tenth week MarcxVi iss 0l\s m TTiifv*¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ * <09 %-- /P\Wi m*****************The International House Cafeteria will be open for.the Summer ^Quarter. If you are a member of the University Communityyou are eligible to purchase a meal ticket which will enable youto purchase food at greatly reduced rates.A meal ticket is $105. for the Summer Quarter covering theperiod June 12 through August 26.You are always welcome to use the air-conditioned Cafeteriawithout a meal ticket.at the regular full prices.Also, lodging available:For the Quarter, $396. for average room, linens andmeal ticket.Transient rates - room & linen only.$ 5.50 per night35.00 per week147.00 per monthCafeteria hours: Monday - FridayBreakfast 7:00 -10:00Lunch 11:30 - 2:00Dinner 5:00 - 7:00For further information call 753-2280^|2 The Chicago Maroon Friday, June 3, 1977★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ **************************************** Contents Vol.86, No. 69Short Storypage 5What Mr. Klas Told Me Jan NovakJan Novak, an MA candidate in theCommittee on General Studies in theHumanities, won the $1,000 first-placeprize in the Olga and Paul MenuFoundation competition for “WhatMr. Klas Told Me, ” translated fromthe original story written in Czech.His play “The Czechs” won anhonorable mention this year in thecompetition.Poemspage 7An Arabian Knight Nancy Gale(Revisited)Nancy Gale, a freshman in theCollege, won the $75 second-prize inthe John Billings Fiske competitionfor ■ ‘An Arabian Knight (Revisited) ”page 9Sarah, Mother of Nations.. Julie SiegelJulie Siegel, a senior in the College,won the $125 first-place prize in theJohn Billings Fiske competition for“Sarah, Mother of Nations. ”page 10Rubber Dolls. Kevin BjerregaardKevin Bjerregaard. a freshman in theCollege, won the $100 AmericanAcademvof Poets award for ‘ RubberDolls. ”Editor's noteThe winners of the University'screative writing competitions in the pasthave not had their pieces published oncampus. In an effort to give talentedstudent writers some public recognitionand in hopes of stimulating interest in theannual writing contests, The Maroon thisyear decided to devote its tenth weekliterary review to the work of thestudents honored at the annual honorsassembly, which was held last week. WefuMy expect that this issue will establisha precedent for Maroon editors to followin the future.Another Maroon tradition we hope tobegin in today's issue is our own "Writerof the Year Award." This year, such akudos seemed particularly appropriatebecause of the consistently brilliant work of The Maroon Pynchon — themysterious Lukacs Le Bag. Since hisessay in the orientation issue in September, Le Bag's writing has given thepages of the Grey City Journal apowerful dose of insight and wit. The $100Writer of the Year Award is a smalltoken of our appreciation for his contribution to this year's paper.iJt'l /Le /7-'VPeter Cohn, EditorMaroon Writer of the YearNever-Never Land Never Was.ORCatatonia is Made of ThisBy Lukacs Le BagA sign flashes above the treadmill that is theUniversity of Chicago campus: "Spring QuarterEnds. Academic Year Over." This notice, whichwould be greeted with great waves of energy andrelief elsewhere, goes practically undected here.The Sisyphian task continues unabated:typewriters continue to bang at all hours, respiteswill be dreamt of but rarely taken, smiles willcontinue to be seen only on the cover of Seventeenmagazine in the Bookstore. Nothing ever "seems"over here: all the end of the year means is that it'stime to comb your hair and get a new ID card.(Imagine the shock of a finally-graduated studentwho, as for umpteen years past, walks in to get hispicture taken, and is told: "No, you can't have oneany more. All done. Go Home." I'm sure manycan't handle it, and those who are prepared torelinquish their student status went throughtrauma equivalent to what I endured when Idecided to stop sleeping with my teddy bear at ageeleven.)But this being, at least on the Official AcademicCalendar, the end of the year, let's talk about theTotal Life of the Mind Experience. As somebody onthe MAB is rumored to have said: "This was a yearon paper." Which it was. Not to mention that it wasa bad year in dorms, cafeterias, classrooms,library stacks, dance floors, and concert halls. Ayear like all the others. Why?An acquaintance of mine is a graduate of one ofthe small, Eastern universities that most U. of C.students go through some pains in passing up (or,more often, in being rejected by) before they comehere. This fellow spends, by Hyde Park standards,an unseemly amount of time reminiscing about hiscollege days. As a student, he readily admits tonever having read of word of Aristotle in his life:his adivsor's multilingual renditions of Irishdrinking songs are more significant to him. Whilehe is largely an object of scorn and derision, there isno small amount of hidden admiration for him. Aformer colleague of his, Schuster (who is going thefull Lab School/B.A./M.A./Ph. D. route here) fellinto the lore of this Eastern school and, in fact,started passing it on himself. One day my friendwas talking to a faculty member who asked himwhere he had attended college. The answer broughtup the remark: "Oh, you went to school withSchuster." (The importance of history, folks. AlexHaley lives!)I had a revealing rap with an old friend recentlyon the subject of that long lost cultural figure, PeterPan. This dude very convincingly traced thedownfall of our civilization to NBC's cancellation ofthe annual showing of Peter Pan, starring MaryMartin. "Remember", he told me, "we are ageneration that has been drprived of our mostimportant hero — a cat who is forever high and whois never coming down, and never never nevergrowing up." This feolow's trips to Chicago, by theway, consist mainly to visitations to the shrine ofWrigley Field, the last bastion of Peter Pan men¬tality in America. He is steered away from HydePark and regular U of C life as one would protect adelicate, tropical flower from the ravages ofdowntown Gary.But Peter Pan made me realize the true andessential difference between this campus and mostothers. You see, Peter Pan, until recently at least,had the potential for existing elsewhere. But nothere. The androgynous flying creature wouldn'thave lasted a minute; and Tinkerbell ... an im¬mediate candidate for W 3, for sure. On the Mid¬way, it's pure and simple: Never Never Land,never was. The U of C has never been the site forinternal conflict between youth and adulthood; oneis supposed to spring full-blown, analytical andcynical, from the shell of high school suburbia, orprep school big city life. Got to be ready to deal withthose higher dialectics right off the bat.Compared to knowledge, what good are memories anyway? They're very adolescent, afterall. Instead of memorizing formulae, to recall thegood times, the times of your Barry Manilow-soundtracked life, is iust another silly way ofpreparing oneself for a fate as a sucker consumer ofnostalgia, not a student of history. You know, theguy who will devour the Channel 44 commercialsfor the Greatest Hits of the Greatful Dead("Remember the golden days of tripping in the sunwith/Casy Jones you better. . . watch yourspeed/And who can forget/Saint Stephen, with arose/for your set, send $6.98 for records, $9.98 fortapes..."). The U of C student is above all that. TheLife of the Mind requires instant maturity andlucidity: grooving on the past is verboten, so theenvironment does everything to make such a taskimpossible. Pressing flowers between the pages ofa book is tough when every page is jammed withmarginal chicken scratches, underlinings, andthree shades of Hi-Liter. Reminiscences about thesounds with which you loved and lived through youryears here is also difficult, unless you can find abootleg "live" recording of the Regenstein air-conditioning system. And campus events . . .comedy performances of Tonight Show reject lines;tired schlock rock-folk jazz music; parties thatcombine the worst aspects of an arriviste salon andan office happy hour; dancing that makesHomewood Flossmor High teenyboppers look likeGay Broadway regulars; sporting events that . . .well, put it this way: the Chicago media coversthem as they would the birth of a baby cub at Lincoln Park zoo ("This is Rona Douglas forEyewitless News at Stagg Field — gee, aren't theyCUTE!").This place is absolutely insidious when it comesto repressing any potentially frivolous memories.Take graduation. Did you ever walk around thiscampus on the second Saturday in June and try tofeel some vibrations of joy, or even relief. I did lastyear, and the only signs of life I could find were atthe Oriental Institute. Most institutions of learning,higher or otherwise, make at least some attempt tohave a Big Deal Commencement Cermony. While ldon't know if many people really enjoy them, it's aritual that is (and I wish I could write it like MaryTyler Moore says it) "nice". But the University, inits wisdom, decides to have foi r little ones insteadof one big one. Which is like having four Christmases: the time is right only once a year for thesethings. At first, I thought that the lack of a decentattitude towards graduation to be right in the spiritof our Peerless Leaders of 5801 Ellis ("Our motto:Le Bag to fourLukacs Le Bag once had Saul Bellow's autograph, buthe lost it. He is presently writing a dissertation on thesocial history of the Sun Ra Solar Myth Arkestra in theCommittee on Social Thought, under the advisorship ofEdward Shits. When he grows up he wants to be vicepresident for public information of the University ofChicago He has a thing for neurotic episcopalian women.The Chicago Maroon Friday, June 3,197"* 3INTERNATIONAL GUIDE TOTRAVEL HOUSINGREDUCE TRAVEL COSTSStay in College and University Residences• over 230 colleges and universities listed• 21 countries represented (includingU*S and Canada)• inexpensive rooms• low-cost meals• campus activities• available holiday periodsFor completely revised and expanded 2ndedition ot Travel Guide to College andUniversity Housing, send S3 to TeachersTravel Service P 0 Box 7006. Berkeley.CA 94707 u t i - * { J6 SALES withservice is our* BUSINESS aREPAIR specialists<P on IBM, SCM,Olympia & others §c Free Estimate >A Ask about ourRENTAL with itn option to buyNew & Rebuilt ATypewriters <CalculatorsDictators 4-Addersu U. of C. Bookstore5750 S. Ellis Ave. $YV 753-3303Y MASTER CHARGE^ ao0 BANKAMERICARD Va i 6 C - •* r ± t Le Bag from three'This place would run perfectly-except for thestudents.' "). But then I realized that it is.what thepeople want. For one thing, this is not a once in a-lifetime experience for most graduates: after fouror five of these putting-on-the mortarboardroutines, it does get a little boring. More to the pointthough, is the fact that, while U of C students maytend to be scrawny and/or verginal, they all realizethat the life of the mind is not for children. Thewhole concept of "commencement" has norelevency: why say "this is a new beginning — nowgo out and act like adults" when these people havebeen dealing with Adult concepts in Adult ways forall these years. One thing every student quicklyconvinces him/her/self of is that the righteous pathof knowledge here is no place for prolongation ofyouth. Children don't know how to analyze; theyprick at and tickle the truth, but they aren't in¬terested in that artistic skewering that we like tosee around here. (Of course, few people have thattalent, especially nowadays: the butchers havetaken over.) Whether they actually believe it or not,it is widely accpeted by