANCING Rosalinde VorneDAYS: TuesdaysDATE: April 16 - June 4TIME: Beginners: 5:30 - 6:45 p.m.Intermediates: 6:45 - 8:00 p.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes Dance RoomCOST: $25 for 8 sessions• BASIC PHOTOGRAPHY John ProbesDAY'S: Mondays (first class only)DATE: April 15 - June 3TIME: 7:00 - 9:00 p.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes DarkroomCOST: $50 for 7 sessions• KREAKDANCE “Breakmaster”/“Skywalker”DAYS: SaturdaysDATE: April 20 - May 25TJME: 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 noonLOCATION: Ida Noyes Third Floor TheaterCOST: $20 for 6 sessions‘ HATHA YOGA WITHINTHE IYENGAR TRADITION Kathleen WrightDAYS: MondaysDATE: April 15 - June 10TIME: 6.00-7:30 p.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes East LoungeCOST: $40 for 8 sessions• IKEBANA Ikka NakashimaDAYS: ThursdaysDATE: April 18 - June 6TIME: 5:15 -6:15 p.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes Room 217COST: $20 Cor 8 sessions• JAZZ DANCE Barbara Dre^trDAYS: Mondays & WednesdaysDATE: April IS - June 10TIME: Jazz I: 5:30 - 7:00 p.m.Jazz II: 7:00 - 8:30 p.m.LOCATION: Ida Noyes Dance Room/Cloister ClubCOST: $50 for 16 sessionsSIGN-UP IN SAO210 IDA NOYESUNIVERSITY Of CHICAGO MACAZINB/AMHL 5, 19«6 H ExceptionalManagement Opportunities.For exceptional College Grads (and those who are soon to be)CURRENTOPPORTUNITIES:•NUCLEAR ENGINEERING•BUSINESS MANAGEMENT•AVIATION• INTELLIGENCE•SHIPBOARD OPERATIONSSign up for an interview in the Career Placement Office.Interviews will be held in the Career Placement Office.Date: April 11, 1985Navy Officers Get Responsibility Fast.Bring in Coupon and Student ID and SaveServiceOpticalSoftContactLensesDaily Wear $39.50Includes B&L, WJ. AO, 02Tand American HydronExtended Wear $59.50Includes B&L and PermalensTinted $79.50Includes B&L, CIBA, and CTLChem-Care kits are included at no extra costOther brands, torics, bifocal, and specialty lensesavailable at nominally higher cost.CONSULT YOUR YELLOW PAGES FOR THEOFFICES NEAREST YOU.Professional Eye Examination Available* DePoul Uni versifyDePaul University’s College of Liberal Arts and SciencefSlI wferaccelerated 12 quarter-hour sequences in Calculus, OrganicChemistry, Inorganic Chemistry and Physics this summer. Studentscan complete up to a year's work in one 10-week session• Classes Offered June 17-August 23• Discounted Tuition Rates• Credit May Be TransferredChemistry courses will be offered evenings at DePaul’s Lincoln Parkcampus. Calculus evenings at the University’s Loop campus andPhysics during the day at tne Lincoln Park campus.A kill range of Liberal Arts and Sciences courses, including intro¬ductory, advanced and graduate level Computer Science will beoffered in two summer sessions: June 17-July 19 and July 22-Auaust23 at regular tuition rates...ISSlfJfJPISSS00 and a compete summer session schedule,call (312) 341-9629 or return the coupon below:| Caflsgeof Liberal Aria and Sciences■ OaPaut UnfcoraityS 2323 N. Santinary Avenuej Otfcego, Mnoia 60614m uT]ii1 Name! Add'-ss i— 1IIIIL City statePlease send me more information on:Accelerated Courses in □ Chemistry□ Computer Science Courses □ Other Zip□ Calculus Q Physicsan equal opportunity employer and educatoriAt the two-hundredth anniversary of theWoodward Court Lecture Series, HannaGray used the Hutchins Era as a startingpoint for her vision of a new University ofChicago. “The time for thinking about thepast is over, and. the time foi buildingtowards a new future is now.” In responseto that rallying cry, the University adminis¬tration responded in its typical bureaucraticfashion. The Robert Maynard Hutchins Me¬morial Fund was established, as was TaskForce 1984, and even more significantly, thestudent body responded. A group of vision¬ary students took Gray’s vision and estab¬lished the college’s newest fraternity withit, Delta Iota Kappa.“We are more than just another fraternityon campus, Delta lota Kappa should be amodel for the new University of Chicago.Our students are more practical, success-oriented, and fun-ioving than previous stu¬dents at the college, and this is the kind ofperson who . ill make an impact in the eight¬ies.” After tali-, ng to Chapter PresidentMitch Vai derkloos, it became readily ap¬parent that his own vision of cfe coming erais much akin to President Reagan’s ownviews ( where America should be headedand W;,«h the youth of today should thinklike. Says Vanderkloos, “One has to beginto realize that the sixties are over now, andthat liberalism will get you nowhere in ahurry. One must be more practical in thisday and age, and think about the future inthe same way that our parents did duringthe fifties, after all they made this countryinto what it is today.”Even though the fraternity members holdsame values, they are yet a diverse?roup of individuals. Over a third are pre¬law students, another third arc or*- busi¬ness, and the remainder are mostly pre¬professional. Typifying the fraternity isDelta Sean Hallahan, who is a philosophymajor also fulfilling the requirements for adegree in economics. He reflects upon hisdecision to double-major by reasoning. “It’sa shrinking job market out there and it’sbetter safe than sorry. No longer does a col¬iege education guarantee financial securityanymore.”Dean of Students Herman Sinairo recallsthe beginnings of the new fraternity, not aspart of a national youth movement towardspre-professionalism, but rather as a bunchof friends getting together socially. “I re¬number Mitch (Vanderkloos) asking me atias? year’s Wassial party about the possibil¬ity of starting a fraternity with some of hisfrienos at its core. Knowing the successfulbunch of guys that Mitch was friends with, Iwas sure that his fraternity would meet withgreat success. A year later, I’m happy tosay that it has lived up to my expecta¬tions.”But the fraternity has turned out to bemore than just a gathering of friends underone roof, it has turned into a symbol of Pres¬ident Gray’s vision of the new University ofChicago, as an Ivy League equivalent. Grayput this conception into words at a ground¬breaking ceremony at the Delta House,where she said beforehand, “The establish¬ment of this fraternity is a step in the rightdirection. I think the student body has beenfar too serious in the past, and the Deltasare just the go-getters we need to stir upsome fun around thiS'V&rrTptisrThis frater¬nity along with the opening of the JohnCrerar Library puts the University of Chi¬cago on a par with the Ivy League in termsof fun and in terms of academics.” By ex¬panding enrollment from twenty-fourhundred to three-thousand, Gray was ableto lure some of the Ivy types away from theEast Coast and into the Midwest, and yetnot compromise the basic composition of the existing student body.Indeed, many potential Ivy Leaguersturned down offers from the East Coast tobe part of Hanna Gray’s new Chicagoschool and by Dan Hall’s promise that theywould be the “cutting edge” of a whole newwave of Chicago students. In a recent in¬teroffice memo cn the admissions process,Dan Hall wrote, ‘ the higher the proportionof Ivy Leaguers at the University of Chica¬go, the greater will be the University’s na¬tional visibility, and as a corollary moreand more applicants will not look at Chica¬go as a ‘safe school,’ but rather as a real‘fun’ alternative. This school has the- lowestprofile of any major college in the countryand it’s time wt changed that.”However, amidst all the hoopla and hopessurrounding the admissions office’s at¬tempts to diversify the student body as“paradoxically” bringing in students fromthe mainstream comes the charge that theadmissions office is lowering its standardsto allow for the increase in enrollment. How¬ever, Men’s Field Hockey and formerMaroon Head Football Coach Mick Ewingdisagrees. Says Ewing, “If those Delta IotaKappa guys are any indication of the effectan increase in enrollment has then I’m allfor it. They are natural leaders from theirBrooks Brother’s shirts all the way down totheir sockless docksiders. They spark theteam in more ways than one, not only arethey great on the field, but they are great offthe field too. These guys were surfing in theaisle as we were driving into Wisconsin, andsomehow convinced the cheerleaders to pre¬tend that they too were in California. Sohere we were in the middle of a snowstormwith these girls in bikinis serving mai-taiswith fresh pineapples that the guys hadsmuggled aboard. If you ask me that’sachievement, and that is definitely more funthan listening to a bunch of losing footballplayers recount stories of the days whenthey used to win in High School.”While most of the fraternity was away atthe Maroon field hockey games, the IM foot¬ball squad — the Delta Plaids — had to tryand hold their own against teams like theBovver Boys in the independent division.Said of team captain and house historianDickey Hobson, “It was extremely difficultto play against perrenial powers like Hitand Run with an offensive line made up oflour National Merit Scholars who lettered inHowever, despite all the adversitythe team faced, they in the end did manageto end their winless season on an upbeatnote with a last second touchdown pass todefeat Jerry’s Kids. Hobson recalls that thewinning play was devised by one of thephysics majors on the front line, “It was allvery complicated to us, and Jerry’s Kidsdidn’t quite seem to comprehend what wasgoing on either. Besides, we figured that ifwe couldn’t defeat a team made up ofJerry’s Kids, then we would have our pic¬tures plastered on cans at the register atMcDonalds throughout the country, and Idon’t know if I could ever explain that to myfriends at home. Another fraternity memberremembers that “we wanted to pi ysicallypunish Jerry’s Kids for pre-empting theLove Boat with a telethon for the past twoyears.”Before the Deltas could even field an IMfdOtbarrteEfifi, however, they had to bravethe adversity of finding a national organiza¬tion to sponsor them. Recounts Vice-Presi¬dent Wade McCloskey, “We sent a pictureof the guys to over fifty national chaptersand got three letters of intent, from whichwe finally picked Delta Iota Kappa. We arevery proud to be part of the organizationcontinued on page 18 For their AprilFools Day pic-n i c , Deltamember ChipM e n o s k idressed asPeter Rabbit,and is seenhere with hon¬orary ThetaIota Thetamember JamieLee Curtis,who was heardto say ‘‘Itseems like thefun never stopson thiscampus.”15—UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5. 1985OUR FAMOUS STUFFED PIZZA IN THE PANIS NOW AVAILABLE IN HYDE PARKcocktails • Pleasant Dining • Pick-up / GLAZING • JAZZINGCaLOPHANE • LUMINIZING• ETC. ;MARCH 16TH - APRIL 30TH"Chicago's best pizza!” - Chicago Magazine, March 1977"The ultimate in pizza!”—New York Times, January 19805311S. Blackstone Ave.947-0200Open 11 a.m.-midnight Monday-Thursday11 a.m.-1 a.m. Friday and SaturdayNoon-Midnight Sunday(Kitchen closes half hour earlier) TUESDAY IS MEN’S DAYALL MEN S CUTS ARE $10°°CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT TODAY!Thehair pe1621 E. 55th St.Chicago, IL 60615241-7778Now you can tan without the sun...at your nearby Wolff SystemTanning Center.•Tan without painful sunburns.•Tan in spite of the weather.