students that a king-sizeddose of castoroil-like Liberal Education is what willget one through the night in the real world. Putmore precisely: even if the learning experiencehere doesn't at times feel all that painful, make itA long time ago in a galaxy jar, jar away...TWENTIETH CENTURY FQX Presents A LUCASFILM LTD. PRODUCTIONSTAR WARSs.Wrng MARK HAMILL HARRISON FORD CARRI€ FISHCRP€T€R CUSHINGandALEC GUINNESSWritten and Directed by GEORGE LUCAS Produced by GARY KURTZ w** by JOHN WILLIAMSPANAVBON-PG-Vb PPJNT5 OT DE UUXE ’ TECHMCOOTStar Wars opens May 25th in these cities:NEW YORK — Astor PlazaNEW YORK-OrpheumHICKSVILLE - TwinPARAMUS-RKOMENLO PARK-CinemaBOSTON-CharlesCINCINNATI-Showcase Cm IDAYTON-Dayton Mall IDENVER-CooperROCK ISLAND (Milan)-Cinema 3DETROIT-Americana iLOUISVILLE-Cinema IKANSAS CITY-GlenwoodlLOS ANGELES-AvcoiGR ORANGE — City Centre I PHOENIX-Cine CapriSAN DIEGO-Valley CircleMINNEAPOLIS-St Louis ParkPHILADELPHIA - Eric s PlacePENNSAUKEN - Eric ILAWRENCEVILLE - Eric IICLAYMONT-Eric IFAIRLESS HILLS-Eric IIPITTSBURGH - ShowcasePORTLAND- Westgate ISALT LAKE CITY-CentreSAN FRANCJSCO-CoronetSACRAMENTO-Century 25SAN JOSE -Century 22ASEATTLE-U A 150 WASHINGTON-UptownTORONTO-Uptown I‘CHICAGO-River Oaks I‘CHICAGO-Edens 2‘CHICAGO-Yorktown 3‘CHICAGO-Esquire‘DALLAS-NorthPark 2‘HOUSTON-Galleria 2*DES MOINES-Riverhill‘INDIANAPOLIS - Eastwood‘OMAHA-Cm Center‘MONTREAL - Westmont Sq‘VANCOUVER-Stanley*ST LOUIS-CreveCoeur‘Opens May 27thl-The Chicago Maroon Friday, June 3,1977 so. Make it hurt, so that your UC education is even abetter value than those other havens of good timesand marginal academic activitiy that chargehundreds of dollars more in tuition (A scholarshipfor every student, a chicken in every pot, a Minibuson every corner, and a copy of "Dreams in Stone"on every coffee table, courtesy of the WilsonBruckner ticket). Of course, they've always gotten'em young and hit 'em hard. I was unaware untilrecently that, during the Hutchins-Adler era, manystudents entered here after their sophomore year inhigh school, thereby bypassing the Summer of '42for many Winters of Discontent. A great bunch theymust have been.Concomitant with the lack of childlike innocencethat is permitted to exist here is a heavy pal! ofguilt. It's everywhere: one can never work hardenough, or can ever consider oneself to have gaineda level of sufficiency in one's task here (as EllenClements lucidly pointed up in her excellent essayof last week). Further follow-up in The Maroon'ssexual researches will doubtless point up the ab¬solute permeation of guilt — academic, over andabove the primordial — into the lives of boys andgirls together here. Even the environment of HydePark is fraught with guilt, as any amateur ur-banologist will tell you. There was once, legend hasit, a funky innocence to this place. We read andfantasize about the good old days of Hyde Park, thedays of the fleshpots and great music and trolleyson 55th Street and Nichols and May and corner drugstores and folk songs and nascent political consciousness and racial and class harmony. And thenthis life was destroyed — BY US. We are the middlecalss that drove the poor out, that made the in¬dependent merchants close up shop, that put thebulldozers in the hands of Julian Levi's minions,that made Monoxide Island necessary and possible,that made Woodlawn into a recreation of Dresden,1945. Yes, we are not innocent here, for we havedestroyed our neighborhood. "rhe legacy continues'the blood radiates from our hands as we walk thestreets, once a month, without fear, under oursodium-vapor streetlights, clutching our whistles.Yes, we had our urban Eden here, and we screwedit up, but good. And we got what we deserve, right?How do we characterize this condition we liveunder? That great man of the Chicago School ofSociology, the late Louis Wirth, once came up witha catchy phrase: "urbansim as a way of life". Insociology, since the publication of his paper of thattitle around 9138, Louis Wirth's catchy phrase hasserved at the lead for at least 108, 322 papers. (Itmay not sound too scintillating to the untrained ear,but after a few sociology courses it becomes veryhip, believe me.) It is held in semi-veneration bythe world's youngest profession, mainly because itis the only catchy phrase American sociology hasbeen able to come up with (which is still one morethan some academci disciplines can boast). Giventhe power of the phrase, why stop at "urbansim"?Let's make it something really germane to theUniversity of Chicago existence. How about"Masochism as a way of life"? Or, better yet,"Catatonia as a way of life". Immobile, paralyzed,anesthetized — what happens in an "adult"existence without the external stimuli necessaryfor proper gratification in the society: FordMustang Ghias, Weber barbecues, Sony TrinitronPluses, Visa cards, two six-acks of Michelob,Revlon products. Minibuses and computer ter¬minals can't substitute. We cannot be touched bythe magic wand of the little fairy; we cannot attainacademic nirvana, since we are in a Westernsystem and must reap our rewards later, if ever.But if Santa Claus was watching when we wereeight, the Great Grader is watching even moreclosely. And we can't win. Salvation, either throughescape or transcendence, is impossible. Sit thereand take it.So don'1 take any non essential baggage withyour brain if and when you leave here. After all,people have endured the military, prison andsummer camp, and have come out relatively un¬scathed. And remember — most of the people whopartied their way through "fun" schools +urn out tobe what my little sister calls NERDS, anyway.Leave Peter Pan to the gays (if < hat's wha1 it'sreally all about). Myself, I really don't care, man."What, me worry?" is where it's at, in the finalanalysis. To paraphrase the former president ot alarge, midwestern university, all » want is threethings: first, tight levi's; second, loose shoes; andthird, a warm place to read the Sunday New YorkTimes.Get It Done...Use Maroon Classifiedsi i » « t i * «IBy Jan NovakMr. Klas told me that the late Masaryk had a surgeontransplant ape glands to him in his ripe age, so he couldenjoy his reputation ol the Creator of the Republic withladies. One week in April when everybody was busy withtheir tax bills, Masaryk slipped out to Switzerland wherean internationally renown surgeon kept them in a specialrefrigerator for him. The glands came from a chim¬panzee, the one from which we have all evolved a longtime ago, he said, his bones and his skin are even nowdisplayed in the National Museum by an order of theFather of the State who was Masaryk, because he was thefirst president. The National Museum and the skin of thechimp that was our father both stand at a circular squarein Prague. Prague is the capital of Czechoslovakia, whichis my fatherland. Mr. Klas said, it looks like a hedgehog,because they call it a city of a hundred towers and it issmall, it has a nice climate, as their weather is like ours,here in Chicago, only in laundries. The chimp glandsenabled Masaryk to feel at peace with his political legacyin his old days. They also explain why Masaryk en¬tertained Mary Pickford at Lany when she had found outthat Hollyw'ood had an outside and trotted the globe. InFrench it is called menage-a-trois. because Mary Pick-ford had been accompanied on her travels. Mr. Klas whoowns an old factory in Elgin where his sleeping wife hadcaught on fire from a drapery once and burned to death(he didn’t say how the drapery caught on fire) and wheretwo huge and hungry dogs run around the corners of theheaps of old junk that make little streets all night also toldme that Bata has been the greatest genius of Czech historysince Jan Zizka. Bata built his Gottwaldov in Moravia inorder to be far away from Prague, so he didn't have to paytaxes. In that he succeeded. He never paid any. Bata putshoes on the feet of the world, too, that’s why his town hasbeen nationalized. That’s how the sentence was inventedthat my dad says sometimes when my mom can’t hearhim, because she is a decent folk and he’s a dirty old man,we’re as deep down the asshole as Bata ended up with hiswooden clogs. Also those dogs are very hungry, so theniggers would get scared of them, the niggers are afraidof everything, but most of all ofMr. Klas’ dogs, Mr Kiastold me Bata also wanted to move Czechoslovakia toSouth America, — mainly because of Russia and Ger¬many, — since neither Russia nor Germany will evermove there. In South America, Bata bought a huge herd ofcattle, he wanted to make shoes out of it, around that herdthere would be the new Czechoslovakia which would haveto be translated to Spanish and get the name of Patagonia.There our national dish would no longer be pork, dum¬plings and sauerkraut, but beef, because that herd wouldhave to be eaten, so that Bata could make shoes out of thecows. It seemed funny, but when I started to laugh MrKlas said that I was a commie brat, that Bata wanted tomake the Patagonia out of Czechoslovakia because of mewhich is strange, because I don’t even know him. and thathe is glad that he didn’t do it, because it would have cost amountain of gold and I would not even know how to ap¬preciate it. We don’t know' how’ to appreciate anything,because the communists spoiled us. Communists haveprostituted Czech history, too. because they used to takethe train to Moscow and now they fly there, so that thebolshevists order them about a lot more, because they cantake many more trips in the airplanes than they couldbefore in the train. That’s why they go to Moscow in thefirst place. I never found out what had happened to Bata,because Mr. Klas started to swear at his grandfatherwhose name was Czech and who had become famous bygrowing beets in mountain regions. My mom had alreadytold me about him when we were waiting in the waitingroom of the dentist, how the grandfather had been pullinga beet out of the earth and could not do it. Then I gotscared, because I didn’t know whether she wasn’t tellingme that because the dentist maybe won’t be able to pullmy tooth out, since the teeth have roots like beets, andthat he could then ask my mom to help him like thegrandfather Czech, and they would then both pull, andmaybe they still couldn’t pull the toothout, so they wouldinvite the dad, too, and they would all pull together, andwhen the tooth would come out, they would all fall on theirbacks. It was because of grandfather Czech that no oneshowed up to help Bata when he tried to moveCzechoslovakia to South America, and that’s why itstayed in Europe where the grandfather had them alldeceived with false promises of milk and honey. I don’teven like honey. Mr. Klas is an artist and he makes pic¬tures that hang in Fingerhut’s bakery, in Cicero, and alsoin the restaurant Pelican. The difference between true artand kitch is in that a real artist can make living on hispaintings while those that die of hunger, like someRembrandt who had always painted himself so we couldnow see how awfully he looked, a real monster, they areno artists for Mr. Klas, but hacks and filthy beggars. So Inon’t know, one Slovak said in the bus that for him the onlyart is pork with dumplings and sauerkraut, which has tobe really sour though, and a couple of Pilsner beers. I saw’such a picture once already, when I was real small, in acast! ' in Czechoslovakia before we split from the com¬munists, they had all kinds of sabers on the walls andamong them there was a carpet, and on that carpet theman to whom the castle belonged, and that’s wh> he had Photos by Dan Newmanto work there as a guide now. had embroidered a deadpheasant with a square citrus