•Keep your tan all year long.For a great tan year-round, insist on a Wolff Systemand get a fast, dark, natural tan.The Chicago Maroonannounces the election of a Marooneditor-in-chief for 1984-85, to be heldTUESDAY, APRIL 9, at 5:45 p.m.The following are members-in-good standing* eligible to vote:Frank LubyMichael ElliottDavid LanchnerFrank ConnollyDennis ChanskyJulie WeissmanAlexandra ConroyPhil PollardCraig FarberWally DabrowskiBruce KingStephanie BaconLisa CypraTina EHerbeeDavid SullivanKaren AndersonPaul BeattieTony BerkleyRosemary BlinnMark BlockerDavid BurkeMike CarrollAnthony CashmanTom Cox Kathy Evans Matt Schaefer Nadine McGannPaul Flood Doug Shapiro Patrick MoxeyBen Forest Geoff Sherry Brian MulliganJohn Gasiewski Frank Singer Susan PawlowskiJesse Goodwin Brad Smith John PorterIngrid Gould Jeff Smith ■ John ProbesPeter Grivas Stan Smith Ravi RajmaneKeither Horvath Paul Song Max RennMike Hagan Rick Stabile Paul ReubensJim Jozefowicz Joel Stitzel Laura SafeLarry Kavanagh Adena Svingos Rachel SaltzAl Knapp Hilary Till Wayne ScottStephen Lau Bob Travis Franklin SoultsAmy Lesemann Terry Trojanek Mark TomaL. D. Lurvey Steven Amsterdam Rick WojcikCarolyn Mancuso Michelle Bonnarens Elizabeth Barnes-ClaytonHelen Markey Pablo Conrad Jim DunnDavid McNulty Geideon D’Arcangelo Bill HayesKarin Nelson Catherine Gillis Karla KarinenCiaran Obroin Susan Greenberg James KeeneyJames Ralston Sabrina Guth Christopher PearsonMax Rhee David Kay Chet WiernerFrancis Robicheaux Irwin Keller Timothy BeltonPaul Rohr Michael Kotze*To be a member in good standing, one must be a registered student.Names listed above will be checked before the time of the election.UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5, 1985-16i t tThe University of Chicago Law SchoolannouncesThe 1985 Ulysses S. and Marguerite S. SchwartzVisiting FellowThe Honorable Herbert J. Stern J.D. ’61United States District JudgeforThe District of New JerseyTuesday, April 9TRYING CASES TO WIN<1 H4:00 p.m.Courtroom Sherry ReceptionFollowingtt Wednesday, April 10A PEEK THROUGH THE BLINDFOLD tt4:00 p,m„Courtroom Reception FollowingLower Burton LoungeTHE PUBLIC IS INVITED THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGOTHE DIVISION OF THE HUMANITIESpresents a series of lecturesRoman Imperialism andRoman ReligionbyARNALD0 M0MIGLIAN0(University College, London)Alexander White Visiting Professor, University of ChicagoMonday, April 8 • A New Text and SomeMethodological ImplicationsMonday, April 15 • Imperialism and Religion from100B.C. toA.D. 100Monday, April 22 • The Growth of the Emperor’s CultMonday, April 29 • Men and Women in Religious LifeMonday, May 6 • The Disadvantages ofMonotheism in a Universal StateThe Lectures will be held at 4:00 in the afternoonin Harper, Room 130THE PUBLIC IS CORDIALLY INVITED • ADMISSION FREEWHATS NEW ATMUSIC THAT INSTRUCTORS OON’t BUY spin*itKOOL 6 THE GANGEMERGENCY A SENSE OF WONDER$4.59 Spin-it has scientifically monitored the purchases of someof the record buying faculty of the university.We have found that shepherds, cheerleaders, aldermenand republicans have better taste in music.We are trying to blackmaii these instructors and ■ r.yinformation that may help us that is brought to ourattention, we will give $1.00 off the purchase of any non-sale Ip, tape or cd. IQ(You must bring the AD in to receive this big deal.) $4,59COMPACT1444 E. 57SALE PRICES TILL 4/14/8517-IJNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE APRIL 5. 1986FRAT RATSAt a Delta-Theta fundraiser Delta member Mick Garrigle findsthat he has finally met his match in “the Pit’’ wrestling “theBeast’ Bronowski from Theta House.President Mitch Vanderkloos (left) also said “I hope the funnever comes to an end,” while viewing the interior of a Thetabathroom.William F. Buckley recently visited the Quad Club after a lec¬ture before Students For America. Here, Buckley is talking toDelta Pledgemaster William T. Langley III and Hoa “Jam-Master” Nguyen. continued from page 15even though the Chicago chapter and theother fraternities don’t always see eye toeye. Still, beneath the debates we all havethe same basic values as our brothers acrossthe nation.All of the adversity the Delta’s initiallyfaced, however, was rapidly overcome asthey became the leaders in campus sociallife. Whereas other fraternities are contentin having open bars and study breaks, theDeltas opted for something a little different.They are providing a myriad of differentdrinking contests, meant to encourage peo¬ple to have fun in an institution known tohave a fun quotient of-zero. For instance,they now have monthly mud wrestling com¬petitions with the sister of Theta Iota Theta,which also doubles as a fundraising eventsfor local charities. “The way it works,” ex¬plains Fundraising Chairman TheodoreMcAffie, “is that the brothers nominatefour tag teams to represent the Delta Houseand the sister of Theta Iota Theta nominatefour teams to represent themselves, andthen we get all who are present to place betson the outcome.” Adds President Vanderk¬loos, “It’s all good clean fun, and we raiseover a thousand dollars every time we holdthe event. However, it is a bit embarassingthat the Theta team of “Big” Bertha Abro-mowitz and Nancy “The Beast” Bronowskihave been beating guys from the MaroonFootball Team and the nationally rankedMaroon Wrestling Team. In fact, one timesomeone made a comment about the collec¬tive weight of Theta House and the girls gotmad and disposed of the whole MaroonFootball team in under two minutes bythrowing them into the wrestling pit.” Whenwe cornered Maroon Wrestling Coach LeoKocher, who was watching his All-Ameri¬cans wrestle Big Bertha and the Beast, hecommented, “Frankly I find it a little em¬barassing that our wrestlers are losing tothese girls, but I’ve got to admit they aregood. If the NCAA allowed them to wrestlefor the Maroons, I’d have two nationalchampions and a top ten team next year, butas it is I guess we’ll just have to beef up inthe off-season.Collectively the tag team of Big Berthaand the Beast weigh in at one-thousandpounds, and the rest of the Theta teamsboast that total to just over a ton of fun. Inthe past, Big Bertha and the Beast havebeen mistaken for the popular musicalgroup the Weather Girls/Two Tons of Fun,but now that they have been mud-wrestlingto record breaking crowds at the DeltaHouse no one mistakes their identitiesanymore. Nancy Bronowski reflects on thedays before mud-wrestling noting that “Iused to really get bugged by people mistak¬ing me for one-half of Two Tons of Fun.Now that mud-wrestling has made us cele¬brities of sorts people say, “hello, how’s itgoing,” all over campus, so that I would saythe effect has been positive as far as I’mconcerned. I know that a lot of people wouldsay that we are being exploited by all themale chauvenist Delta guys who get somesort of cheap thrill watching me and Berthawrithe in the mud, but I really don’t mind.It’s a lot better than being told that I’m tooheavy to cross that bridge as the other halfof two-tons of fun, I think I get a lot morerespect now.”Another of the fundraisers that thebrothers of the Delta House engage in is apole sit for charity. Said Vankerkloos in re¬sponse to the charge that the Deltas stolethe idea from the Fiji’s who have beingdoing it for years, “I am well aware of theFiji precedent, but it must also be remem¬bered that it is part of Delta traditionthroughout the nation for over a century.Anyway what we do isn’t quite the same thing, you see the Fiji’s use a chair at thetop, whereas we don’t use one and plant thetelephone pole flat end down to give us morestability in high winds. If we bailed out ofour tradition now, then we would be sayingto former alumni such as George Brett andJimmy Carter that you squatted in vain,and we can’t quite bring ourselves to giveour brothers the figurative shaft likethat.”While these activities are a bit unortho¬dox at the college, they nevertheless domanage to achieve their objective of raisingthe Chicago fun quotient. Sinaiko readilyagrees saying, “this is what the studentbody needs; a chance to experience what areal college life is like. The Deltas representwhat it means to have an opportunity to getahead in life, and have fun in doing it. Thepanty raids and the fizzies in Botany Pondare something that they will remember longafter they pass through the doors of the Re-genstein for the last time.”Despite administration hype in the Chica¬go Chronicle and in national publicationssuch as Time, The New York Times, andNewsweek on Campus, the administrationstill has a long way to go in convincinvg themajority of the student body that such ahappy medium could ever exist. Student de¬monstrators recently protested the new fra¬ternity by marching from their House onUniversity Avenue to the AdministrationBuilding on Ellis where two-hundred long¬haired and flower covered protesters andOnlookers gathered to hear various studentsspeak out against the Deltas and the Thetas.The demonstrators expressed concern thatthe school is drifting backwards instead ofmoving forwards in the spirit of the alwaysquestioning Hutchins Era. The President ofthe Committee on Cruelty to Sidewalks Jo¬seph Donermeyer typified student reactionwhen he stated, “Do we all really want towear Docksiders?”And the backlash is not all limited to de¬monstrations, but also take the place of in¬ternal battles. Finance Committee Chair¬man Rick Szesny is quite a strange ally forDonermeyer to have, but yet both of themfind each other’s company needed. Szesnyrecently expressed his concern over somerather unusual request for money by theDelta Iota Kappa House. CommentedSzesny, “I’m not sure what all these re¬quests are all about, but if SG PresidentChris Hill doesn’t get to the bottom ofthings soon then the Finance Committeewill have to take matters into their ownhands.” Szesny then went on to point outthe some of the requests for equipment andfacilities at Ida Noyes Hal are also highlyunusual. Says Szesnyk, “I think these guysare trying to buy a roulette wheel for theHouse in order to compete with CharityBingo Nights at local churches. The evi¬dence is pointing more and more towardsthe Deltas being that ‘Y’ word.”Yet despite all of the negative criticismsbeing thrown across the quads by variousspecial interest groups, requests for admis¬sion into the Delta House remain high. Pled¬gemaster William T. Langley III told us re¬cently that “out of over two-hundredpledges that we now have, only twelve of themost qualified will make it past SinkNight.” What makes these Chicago stu¬dents brave such tremendous odds is still abit of an enigma, but pledge Chip Merriotsums up the hopes of all of the pledges bynoting that “the Delta House right now isthe most fun-oriented and ‘eighties’ houseon campus. They are the future, and I wantto get in on the ground floor of the new Uni¬versity of Chicago. Who says you can’t havefun and get a good education at the sametime.”UNTVRRSTTV OS* CUir/kC.n MAr.AZTNF'APim fi 1*Sun.1649 E. 55th St.667-5423 E. 55th St.324-9296“Superior Coffees at Superior Prices”Price per poundColombian Supremo (wa,er decaf.) 6.30Espresso {water decaf.} 6.30French Roast {ytater deraf ) 6.30Cafe Cinnamon 4.95Dutch Chocolate 4.95Jamoca Almond 4.95Emerald Cream 5.50Mocha Ja va Blend 4.95Viennese Blend 3,95Espresso 3.95French Roast 3,95Colombian Supremo 3.95Brazil Santos 3.95Kenya 5,30Guatamalan Antiqua 4.75Royal Kona Hawaii 8.50Costo Rican 4.95Port Royal Jamaican 6.30Ethiopian Harrar 4.80Sumatra 5,505210 S. Harper (in Harper Court)Chicago, IL 60615 312-643-8080SUNDAY, MONDAYTUESDAY, and FRIDAYWEDNESDAY - THURSDAYtmymm 60 OZ. PITCHERS FORONLY $3.00ALL IMPORTEDBEER $1.25 (12 OZ.)•HUGE 45” MITSUBISHI SCREEN FOR SPORTSAND OTHER SPECIALS•FREE POPCORN AFTER 4 PMOne of the top ten jazz juke boxes in ChicagolandCHICAGO TRIBUNEj?or eocHidils19-UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6. 1986••ft--'-■ The members of the class of ’66 harness up their wives for the Irene Conley, Director of Student Neuroses, welcomes the re*anniml chariot race. Go, girls, go! turning alumni with a little song she wrote herself. ThatIrene!Jonathan Z. Smith, former Dean of the College, reminisces withformer student Brooke Shields, ’80. The lovely Weiss Lounge was n high priority sight for returningalumni, Bevvi Safron, BA’46 remarked, “It is so clean.”UNIVERSITY Of CHICAGO MAOAZINE/APRIL ». IMS—SOSEX DEATH LAUGHS1 1« A t 1 - spah iragflMfc . Lifl J 'Some alumni took adv antage of the athletic facilities for relax¬ation and health. Members of the class of '68 spot a poppy field while out for astroll on the Midway.SI—UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAO AXINR/4PKU S IMS...THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGOJOHN M. OLIN CENTERpresentsBernard LewisProfessor of Near Eastern Studies,Princeton University and Institute forAdvanced Study; John M. Olin VisitingProfessor, University of ChicagoonRELIGION AND POLITICSWednesday, April 10,19854:00 p.m.Social Science Research BuildingRoom 122,1126E. 59th StreetROCSPORTS.THEY MAKE EVERY STREETEASY STREETHeel counter forlateral stability.Full-grain,glove-tanned leather.Rocker profile aids .natural walking motion. Resilient foam insole. K*™ M cup and arch.. „ , , • for support and comfort.Morflex sole by Vtbram!M Super light, greatshock absorption.W hen you re in RocSports, every street is as soft as Easy Street. Because RocSportscomfort you like no other shoe today. With a unique Walk Support System™ thatcombines running shoe technology, lightweight, space-age materials and innovativedesign to make walking a pleasure. Try on a pair of RocSports today. Feel whatyou ve been missing. And walk on Easy Street every day. Available in a variety ofstyles and colors for men and women, $60 to $75.UNIVERSITY OP CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5, 1986-22SPRING SCHMALTZIt s a brilliant afternoon on the Quads;banners sparkle in the golden sunlight andballoons bounce in the breeze. All day longthe crowd slowly grows, covering thegrounds of Harper Quadrangle and swallow¬ing the maroon-and-white-draped pavilionwithin. By evening a Chautauqua spirit fillsthe air — the pool of people divides intopuddles of lively discussion and spirited ar¬gument, augmented by the free-flowingspirits of intellect and liquor. At night thefestivities >egln in earnest: mongers fromMorry’s In vk delicious spiced pork-fatdipped in r.'.tler and other delicacies; gui¬tars and spontaneous jazz jam sessionscompete for listeners wall megaphone-equipped speechmakers; a hunchbacked-dwarf runs in from somewhere. Fireworksfill the sky while professors harangue theaudience with reasons why their section ofWestern Civ is the best offered. It’s yet an¬other wonderful blend of academic and so¬cial fulfillment offered only by the Universi¬ty Chicago — Spring Schmutz.anile students at other universities wastetheir time sleeping out in the cold for ticketson the 50-yard line of the football stadium ortickets to the latest hot group playing on thecampus, U of C students gather one chillynight each spring to sleep under the stars inorder to sign up for classes. This used tomean a sleepless night of interesting conver¬sation and sprinkler avoidance, but underthe leadership of Deans Donald “Rockin’Don’’ Ravine and Herman “Who the hellcares what your grades are as long as you’refrom the U of C” Delightco, the event hasgrown from a few bleary-eyed cups of coffeeto one of the largest university parties in thecountry. All night long professors campaignfor their courses and sections, vowing likepoliticos for the student signups at the day¬break rush for the advisors’ offices. And toaccompany the student-faculty exchangesare an amazing quantity of food, drink,music, and other entertainment. As an ex¬ample, the Charlie Daniels band made a sur¬prise and only partially-noticed appearanceat last year’s Texas steer roast.“Basically, it was a financial decision,’’said Dean Ravine, or “Rockm Don’’, as heprefers to be called. “This is a time of greatdemand for students, a real crunch. So wedecided to play with our strengths, combineour already great academics with a great so¬cial life and sell the unbeatable package asbest we can. Spring Schmutz is part of thatpackage.’’The students seem to be buying. “It’s thegreatest thing I’ve ever witnessed,” saysfreshman Cindy Lupine as she watches theopening act of Macbeth, performed by atroupe flown in from the Stratford Shake¬speare Festival. “How could anyone torthis school,” queries Harold Finnagan, alsoa freshman, as a squadron of F-15 fighterplanes shoot past the Administration build¬ing in a dazzling display of aerial agility.But the academics are not forgotten. Thecrowd hushes at 2:00 a.m., when Historyprofessor Karl Winetr be mounts the podi¬um to explain why the continued survival ofWestern Civilization depends on the surviv¬al of the University of Chicago History De¬partment, and why the continued survivalof the History Department depends on hisclass. At 4:00 English professor David Bo-velton rouses the crowd with a stirring de¬fense of the liberal arts education. A fewhotheads in the crowd misinterpret Bevel-ton’s inspiring speech and commandeer abus full of hapless IIT students, but a fewwords from the professor restore order andsend the frighted engineers on their way.All night long, questions and promisescome from professors and students, stu¬dents and professors. The wine pours andthe music fills the skies. And anotherSpring Schmutz is underway. A NEW TRADITIONRALPH HAMILTON AND IRENE CONLEY, DIRECTOR OF STUDENT ACTIVITIES take a breakfrom their busy schedules to welcome unsuspecting students to Spring Schmutz. Are we having a B*B*Qor what, Irene?THIS FELLOW DOESN’T KNOWWHAT’S GOOD FOR HIM. Hewas found trying to sneak out ofthe Schmutz. We know what hap¬pens to naughty boys, don’t we?MORNING EXERCISES are animportant part of any UC tradi¬tion.NO ONE MUCH CARES FORFAT BOYS AT SPRINGSCHMUT223—UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6. 19867"South Korea and J4er Neighbors:Emerginj^ssues inIntematiOi^felitics"Sponsored^ the Center for Far Eastern Studies (1. off C. Computation CenterMicrocomputer Distribution CenterZenithZ-150 (IBM PC compatible), 320K RAM, 2 floppydrives, serial and parallel ports, MS-DOS $1675Z-150 with 1 floppy drive and 10Mb Winchesterdrive $2775Monitor (med. resolution, no adap. card req.) $ 110IBMPC-AT (limited number in stock) 512K RAM, 1.2 Mbfloppy drive, 2C Mb Winchester drive,monochrome adapter and monitor, DOS 3.0 $4974PC-XT 256K RAM, floppy drive, 10Mb Winchesterdrive $3318PC 256K RAM, 2 floppy drives $1827Monitor and adapter card $414Hewlett-PackardPortable (HP 110), 272K RAM, LCD display, MS-DOS, Lotus 1-2-3, Terminal software, 300 baudmodem $2045Integral Personal Computer (Unix PC!)512K,microfloppy drive, display, Thinkjet printer,2 expansion slots $3395Laser jet Professional PC Printer $2385Hewlett-Packard, IBM, and Zenith products will be shippeddirectly from manufacturer to customer. Complete price listsavailable at USITE (Wieboldt 310), 5737 S. University, andMDC. Offer limited to U.C. departments and full-time facul¬ty, students, and staff. Orders should be placed at the MDC,1307 E. 60th Street (rear entrance).WE LIVE UP TO OUR NAME• Low rates by the day, weekend or longer• Long and short term leasing available• We feature current model economy to luxury size cars• Cargo vans available• Current model and last year model cars available for sale.GREAT RATES! GREAT SERVICE!Serving Hyde Parkand South ShoreFor Information and Reservations Call:493-79007234 South Stony Island AvenueSears EggMajor Credit Cardsand Sears CreditCards Accepted I i'- i' ^ MAn Independent Budget Syitem LicenseeUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5, 1986- 24We ’re all used to thinking of U of C’ers ashighly academic types. As a recent Bakerreport shows, the stereotypical U of C’57male wears glasses, has 25.4 years of educa¬tion and can argue in the Socratic method.But these days a wider range of studentsmatriculate. We showed you the happy-go-lucky Reg Rat Revelers who have found thathappiness exists in the thousands of partiesand activities that sprawl over campusnightly. Now we’ll show you to the averagestudents.Just to show you how diverse U of C stu¬dents really are, we decided to introducethose “geeks”, the “nerds”, the “squares”you always knew were hidden somwhere —probably in language lab or some corner ofEckhart library flexing their mental pecs.They’re not bright per se, or they’d be atHarvard. They’re just strange.It’s a cold January night. There’s a meanwind blowing on the quads. Here and there afew hardy souls brave the night to go to aDOC movie or to return their overdue booksto Crerar, but where are all the other stu¬dents?They’re partying it up at Hanna’s party inIda Noyes. At any other school this eventwould be attended by only about seventeenpeople who mistakenly wandered throughthe building. But at this event there are atleast twenty people packing a corner of thefirst floor — all eager for a chance to talk toHanna. Others watch silent movies andempty chairs in the Cloister Club and theyswell with pride to think that $120 is beingspent on each of them to put on this amazingevent. They braved the weather becausethey know they’ll profit more from this onenight than most students at those otherschools.U of C students today wear the title"geek” with pride. They know they’re get¬ting a quality education and paying lots ofmoney for it. Almost as much as Ivy Lea¬guers. These are the people who affrontedtheir roommates at first with poor hygieneand g/ooming and later leave their rooms tojoin other nightly adventurers in roamingRegen^em after it closes. They play D & D.Mary Merry, a Woodward first year, hadjust such a roommate. "It was great onceBiffy moved into the fifth floor stacks,”Merry said, adding, "It got so she’d onlycome back to the room every four weeks totake a shower.”The University is very proud of thesestrange folk. The students are a breed apart.Dean of Admissions Dan "the Man” Hallnoted, "Students find the U of C in a highlypersonal, self-selective way. They (thenerds) seem to be drawn here by the gar¬goyles, the grey buildings, the graffiti in thebathrooms, the short hours in the bursar’soffice...we offer them something those Iviescan’t — eclecticism.”Most U of C students these days are biolo¬gy or economics majors. They spend fivehours per day in class, four in lab, three inHenry Crown filling phys ed requirements,ten in the Reg studying, and three socializ¬ing at meals. Few finish in four years be¬cause they find this schedule too taxing.They’re serious about life.Activities do sometimes bring these peo- REG RATSREBELpie out of the woodwork, though. The bigevent of the year is "sleeping out forclasses.” There students line up days in ad¬vance only to find out later that next yearEric Cochrane will teach five extra sectionsof Western Civ or that Developmental Bioreally is a course that they don’t want totake. Another high point of the year is thePresident’s picnic where the students canactually meet and press flesh with the Pres,herself. "I didn’t realize what an imposingwoman she is until I shook hands with her,”commented on student.Tom Humanist observed, “She explainedthe entire University finance system to menand told me why the tuition had to increase23. this year. I didn’t understand, but she’san impressive talker.”Other activities include the now dearlyloved tradition, the Winter Festival of Ku-viasungnerk. The festival is now in its thirdyear after being founded in memory of RalpKuvia AB ’23 and Fred Fun X ’78. Whilestudents at othr schools may be doing tackythings like dancing on sand and drinkingbeer, U of C’ers write essays, knit scarvesand listen to professors lecture on the essen¬tial meaning of fur Eskimo underwear.Now that the Student Activities Fee hasbeen increased and split among divisionsand schools, a greater number of smaller,eclectic clubs are expected. The DivinityStudents Association, for example, has de¬cided to use their money for Liquoris Plen¬tiful Functions. These LPF’s are already aninstitution at the B-School and are intendedto teach students to drink and vomit proper¬ly.The Classical Greek and South AsianCiv. graduate divisions have discussedpooling their $1.50 to form a hopscotchleague. The French Medical Students Asso¬ciation plans to organize special fields tripsto exotic places to view’ the grafting of deadbat wings with caterpillar larvae.The College has been given increasedspirit through anticipation of this money.Students have even expressed interest inseeking that the Dean’s wishes for a specialProject 198? Design, Fabrication and Bull¬shit Issues are funded through the Collegeportion of the fee.Project 1984 proved to be the social spec¬tacle of the year. Students affirmed theircommitment to some social life b> servingon committees with faculty. In fine U of Cstyle the committees debated lengthily andwith particular attention to rhetorical pos¬ture. Small gr mp comuraderie is not the onlygeek tradition which thrives at the U of C.Fraternities are making a splendid come¬back and as one student puts it, "They’rethe social life of the future. They have oney.I’ve re'.a my Newsweek on Campus and Iknow it’s only a matter of time before westart seeing frat sweaters, preppie pedal-pushers and ROTC boots on a few studentsall over campus. Dressing differently is theonly campus fashion.”And, of course, the dorms are still highlypopular places to live for many students.Whether they’re chained in because their fi¬nancial aid doesn’t permit them to move outor because they’re freshmen, they make thebest of it by starting traditions like smokeand beer study breaks.A highlight in the dining halls now istheme dinners where exotic food is served.' The most recent dinner "Goats in New Zea¬land” featured standard goat fare of boiledtin cans, 'grass and Alpo. "They really gothe extra mile to make these meals authen¬tic,” said Joe Honest, a third year stu¬dent.While many students are rumored to com¬plain about things like housing constantly,they are rarely openly heard and even morerarely do they have anything substantive tosay. They even have formed a club knownas Debaters Anonymous which now has wonnumerous awards.