fruit and a bottle of wineWine is embroidered with a red thread. Those paintingscan be plugged into a socket and they light up. becauseMr. Klas puts pieces of glass in them, and behind them hesticks small bulbs, that’s why they cost so much money,and that’s why the Americans like them. In one restaurantin Cicero, a red glass sun shines over funny Prague whoselines are all falling apart and a couple of houses shine, too.Prague is a funny city, anyway. It stands mainly allaround a stone bridge. Also, they paint the same castleover Prague, always the same one. too. so I don’t knowwhere all the people live. That bridge will never fall down,there are far too many hard boiled eggs in its mortar forthat, that’s why it is so hard. But the castle looks like itwill come down any minute, especially the one in thebakery The castle is something like a downtown inPrague. Now the communists had moved there, but,before, Masaryk used to live in it. Once he had thrownsomeone out of it through a window, but nothing serioushappened to him, because he has landed on a pile ofgarbage that people throw out of the windows of castlesinto ditches. Mr. Klas also said that Masaryk was really acloset leftist, that the golden chapter of Czech historybelongs to the legionnaires. Some of them shot their waythrough Siberia to Kamchatka and returned to Bohemiafrom the back to spread syphilis all over the Prague as aconsequence, but they were the only ones that Masarykdidn't dare even to fart in the presence of. They held thekey to the modern history, but Masaryk had stolen itslock, so the bloody communards had taken a factory awayfrom Mr. Klas in Czechoslovakia after the war. Legion¬naires could have turned back the entire bolshevistrevolution, because they fought bravely, and besides, theyfought nothing by Svejks, the chief among them beingsome guy Jaroslav Hasek who was the only Czech ever tolike vodka But even he stopped drinking it, so bad is thestuff they drink in Russia. Nevertheless, Masarykmanaged to hold the legionnaires under some kind of areign, he succeeded in that mainly because the beer theydrink in Russia is so awful, even worse than the Americanbeer, that’s why the people in Russia are still ignorantbarbarians even today, most of them lying dead drunk onsidewalks most of the time as though it didn’t mean athing, the sober minority just steps right over them, andthat’s also why the sober ones have been able to pull arevolution over the drunken scum Legionnaires hadpeople to carry their luggage around for them. Mr Klaswas telling me. but Masaryk put an end to it. and so the red sons of a bitch took his factory away from him, afactory where the workers stayed from morning till night,and then refused to go home. One worker told him. look,Mr. factory owner, I got it here better than at home, why,every time I come home, my old lady jumps at my backright away, here, by the machines, it’s nice and quiet, noone gets into my hair for every extra breath of air I take,and on top of that I’m making money, too, so what else do Ipossibly need, huh? Nothing, as a matter of fact, nothingat all, replied Mr. Klas. Then the communists took overthe factory, broke most of the machines, and ran him outof his premises, the fucking commie swines, he didn’t stoptill he crossed the border. That’s what my dad told me,before they left with mom for Las Vegas, never to arguew’ith Mr. Klas about politics, that I would be screaming,too, if the communists chased me out of my owti factory,only I would never argue with him in the first place. Mr.Klas doesn’t even drink Czech beer, because he would notstick dollars into the throats of those damn whores. Onlythe traitors send their old ladies to Czechoslovakia everyyear to dance cancan for the communards so they can seewith their own eyes that, in America, they got all theunderwear a lady’s crotch may desire, and all of it withlaces. Why even bother to mention it, the aunt fromAmerican betrays our cause every time the commies rana hot medal into her knockers. A man must see thingsphilosophically, and every philosopher worth his saltknows, my dear, that ninety percent of all people are pigs,defective spare parts, junk, garbage, and vermin to fit tolive for one reason only, and that is as a pedestal for theremaining ten percent of real people who make history’.Only on account of that did the butter cost ten crowns akilo during the first republic, and a quarter bought you asausage and a bun with mustard, too. That is the truephilosophy, and that’s why the American students burntheir books nowadays, who’s ever heard of studentsburning their books before. The written word must besacred to them as a matter of course, like democracy. Mr.Klas told me while we were driving down to the river witha canoe, he was all red and shouting at the top of his lungs.I liked that. Don’t think that it’s some accident that theCzechs suffer under those sons of a bitch, every nationdeserves its destiny in some way. no Czech will ever admitthat he made a mistake, he’d rather call you an idiot andargue with you even when you're already standing on hisface that it wasn't his mistake, or that, in any case, hecouldn’t possibly help it, what kind of a foundation fordemocracy is that. Mr. Klas had been screaming when Iwas making him a drink the night before, in America, yougotta put a lot of ice into everything, that’s why there isAmerica, there are decent people here, that’s why theygot a proverb, it takes a man to make a mistake, but ittakes a bigger man to admit one.That is the real America underneath all the humbug,conservative songs and straight men. dry drinks. Army.Navy, Air Force, the bomb for the Ivans, an Americanmakes no bones about admitting a mistake, but everyCzech from Assville. Nowhere, saw everything, had beeneverywhere, knows all there is to know, my ass. Masarykhad been hiding his ape glands from the public, too. butthe fact remains that we had a chimpanzee for our firstpresident, and that’s why even today the apes are still ahundert years ahead of us. because we are a nation ofSvejks and no real men. My dad is a real man. I said. oh.don’t drag that in here, that’s irrelevant, the kids lovedtheir parents even in the ancient Greece already, said MrKlas, nothing new under the sun. In the end. the apeglands explain why Masaryk had fraternized so muchwith Capek and Peroutka, even the popular wisdomcaught on to that one, that’s how the saying fridays,holidays for the gays, came about. Even on memoirist ofMasarvk’s intimate circle has acknowledged it not so longago. although, of course, he’s put it in a roundabout way,but he wrote it black on white, that Capek stopped toidealize Masaryk when he got to know the ladies, that hestarted to see him in a more critical light which clearlyfollows, because even for a writer, an actress is betterthan a president, ape glands or not. Mr. Klas said. too.that it’s not enought to muzzle champagne and pick theright after shave cologne for parlors, or dance waltz andforce the kids to take French and piano lessons to becomethe elite of a nation, a man must above all have spirit,that’s why he didn't even mind communards as much asthe high society circles, because at least they made nobones about the fact that they will break the necks ofnormal people, they went as far as to make Gottwald apresident for saying in broad daylight in the parlamentwe’ll keep turning your necks till your heads’ll startfalling off when all those who. now in exile, call them¬selves former senators and former you name it playedblack-jack over goulash, and no one heard it, that’s whyKopeckv who w as to become their minister of culture hadto qualify Gottwald’s remark by saying we ll cut theirveins right by the testicles, which is something that I amtoo small to understand yet Only I understand it At leastthey were men, if they didn’t dance the way thebolshevists whistle, they could congratulate themselvesfor being what they would be. but as it is. they're just sonsof bitches who pawned the nation in some out of the wavpawnshop for a bottle of vodka cut half and half with pisswater, as though the Czech were not like money in the(Continued on next page)The Chicago Maroon Friday, June 3,1977 5(Continued from page five)bank, that god saved up for his retirement,just take a look into the dictionary, will you,how many Czech words they’ve got forevery English one, why, that’s clearly apower-play, Mr Klas told me. well, howmany are there, go ahead, count them, so Iwas counting them, sometimes there wrerethree Czech words next to an English one,well, what did I tell you. said Mr. Klas, thatcould occur only to a genius like TomasBata, that people are stupid, that’s why allof his prices ended psychologically with anine, people are dimwilted, they see 89 andthey think that it’s closer to eighty than toninety, and right away they feel all the holesin their soles. Nowadays, everybody does it,of course, but who are they copying? Bata,that’s who. We were driving in the van withthe canoe tied to the roof and there was ahitchiker standing almost in the middle ofthe street, he had long hair like a girl, andMr. Klas stopped the car after we havepassed him, I was wondering why hestopped so far away from the hitchiker, butwhen he ran up to the car, all out of breath,Mr. Klas only pulled the window on his sideof the car down and shouted chlupaceneberu and then stepped on the gas like mydad does sometimes when we’re driving byourselves. The hitchiker just stood thereshrinking, becoming smaller and smaller,and then he started to shake his fist, but itwas so small that he wouldn’t break even anant’s egg with it, right then, all of a sudden Iheard a loud thud, the Hradcany in the backof the van have all slid forward, screeching,and all their bulbs have broken, and thensomething fell down on the side of the van. Ithought that the bridge has caved in on us,but then I saw that it was only the canoe, allripped into little pieces of wood. Mr. Klasjumped out of the van, slammed the door sohard that the door handle fell out, and hejumped on his canoe and the wood wascrackling as he was kicking it like crazy. Iwas watching it from the other side andalways a shoe would smash through the sideof the canoe and send splinters flying all theway to my feet and the air under that bridgestank of cars like in some tunnel. The carswere slowing down and the people werepulling down the windows in order to seebetter and some of them were laughing atMr. Klas, but he kept on kicking into the sideof his broken canoe Then, a nice, gleamingcar was passing by and that long-hairedhitchiker was looking out of its window, thecar came to a halt, and he stuck his head outand shouted at Mr. Klas, who my father toldme to call uncle, but I like calling him Mr.Klas better, hey man, wanna ride, we gotplenty of room in here, man, take the kid,too, and Mr. Klas reached for a piece ofwood from his canoe, he was going to throwit at the car, but before he tore it off, the carwas gone and the hitchiker was leaning outof the window and laughing and flashingpeace signs with both of his hands and Ishowed peace, too, because I like to do that,I like to show people peace or to give them afinger, or to spit at somebody’s hands fromthe sixth floor through the hole that runsthrough the whole house like the hole thatmy grandmother whom I’ll never see againused to have between her teeth whensomebody holds on to the handrail whenthey’re going up or down the stairs when theelevator isn’t running, because I’ve put it onhold in the basement. Suddenly, Mr. Klasslapped me real hard and I made up mymind never ever to talk to