“There’s this myth that students here arewierd,” explained Resident PhilsopherDandy Don LeBean. "I think it’s a self per¬petuating one because our students reallywant to think they're different. They wantto feel like they’re suffering for good reason,even if they’re not at a real boot campschool. The truth is that this school hasbeen a lot stranger. In my days in the Hutchins College we didn’t bother with thingslike physical fitness. Instead, we knewCrime and Punishment so well we could re¬cite most of it off the top of our heads.Today’s students live in a very humane en¬vironment.”But do students want the namby pambyimage LeBean bestows on them? "No way,”protests Susan Streeker. "I went to everymorning of Kangelko and all I got was alousy t-shirt. After all the IM points Iracked up, no one can tell me I haven’t suf¬fered.”The University tried in the pas^ to clearout these rather odd students in the hopethat Stanford’s student body wouldtransfer. But once again the Universityimage seems firmly rooted in Hutchinswhich most of you will remember as saying,"If you feel the urge to be a nerd, do so.”Some students still persist in proudly notshaving, not bathing and not changingclothes for the entire exam week in Hut-cnir’s memory. Braver geeks make this reg¬ular practice for the entire year.Some students are said to complain aboutthe lack of student like and dearth of trueactivities, but we couldn’t find any. Mostseem content to go to classes, want in seven¬ty-person lines for their books eacn quarter,and besides, by now the tenth weel almostevery student has a favorite stop in Regen-stien. Now that’s tradition.25 -UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE APRIL 5. 19?mJust bring in any size Kodacolor film for quality developingand printing by Kodak. Order one set of prints at the regularprice, and you’ll get a second set free to share with friends.AMD ICELANDER miilDES ALL THESE EXTRAS:□ Free wine with dinner, cognac after—in flight. □ Free deluxe roundtripmotorcoach between Luxembourg and select cities in Germany, Belgium andHolland. □ Reduced train fares to Switzerland and France. □ Super SaverKemwel car rentals at $59 per week in Luxembourg.WE RE THE ONLY WAY TO FLY TO THE BREATHTAKING BEAUTY OF ICELAND.From a 24-hour stopover to a grand tour of two weeks or more, we have theperfect package for a visit to Iceland, Europe’s most beautifully kept secret.All fares subject to change and $3.00 international departure tax. All fares valid 4/14-6/8/85, exceptOrlando—5/1-5/31/85. For information, restrictions and reservations for all of Icebndair’s low fares,call Icelandair toll-free at 1-800-223-5500. In New York City 757-8585.ICELANDAIRNOW MORE THAN EVER YOUR BEST VALUE TO EUROPEThe University of Chicago BookstorePhotographic & Office Machine Department970 E. 58th St. 2nd Floor962-7558I.B.X. 5-4364 MBARK LIQUORS 8 WINE SHOPPE SALE ENDS 4/9/851214 East 5Jrd Street • In Kiabark Plaza '493*3355QegentsparkCompare our Luxurious LakefrontRental Apartments with any otherbuilding in Hyde ParkCOMPARE OUR AMENITIES:•Health Spa with fitness center, whirlpool,sauna and exercise programs•European-style supermarket with competitivepricing on nationally advertised brands,featured on Channel 5 as reporter BarryBernson’s “favorite gourmet market”•Computer terminal access to University ofChicago’s mainframe•Nationally acclaimed 1 acre garden•Cable TV•Shuttle servide to the UniversityAND OUR RENTS (Central heat and•Studios from *470 - *540•One bedroom from *545 - *645 •O’Hare limousine service at our door•Enclosed, heated parking•24 hour doorman, concierge, security anomaintenance•Valet dry cleaning and laundry facilities•Hospitality suite•Across from tennis courts, playground andbeaches•Bus and commuter trains within a block•Fabulous Lake Viewsair included):•Two bedrooms from *655 - *795•Three bedrooms from *830 - *955 BECK’S6-12 oz No Ret Btls 6-12 oz. No Ret. Btls MILWAUKEE24-12 oz. No Ret. Btls. BUD FLATS24-12 o,. CANS0-1/ oz ino ons 44-1/ OZ. \_AIN3v*10” $339 *5" $8«id ‘ZfenefffPAULMASSON WINEPAGAGNILIEBFRAUMILCH" 750 ml. 3/$7 VARIETALS $ 1 991.5 Lifer |wine 20% OFFEL1AZKOSHERWINES750 ml $3»» KOSHER HEADQUARTERSasstssr $199 SSSnoWATER 69«WE'RE A BIT ABOVE THE BEST ANO AFFORDABLE5050 South Lake Shore Drive288-5050Model and rental office hours:11 A.M. to 7 P.M. weekdaysNoon to 5 P.M. Saturday and SundayLuxurious Rental Residences-by-The Clinton Company KOSHERCARMEL750 ml.$499BACARDIRUM1.75 LTR.. / SPARKLING WINEDOMAINSCHANDON750 ml.$099SPIRITSJ & BSCOTCH1.75 LTR.*15" COOKSCHAMPAGNE750 ml.3/* 10”CANADIANCLUB1.75 LTR. '■$16" GORDON’SVODKA1.75 LTR.$799 JACKDANIELS750 ml.$799GORDON’S j- GINr.75 lTr '$999WINGATE’SKOSHER CHOCOLATE LIQUER 750 $6*9COKE, DIET COKE,TAB, SPRITE $1 796-12 oz CANS Ml jMtS NO' lttr>. Ttw, aom lom. hi., Sol Bom-lom. Noonotcopt VtKi. Mottacchorgt l <h*ck.UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6. 1986-26HYDE PARK BY THE LAKE5500 So. Shot* Drive643-3600Valet ParkingThe University of ChicagoDepartment of Musicand theshJlamItran7 Fromm Music Foundationurt-nuNSIIVCKMAN n* HnrvnrrlPETER LIEBERSON nOIVardOLIVIER MESSIAEN .present theCONTEMPORARYCHAMBER PLAYERSof The University of ChicagoRALPH SHAPEY, Music DirectorFour Play (1983)Trio (1981)No Strings (1982)Concerto for Four Groups of Instruments (1972) *Oiseaux exotiques (1956) - Andrea Swan, pianoFRIDAY, APRIL 12,1985 • 8:00 P.M.MANDEL HALL, 57th and University A venueAdmission is free with ticketSend ticket request and a self-addressed stampedenvelope to Department of Music Concert Office,5845 S. Ellis, Chicago 60637.’Commissioned by the Fromm Music Foundation at HarvardGracious DiningAttentive ServiceExtensive Wine ListCongenial Lounge For that special occasion,treat yourself to elegantdining and attentiveservice.The International HousepresentsGENERATIONSOFRESISTANCEP'OduceO Oy fYler Daws. 19(05? ™wtM coloriSmm filmAn eiemplary education* tdm thotshould he shown in every school inAmerica"Tit Soto Ne>« YOU HAVESTRUCK AROCK!PfOducoc Drooran May 198128mmule$ cow•6mm ton"A triumph! Captures with honestyand artistry the vision end vitality olthese women who have oevoladtheir lives to the tight 'or freedomhd equalityhr,I GArVoten Cater. Un»,.rstv o! Flo^aaTuesday, April 98:00 P.M.Homeroom SOUTHERNAFRICAMEDIA*/MMMmMWHi/•^V^ InnrnatHinal llotiw-oK hu.^n' XV,- * .414 h.M VJrh Stmtk * * '■ < hmiti. iiiintii, rair.r27—UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE APRIL 5. 1986*WANTED3 FACULTY AUTHORSYOU SHOULD LOOK FORANTHONY C. YU PEEWanted for late translation of The Yellow Riverlast seen at Captain Crab’s at the all you can eat steam tableresponds to light massage around neck and shouldersWENDY O’SEXOMATICWanted for loose translations of Sanskrit eroticalast seen in the womens’ lingerie section of the State Street Marshall Fieldsresponds to name Siva Sweet BunsPAUL ROCKIN’ RICOEURWanted for breakdancing without permit in front of BookstoreLast seen doing headspins and rapping “Roxanne Roxanne’’ with Mircea Eiiaderesponds to yo, yo, little brotherr~ YOUR CONTRIBUTION CAN HELP —Mail Your Contribution to University Security, Robie House, Chicago IL 60637■ name ——j addressi Donor Categories| Signature $1,000 Lj NouveauI Credit Card No $5,000 £, Relative of Trustee| $10,000 □ Filthy RichI Payment Enclosed C Soul Enclosed [j $25,000 C StupidUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6, 1986 -23HTen-TsunaJama kstanit SUSHIandSEAFOODIN THE EXQUISITEJAPANESE STYLETEMPURAandTERIYAKITEMPURA • SUKIYAKI • TERIYAKITuesday-Saturday: LunchTuesday-Thursday: DinnerFriday & Saturday: DinnerSunday: Dinner 11:30a.m.-2:30p.m.5:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m.5:00 p.m.-10:30 p.m.4:30 p.m.-10:00 p.m.S. HARPER 493-4410in Harper courtALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED HYDE PARK ipCOMPUTERS INC.FEATURING A COMPREHENSIVE U.C.DISCOUNT PROGRAM WITH UNPARALLELEDTRAINING, SUPORT AND SERVICE!•16-bit IBM Compatible machines, with up to $3,000 of free software, from $799 Plus onsite, one-to-one training with all system purchases.•Now configuring systems with NOTABENE! Come see why this is simply the finest,most powerful, integrated wordprocessing package ever developed for scholarlyresearch and writing.•Desktop Power to Go! Brand New 4V2 lbs. laptop computer from NEC, with large,adjustable display. Ideal for both desktop and Research library. . .Be one of the first in thecity to try out this amazing new machine1rPikjsi, Printers, Modems, Software and Supplies for All Machines!'/4 Diskettes, DSDO,premium brand, 10 for $15.00. Macintosh Diskettes, Datalifefrom Verbatim, 10 for $34.99.DISKETTES ARE ALSO SOLD INDIVIDUALL Y,SO YOU DON’T HA VE TO BUY AN ENTIRE BOX!AND WE STOCK RIBBONS FOR MORE THAN25 DIFFERENT PRINTERS, ALL KINDS OFCOMPUTER PAPER, SURGE PROTECTORS,DISKETTE HOLDERS, CABLING, DISKDRIVECLEANING KITS, AND OTHER SUPPLIESFOR MOST MICROCOMPUTERS!COMING SOON—THE AREA’S BEST SELECTION OFSOFTWARE MAGAZINES, AND BOOKS, FOR 18m.COMPATIBLES. APPLE, COMMODORE, ETC...53rd St. and Harper • 288-5971TERRIFIC HOUSING-55TH STREET AND SOUTH57th and Kenwood - New ListingBeautiful two bedroom, two bath condo in move-in condition. Third bedroom is now part of a lovely, largeeat-in kitchen. SHpi'ed woodwork. Woodburning fireplace. Moderate assessment. Building has aworkshop for fi;e !se of the owners, back yard and "tot lot". $72,000. Marie Wester (res. 947-0557)NEW CONSTRUCTION56TH AND BLACKSTONETri-level, 3000 square foot luxury townhouses. Four bedrooms, 3-1/2 baths, study, familyroom, attached garage. $258,500. ONLY ONE LEFT! For an appointment to inspect siteand floor plans call our office.Inns of Court. 55th and Blackstone. One-bedroom w ith study (or two bedroom) apartment. Perfect forsingle or couple. Reduced to a low, low $52,000. Martha Benson.On 58th near Dor^nemer. cozy, two-bedroom condo boasts a woodburning fireplae, natural wood¬work, remodeled kitchen,1 assessments. Price adjustment to $75,900. Mrs. Ridlon.59th near Harper. C oedroom co-op. Low price. Low assessments. Perfect for single-working or study¬ing on campus. In good condition. Ready to move-in. $22,000. Mimi Asbury.Spectacular Lake and Point Views will be yours from this two-bedroom 19th floor co-op apartment. Thebuilding has 24-hour security, a large back yard. Two days labor for decorating every year is included in theassessment. A very good buy at $55,000. Hilde Zurne (res. 684-0151)Townhouse in Ray School District. An end unit with extra yard space and extra sunlight. Well-maintainedwith most appliances reo'aced in the past two years. Central air-conditioning. Off-street parking. Basementrecreation room. Three L dror ms, 1-1/2 baths, $110,000.56th and Blackstone. This condo apartment has lovely leaded windows in the sun parlor and dining room.The dining room has an unusual domed ceiling. Three bedrooms, two baths. Good family building withback yard. $77,500. Marie Wester (res. 947-0557)58th and Blackstone. Spacious, light, co-op apartment in well-maintained building (janitor lives onpremises). Beautiful oak floors throughout. Large, modern kitchen with laundry. Three bedrooms, two fullbaths, sunporch. $78,000. Eleanor Graham. Gntu0_rxnNew Listing-57th <?nd Kimbark* Very well-priced three bedroom condo in good family building acrossfrom Ray School. Heated sunporch. $59,800. KENNEDY, RYAN. MONIGAL & ASSOC.5SOd SoctK Lake Park667-6*3629-UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE APRIL 6. 1986BOOKSGiovanni Nonevero BA’78, PhD’79 The Psy-cholinguistic Models of Gumby and Under¬dog (Praxis) Nonevero argues that these twocartoon characters provide a clear and con¬cise model for the student of psycholinguis¬tics.Leroy Maskowitz PhD’67, '69, ’72, ’74 Jew¬ish Homoerotic Poetry in the Mediterraneanin the Time of Phillip the Second (EnnuiPress) A useful addition to Braudel’s other¬wise complete study of the time period.David Blanchner DOA'80 How to WinFriends and Influence Your Ideological En¬emies (Napoleon Press) Blanchner showshow being short and nasty can be used forself-advancement.Madonna X'79 Sexual Stereotyping and theExploitation of Women This clever littleslut bares all in her steamy, yet sultry,study of how womer are made to do all sortsof things which make them feel sooo good.Eddie Vrodlyak JD’59 The Ten Deadly Vir¬tues (29 Press) Fast Eddie examines thenearly universal calamity which is the re¬sult of trying to introduce personal ethicsinto public life.D.B. Suzuki BS’78 Desperately SeekingSushi (Teka Maki) A guide to Chicago’s fin¬est sushi bars.Janette Perlstein AB’62, PhD’80 Fish Imag¬ery in the Novels of Jane Austen (TekaMaki) An informative and well wTitten dis¬cussion of a largely ignored subject.Brad Thang AB’76 Suzee’s Sex SlumberParty and Suzee Mud Wrestler (Filth) Twomore entries in Thang’s highly popularSuzee series.Gerry Beeker PhD’62 The Sexual Life ofSavages: An Economic Analysis (U of CPress) Combining the study of anthropolo¬gy with extensive market research, Beekerhas proposed a theory of early marriage cus¬toms centering around the marriagabilityquotient of those stone age gals. He is cur¬rently working on an economic analysis ofsingle cell animal reproduction.Carl Sayitagain BS’59 The Fingernail (Hill& Bang) Sayitagain takes us deep into thefascinating world of the human fingernail.The first three chapters deal with the struc¬ture of the fingernail, including such puz¬zles as where they come from, how far underthe skin do they reach and what it would belike to live among the billions and billions offingernail cells. Later chapters are designedmore for the specialist including an analysisof the quantum mechanics of fingernailgrowth. A companion volume, The Toenail,is slated for a fall release. Also watch for thePBS series in ’86.Kent Hissiker X’67 Roxanne’s Oppression:A Marxist Analysis of the Dialectical Struc¬ture of the Hip-Hop Subculture (Sugar Hill)An incisive dissection of the recent break-dance craze and its concurrent alienating ef¬fect on the non-rhythmic. Hissiker revealsthat hip-hop has had a devastating effect onthose who cannot dance well. He argues fortighter ideological control of art forms.Felicia Woodbottom AB’J2 The Cucumberin History (Julia Child Press) Woodbottomhas traced the cucumber throughout west¬ern civilization as both an economic factorand as a mythic image and the interrelationof the two. She is currently at work on thesecond volume which will deal with the cukein non-westerp cultures. Both volumes areloaded with many nummy recipes Ping Pan Po AB '60, MA’65. PhD’76, AG’80,MA’82... The Lacan-and Eisenhower Corre¬spondence 1948-55 Unknown to most people,former President Dwight D. Eisenhowerwas a powerful factor ;n the development ofLacan’s Freudian revisionism whichflowered in the late 60’s. The two wrote toeach other steadily up to Eisenhower’sdeath in 1969. Eisenhower was instrumentalin guiding Lacan to develop a linguisticmodel of the unconscious. The letters makefor fascinating reading revealing amongother things that the two shared a deep lovefor golf and the love poetry of Amelia Ear-hart.Dotty Veryfine MA’46 The Love Poetry ofAmelia Earhart (Pie in the Sky Press) Thecomplete works of this celebrated avia¬tor/erotic poet.Gumlar Fosch JO’80 The Challenge of Epi¬dermal Teeth (Princeton) Fosch argues thatthe fossil record of epidermal teeth (found injawless hermaphroditic fish) could provideessential informaton regarding the evolu¬tion of poetic structure in ancient Greece.Fosch is currently in prison in his nativeFinland for crimes against the state.Jeff Makeout AB’79 The Plague of America;Auto-erotic Asyphixiation (LaRouche Insti¬tute) Makeout examines the rise ofauto-erotic deaths in America linking it to aFederalist plot early in the nation’s history.He provides convincing evidence which sug¬gests the practice was the cause of the CivilWar (Lincoln was an avid practioner) andthe Depression of 1929. He has also includeda more speculative appendix on the relationbetween AEA and the Kennedy “assasina-tions.”Dollop O. Sourcream DDT’49 The Intract¬able and Inexplicable Structure of Freud'sLater Thought; A Study in the Diacriticaland Neo-socilogical Basis of Logical Sym¬bology in 20th Century Psychological Rea¬soning (Vanity Press) Unread at pres¬stime.Jane Brim AB’76 500 Hundred Years ofSmurf Art (Pixie Press) Brim traces the de¬velopment of Smurf art back to the ItalianRenaissance and carefully analyzes its sub¬sequent history. A timely companion to thecurrent show at the Smart Gallery.Mylar Ann Sponge MA’76 Gender Specific:The Packaging of Sexual Inadequacy (Pria-pus) Sponge examines the use of gender spe¬cific shapes in commercial products (i.e. thetraditional Coke bottle) and faults the lackof vaginal imagery in marketing new prod¬ucts.George Stigler PhD’38 The George StiglerAerobic Workout (U of C Press) The recentNobel prize winner reveals his intensive ex¬ercise program and special high proteindiet. Stigler will also release a videotapeworkout this summer.TRUSTEESThe entire Board of Trustees of the Uni¬versity of Chicago was found buried in amass grave under the John Crerar ScienceLibrary. We will profile each trustee in anupcoming commemorative issue.THE CLASSESEthel G. Schlempf, PhD ’05, This leavesonly four surviving alumni from ’05.Buffy Picassb, AB’22 was gored by a bullwhile vacationing in Spain.Princeton Shapiro MA’34 was Iowa’s firstsuicide of 1985. Andrew Greely MA’61 Does God Go BothWays? A witty and interesting discourse onthe issue of God’s bisexuality. The high¬light of the book is a discussion of Christ’scross dressing and its relation to recent popstars such as Annie Lennox and BoyGeorge.Shabazz Kalakowski AB’75 Stranger ThanStranger Than Paradise (Elijah Press) Theautobiography of an Eastern European im¬migrant’s conversion to the Nation of Islamby Louis Farrakhan.Sheree Curry BA’74 Lyndon Johnson andthe Buddhist Conception of Kingship (Way-gone) Curry, a former member of the Run¬aways, argues that Johnson modeled him¬self after the theory of kingship developedin the Mayayana School of Buddhism.Lonny Stomach AB’82 Death to Fashion. AFeminist Revision of Cultural Aesthetics(Family Hand Stand) Stomach, a self-avowed nihilst, advocates the wearing ofhousehold trash as a political statement.Dean Spigets BS’81 The Pecan Cookbook(Pecan Press) Three generations of pecanrecipes from the Spigets family. Be sure notto miss their speciality of Pecan Lasagna,mmm, mmm, mmm.Loreign Kinny AB’83 The Color Turquoise(Avon) A young woman returns home toconfront her mortality and her hatred ofmen. A moving and violent novel whichBetty Friedan called “sort of interesting.”I. Gottogo MA’67 The Development of Toi¬let Paper in the Islamic World (Scott Press)A catalogue of the recent show at the Char-min Institute of Art in Galena, Illinois.Gerald Mash AB’60 I Was a Male War Bride(Hawks) A witty and entertaining auto-biog¬raphy by this professor of English.Corinth Crause AB’67, MA’70, PM’78Tramps Like Us: A Socioeconomic Analysisof the Post-Industrial Alienation in theWriting of Bruce Springsteen (Jungleland)Just like the title says.Kurt Bustagut MA’57 Give Me a Dollar(Dell) An extended apologia for Bustagut’sfloundering career as a writer. He developsthe interesting argument that anyone whohas ever bought one of his books is thusmorally obligated to buy all his other books.A sad and disturbing lesson in the fate ofthe American writer.Jeramiah James PhD’40 Music Videos inthe Bible (RWR/666 press) James arguesthat the Book of Revelations is actually thestory board for an extended music video. Healso provides a convincing argument for thecoming apocalypse being caused by DavidLee Roth’s pelvic movements.James Jumper AB ’36 was crushed to deathby several tons of rotting grapefruit on thegrounds of his import-export firm in Flatu¬lence, Florida.The entire class of 1946.t -* \ K- 4 JyWard Bolton Baum PhD ’52 was killed byhis students at Tulane University.1 ; ji - * t?Dennis D. Gustard Ab ’56 and Y.U. KlpoperMA’67 were two thirds of a love triangle.Candida Klopper AB ’57-is being held incustody.Gladys Buckely MBA ’67 is brain dead inTulsa.alien Drab AB’72 How to Kill Your Ca(Penguin) Humor for the cat lover in all ous.DEATH SUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAG AZIN E/APRIi. 5 1985 - 30EARN $300-$400 per week!!!Join America s largest cruise line operating on the MississippRiver and East Coast Need hard working reliable individualsPositions available for stewardesses, deckhands, and galley helpGreat opportunities to earn money anytime during the year— IMMEDIATE OPENINGS —Enioy traveling and seeing the country while living on board ship— SHORT TERM EMPLOYMENT AVAILABLE —Call Now" 203-345-4507AMERICANRUISE LINES INCJHADDAM, CONNECTICUT 06438 Looking for a Job inBiological SciencesorMedical Research ?Consider graduate study inBiology at HOFSTRAWe have a program that can be individuallysuited to each student's needs. Topicsinclude:■ Animal Cell Culture■ Oral Biology■ Electron Microscopy (SEM and TEM)■ Nucleic Acid Technology■ Monoclonal Antibody Production■ Cancer BiologyFor Further Information:Dr. Carleton J. PhillipsDepartment of BiologyHOFSTRA UNIVERSITYHempstead, New York 11550Call: (516) 560-5516(£ HOFSTRAUNIVERSITYHEMPSTEAD. LONG ISLAND. NEW YORK 11550Hofstra University is an equal educational opportunity institutionFASTSPEEDYRAPIDSWIFTPRONTO FASTQUIK CROSS INSTANT PRINTING INC.PRINTING...IF YOU NEED IT FAST WE’RE AS NEAR AS YOUR PHONE...OUR SERVICES INCLUDETYPESETTING• PHOTO DUPLICATING• BULK PRINTING• ENVELOPES• LETTER HEADS• BUSINESS CARDS CALL 684-7070• CHURCH BULLETINS• THESIS - TERM PAPERS• FOLDING• COLLATING• BINDING• WEDDING INVITATIONSQUIKCROSS IntroducingTwo Day ResumeServiceWe Will:— Design— Typeset— Reproduceyour resume intwo daysHyde Park Bank Bldg.1525 E. 53rd St. "Suite 626While yeu wait instant printing 684-7070YEGLASSEOUR REGULAR PRICE• COMPLETEsingle visiondesigner glasses$337sPROFESSION \l KIT ADDITION MKFQl IREDOffer expires 4/12/85Contacts & SpecsUnlimitedGLASSES AT OURGOLD COAST LOCATION ONLY!1051 N. 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Ask about ourstudent and faculty discount.684-8666y/ / • ** ' •-••• v • •^UNIVERSITY CARRENTAL5508 SO. LAKE PARK241-6200•LATE MODEL DOMESTIC CARSSAFE FOR HIGHWAY DRIVINGAUTO TRANS - AIR COND. - RADIODAILY OR WEEKLY RATESWE’RE #3! r>/J/ V/%CONTACTLENSESOUR REGULAR PRICE30 day extendedwear lensesmmSOFTMATE ANI) BALSCH ANDLOMB ONLY. PROFESSIONAL FEE... ., ADDITIONAL REQUIRED.Offer expires 4/12/85Contact LensesUnlimitedEVANSTON1724 Sherman Ave.864-4441 NEWTOWN2566 N. Clark St.880-5400 GOLD COAST1051 N. Rush SI.(At State/Cedar/Rusk,(bon Solomon Cooper Drugs!642-EYES j31-UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5. 198625% nmWe finally pulled it off!New 811 Scotch® Brand Magic Pius™Removable Transparent TapeA removable tape that comes oft aseasily as it goes on. Use it to temporarilyattach notes, secure envelopes,reposition lines of type, label files forconvenient reuse or any number of othertemporary taping applications.SALE PRICE1/2” x 36 yd. Reg. Price $1.96/roll.... $1.47/roll3/4” x 36 yd. 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MASLOVOPTOMETRIST•EYE EXAMINATIONS•FASHION EYEWEAR(one year warranty on eyeglassframes and glass lenses!SPECIALIZING IN• ALL TYPES OFCONTACT LENSES•CONTACT SUPPLIESTHIHYDC PARKSHOPPING CINTIR1510 E. 55th363-61005F“ EAST PARK APARTMENTS ^TOWERS FOR RENT jgCharming, vintage building in GRAFF & flEast Hyde Prk now has alimited selection of lake and CHECK Spark view apartments. Situatednear the I.C., we offer studios, 1617 E. 55th St. S!Rfone and two bedroom units 114,2V2, studios, and IHJwith heat included in rent. Ask 1 bedroom apartmentsabout our student and faculty in a quiet, welt-discount. maintained building. NkwImmediate Occupancy324-6100 BU8-5566Scotch1 Brand Mailroom TapesMeet U.S. Postal Regulations3750 Box Sealing Tape - BulkA strong, tight seatingtape — excellent forbox sealing and otheri heavy duty packagingjobs. Tan ortransparent 2" x 60yd on a 3” coreReg Price S* 40/rollSALE PRICES3.30/ro«898 Filament Tape -BoxedT'ansparem tape >v>thgrass mament to addstructural strength toabrasion resistance Q1SALE PRICE1/2” x 60 yd. Reg Price $4 66/roll 53.50/roll3/4” x 60 yd. Reg Price $6.52/roll $4,89/roll1 ” x 60 yd. Reg Price $8 47/roll 16.35/rollOrder From:THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGOBOOKSTORESTATIONERY DEPT.2ND FHOOR970 E. 58TH STREET .s soon as youget a job .you couldiss* Caget the American Express* Card.If you’re a senior, ail you need isto accept a $10,000 career-oriented 10b.That's it. No strings, No gimmicks. (Andeven if you don’t have a job right now,don't worry This offer is still good up to12 months after you graduate.) Why isAmerican Express making it easier for The Card can help you begin toid, foryou to get the Card right now9Well, simply stated, we be¬lieve in your future. And as you’sip-go up the ladder, we can helpm a lot of ways. establish your credit history. Anc, _business, the Card is invaluable fortravel and restaurants. As well as shop¬ping for yourself.Of course, the American ExpressCard is recognized around the wor’ i.So you are too.So call 1-800-528-4800 and ask tohave a Special Student Applica¬tion sent to you. Or look for oneon campus.The American Express Card.