him again. Thenwe were driving again, and Mr. Klas wasshouting all the time that I didn’t talk to himand that I was swearing to myself that I’llkill him, he was screaming that this is ascientific mystery of the first order, a puzzleof puzzles, that until today he had alwaysdriven under that bridge smoothly even withthe canoe, that he won’t leave it at that, hecertainly won’t, the bridge is sinking andnobody says a thing, that only a month agohe drove underneath it with the canoefastened to the car exactly the same waylike today, no problem, and today he rips itinto pieces. If only that damn bridge wantedto fall down completely, god damn it, tocave in right on the faces of those fuckinghippies, that would be a whole differentstory, but, as it is. how come that people canbe running all over the ihoon, cleaning thesoles of their shoes from earthly shit, whileno one even warns him of the fact that thebridge he drives under is falling down, Mr.Klas was screaming. But I didn’t sayanything. I think that nobody could walk onthe moon, because it would not supportanybody. I still felt pins and needles of thatslap in my hair and I was glad that Mr. Klas’beautiful, blue, shinny, smooth canoe hadbroken into pieces The only thing I didn’t6 The Chicaao Maroon Friday. June 3,1977 like about it was that we could not gocanoeing. Mr. Klas stopped screaming, heturned pale again, that’s what has to happenevery time with the damn scientists, hesaid, and me, who had put it into my head toremember that slap, so I could always feelhow it hurt, so I wouldn’t forget that I won’tever speak to Mr. Klas again in my wholelife, I couldn’t feel the pins and needles anymore, I couldn’t even remember what kindof feeling they really were. It had all slippedaway as though some shampoo washed it offmy hair. I hit my head against the edge ofthe seat, and that hurt, but it was a differentkind of pain, it hurt as bad as before, butdifferent, and I realized that the pins andneedle of that slap were gone for good andthat it will never hurt me exactly the sameway again, I will never feel exactly thesame pain, maybe kind of like that, butnever the exact same one, and I regretted ita little bit, but otherwise I didn’t care,because I knew that I wouldn’t say a word tohim again in my whole life. And Mr. Klassaid, the scientists don’t know shit anyway,a seismographic station in America andanother one in Sweden have read from theirfinest instruments, that measure everytantrum, that in Bolivia, 185 miles southeastof La Paz, there was a terrible earthquake,and they said oh my god and in Los Angelesthey started a collection for the victims ofthe earthquake right away, from Americathey always send other people things thatthey don’t need, gloves to tropics and skicaps, food they don’t eat and medicine forsleeping sickness when they can’t closetheir eyes all night long, because of theirproblems, when the last time people slept onthis continent was sometime at the close ofthe last century, and Spanish textbooks forthose Latin illiterates who don’t even speakEnglish and already they’re learning someother language and call it their own, whojust lay around in the sun all day, till itmakes their blood boil which will result inan overpopulation of the world yet. Peoplewill soon be bom and they will have no placeto stand on, except the shoulders of theirown fathers, because there won’t be a freespot on the whole earth for them to stand on,that was intersting, I would have liked toknow how will the kids standing on theshoulders of their dads, how will they go tothe washroom and whether they would peeon the other people down there below them,because everybody’s got to go to thewashroom sometime. Those scientistlocated an earthquake in Bolivia, and fromSweden and from America they agreed thatthe center of the earthquake is in somesleepy town in the jungle, and at first theydid not even want to call there, Mr. Klassaid, because no telephone line in the worldcan withstand an earthquake that registerseight on Richter scale, much less ome wireon which the sloths rock, hanging on by theirtails. But then someone tried it anyway andcalled there and a sleepy voice picked up thephone in the townhall, and said who is this,please, who is this calling, and the person that called said, well, how does it look overthere, my god, and that other voice belongedto the chief of police, and he said, alright,thank you for asking. Then they asked himto give them a rough estimate of the numberof dead, and he didn’t know what they meantfor a long time, and then he said he thoughtthere must have been some misun¬derstanding somewhere, that they had awrong number, or some such, but theyreplied no way, a while ago you had atremendous earthquake over there, all thescientists measured it, congratulations,glad that you’ve survived it. it’s a sheermiracle, and the Bolivian policemanthought that all the scientists were drunk,and he was damn right, Mr. Klas wasshouting, they are all drunk as a matter offact, bridges are crushing us, my boat waswrecked three miles from any body ofwater, and they are calculating imaginaryplanets and imaginary earthquakes and Idon’t know what else, that’s worse than theygot it under the communists, there I wouldnever have had any canoe, ergo I couldn’tlose it, and, consequently, I’d be better offnow. And that Bolivian cop had just wokenup, and all the other cops were playingcards, and no one in the whole town heard orfelt anything. But that just isn’t possible, thescientists refused to believe it, we’ve got itall here black on white, recorded in Americaand in Sweden independently, and godknows the Chinese have got it, too, onlythey’re not telling, everything fits togetherdown to tiniest details like a Swis watch, allvery professional and quite serious, you’refunny people you Bolivians, we know, butstop putting us on, will you, we’d appreciatethat, no practical jokes either, alright,please, this is neither the time nor the placenor the occasion, let’s save that for aprilfool’s day, and that cop got mad and hescreamed, I’ll tell you what, you shove it upyour ass, and he hung up on them andnobody would pick up the phone again, sothe scientists wrote down into their tables anearthquake of eight degrees of magnitude,number of victims, zero, and that was that.Suddenly, Mr. Klas began to laugh and hedid not scream or shout any more. Hebought me an ice cream, I didn’t sayanything and he did even notice that, weclimbed back into the van and went toborrow a boat from Mr. Zeleny who is apriest. I thought that Mr. Zeleny lived inchurch where we go every time our auntfrom Milwaukee visits us, to look at him howhe walks around with a towel around hisneck, how he washes his hands and talks tohimself out loud, mom, aunt Jirina and me,we always sit in front, while dad stays in theback, I've always wondered about it,because I have never seen a bed anywherein the church, or a kitchen, or a toilet, onlysome benches that nobody shits on andJesus Christ and all kinds of stupid thingslike that, and only when Mr. Klas whom Ishould, but won’t, call uncle stopped in acrooked street and pointed a large, yellowhouse to me, and told me to go right in, that I’ll know what door it is right away, becauseI’ll hear people screaming at one anotherinside, only then I saw that Mr. Zeleny doesnot live in the church Mr. Klas drove thevan behind a comer in order to find aparking space for it and I walked toward thehouse, but it had no bell. Through an openedwindow I heard somebody argue inside, aman and a woman were shouting in English,that man was Mr. Zeleny, I recognized himbecause he was talking funny, like my momor my dad when they talk in a store, so I wasknocking on the door and I knew they couldnot hear me, I was knocking softly onpurpose, so they would not know about me,because I was afraid that they might start toshout at me, too, even though I’d neverheard Mr. Zeleny scream like that before, inchurch he spoke differently, because momand dad, just before they went away, hadalso argued and shouted like that because ofme. I didn’t like that at all, I hated it. And soI turned around, I was waiting for Mr. Klasand I saw the neighbors, sitting on a bench,and not talking at all so they could listen towhat Mr. Zeleny screams at some lady andwhat she screams at him. Across the streeta man was standing by a grass-mowerwhich he had turned off in order to be able tohear them better, so everybody who waslistening could hear them better, and he wasstarring at the gray draperies in the windowas though he knew that something was goingto fall out of it any second. And then theybegan to shout even louder inside, and Mr.Klas came and everybody was starring athim, he was more interesting than thewindow, because he is an artist, and heopened the door, because it was opened allthe time and he walked right in, and later hetold me that Mr. Zeleney never locks hisdoor, it smelled kind of funny in the hall ofMr. Zeleny’s house, like it used to smell inCzechoslovakia in grandmother’s house,that Mr. Zeleny went to New York Oncewhich is still in America, but barely, it is onthe edge, ready to fall off America into thesea, and he left all the doors of his houseunlocked and nothing got stolen, which is amiracle, other people take all kinds ofprecautions, they put iron bars on theirwindows and hide their houses in the groundand robbers break in anyway when they’reasleep and steal everything that they’ve got,even the nightgown off their wife, I thoughtthat was funny to go to sleep into a bed in afurnished house and to wake up in themorning, lying naked on the floor of anempty room, one do-it-yourselfer, said MrKlas, even built a complex machine thatpointed a loaded gun at the door, a threadled from the door to the doorknob through asystem of pulleys, so that if a robber wantedto break in, then when he turned the doorknob, the gun would bid him welcome, andhe went on a vacation with a light heart, itwas his best vacation ever, he enjoyed it somuch that he became so carefree that hecompletely forgot about his invention and as(Continued on next page)(Continued from page six)he was returning home with a nice suntanthe color of baby shit, he turned the knoband the gun shot him dead on the spot, sothere you have it, it shows how idiotic aconcept is justice.Mr. Zeleny doesn’t even have a key, heprefers to trust people rather than to keeplosing the key as he used to before, and tokeep locking himself out of his own house, hetrusts people and distrusts locks, he camehome once and there was a bum moved in,and he wouldn’t even throw him out, I’d kickthat bum out so fast, Mr. Klas told me, thathe’d only leave a fiery line behind, thatseemed funny, too, Mr. Klas likes to sayfunny things, but I know that only airplanesleave white scratches across the sky, orskates in ice, I am not so small any more tobelieve that somebody could leave a linebehind in the air, because air is nothing,only farts, that bum later left again and noone heard of him since. Mr. Klas told methat Mr. Zeleny not only distursts the keysand keeps his house opened all the time, theinsurance agent has shaked his head overthat for half an hour before he threw him outof his office when he heard about it, he alsodoesn’t drink which is strange, I get thirstyall the time, and then, when I drink, mymom says that I could break the waterpipes, I know I could not stand it for sure,and he doesn’t smoke and he only eats ar¬tificial soy meat, because he is a vegetarianwhich is a funny word, at the zoo they hadvegetarians, they were called baboons,being monkeys they ate like nuts the nutsthat I threw to them until some old man tookthe bag away from me, ripped it up andtrampled them into the ground, they had redbutts and they kept touching one anotherlike Mr. tailor Bartek who works as a janitorhere in America touches me when I wearsomething new that my mom bought me inKorvettes, he squeezes it between hisfingers and he tells my dad, this issomething else, ain’t it, what do you say,now that’s what I call quality stuff, youwouldn’t find something like that bavk inCzechoslovakia, there even the mothsbecame extinct on account of the com¬munists, they got nothing to eat ever sincethe revolution whereas here I myselfwouldn’t mind being a moth, they are fedthe very best, but the fucking reds, they seweven frocks and tuxedos from canvas, andhere, they put such wonderful stuff on littlekids like that in cold blood, knowing full wellthat they’ll outgrow it before you’ll get achance to take it off of them again at night,isn’t that something, isn’t that something,Mr. Bartek shouts at my dad, that soy meatcan be grilled like a hamburger, or it can beeaten raw, it tastes worse than diarrheaanyway, Mr. Klas told me. When I askedhim when did he taste it, he said he’d showme, but he didn’t show me anything, he saidthat I had no shame, no respect for myelders, he said that that’s true about all of usnewcomers, that it’s that simple, that Iwasn’t raised to ever amount to anything,that I wasn’t taught no manners, that he wasa completely different generation from mewhich made me glad. I don’t have an easytime of it with him, that’s what my momalso says sometimes about my dad in frontof him, so he could hear her (when theydon’t talk to one another and when she sendsme to tell him that the dinner is getting coldand when he sends me back to the kitchen totell her that he bought a hamburger on theway from work, because he doesn’t intend togo on a hunger strike like some people wouldwant him to) and dad jumps up and shoutsand what about me, what about me, I’ll gostraight to heaven just because of myboundless patience, if I won’t go nuts beforethat, I guess that you can either go nuts or toheaven, but in Mr. Zeleny’s church I saw apainting of heaven in which everyone lookednuts, so I don’t know. Behind the smellyhall, there was a large room, all dark like amovie house, because the windows werecovered by something and when, after awhile, I became able to see things again, Isaw Mr. Zeleny and a fat lady who was acrazy Jehova witness Mr. Klas told melater, that lady was crosseyed. We stoodright next to them with Mr Klas, but theydidn’t take any note of us, Mr. Zeleny waswearing a bath-robe, he was sitting on thehead of a sofa, a huge bible in his hands, thelady in a green blouse and a long black skirtwith a tiny bible sat right in front of him andthey were both shouting out loud andbeating the air around them with their fistsand drilling holes in it with their pointedfingers, they would always look somethingup in the book, the room was a mess mymom would say while my dad would call it abordello in a tank, and they would stick it infront of one another’s face but they would An Arabian Knight(Revisited)We were talking under a palm tree.You, the sheik of Arabyan exotic black pearlwith pleading, liquid eyes.I, a small-time cow girl,the Lone Ranger in drag.I knew you’d like the smell of my hairif I decided to take off my Stetson.We moved into the shade because it was cooler there.You were a nomad,stopping at the oasisof my smile and coquetry.“What a camel!” you thought,“I’d love to kiss her humps.”I didn’t want your saber in my holster.I couldn’t stand your shimmering desert heat.I took off my ten gallon hat anyway.You shook the sand out of your eyesand scorched my lips with a kiss.I had a dream:we were playing tag on the dunes.I caught you and let you goforty times,one for every thief.You started to chase me on your Arabian steed.I held up a red cape,you charged like a bullheadlong in to a mirage.I walked away, sunburned but safe,while you stood up,howled, cried for more.I got so angrythat I tried to stab you with a Bowie knife.You stared at itand it melted in my hand.You wanted to impale me on the wall of your tent.You wanted to feed me dates, one by one,like grapes at a Roman orgy.You wanted me to drink goats’ milk from your lips,then curl up beside you like a lamb.I insisted on chaps,turquoise jewelrytumbleweedmy Lone Ranger maskand separate checks.You kept drawing in the sand with a stick,refusing to answer me.I sent you a letter full of Arabic numeralsand left the Sahara, sweatingalone.Copyright Nancy Gale 1977never read what they were shown, becausethey would be shouting something as loud asthey could. Mr. Klas explained to me laterthat they were arguing about whether godexpressly forbid transfusions of blood ornot, which is an injection of blood that hasbeen in a refrigerator into the veins ofpeople, I couldn’t imagine it and then Ithought that it would mabe be like when amosquito bites someone, then he has theblood that is sucked out poured back in, Idon’t know why God should think aboutwhether people do crazy things like that,that’s what Mr. Klas told me, too, he saidthat God has problems of his own. that hehas a real mess on his hands, because inCalifornia garbagemen found a little baby intheir truck just before they were to dump itsload on a garbage dump, its own raven of amother threw it there, and the police didn’teven know who she was and whether shecouldn’t have some other baby to throwaway some other time. I always thoughtthat people are thorwn away to graveyards,only I wondered why there isn't somerecycling center for people just like the onethey got for cans in Oak Park wheresometimes we -take tnir -empty* cans- wittr Nancy Galedad. And Mr. Zeleny was screaming at thefat lady God knows all such details, after allhe created them, didn't he. now didn’t heand the lady was screaming at the top of herlungs that's what I’m saying, but somepeople are just too ignorant to understandwhat for thinking people is beyond anydoubt, and Mr. Zeleny shouted that’s it.you're not gonna call me ignorant, you andyour kin are the disgrace of Christ, and thelady was screaming what did you say, youdamn d p., you wouldn’t know’Christ fromyour landlord if he rose from dead andw alked in here and demanded your rent forthis world, you huh huh you, and Mr. Zelenyturned red and screamed you bitch, so youthink that you are the only one spreading'theword of God, well, let me tell you, you're notand you're not gonna teach me’ anythingabout Christ, and he jumped up over thelady and his bath robe pushed apart and thelady quickly raised the pocket bible to coverher eyes with it, but the bible was tiny and Icould see her whole face as she was lookingat Mr. Zeleny’s funny, white, skinny legsand Mr Zeleny winced and sat back downagain and said, no, seriously, let’s not getearned away here,-and Mr Klas had been making all kinds of gestures to attract hisattention all this time, but Mr. Zeleny didnot notice, the fat lady still wanted to hidebehind her tiny little book. Mr. Zeleny wasalready leafing through his large bibleagain as though he was looking for someclover of luck in it. So Mr Klas took me bythe hand and led me to the kitchen where hewrote a note for Mr. Zeleny, it said that he isloaning us his fiberglass boat and thank you,and he taped it on the door of therefrigerator. Then I held the garage dooropened for him, it had also been unlockedand he brought out a boat that was coveredwith dust and cobwebs, it wasn’t nearly asnice as the blue canoe, nor so shiney, and hefastened it to the roof of his car. That’s whatI call spirit, he told me if we all could argueabout little stupidities like that, about suchidiotic nonsense to the bitter end, then wewould of long been all done with com¬munism, and what kind of an end it wouldbe, a great ending, on every lampost acomunard would be hanging and a crowd ofpeople beneath him would be blowing theirlungs out and he would be swinging in thewind of their guts to and fro. And swinging.And swinging. Like a pendulum swinging inthe wind of their guts to and fro. Andswinging And swinging. Like a pendulum. Ididn’t know what he was talking about, buthe.didn’t know that I don’t know either, so itdidn’t matter. I wasn’t even really listeningto him, only when we drove through a curveI paid attention to the sound of the Hradcanyin the back of the van as they were slidingand roaring all over the fllor of the van andmade believe that it’s like an earthquake ina glass city, that the whole Prague isshaking as though it was cold But not us, allwe’re good for is to support our heads withour forearms over the tenth half-litter ofbeer and to gaze at the world outsidethrough the dirty windows, Mr. Klas wasshouting again. All the taverns ofCzechoslovakia are but aquariums, cut-offfrom the real world by dirty glass panes,and our history is trapped inside like a goldfish. A chance like we had in 1968 will neverpresent itself again, never, Mr. Klas toldme. nevermore, us in 48. we didn’t have thepeople as united like you did. then the nationwas divided into two halfs like an ass. but in68 it held together like a marriage on thewedding day, even some of the aquariumpeople were splashed out And do you knowwhy it got so fucked up in the end. you don’t,do you, so I’ll tell you why, it was so simple,because Dubcek was a communist, that’swhy. Do you know what I would of done if Iwere him. I’d stand the army at the Easternborder and I’d move everybody else toAustria or Germany, anywhere to the West,and You’d see how that would shrink theSoviet brothers’ tools and send them pissingblood to Bulgaria, of yes, if they saw thatthey would have to fight for it, that they arefacing a couple of millions of determined,first class soldiers who would rather diethan teach their kids the Russian alphabet,and if they should go to hell they’d take quitea few millions of them along. Mr. Klas toldme. But Dubcek was a communist, andthey’re allowed to have only half a brainMaybe you think that I wasn't there, Mr.Klas was yelling at me. as soon as I haveheard about it I bought an airplane ticketand ten hours after that I stood on ourborder in Austria. Had they fired but oneshot, I would of been the first one there. I’dbe mowing them down like weeds, theRussian sons of a bitch, you’ve never seenanything like it. But I stood at the borderand what did I see. people with suitcasesfilled with dictionaries and dishes, rushingout like bird feed from a swinging cage,nobody even as much as looked back, theywere just jubilant that they have gotten outand that they would have their clothes andother belongings sent after them by mail,because shit doesn't have to have a passportto fly across a border, if you're able to throwit that far Each one of them armed with twosuitcases, they were migrating into a dif¬ferent aquarium. So I was standing therewith a shot gun in my hand ready to chargein and start to shoot, and they were pouringtoward me. well dressed, joking, laughingWhen I seized them by their shoulders andtried to turn them around and said what thehell are you doing, come on back with me.we must fight this one out, you can’t runaway from it like if it was a pregnant onenight stand, come on back with me. thenthose sons of a bitch, still pale from com¬munism, all bettered by a thousand ofdreams that they had when they fell asleepduring the propaganda lessons in politicalnight schools, attendance required,recreated in the image of a hungry’ rat in(Continued on page nine)7 Thp Chicago Maroon rilJay Junej. ty//POWELL'S POWELL S POWELL'S POWELL’S POWELL'S POWELL'S POWELL'S POWELLHyde Park's New Used BookstoreOld OldUsed NewWE ARE EXPANDINGNew Sections for easier browsing,over 225 separate subject headings.Newly Added Collections:Michigan Avenue BookstoreMarxist BookstoreDistributer to University LibrariesDuplicates to Three University LibrariesHarvard & MIT Press Titles (not reminders)Several Large Private CollectionsWe Need Your Help!!!Con you port with any of your collection ?We are always buying new books.POWELL'S BOOKSTORE1020 S. Wabash Ave., 8th Floor9 A.M.