-piDon’t leave school without it.L /- 962-8729 ■■■MasterCord IB.X.5-4103'•NiVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINK/APfUL 5, 1965-32CLASS NEWSStanley R. Green, AB ’18, would just like tobe left alone.Edward Adams, Jr., LLB ’34, is currentlythe only American-born member of the So¬viet Politburo.Karlheinz Snipper, SB ’40, leads a life ofquiet desparation in Wilmette, Illinois.Eva LyonsuNeck, PhB ’44. Though well intoher seventies, “Evvie” continues her near-fanatical persecution of Germans and Japa¬nese that made her such a popular figure oncampus during the war years.Daniel Slagheap-Melton, SB ’44, has threedaughters, seven grandchildren, two great¬grandchildren, and informed on friends dur¬ing the HUAC hearings.Emma Louise Winston-Smith, PhD ’52, iscurrently all the rage in the popular musicbusiness, performing under the stage nameof “Madonna.”Edward M. Dante, AB ’57, the state’s starwitness in a highly publicized 1979 New Yorkorganized crime trial, currently lives underthe name of Eli Frampton in Taos, NewMexico.Benjamin E. Carlson, AB ’62, works in ad¬vertising. His wife, the former Amelia Pet-tibone, is having an affair with a youngerman.Donald Cohen, AB '63, hopes his old buddyBen Carlson won’t find out what has beengoing on between he and Amy.Timothy H. McDonell, SB ’69, would like tobe stopped before he kills again.17Patricia Alma Parmalee, PhB’17, of Los An¬geles, “gives a special salute” to the rejuvena¬tion of Ida Noyes Hall, which was dedicatedsoon before her graduation day.Stanley Scott, DB’17, of Edmonton Alberta,attended the Rhodes Scholar Reunion at OxfordUniversity in June, 1983. He says that he is thefourth oldest living Rhodes Scholar.Ethlyn Lindley Walkington, Phb’17, wroteher memoirs, Gently Down the Stream, in 1981,and remembers the days when the tuition at U ofC was $20 per quarter. Her first book, JourneyThrough a Century, was published in 1966, andrecalled the story of her stepmother’s lifethrough memories which were “valuable histo¬ry.” She lives in Twin Falls, ID.21Katherine Sisson Jensen, PhB’21, AM’38, ofChicago, is active in church and state and is at¬tending Court Theatre at the University for thethird year and loving it. 23Alma Prucha Belknap, SB’23, is enjoying lifeat Fairhaven Retirement Home in Whitewater,WI. She writes tht she is “forgetting somethings, but remembering vividly my Universitydays and the life at Drexel House (nowgone).”24Clairmont A. Ruff, SB’24, of Chicago, writesthat he is feeling well for an old-timer.Louis J. Stirling, SB’24, of Mill Spring, NC, isstill going dive, more than 60 years after winninga letter in diving in 1923.28Ed Lee Stone, X’28, of Union City, TN,writes, “I have had a good life, much of which 1attribute to my year at the University of Chica¬go.”30Ernest Street Stevens, PhB’30, of Highlands,NC, is retired and has five great-grandchildren.He writes that he “DEPLORES the modern dayhabit of students actually stepping ON THESEAL in the floor at Mandel Hall.”31Howard B. Weaver, MD’31, who retired inJune, delivered more than 10,700 babies since hebegan his medical practice in Canton, OH. Hewas featuied in an article in The Repository, the Canton paper.32Edward G. Klemm, PhB’32, of Louisville,KY, was recently married. His crossword puzzlesare syndicated in 400 publications.33John W. Brooks, PhB’33, of Chicago, man¬ages a golf driving range for the Chicago ParkDistrict.Harold E. Hunzikar, PhB’33, of Niles, MI,received an honorary membership citation fromthe National Landscape Nurseryman’s Associa¬tion, which he helped found in 1939.Richard O. Niehoff, PhB’33, AM’34, of WestLansing, MI, and his wife recently stayed at theQuadrangle Club.34Clifford J. Hynning, AB’34, AM’38, lives atthe Cosmos Club in Washington, DC, whre he is“litigating the constitutional rights of civil ser¬vice employees.” He is also writing on The Com¬munist Conspiracy that almost Succeeded — inthe US Treasury.35Cornelia M. Roberts AM’35, of Grayslake,IL, attended the Olmypic Games. She had at¬tended the 1932 games.36Wayland D. Hand, PhD’36, has developed theArchive of American Folk Medicine, a divisionof the ULCA Center for the Study of Compara¬tive Folklore and Mythology.Martin F. Young, AB’36, of Dobbing, CA, isretired from engineering, and is working to “banthe bomb, remembering the Oxford Oath wesigned at a Quadrangle rally in ’34.”37Emil Lucki, AM’37, PhD’40, lives in Clear¬water, FL.38Hildegaard B. Richardson, X’38, of ArlingtonHeights. IL, is a customer service representativefor Tektronix, Inc., an electronics company. Shewrites, “Ohms, voltage and lead w idth are a longway from my majors, Latin and Greek.”40Jeannette Hills, AM’40, won a folklore prizefor her thesis, “Children’s Games of 1560 by-Peter Bruegel.” She lives in retirement inCountry Club Hills, IL. after 46 years of teach¬ing German.43Yaffa Draznin, AB’43, has been admitted tothe PhD program at the University of SouthernCalifornia, Loa /\neeles, where she will focus onVictorian England for her doctorate in historyRuth Irene Mitchell, SB'43, AM’50, of Wash¬ington, PA, is retired from missionary nursing inIndia and lives in the Thomas Campbell commu-The Mandel baum quintuplets celebrated their receut graduation from the Business School by talcing a Hawaiian vacation. Theboya plan to open a hair salon in their native Boise Idaho. Left to right; Jean-Claude Beaver. Augustine. Akira (after the filmmaker) and Elijah (who's packing a pistol or something in his pocket.).33—UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 5. 198611J. Parker Van Zandt, X’ll, spent much of thelast year touring the US, starting with a two-week cruise around Baja California in January,1983. During the summer he toured the westernNational Parks. In September he was the ban¬quet speaker at the Air Mail Pioneers reunion inReno, NV.15George Caldwell, PhB’15, of Brunswick, GA,writes that he celebrated his 92nd birthday July30, and is now “as old as my University.”24Elizabeth Brewster Temple, PhB’24, writesthat she appreciates receiving the Magazine. Shelives in Carlsbad, CA.28Mary E. Rountree. AM’28, of Baton Rouge,LA, writes that she is “alive and well but slowedto a crawl as the result of a broken hip—but stillundaunted.”30Bertha Heimerdinger Greenebaum, PHB’30,lives at Pennswood Village, a retirement commu¬nity in Newton, PA, and writes, “to recommendthis way of life to my contemporaries—Sign upnow.”Victor Roterus PhB’30, SM’31, assures hisfriends that he escaped last year’s floods with nogreater damage than a temporary break in hisgolfing regimen.31Harry Brodie, PhB’31, of Chicago, is retiredand “attempting to be active intellectually in allfields.”32Robert M. Goodwin, PhB'32, will co-direct aforum of the American Academy of Dermatolo¬gy in Washington, DC on December 4. Dr.Goodwin, of Springfield, 1L, writes that theforum is a kind of coming-out party after acoronary in 1981. “It has taken me this long andquadruple by-pass surgery again to stand beforemy peers at the Academy,” he writes.37Ruth M. Allison, AB’37, lives in Los Altos,CA, where, since her retirement, she has hadmore time to pursue her hobby of stereo photo¬graphy. She and her sister, Jane AllisonKielsmer, AB’33, have put on stereo shows fol¬lowing their trips to Australia, New Guinea, andthe People’s Republic of China.38Phyllis Greene Mattingly, AB’38, lives in Ft.Collins, CO, but her career as a master certifiedgraphoanalyst and questioned-document exa¬miner has taken her around the country. She waschosen Colorado Graphoanalyst of the Year in1981.39Hubert Rodell, AB’39, has retired to Saraso¬ta, FL, where he takes tickets at Payne Park, thespring training grounds of the Chicago WhiteSox.43Charlotte Russell Morrison Pellini, AB’42,AM’43, writes that she was at the University“putting loose educational ends together” anddoubts anyone remembers her. Nevertheless, she• COME AND GET YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITHTHE EASTER BUNNY Don’t go to church, come tobrunch; yearbook photo to be taken. Sunday at 12:30,5472 S. Harper #1. Be prepared to vent your spleen. FIRST MALE NUNS The U of C recently saw the graduation of the nation’s first male nuns. Left to right; Butch Malone. AbdulBar Salam, Ezekiel Papagiannis, and Marcel Proust. The sisters plan to do social work on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.THREE GENERATIONS of the Lizardo family received degree in 1984. Left to right; Cliff, an MBA, Frank graduated with a PhDin Asocial Thought, and lovely Rosemary received a degree in advanced torture techniques.“loved every minute of it and fell permanently inlove with the place!”47“I’ve been to Timbuktu!” writes Frances El-dredge, PhD’47, who visited west Africa inMarch, 1983. She lives in Cobb, CA.53Anthony U. Letiner, AB’53, was appointedpresident of Kagu Do Nga Chuling TibetanBuddhist Meditation Center in Los Angeles bythe very venerable Kalu Rinpoche. He has beenpracticing law in North Hollywood, CA, since1960.John M. Martin, PhD’53, DB’54, was electedvice-president of the International Council ofMuseums ;n London last year. He is deputydirector of the Corning Museum of Glass, Corn¬ing, NY. Phyllis Greife Martin, X’53, is directorof the Lanjarnin Patterson Inn Museum in Corn¬ing.62Ira J. Fisteil, AB'62, JD’64, moderates anopen-forum radio discussion that is heard night¬ly in 33 cities in the US. He also co-hosts a sportsshow on the ESPN and USA cable television ne¬tworks. He is married to the former TondaSkune, who was a nurse at Lying-IN Hospital.The Fistells have five children, two dogs, onecat, four hamsters, two guinea pigs and a con¬stantly changing number of fish. They all live inLos Angeles. 67Barbara McGill Bond, PhD’67, teaches incar¬cerated men at J.F. Ingram State Technical Col¬lege in Montgomery, AL.Robert Vare, AB’67, AM’70, who was co-edi¬tor of the bestselling 1982 spoof, Off the WallStreet Journal, has founded a humor publishingcompany, The American Parody and TravestyCorp., in New York City. The company’s firstventure was a men’s magazine parody. Play-bore.76Valli Benesch, JD’76, of San Francisco, isUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL ft, 1986-34OUR SPRING BOOK SALEGOES ON!MORE GREATVALUES!WE HAVE RECEIVED NEWSHIPMENTS OF PUBLISHERSREMAINDERS ANDSLIGHTLY HURTPAPERBACKS, ALL TO BESOLD at BARGAIN PRICESART BOOKS PAPERBACKSCHILDREN’S BOOKSIN ALL FIELDSCOME EARLY;ST IPPPI JF.S ARE LIMITED.UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO BOOKSTOREGENERAL BOOK DEPARTMENT970 EAST. 58TH STREETPHONE 962-771236-UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6, 1986CROSSWORD BY SKIP AND JOEL. ANSWERS ON PAGE 34ACROSSI Cruelty to animals6 55th street flashcube10 Chip andII Dan Hall’s dream15 Preposition17In Shoreland, you have yourbathrooms20 University Avenue (colloq.j25 British term for W.C.26 only the Midway had a dome over it27 Article28 One of those interesting foreign airline com¬panies29 Best news of 198433Old frat boys never die, they just go out to34 “Sha (repeat five tines), live fortoday (hey hey hey)”35 The city traveller’s companion38 Morryland expression40 Sophisticated frat boy, also B.J. resident42 Idiots Having Cows43 Pay, we restrict your check-cashingability44 Ash can46 Langerhans sailed these 49 NOT the Credit Union motto50 Oscar Goldman worked for the51 all that you can in the Army52 The United States belongs to this fraternalorganization53-54 Buy books new and you57 Drive bomb59 U.C. women are and far between61When you graduate, you will be quite62‘‘Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up63 Opposite of IYE (jap.)64 We had to stick this popular crossword-oriented animal in here somehow65 U + C-67 ‘‘Is” in some other language; German orsomething68 Two consonants69 ‘If you need to , you can t afford it”70 What separates you from your hallway71 Charles Gray is a guy74Two more consonants76 Winter social life is a (sometimes lit¬erally)78 Girls? Who needs ’em? We’ve got80Even the Raunchy ones can be Attractive83 Homecoming, or maybe you didn’t notice 87 When the Reg closes, anguished &reheard88 U.C. Girl’s favorite expression89 U.C. guy’s favorite kind of woman90 Regenstein is the Reg, Crerar is the91 Our illustrious publishers92 Lower Flint: theDOWN1 Sinaiko said the would becomethe U.C. social center2 ‘‘Fine lookin’ of freshmen we got thisyear”3 Leech on Lennon4 Not visiting your advisovr is a5 Begley, Junior6 Wrote the Republic; likes 52 down8 Best picture 1984: Man9 Opposite of even7 Therefore12 Grad school obstacle13 ‘To is underclassmanlike”14 Silly people (the Upper Class gives awardsto theirs)16 The world me a living, so where’s allmy money?18 ‘‘Isn’t this video dance ”19 Terrific, with Mighty Manfred, thewonder dog20 How guys like us can afford tuition likethis21 Radio Free Denver; Mayberry22 Where the Love Boat sails: to the Isle of23 Better not stop here on Thursday if you can’tstand crowds24 This song is now playing on every other col¬lege student’s turntable. The other half is lis¬tening to Don McLean28 The N.Y. Times told me I had fun at30 Alison Moyet’s nickname31 Around here there’s no medium, just smalland32 German songs; about Nibelungen, etc.36 Indefinite article37 Expression of derision, derived from ourway of partying38 We play on a radioactive field, so it’s nowonder we can’t39 Pleasurable interjection (don’t laugh)41 One of those little guys that show up inApril45 The Battlestar46 Our President with little black and whitesquares all over him48 Do you remember “Finders of<s)”?52 See 6 down55 A peanut isn’t one56 Measurement for type58 A Nobel invention60 Indispensible vegetarian kitchen accessory66 Not Jr but67 Interhouse Monkeyshines71 Don’t be surprised if you get this before thathot date (NOT gaposis)72 Producers of Pac-Man73 This is why you lust after burgers and babes,according to Freud75 Reading period: the before the storm76 Our driers cook, sew, and entertain, but theydon’t77 Reginald Perrin manufactured this79 Acuff and Smalley, to name a few81 J.D. Salinger.is associated with this82 HPK84 “Born in the ” (if you don’t know thisyou obviously don’t go to parties)86 “Your” in some romance language88 Beware the Knights ofAPRIL FOOL’STHE MAROONEXCLUSIVECLEANERSv-\\Y( DAY DRY CLEANINGREPAIRS \ ALTERATIONSMon., Tue., Thur., Fri. 7:30-6:00 P.M.Sat. 8:30-6 P.M.; Closed Wed.3 Convenient Locations1443 E. 57th St, 643-06071340 E. 55th St, 643-79001553 V 51st St, 363*574 Studios, 1, 2, & 3 BedroomApartments AvailableSome Nice Lake ViewsGood LocationHeat IncludedParking AvailableCALLHERBERT REALTY684-23335 % Student Discounts9:00 A.M.-4:30 P.M.Monday thru FridayMl A.M.-2 P.M.Satarday 6.W. OPTICIANS1519 E. 55thTel. 947-9335Eyas examined and Contact lansasfitted by registered Optometrists.Specialists in Quality Eyewear atReasonable Prices.Lab on premises for fast service•frames replaced, lenses duplicatedand prescriptions filled.13% DISCOUNT ON GUSSUWITH PRESENTATION OP INIS AD marian realty,inc.realtorStudio and 1 BedroomApartments Available— Students Welcome —On Campus Bus LineConcerned Service5480 S. Comail684-5400UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRIL 6. 1906-3SCLASSIFIEDSrjrm. '■The Sack Realty Company, Inc.1450 east hyde park boulevardChicago, Illinois 00615ApartmentShopping?Choice Hyde Park Locations!Students & Professors welcome. Immediateoccupancy! For more information on anyapartment listed below, call Mr. Collina,Sack Realty Co.684-89005220 CornellOne bedroom, stove, refrig., heat, hot water &cooking gas furnished. To inspect call Annie955-1716. Rent 390.005212 CornellStudio apts., stove, refrig., heat, hot water,cooking gas and electric included. Rentstarting at 260.00 month. To inspect call Annie955-17165100 CornellOne bedroom apts., stove, refrig., heat, hot water,cooking gas & electric included. Rent starting370.00 per month. To inspect call Debbie643-7896. SPACEAPARTMENTS AVAILABLEStudios, one, two & 3 bedrms some lake viewsnear IC, CTA & U of C shuttle, laundryfacilities, parking available, heat & water in¬cluded. discounts for students. HerbertRealty 684-2333 9-4:30 Mon.-Fri.GOVERNMENT HOMES from $1(U repair). Also delinquent tax property. Call1-805-687-6000 Ext. GH-4534 for information.For rent: U. Park condo 2br, 2 bath a/c pool.May 1 $600/mo 864-0238.Third floor In professor's home available midJune thru next year-on bus routes - $200/mo offset at $4/hr for child care - 2 boys, 5 and 10 - call624-5978 or 624-3922.Apts. avail-Responsible, quiet, clean, non¬smoking grad pref. For more info. pi. call MrsIrving 667-5153 (eve) or leave mess. 684-8596.Graduate Student Coop looking for two malegrad students for May 1st occupancy. Acrossfrom Regenstein. Low rent. Call 955-2653.To rent 3-bedroom furnished house withgarden May 1 to Sep 30. 5450 plus utilities. Con¬ditions. Call 962-9543 or MI3-3866.SPACE WANTEDMature couple working at U of C this summerwould like to sublet house or apartment forsummer months. Cali Lydia evenings 288-4574.SUMMER RENTAL NEEDED. VanderbiltMedical student (Princeton Grad) with carneeds room or small apt with air conditioningfrom early May to early August while workingat ITT. Call collect 914-454-0384or 615-297-4203. PORTUGUESE TRANSLATOR. Part-time,15hrs/wk; Translation research monographsfrom English into Portuguese. Portuguese asfirst language desirable. Complete knowledgeof Portuguese grammar essential. Ability totype preferred. Contact: Social DevelopmentCenter, Donald J. Bogue, 947-2010.SPANISH MANUSCRIPT TYPIST. Must type50wpm, part-time, 15hrs/wk. Knowledgegrammar desirable. Spanish first languagedesirable. Contact: Social DevelopmentCenter, Donald J. Bogue, 947-2010.OFFICE ASSISTANT. Part-time school year,full-time summer. Must type 55wpm. Ability toread and type Spanish desirable. Mail cor¬respondence, fill orders for publication. Keepinventory, do general office work. Contact:Social Development Center, Donald J. Bogue,947-2010.MAIL/STOCK/BOOKSTORE CLERK POSITION. Non-profit association has job openingin mailroom available Monday, April 22. 1985.Will hire 1 fulltime or 2 half-time workers.Responsibilities include sorting incomingmail, processing outgoing mail, packing bookorders, and stock work. For information andappointment, call 955-9100, EXT 250.5100 to volunteers for research on normalmenstrual cycle. 18-22 yrs. women. Minimalacne and body hair. No birth control pills orobesity. Call 962-3575.LOCAL AREA NETWORK SALES-Fastgrowing, profitable Hyde Park firm seeks ex¬perienced computer user for high-commissionsales work in the Chicago area. If you have acar and prefer flexible hours, not being tied toa desk, getting paid for performance, andworking with a team of entrepreneurs, sendresume AND PHONE NUMBER to P.O. Box#11520 Chicago, IL 60611. Inquiries handled inconfidence.Seeking one-bedroom apt south of 55th (nosublets) to begin renting in mid-June 955-0293.PEOPLE WANTEDPeople needed to participate in studies onmemory, perception, and language processing. Learn something about how you carry outthese processes and earn some money at thesame time! Call the Committee on Cognitionand Communication, afternoons at 962-8401.GOVERNMENT JOBS. S15,000-S50,000/yr.possible. All occupations How to Find. Call 1-805-687-6000. Ext. R-4534. The Chicago Counseling and PsychotherapyCenter 5711 S. Woodlawn, needs people who arewilling to talk about their personal problemsand feelings for 10 sessions with aPsychotherapist in training. Participationshould not be seen as a substitute forpsychotherapy although participants may findit a useful experience. Participants will neitherbe paid nor charged for their sessions. Call Patat 684-1800.START YOUR CAREER NOW earn moneyand work on Fortune 500 Companies'marketing programs on campus. Part-time(flexible) hours each week. We givereferences. Call 1-800-821-1540.THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO ALUMNI ASSOCIATIONANDTHE PHYSICAL SCIENCES COLLEGIATE DIVISIONSPONSORLIFE AFTERGRADUATIONNON-ACADEMIC CAREERSWITH SPEAKERS FROM GOVERNMENT,BUSINESS, AND INDUSTRYTUESDAY, APRIL 9,19857:00 P.M.IDA NOYES HALLTHE LIBRARYRECEPTION IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THE PROGRAM Live inHyde Park's renovatedlakefront aristocratfor as little as$290 per month.An intricate terra-cotta relief sculpture of the Indian chiefTecumseh—just one of Del Prado's architectural nuances.Stepping through Del Prado's entryway takes youback to the subtle elegance of yesteryear. Intricatemouldings and ornate cornice-work highlights thisrecently revitalized landmark.Our high-ceilinged one-bedroom apartments arefully carpeted with functional floor plans, individually-controlled heating and air conditioning and modernkitchens that feature all-new appliances and cabinetry.The Del Prado is perfectly situated to take advantageof the neighborhood's nearby parks (one right acrossthe street!) schools, beaches and shopping. And accessto the Loop is convenient with CTA and IC commutingat the corner.Prices start at only $290 for students & $395 for 1bedrooms making the Del Prado Chicago's trulyaffordable grande dame. Call or stop and see ourDaily 11-5, Weekends 11-6Baird & WarnerHyde Park Bldv. at 53rd Street285-185537-UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE/APRII. 5. 1985Ac iV MH J 40 7 Ir’Jmodels today.^ ,alhDelPradoM4MUCLASSIFIEDSCounselors: Camp Wayne, Northeastern Penn¬sylvania. Co-ed children's camp 6/22-8/22.Specialist for all spcris, waterfront, arts, cam¬ping and computers. Also resident assistants.Sign up for April 17 interview at StudentEmployment Office.COUNSELORS, Unit Heads and WS!s neededfor Hyde Park Jewish Community Center DayCamp. Judaica background preferred. Andrea268-4600.Healthy Males: Ob-Gyn Dep' ne<*ds semenspecimens for medical research. Reimburse¬ment $15. Call Dr Hatch at r4’’0o6/.COMPUTER PROGRAMME R-Modeliing ofpopulation processes requiring extensivematrix ar ilyses. Familiarity with EISPAKwould be _seful. C.shjI (9/2-8927) or Doug (962-3417).Childcare wanted -or 2 yr oid boy. 15 hrs. aweek. Mon Tues & Weds, preferred. Cali 324-0812.SERVICESJUDITH TYPES-ant! has a memory. Phone955-4417.PASSPORT PHOTOS WHILE-U-WAIT ModelCamera 1342 E. 55th St. 493-6700James Bone, editor-wordprocessor-typist,S15/hr. Ca 11363-0522 for m ore deta i I s.FAST FRIENDLY TYPING Resumes, papers,all materials. Pick up & Delivery. Call 924-4449. HAVING TROUBLE COMPLETING YOURPhD DISSERTATION? The Student MentalHealth Clinic is offering a group to lc>st 6-8weeks for sharing the frustrations, the isola¬tion, the difficulties of this phase. Times will beeither 4-5:30 Mon or 11:30-1 Wed. call KarenHorton (753-2334) or Anna Mary Wallace (753-2339) for a screening interview.WANTEDDivinity School student seeks hand-me-downCap and Gown for Graduation. 363-2808 Eves.FOR SALEFor Sale *J, Pjrk condo, 2 br 2GT. bathcarpeting, A C pool $40,000.864-0238.Upright piano %\Sf> or best offer. Kenmorewasher $75 tel 955-9549.3 BR ranch or. 2 levs in completely private set¬ting in Bever Shores, Ind. 45 min. from U of Cby car or train. Cent.Air. Attached 2 cargarage. Alum siding. 5 appliances $67,500 CallRenard at Callahan Realty. 219-926-4298.Brand New TVC Box w/DetachableWalkman/$160. Olin Mark IV Skis, boots.poles/$l0*-. Xctry skis, boot, poles/$75.SkatesA o. Hockey Gloves/$5 Futon/$20 BellBike Helmet/$5 Bass Amp/$10 Sanyo Turn-table/$50 Nikko Tape Deck/$90 DiskwasherSet/SlO Desk/$40 Stereo Cab/S50 Bike RepairStand/SlO Fan/$2 Phone/$5 Shelves/S4Humids/$6 End tbls/$5 Clothes Dresser/$15Call John AA./667-3372. Happily married couple seeks to adopt Cauca¬sian infant We offer love, affection, lovelyheme and interesting and loving relatives whoarc very supportive of our adoption plans.F lease contact Chuck or Pam Lofgren, 4(.hev/nut St., San Carlos, CA. 94070 or call col¬lect (415)591-3201.HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUFINESSITY!!!