-5 P.M. Mon.-Sat.341-0788POWELL'S POWELL'S POWELL’S POWELL'S POWELL'S POWELL'S POWELL'S POWELL1501 East 57th Street9 A.M. -11 P.M. Everyday955-7780(Continued from page seven)order to keep up their standare of living,without spirit, they only knocked on theirempty heads, saying, look, why don’t youfind us some job here, that was the onlything that they were interested in, like acloud of grasshoppers, like a herd of guineapigs with empty pockets on their pants andin their cheeks, whole mouths one giganticpocket rushing to hibernate forever in thewarm West. And now they are all alreadysleeping the deepest of winter sleeps, that’swhy philosophy teaches us that ninetypercent of people are either junk or out tolunch. The communards have really lefttheir signature on all of you, I tell you that,Mr. Kas was shouting at me, but I didn’tlisten to him at all, I thought about my momand dad, about how dad didn’t come homefor a long time, and then he came, and hewas stroking my hair, and he didn’t talk tomom, then, at night they argued and hecarried away the TV set and bought me anew baseball glove and he told me to go toplay outside, that he wants to talk to momabout something, and how they went awayand left me with Mr. Klas. And I wishedthey’d come back already and Mr. Klas sawthat I was crying, but I wan’t, I just had myeyes wet a little bit and he said that I wasn'ta man, that I was a chicken. But I didn’tcare, I didn’t want to listen to him anymore,I only wanted my mom and dad to comeback* so I could jump into their bed in themorning and play with them, mom wouldtickle me and dad would bend his legs as hewas laying on his back, and I’d climb on topof his knees, and ride them like a horse,because he would be moving them up anddown, and suddenly the horse would throwme off and I’d fall into the blankets and wewould all be laughing like nuts. But thenthere was that other fat lady who was soft,she was pressing me to her chest, she hadhuge boobs, soft like the dough my mommakes, I don’t know- why we picked her upat her house, she was coming along with usto the river, she had black sunglasses in herhair like a welder, and she kept kissing meall the time, I would of liked to run awayfrom her, but the van was moving all thetime and I was buried in that lady like achicken in a jello, and I could not get out,and I didn’t think about dad and momanymore. That lady wanted me to call herauntie, but she was stinking a little bit, likethe box with laundry in the bathroom, andshe was calling Mr. Klas a hooligan, and Ididn’t know what a hooligan was and theydidn’t tell me, but Mr. Klas didn’t say hewasn’t, so I guess he was a hooligan, and Iwas thinking only about how to get awayfrom her. Poor little darling, I can just seeyou, your and your politics, don’t you seethat he’s flying around in it like noodles in athermo, and you’re doing all you can toconfuse the poor little brain of my darlingeven more with your stupid politics, the fatlady told Mr. Klas, your idiotic nonsense.What nonsense, tell me, what nonsense,don’t you know he’d been indoctrinated bythe communists, don’t you know that they’repumping propaganda into them even fromBefore they leave the cradle, you’d besurprised. I’m merely doing all I can to savewhatever can still be saved.You’re nuts, you and that politics of yours,the lady screamed at Mr. Klas, and Iremember how Mr. Klas when she left lastnight, and I was making him a drink withlots of ice which one must not spare inAmerica, told me about her, that she wasalright, but not as alright as his wife used tobe who caught on fire from a drapery, thatthat was a terrible loss for him. that hecould never get married again, because hecould never find another woman like her.and now I felt the fat lady everywherebehind me. on my head, my neck, my back,my behind, and the rear side of my legs, shewas warm and soft, but she was stinking,and 1 was looking out through the windshieldof the car. I saw the point of the boat whichMr Kas fastened to the roof and I waslistening to how those people were yelling atone another, the grownups shout at oneanother all the time, that’s why people growup, ‘ I think, so they could yell at otherpeople, they always find some reason orsomething,‘that lady was shaking, whenthey begin to shout, I know that very well,it’s as though I would suddenly disappear,and I am not there at all and no one sees me,but I feel that I am there, only they thinkthat I am not there and they talk about melike we sometimes talk about grandma whowe’ve got in Czechoslovakia and who I’llnever see again, as mom always tells dadMom and dad shout at one another, too Mr.Zeleny with a huge bible shouts at the ladywith the tinv bible and Mr Klas yells at his. 4 t * fat lady who is shaking and screaming backat him. Sometimes I think that grown-upsyell because of me, but then it always turnsout that they would be yelling anyway evenif I really wasn’t there, because that’s whatmakes somebdoy a person that he yells likea bull. Mr. Klas and that lady were shoutingat one another because of me, she saidJesus, why do you wanna ruin the life forthat poor kid, when it’s been ruined already,when are they supposed to get back fromVegas anyway, are they finally gonna havethe divorce or what? Ask me how much Iknow, said Mr. Klas. And they said that I’dbe living only with mom and Mr. Klas said,for god’s sake, shut up about that he knowswhat’s happening, no he doesn’t, said thelady, he most certainly does not, see, thatshows how much you know about kids, why,you don’t even know that first thing, andthey kept on arguing and I didn’t want tolisten to them anymore, saying such thingsabout my mom and dad, so I covered myears with my hands and it was fun, I beganto like it, I would press my palms on myears, so that there would be silence and thenI would lift them up a little bit and pressthem down again, and all of a sudden Mr.Kas and that lady both sounded like a sea, oras though I was standing by a road and therewould be cars passing by and roaring anddisappearing in the distance, and anotherone would come dashing along and it wouldroar by and be gone and I could not almosthear it anymore when the next one wouldrace in. It was funny. Ooahooahooahooah. Iremembered the grandfather of that lady,how I played with him yesterday, and Iremembered his big black cat with greeneyes, how she let me stroke her. how sheslept on a sofa, and how the grandfather fedit something that looked like a goat litterMr. Kas said from a silver bag, how heemptied it into a bowl and the cat flew in onejump from the sofa to the bowl, and thenshe'd eat so slowly, she'd always dig out afew little balls from the bowl on the carpetand eat them with her head to a side, asthough a tooth was hurting her and she couldonly bit with one side of her mouth And thegrandfather told me in a nice soft voice,because he liked his cat. look at that rascal,cat food she could devour by tons, but tocatch mice? the grandfather shook his head,the houseis full of them, but it don’t botherour Ferda. I think they could walk all overher when she sleeps and she wouldn’t give adamn. So I told her if you won’t catch micethat don't mean I won t either, but it's youwho’s got to eat them, not me, so I bought amouse trap and pretty soon I caught one onthe porch, it was still warm when I broughtit over to her, but she only lowered her noselong enough to smell it and then she steppedover the mouse on her way to lie down underthe sofa on account of it being a strenuousday for her, having to smell dead mice andall, I was glad that at least she didn't faint(Continued on page 10)4 » 4 L a % Sarah, Mother of NationsYet already I have focusedAhead: my neighbor’s wife capturedOn film, the salt of the earthLeft behind to pillar under sun,Burns a slow chalk imageDown, she will lieStill and barrenAs the desert lay,Back thenTo receive Sodom.Yet already I have traveled,Seen the sights: pyramids, camelson their knees, the banksOf the great Euphrates.Yet the vision of my husband.The Shield of God, blurs...Does not sparkle from afarField — instead, reflects the saberFlashed overheadBy our well-oiled guide.Yet already I had my fillOf the land of the plain.I want my noseFixed, my name changed.Though I will cease afterThe manner of women.Shall I have my pleasureAfter these ninety years?jjC 5|C 5jC^C %Nay, but thou didst laugh.jjc :)e ifc :Jc jjcMy Lord. Sarai is no longerIn need of circumcision.The foreskin of her heartIs faithful Flapped open.As for her son, IsaacNewly born : Let his father.Abraham, do unto himAs you have Undone me.My Child, this eighth dayWatch Sarah.Blest body, dance.Dance away Her old age.Copyright Julie Siegel 1977 Julie SiegelThe Chicago M’arbon Friday, June 3, 1977 9I> (Continued from page nine)right there on the spot, but she wouldn’t eatthe mouse and she wouldn't eat it and themouse would still be here if I didn’t cook itfor her, because me, 1 sure wasn't gonna eatit. And they all went to the porch for a cup ofcoffee and I was pulling the cat by her tailand she buried her claws into the sofa and Iwas trying to pull her away and she held on,suddenly the sofa ripped. I was afraid thatsomeone might have heard it, but no onecame so I sat on the hole in the sofa. I justsat there, the cat ran away, then they cameback and said what a good boy I was and thelady said that she liked me because I wassuch a little brain that I could stand to sit so.without a single sound for such a long time,and I wasn't making any noise, becauseIwas afraid they'd break me in half, I wasscared all that time that they might find outabout the hole, the cat was lying on the tableand she was giving me strange looks,because she knew that they’ll think she did itall by herself if they don’t catch me sittingon it, but they went to the kitchen andnobody came back, and Mr. Klas stopped toshout at the lady and she didn’t scream athim anymore, we were by the river at last. Itook my hands off my ears and I listened tothe van, roaring. Mr. Kas wanted to park itas close to the river as possible, so hewouldn't have to break his god damn backby dragging that fucking boat half a mile hesaid, while the fat lady was spreading ablanket and all sorts of bags on the grass,she drew a fishing stool from one of thebags, she sat down on it next to the blanketand we both watched Mr. Kas drag the beatup boat to the edge of the river bank Mr.Kas' hair has slipped off his head and now Isaw that it escaped in all directions over hisbody, he was hairy like a monkey, the firewouldn't burn. Mr. Klas had already burnedup a whole newspaper and the small pile ofbranches and sticks and pieces of boardremained untouched by fire, so he ran to hiscar, I was looking at the boat and I waslooking forward to the time when I'll beriding in it as Mr. Klas promised me and hewas already running back writh a can of gas,he poured half of it on the pile and said whyshould I fuck around for a hundred years,what am I for god’s sake, some god damnboyscout or what, this is supposed to be thetwentieth century, isn’t it, the gas stunk,Mr. Klas lighted up a match, a gust of hotair slapped me, the flames flared up, thegas began to stink even more, we werepulling away from the fire fast, hot stuffhuh, shouted Mr. Klas, you’ve gone nuts,haven’t you, you’re crazy, aren’t you, yelledthe fat lady, how am I to barbecue anythingon this forest fire, it stinks here like in a carshop, you call this the great outdoors, whydidn’t you just set that gas station on thecomer on fire, you crazy arsonist. Do vlnNiagary, hledi tulak stary, na svou prvnilasku vzpomina, Mr. Kas sang into theshouts of the lady, he sang loudly and he waslaughing right into her red face, it wasfunny, Niagara is water that falls betweenAmerica and Canada, I saw it on TV, it wasroaring even more than when dad takes meto a hockey game and Stan Mikita scores agoal in the last minute of the game andeverybody starts to jump up and down likemonkeys at the zoo, old gentlemen and fatladies and truck drivers and the old moneymy dad showed me, and to embrace oneanother and to scream goal, goal, awright,dad also told me. that in the ancient timesall kinds of nuts used to walk over NiagraFalls on a tight rope to prove that a manreally has evolved from a monkey, that wasfunny, I’d like to know how they check theirpassports or green cards in the middle of therope when they entered Canada, other people crawled into a barrel and had itthrown into the water just above the waterfall and then they fell down with all thatwater from that height and sometimes thebarrel would maybe break up and theywould not be seen until two weeks latersomewhere else drowned which meansblown-up like a balloon in an adventureland, or they’d get so beat up during the fallthat they would die, America is a land oflunatics and nuts my dad told me. I thinkthat’s why Mr. Klas had come here and thefat lady, maybe that’s why we’ve comehere. too. but some people made it, becausethey were more nuts than anybody else. Andsuddenly Mr. Klas burst out laughing, forthe first time I saw what it means to say thatsomeone went nuts, did you go nuts, said thelady, the fire was hot, I felt my cheeksturning red and I felt how I was sweatingunder the hair on my forehead, and Mr. Klasyelled, don’t you people know that this fire iscold, you don’t, huh. you didn’t get that yet,well, I saw the fat lady slowly reach for aniron bar that she brought along for cooking.This fire is completely cold, and I meanthrough and through, like the fire thatPalach burned himself with, or maybe youdon't know how communists explained hissuicide to their commies that what reallyhappened was the CIA smuggled a scientificmiracle to Czechoslovakia, producedsomewhere in a top secret lab. a cold fire,and they talked a naive student by the nameof .Ian Palach into setting himself on thiskind of fire, it wouldn't do anything to him,they told him. it wouldn't even hurt, so hesplashed some gas over his body the way Ipoured it on this pile, and stroke a specialCIA match, he was burning and it hurt likehell and only then did he realize that he hadbeen had by American agents, imagine, theflames were not cool, they were actuallyfrying him. can you imagine that, how oddSee to what idocy does communism reducenormal sane people, only red communardscould believe in cold fire, though it's no bigdeal to burn yourself, all it takes is that yoube crazy like a daisy, Mr. Klas was shoutingagain, a real man would rather grab a gunand let some communards have it paid infull, that’s w'hat the Americans w'ould do,they haven’t been spoiled by the SecondWorld War, they haven’t lost their minds tobegin to burn themselves with imported,cold fire, in order to protest something, toturn all of their passions against themselvesrather than against their enemies, nobodyhas ever won anything this way, nobody, areal man would knock somebody off, he’dput his life n theline for something that hebelieves in, but that doesn’t apply to us inCzechoslovakia evidently, we prefermartyrs to guerillas and the communistslove it, they would go as far as to lower theprice of gas for you if you can prove thatyou’ll use it to burn youself with, if nothingelse, you will at least enlighten the new darkages. Oh come on, you’ve got some wildimagination there I think, said the lady, andshe put the bar back down, what do youmean imagination, what do you meanimagination, Mr. Klas was yelling. Theseare all hard and cold facts. We’ve talkedabout it a million times already, didn’t we,now you gonna call me a fascist, right, butyou gonna be dead wrong, because for athinking man with character the politicalworld view is only a question of an abacus,even though neither of those systems isworth shit, why am I even getting upsethere, Mr. Klas was yelling, he was all red, itwas funny, let us say just for the sake ofargument that the Germans murdered sixmillions of Jews, alright, even though that’snot true by far, my dad’s blue car enteredthe parking lot, I jumped up, I was veryhappy, no one paid any attention to me,§pckesmen Bicycle SBep5J01 Cyie Pail? Chi.Selling Quality Imported Bikes\ RaleighPeugeot Motobecane& other quality importsOpen 7 days 10-7 pm M-F10-5 pm Sat.10-4 pm Sun.684-3737fhe Chicago Maroon-Friday, June 3,1977 those weren’t just Jews that Hitler wasafter, but gypsies and Polacks andUkrainiens, but let’s say that he did kill sixmillions of Jews, that’s terrible, but it’s stillthree times less than what the Russiancommunists killed, and it wasn’t just Stalin,twenty million people, twenty millioncadavers. But it was only mom alone whogot out of dad’s car, she walked toward mewith her arms spread for an embrace, but Ididn’t want her without dad, I wanted themboth, so I turned around again. Mr. Klas wasstanding by the boat and the lady sat by thefire, watching him as he pushed the boatinto the water, shouting, alright, take yourpick now, what is more acceptable, to killsix million or to kill twenty million people,well, just tell me what is worse, answer myquestion, twenty million or six, have you gotan abacus, have you or haven’t you, or whydon’t you ask the kid, he’ll be able to tell youright away, well, what are you waiting for,so why don’t I tell you then, communism isthe worst plague under the sun, Mr. Klaswas shouting and he jumped into the boatand the boat started to move away from thebank where there laid the paddle which heforgot to take along and he began to shout atmy mom, madam, you’re a sensible woman,tell her. what’s better, twenty million deador six million, a great many of them com¬munists, and he was trying to hold thebalance, swaying jerkily around above theriver as the boat was dancing underneathhim. it was funny, but I didn't care, I just thought about that the lady what said aboutmom and dad, suddenly the boat started todisappear underneath Mr. Klas who wasstill shouting and the lady jumped up andran to the river where she picked up thepaddle and began to beat the water with it asthough she wanted to paddle the whole bankto Mr Klas, the boat disappeared under thewater, Mr. Klas was standing up to hisknees in it, he was dressed and he wassinking lower and lower into the river andsuddenly I felt mom behind me, she coveredmy eyes with her hands, and she was all softas that lady, only she smelled nice and I wascrying, I felt how her hands were gettingwet and I said where is dad, and she said, I’llexplain 11 that to you later, don’t be scared,everything is gonna be alright, but I got outof her embrace and I told her that 1 didn’twant her back without dad. Only the head ofMr. Klas was still above water. He wasbeating all around him with his hands. Itwas strange. Then, right next to him like ahuge shining fish with a light green stomachup, the boat surfaced and he tried to get ahold of it, but his hands would slip downevery time he tried to hang on to the boat,my mom stopped trying to cover my eyesand she said Jesus Christ, and she was justwaiting, too. but then Mr. Klas got hold ofsomething and he was lying on the bottom ofthe overturned boat, spread on it like on ablanket, catching his breath and yelling Goddamn communist whores, sons of bitches,I’d stand them all to a wallRubber DollsHe strutted the beach,owned it at five years old,his hair curlicuedinto bleached springs,his stomach pushed out,a gray tee shirt down tojust above his bell button,filled with sand.Treading between, onthe sun-seekers,squeaking them likerubber dolls,blocking the viewof the sun-seekers’ seekers;he searched forsomething in the sand.It caught his eye,I thought it might be the sunoff lost sandwich foil.But ten toes braking deepin the sand, he reachedinto glittering water;pulled back fast.I heard him warningthe lifeguard who bandagedthe sandy red finger,“Yea, you got to watch out,reach in for what youthink’s diamonds and comeup with a handful of glass.”H *Copyright Kevin Bjerregaard 1977 Kevin BjerregaardTHE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO COLLEGIUM MUS1CUM PRESENTSGUI L L A U M EDU FAYcrussA Ave aeon ha CAelopxxonand new piece5 by Peter Burkholder & Michael EckerrFRIDAY. 3 JUNE 1977, $:30TM IONDCHATELFREE AND OPEN TO THE PUBLICCHECK OUR NEWEVERYDAY LOWMAGIC PRICESJIFFYCORN MUFFINaoz MIX 1 QCReg. 23C I # KRAFTMAYONNAISE.... 125Reg 1.42 * CALIFORNIAPEACHES59c96 size " lbCOUNTRY DELIGHTORANGE JUICE12oz 4CMReg 59c DEANSYOGURTALL FLAVORSS°z 9Q<tReg 39C Mm f ARMOURS TESTENDER U.S.D.A. 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Forum Sex Quiz *21 Where do the majority of sexually■ active teenagers have sex?a in cars c m their parents homeb in motels d incognitoParents who approve sex■ at home for teenagersa usually approve multiple partners forsons and daughtersb resent the fact that their children are havingmore fun than they arec do not approve multiple partners forsons or daughtersd subscribe to the double standards in whichboys are allowed to have sex but girls aren t 3 Dr. Bernice Nuegarten■ of the Universityof Chicago saysparents usually discoverthat a liberal viewof sex on their parta can lead to promiscuous behavior on thepart of childrenb is a sensible point of viewc does not lead to the "moral catastrophe"many of them had fearedd is anti-AmericanFor the answers to these and many other questions about teenagers and sex,be sure to pick up a copy of the June issue of FORUM Magazine.Now on sale at your newsstand.June issue on newsstands now.USED RECORDS• WE ARE PROUD TOANNOUNCE THE OPENINGm 0F2nd HAND TUNES0 at 1701E. 55th St.Rock - Jazz - Classical -Blues - C & W Albums on sale• from 75c to $2.50WE ALSO BUYYOUR USED ALBUmSBRING THEM INANY TIME BETWEEN 12 ■ 6Monday - Saturdayo Cutoutyour own deal ona new Peugeot.Now, you can really saveon a new, fully equipped Peugeot beforeyou ever set foot in the showroom.iSave i>r*$on a Peugeot 504 Gas Sedan* Save SSSSon a Peugeot 504 Gas Wagon.*!PEUGEOTA different kind ot luxury carJS4T litiuCWm. WMWa MI|» cm m / m ntc•Saving indicated are based on manufacturer's suggested retail prices tor N76 model', includingdelivery chaises and dealer preparation. Title tees, optumal equipment, licensing, and taxes \tra.