-Love Your Baby Mene.CONDOS FOR RENT53rd and K.mbark6 Rooms-3 bedrooms, 2 baths. Modern kitchen.Oak cabinets. Floors refinished. $700/Mo.5 Rooms-2 bedrooms, 1 bath. Open sunporch.Modern bath and kitchen. $575/Mo. Call Nancyor SteveParker Holsman Company 493-2525THE MEDSCi DELIVERSDaily from 4 pm call 6©7-7394.ORGAN RECITALSFree each Tues 12:30 pm: Thomas Wikmanplays the magnificent new baroque organ atChicago Theological Seminary, 5757 S. Univer¬sity Ave.ASHUM APPLICATIONSDUE APRIL5WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHYThe Better Image 643-6262.TRIO CON BRIO: music for weddings, recep¬tions, etc. Classical and light popular. Call 643-5007 for details.TYPING-Books, Manuscripts, Thesis. I type,you p' oof i edit. $.50/page for draft. Word Pro¬cessor. Cali M. Brown, 536-2441.Childcare Exp. Mother w/background in Edand Child Devel. Campus loc. ref. avail. Full¬time only. 493-4086.WEDDINGS and other celebrationsphotographed. Call Leslie at 536-1626LARRY'S MOVING & DELIVERY. Topick upa piece of furniture on the other side of the city,to move boxes or a small household, callanytime. Lowest rates in city. 743-1353.HANDYMAN/REMODELING. Experiencedin Carpentry, Electrical, Painting, and Smallrepairs. Quality work at reasonable rates freeestimate. Call Ron at 684-0030. '79 Tran? Am. white, good, 4spd, 6.6Ltr. 53 orbest. Cal! Lily 4-6pm only 685-0182.54th and Hyde Park Blvd. 3Bdrm„ 2Ba condo.Completely renovated; wdbfp.; sunporch;natural brick country kitchen with modernappl. 12 unit building; low assessments. Byowner, $75,000,947-9109.Victorian. 5747 S. Dorchester 4+ br 2Va baths2wbfps custom kitchen & deck. Owner $245,000.947-0744.CONDO FOR SALE-vicinity 54th-Harperspacious immaculate lbr fully furnishedbalcony dishwasher, disposal Tel 427-6518.SCENESIkebana Exhibit. Come and enjoy beauty ofSpring flowers. 12-4:30 p.m., North LoungeReynolds Club. Today.PERSONALSMy husband and I are interested in adopting aninfant. If you know of anyone who is consider¬ing placing a child for adoption please call col¬lect (217) 359-8477 evenings.Put the pastin yourfuture!LIVE IN AN HISTORIC LANDMARKThoroughly renovated apartments offer the convenience ofcontemon’-ary living space combined with all the best elementsof vintage design. Park and lakefront provide a natural settingfor affordable elegance with dramatic views.—All new kitchens and appliances —Community room—Wall to wall carpeting —Resident manager—Air conditioning —Round-the-clock security—Optional indoor or outdoor —Laundry facilities onparking each floor—-Piccolo Monao European gourmet food shop and cafeStudios, One, Two and Three Bedroom ApartmentsOne Bedroom from $545 - Two Bedroom from $755Rent includes heat, cooking gas, and master TV antennacall for information and appointment—643-140bQ^mbmneyeMoiise1642 East 56th Street^In Hyde Park, across the park fromThe Museum of Science and IndustryFqual 11> iumit# Oif* ttuniry NLtunnl b\ M«in j»k-\. Ini INTERESTED IN THE HEALTH SERVICES?ASHUM, the Program in the Liberal Arts andSciences Basic to Human Biology & Medicineis ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS NOW forAutumn '85. Join ASHUM your JR. yr & con¬tinue on to a M S. in Human Biology. For in¬formation about the Program or the applica¬tion process, please Call 962-7967.DANCERSExtra dancers needed for 'HAIR' -2hours/wkrehearsal time-please AUDITION APRIL 6from 12-3 Ida Noyes Dance Studio (in base¬ment).LANGUAGE COURSESare offered to all graduate students throughthe Chicago Cluster of Theological Schools atLutheran School of Theology in FRENCH,GERMAN, LATIN, and SPANISH. Profes¬sional instruction by experienced teachersand/or native speakers. For further informa¬tion or to register, call Deborah Andersen,Language Course Coordinator, or call theteacher. See specific ads.GERMANthrough CCTS at Lutheran School of Theology.BEGINNING READING (Part 2), Mon 6-8 pm,rm 203; FEE: $120; beg April 1. ADVANCEDREADING: Mon 8-10pm, rm 203; FEE $120;beg April 1. For more info/registration, callGerlinde Miller 363-1384 LSTC 753-0764.BEGINNING CONVERSATION: Mon 6-8pm,rm 205; FEE: $120; beg April. ADVANCEDCONVERSATION: Mon 3-10 pm, rm 205;FEE: $120; beg April 1. For more in¬fo/registration, call Rainer Schwarzkopff 493-7163 or LSTC.Hrs. Tues.-Wed.-Thurs.-Fri. 1:30p.m. to6:30p.m.Sat. 10a.m. to5p.m.VYlwiioduCUSTOM FITTEDALTERATIONS • TAILORING643-0755Hyde Park Bank Bldg.1525 E. 53rd St., Rm. 718 LATINthrough CCTS at Lutheran School of Theology.BEGINNING and INTERMEDIATE LATINwill be taught by Joe Pucci (338 2080). For fur¬ther info/registration, call LSTC 753-0764. AD¬VANCED LATIN: Wed 7-9 pm & Fri 5:30-7:30pm, rm 301; FEE: $205; beg April 3. Formore info/registration, call Kathy Krug 643-5436. or LSTC 753-0764.SUMMER LANGUAGEPROGRAMCall for brochure for summer schedule oflanguage courses offered through CCTS at theLutheran School of Theology. June 17 thru July26. Call 753-0764.FRENCHthrough CCTS at Lutheran School of Theology.BEGINNING READING: Wed 6-8pm, rm 202;FEE: $120; beg April 3. ADVANCEDREADING: Wed 7-9pm, rm 202; FRE: $120;beg April 3. For more info/registration, callChristiane Kelley 856-1251 or LSTC 753-0764.FENCING!At the University of Chicago. Join us at 3:00Wednesday April 10th at HCFH. Beginnerswelcome.HEYSAiLOR!Learn to sail/race and find out about the Sail¬ing Club at a sailing and racing clinic TuesApril 9, at 7:30 Ida Noyes 3rd floor.INQUIRYINQUIRY publishes Insightful essays andpapers of general interest from all fields writ¬ten by students in the College. If you've beenthinking of submitting a paper but haven't yetdone so, don't worry. Just for you, we're exten¬ding our deadline by one week. Please submit 2copies of your work to our Ida Noyes mailboxby Friday, April 12. Remember, Socratesnever published, but you can!NEED EXTRA MONEY?RESEARCH STUDY NOW BEING CON¬DUCTED to determine drug preference. Earn$190 for your participation. Involves only overthe counter or commonly prescribed, non-experimental drugs. Minimal time required.Call 962-3560 between 9am and noon.Volunteers must be between 21 and 35 yrs. andin good health.KUNDALINI YOGAINTEGRATE & ENERGIZE your being! Beg.& Adv. Tues. & Thurs., 5-6:30 PM. Ida Noyes.FICTION WRITINGWorkshop. All kinds but experimental stressedInstructor is also Literary Agent. Sats start4/13.955-6094.East Park TowersBarber Shop1648 E. 53rd St.752-9455By AppointmentHYDE PARK’SNEWEST ADDRESSOFDISTINCTIONCORNELL PLACE5346 South CornellYou must see our tastefullyrenovated high-rise in EastHyde Park. This classicbuilding has the traditionalelegance of a distinguishedHyde Park residence, yet theclean, refreshed interior of anew building. Each spaciousapartment features amplecloset room, modern ap¬pliances, wall to wallcarpeting, ceramic tile, in¬dividually controlled heat andbeautiful views overlooking thelovely surroundings of the HydePark Community or the Lake.We offer studios and onebedroom units with varyingfloor plans starting at $325.Parking available. Ask aboutour student and facultydfsount.667-8776U/Sivfc.lu>ii r ur LdiuAuu Macwint/at-nii. a. u#6o-».itj CLASSIFIEDSMUSICALS/DIRECTORSBlackfriars is accepting proposals for fallmusical. Deadline 6 pm Mon Apr. 15. ContactBen W. 493-9450; Nan C 753-2233 #411; Dan B.493-0913 for info. n e A ToKt A ISUMMER SUBLET!BIG 1-bedroom apt. on 55th between Everett &Hyde Pk Blvd. Avail. June 15 to Sep. 15 w/option to renew. Furnished for summer if youwant! Call 324-1783 anytime. $475/month.LANGUAGE TABLESJoin us at the International House for dinnerand international conversation. German andFrench tables, Wednesday at 6pm, Japanesetable, Thursday at 6pm in the East Lounge.LErS PARTY!!Don't miss the Spring Dance Party this Saturday at International House 1414 E. 59th StreetD.J. Scott "Smokin" Silz (formerly of WBMXradio) will spin a hot mix of top tunes. Doorprizes, beverages, and party snacks are in¬cluded in admission price: S3 UC students/$5non-UC students. No one under 21 admitted.Sponsored by the Black Graduate Fnrum.COACH HOUSE2 Bdrm, 1 Ig bth, on bus rt. Privacy, 536-0077.CONDO FOR RENTBy owner-deluxe highrise 3 bedrooms 2 baths,w/w carpet, 24 hour security, health clubfacilities, garage included. Call 6pm-9pm 752-2071.CONDO FOR SALEDeluxe highrise 3 bedrooms 2 baths w/wcarpet, 24 hour security, health club facilities,garage included SI 195.00 Call 6pm 9pm 752-2071JOBS AVA1LABL EHStudent coffee shop positions available forwork study people. Interested? Call Scott 962-9554 & leave message.WANT TO LEARNTO USE COMPUTERS?ATTEND THE COMPUTATION CENTERCLASSES FOR SPRING QUARTER. TheComputation Center is once again offering aseries of no-cost non-credit seminars and lowcost non-credit courses for the University com¬munity during spring quarter. These classesbegin on April 22 and continue through May.SPACE WANTEDMature couple working at U of C this summerwould like to sublet house or apartment forsummer months. Call Lydia evenings 288-4574. Free copies of the Curriculum Guide and thetime schedules which describe the classes andlist their dates and times are available atseveral campus locations, including: theCenter's Usite Business Office (Wieboldt 310),from 9:00 to 4:00, Monday-Friday and at theStaff Office Building (5737 S. University), 8:30to 5:00, Monday-Friday. Copies of thesepublications may also be obtained from theSocial Science Advisor in Pick 123, the Pro¬gram Advisor at Usite and the Cluster Atten¬dant at UsiteThe seminars offer introductions and over¬views to topics of general computing interest:e g., computer concepts, computer facilities,and microcomputing. Our seminars alsodiscuss how to use specific software on theDEC-20 computers: e.g., introduction to theDEC-20's MUSE word processing, and EMACSfull screen editing. We're also teaching an in¬troduction to the PYRAMID 90x computer.Finally, the seminars discuss specific softwareavailable on the IBM 3081D computer system:e.g., SUPERWYLBUR, and IBM text processing (TREATISE and SCRIPT).In addition to the seminars, we teach a four-part course on the SPSSX statistical packageon the IBM 3081D computer (the fee for thiscourse is $20.00) and a six-part course on SASon the IBM 3081D (the fee for this course is$30.00). Both courses include computer time.To register for the SAS and SPSSX coursesstop by the Usite Business Office in Wieboldt310.If you have questions about the classes offered(e.g., content and intended audience) contactthe Center's Educational Coordinator, DonCrabb, at 962-7173 or via DEC-20 MM toSTAFF. DON CRABB.HELP WANTEDPermanent part-time rental agent forluxury high rise in Hyde Park. Call288-5050 Monday-Friday9am to5 pm.IG SPRING ELECTIONTuesday, April 23 and Wednesday, April24. All Graduate and Undergraduaterepresentative sedats available, as wellas executive positions of president, vice-president, finance committee chair,treasurer and secretary. Great forresume. Petitions available March 8 inIda Noyes 210 and 306.SUMMER RENTAL NEEDED. VanderbiltMedical student (Princeton Grad) with carneeds room or small apt with air conditioningfrom early May to early August while workingat ITT. Call collect 914-454-0384or 615-297-4203.Seeking one-bedroom apt south of 55th (nosublets) to begin renting in mid-June 955-0293.Room in two or 3 bedroom apt in Hyde Parkarea for quiet, clean, smoking female. Pleasecall Jaimie days 962-9555 eves . wkds. 334-0864.YOU CAN NOT BUYATMOSPHFRF/jl X 1tJLv-/wJL JL jLJU JLYjL/YOU EARN ITTIMMY'S4T\w,>REPAIR • SALES • RENTALSBY THE WEEK OR MONTH$3800MAXELL 3% DISCS BX.$6200 BX.DYSAN-U.H.R. DISCSFOR IBM A.T.DYSAN-DEC RX50KFORMAT COMPATIBLE WITH:RAINBOW 100 DECMATE II * — - CnTHE PROFESSIONAL 325,350 $345U8XUNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO BOOKSTOREOFFICE MACHINE DEPARTMENT970 E. 58th St. 2nd FI.962-3400 or 753-2600 model camera and videoGet a BIGGERDeal37% biggerprints at noextra costHave your next roll of 35 mmKODACOLOR Film developed byKodak and get big 4" x 6" prints(instead of the regular 31/2" x 5"prints) for no extra charge!mognapnnfji40 service f Ask for PROCESSING BYIKodakOffer expiresApril 15, 1985&TDK Normal Position i 390&TDK &SA90AUDIO CASSETTE SALE!!Package of 10TDK SA-90 *2”TDK D-90 *139MAXELL XL-II90 s239ALSO VIDEO CASSETTES!Package of 10S65°S65°S95Os650S65°MAXELL T-120MEMOREX T-120TDK T-160PANASONIC T-120TDK T-120NEW MINOLTA y /MA%UMAUTOFOCUSSYSTEMMINOLTAMA%UM 7000World’s easiest 35mm SLR system•World’s only LR withbuilt-in Autofocus.• Built-in Motorized Film Control•Advanced Touch Control Panelfor ease of operation•2-year Minolta U.S.A. limitedwarranty on camera, 5-year on lens.1342 E. 55th St493-6700NEW HOURSM, T, W, ThF, SATSUN 9:30-69:30-7i 2-5MAB PRESENTSTONIGHTFRIDAY,APRIL 59 P.M.MANDELHALL3$ STUDENTS7$ OTHERS\\7ITHbCJNETWENOF BARUAf&AANDVOICE OF BE T VTicket give away on WHPK 88.3