• i >*4«i • • «« mmrwmmrnmmmmt i • • v * - mis Mjm .xaMii p * wm a»ues~fu'/vatsThe Center for Far Eastern StudiesandThe National Humanities Instituteannounce a talk byJOSEPH NEEDHAMDirector, East Asian History of Science LibraryCambridge. EnglandonSOME CONTRIBUTIONS OFCHINATOMODERN SCIENCEThursday, June 9th4:00 p.m.Breasted Hall11 55 E. 58th St.admission is without ticket and without charge7 Days A WeekHYDE PARK PIPE AND TOBACCO SHOP1552 E. 53rd - under 1C tracksAll students get 10% offiask for "Big Jim"PipesPipe Tobaccos Imported Cigarettes CigarsALL TOGETHERAt One LocationTO SAVE YOU MORE!SPECIALDISCOUNT PRICESfor all STUDENTS andFACULTY MEMBERSJust present your University ofChicago Identification Caid.As Students or Faculty Membersof the University of Chicago youare entitled to special money sav¬ing Discounts on Volkswagen &Chevrolet Parts, Accessories andany new or used Volkswagen orChevrolet you buy from Volks¬wagen South Shore or MeritChevrolet Inc.SALES & SERVICEALL AT ONEGREAT LOCATION Ann’s House of Beauty6736 S. STONY ISLAKD.PHORE 363-9398Permanents, for colored & tinted hairregularly $35.00now only 515.00 Tues & Wed Only-yes we press and curl-WIGSWigs 2 tor $5.00Spring SaleLong and short dressepants and pantsuitsgaucho suites4 piece vest suitesBank American! and personal checks welcomeCHEVROLET VERSAILLES5254 S. DorchesterWELL MAINTAINEDBUILDINGATTRACTIVE 1% AND2'/a ROOM STUDIOSFURNISHED or UNFURNISHED$149 to $243Short TermBased on AvailabilityAll Utilities includedAt Campus Bus StopFA 4-0200 Mrs. Groak WHPKPRESENTSA Picnic In The ParkSunday June 5th7 a.m. to 7 p.m.Wooded IslandJackson ParkFREE Music & RecordsBring Your Own BasketEYE EXAMINATIONSFASHION EYEWEARCONTACT LENSESDR. KURTROSENBAUMOptometrist(53 Kimbark Plaza)1200 East 53rd StreetHYde Park 3-8372 PHOENIX ALUMNI PRODUCTIONSFOLLIESDirected by Ronald FalzoneOriginally Produced on Broadway by Hal PrinceMusic & Lyrics by Stephen Book by James A.Sondheim Goldmanm VOLKSWAGENSOUTH SHORE7234 Stony IslandPhone: 684-0400Open Daily 9-9 P.M./ Sat. 9-5 P.M.Part* Opan Saturday ’tH 12 Noon -TRAVELS-Going Home. Abroad or on! a Vacation7 Call Ace Travels■ for the Lowest Fares and'Tours anywhere in the world.ACE TRAVELS202 S. StateSuite 1020. Chicago663-3818PIZZA iPLATTER1460 E. MnlMl 3-2000FAST DELIVERY ,AND PICKUPITEST PREPARATION FORLiw School Aomiuioi TestGraduate Maiagemert Aim TestGraduate Record EiamiiitiorMedical Colleoe Adm Test• PROFESSIONAL INSTRUCTORS• CURRENT MATERIALS■ ADMISSION / APPLICATIONSTRATEGY• LOWEST HOURLY COSTOF ARY PROGRAMWf MARE (Ml KHIMKI782-2185It kaM MANDELHALL June 3 & 5 at 8:30 p.m.5706 S. University Ave. June 4 at 2:30p.m.Admission $3 Students $1.50tf&*> Student Coop Pre-InventoryRecord SaleBeginninj Friday, June 3, prices onall records in stock will be reducedwhile supplies last.Reynolds Club Basement M-F 9:30 - 6:00Sat. 10 - 4-y5HRPIR05 RRE OVERDUEReturn to Ida Noyes 210 F 9 to 4:30Parklane Hoiseryparklaner HOSIERY55th & Lake Park(in the Hyde Park Shopping Center)SCHOOL'S OULARE YOU Young Designs byELIZABETH GORDONU4r»ytAUTO PARTSYOURFRIENDLY SO. SHORE BEACH APTS.LUXURY ON THE LAKE7447 SOUTH SHOREHair Designers1620 E. 53rd St.288-2900 Studios AvailableStarting $155.00Dorothy SmithBeauty Salon5841 S. Blackstone493-1069I will take appointmentsfrom 7 a.m. until 7 p.m.Closed Saturdayfacials - make up servicecomplete hair careMember ChicagoHairdressers Association Modern hi-rise bldg in pleasant surroundingswith central air cond , private beach, commissary,beauty shop, indoor and out door parking availFor an appt., call 768-3922 or visit our officeM-F 9-4:30CALLU-MAUlDOWNS, MOHL & CO.Equal Opportunity Housinge he [laminations• Contact lenses (Soft l Hard]• Prescriptions filledRENTALAGENCY MORTON R. MASLOVOPTOMETRISTSDRHyde P2fk Shopping Center1510 E. 55th363-63G3COLLEGE STUDENTSPHONE 548-3123- 51 st & MICHIGANOUR BUSINESS IS TO KEEP U MOVING(U-HAULIMOVING EQUIPMENTONE WAY AND LOCAL ANYWHERE/LOW RATESTRUCKS AND TRAILERS ALL SIZESCAR TOP CARRIERS - TOW BARSPACKING CARTONS - HAND TRUCKS - PADSFAST DEPENDABLE SERVICEMAKE YOUR RESERVATION NOW!COMPLETE Open 7 DaysMon - Fri8 am - 8 pmSat - 8 am 6:30 pmautomotive partsAND SERVICE Sun - 9 am - 4 pm Thinking of goinggraduate school inResearch? VOLUNTEERfor summer research ex¬perience in a study ofparent child interaction.CALL 753-3873 in Morningsafter 9:30$KENNEDY, RYAN, MONIGAL & ASSOCIATES, INC.d r PDirectory of ValuesWe Know Hyde ParkReal Estate Inside OutHOUSES FOR SALEA KENWOOD CHATEAUA 16 room house with stained glasswindows. Dramatic staircase, lots offireplaces and a wrought iron fenceall around fhe house. Lot size 100 xj 190. Price $95,000. Call Don Tillery667-6666.TWO DUPLEXESDeconvert existing four-flatand own two 11-room, 3-bathrowhouses. Huge fenced backyard. For the person whowants to do his own thing.$72,500. Call Margaret Ken¬nedy 667-6666. E-l TOWNHOUSEThree bedrooms and 4th bedroom orstudy, 2'/? baths, Rec. rm. C/A. Onpreferred private street location.Call Mrs. Haines at 667 6666PRICEDOUTOF HYDE PARK?Frame w/cedar siding on SouthShore Drive. Has income or use assingle family Side drive w/2 cargarage. Tree filled yard Right onthe lake for only $36,000. To see, Calimrs. Haines 667-6666KENWOOD PRIVACY PLUSIn this modern 6 room townhouse. 2baths, central air w/preciptron, par¬quet floors, patio w/fountain. All apI pliances plus custom extras. Truly| worth seeing - call Mrs, Ridionj 667 6666 (res. 734-6011). WALK TO CAMPUS3-story frame w/garage, large fenced yard, 4 BRs, study w/beameddg., woodburning fplc., modern kit.,laundry. Lots of light and space!Priced to sell immediately at*67,500. Call Mrs Haines 667 6666APARTMENTS FOR SALELARGE TREE TOP APT.Space and grace in 8' 2 sunny rooms.Completely modernized Systemsexcellent throughout Sparkling kit¬chen. Master BR 21 feet long w/twohuge walk-in closets. PanelledStudy. Many, many extras. $58,500.Charlotte Vikstrom 667 6666 EAST HYDEPARK HI-RISEThis 3 bedroom, 2 bath condo withmodern kitchen is especially lovelywith new wall-to-wall carpeting andtresh paint. Spacious rooms. Asking*43,000. To see, call Nadine Alver667-6666 (res 752 5384).FIRST APT. HOME SUPER CONDOConv. to transp., low assessments L 2 BR m forma| dinjngClean l.ght * room spacious apt. roo* Good South 5hore locationJ"1*!?. ^'cony $27,500 To see, call Low assessment Call George BilgerNadine Alver or Charlotte Vikstrom t Mj. 3667-6666 0000LAKE VIEWSFrom this spacious 6 room condo inEast Hyde Park luxury bldg. Modkitchen, 2 baths, parking space Moassmt. $190. Asking $34,900 To see,please calf Mrs. Ridion 667-6666IMMEDIATE POSSESSIONStunning views of Lake and Gty.Near Cornel! and 50th. 2 bedroom, 2bath.. Will decorate. Parking.Special price to settle living estate.$18,900 Charlotte Vikstrom 667 6666.ELEGANT LIVINGOverlook Lake and Jackson Parkfrom this beautiful 3 bedrm., 3 bathcondo with woodburning fireplaceand indoor parking. $23,750. Call667-6666BRETHARTESCHOOL DISTRICT6 room condo - 3 bedrooms, 2 baths,large LR w/mock fireplace andbalcony, gallery hall, formal DR,nice kitchen, large back porch, outdoor intercom. 55th near Lake.*42,500. Low assessment. Call DonTillery 667-6666 SPECTACULAR VIEWTwo story living room. Beautifullarge dining room with handdecorated ceiling. Panelled denMaster bedroom has private dressing room 7 rooms, 3 baths atJackson Towners. $90,000 CallEleanor Coe at 677^666EAST HYDE PARK CONDO6 rooms, 2 baths with formal diningroom and parking Call GoergeBilger at 677^666ONE BLOCK...FROM LAKE ON 50THSeven super rooms, 3 baths, lovelynew carpeting, quiet well-managedbuilding. *36,000 for equity. CallCharlotte Vikstrom 667-6666.LUXURY SPACE AND VIEWSGlorious Powhatan bldg, or theLake. Indoor swimming — roof-topsundeck. Large 9 rooms, 4 baths,centrally air conditioned, beautiful¬ly decorated. Marble woodburningfireplace Many extras. Must beseen. *84,000. Call CharlotteVikstrom 6674666.APT. BLDG. FOR SALE50 APTS.CHOICE LOCATIONFirst offering well maintained cen¬tral Hyde Park apt bldg 2 bldgs.,plus vacant lot suitable for parking.Price is firm at $497,500. See us forcomplete information package.1461 East 57th Street, Chicago. Illinois 60637667-6666Daily 9 to 5 Sat. 9 to 1, Or call 667 6666 Anytime- CLASSIFIED ADSSPACESummer sublet, male or female, at1213 E. 54th, 363-0661. Very large room.5447 Harper, 5 rms., $290, beautiful 2bdrm. apt. in heart of Hyde Park,stove & refrig, furnished, call SmithMl3-9333, Ade Realty Inc. 324 1800.21/7 rms., $185. 5496 turn. apt. In brightwell-kept bldg, in heart of Hyde Park.1 mmed. occupancy, 752-1900.Summer sublet 2 bdrms. avail, in apt.2 blocks fr. Reg. $56/mo. part airconditioned. 241-5365.Roommate wanted: male gradstudent, must love classical music.Own room $125. Call Wayne 3-3170, 363-0891 eve.One person or couple to sublet Irg. 1 br.apt. Lvr., dnr. Must be quiet/reliable,rent negotiable, fully furnished. CallKathy at 684-9389 afternoon or even¬ing.1 roommate needed to share 3bd coopapt. in Harper Square/48th & LakePark on "D" bus route. If eligible forsubsidy, rent will be $90 a month.Require Inc. statement and application. If interested phone 924-2744.Air cond., turn. park. Loop/lakefrontview.Newly painted 9 carpeted room in Igehouse with 6 students. Nr. coop, buses,free laundry 3. storage. Share clean upbut not food. $90/mo. incl. util. Must beover 21.947-0331 eve.SUMMER SUBLET bdrm. in huge3BR turn. apt. 2 bath, LR, DR, 5417Cornell $95/mo. Call Larry 241-6910 5-7p.m., 752-4984 morn. & nt.Summer sublet 54th & Woodlawn 1Bedroom Apt. Completely furnishedJuly 1-Sept. 15. $178/month. Call 324-4329.Sm rm w/'/j bath in 6 room apt. $98.33/mo. -F util. 947-8635.SUMMER SUBLET 2 bed 20th firJune-Sept LAKE VIEW price neg.Brian 324-7536. Larry 684-4568.Spacious 1 bdrm. apt. nr. 54 & HydePark, new lease avail, immed. Eves.643-2091.Share condo, prime safe location 57th& Kenwood. 2 blks. campus. Privatebdrm. & living rm., laundry, goodparking. $175 mo. negotiable. CallDobbi 643-3595.SUMMER SUBLET FALL OPTION56th & UNIVERSITY. Call David Day:947-1838. Eve: -288-3111. $97 +/Fur-nished.Summer SUB 2 BDRM furnished apt51 & Dorchester. Call Luis 6 to 7 p.m.667-0358.$50 REWARD need lbr apt. nearcampus for sum-fall. Al 753-0251.$60/mo-sum session, female pref. - 1male/1 fern, rmmts. Share room w/Lory 324-2441.Hyde Park 55th 4 bedrm. June 16 . 400.Grad facility 667 8006 12p-2.SEEKING ROOM in large friendlyHyde Park household beginning lateSept. Non-smoking, have cat. Pleasecall Susan 288-0781.Summer Sublet. Lg/BR Furn. apt.5528 Hy Pk.. $245/mo Avail 6/15 Fallop. 241 73803 Summer Subletters wanted for 3bedroom apt., part furn. 54th & Dor¬chester. $125/mo. Call Don 643-9025.Spacious summer sublet 1-2 bdrms.,Ivng rm., bath, ktchn, plus! 2 drs. fromlaw schl available June 15-Sept 1, rentVERY negotiable. Call 363-6094evenings.Female wanted to sublet own room inlarge apt. Cheap rent. Call Marge orCarole 241-6193.Summer sublet 4 rms., shpng,, trans; 6blks. to UC 241-7493. Large bedrm., in luxury apt. forsummer sublet. Fall option on entireapt. 55st and S. Shore Dr. Bldg, haspool, restaurant, grocery switchboard.On campus bus routes. Call 643-0395.Elegant 5 rm. apt., S. Shore, nr. Ik. 2huge bdrm., 2 bth, fireplace, laund.,garage avail. Nr. transp. $295 - July-Sept. *315 fr Oct. Sum sublt or yr Ise.Call 221 9169.Women wanted to share Hyde Pk coedapartment for summer 8i/or fall. 241-7589.Summer sublet, AIR CONDITIONED.Little Pierce; Females Only, Callafter 5,643 6438.Roommate wanted to share large 6rm. apt. on Kenwood at 53rd, with twomales. 3rd fl., front and back porch.Shopping, laundromat, landlordaround corner. $100/mo -I- 1/3 phoneand util. Lease runs thru Sept. Call 2885342 ask for Curis or Adam.Roommate needed June - ? roomy,cool, convenient, furnished, pretty apt.Pref. F. grad 493-3925.Outgoing resident heads seek house tosit or 1 bdrm. apt. to sublet, July 1-Aug. 31. Responsible, reliable, etc.Call Jim or Betty, 753-3554.LRG ROOM FOR RENT $85 MO. 3631513 54TH& WOOD! AWN3’/2 room bsmt. apt. near 73rd & lake.On UC bus rt., near 1C, buses. Avail.7/1. $140, 753-4428 days, 375-7435 eve.Sumr sublet-frnshed rm., $70/mo. ut.incld. 753-2981. M-F 9-5. 241 5322even.PEOPLEWANTEDOUTDOOR WORK SATURDAYS -Earn $25. Opportunities for dynamicstudents. Fight pollution and end yourown personal recession at the sametime. Call Ken Arway at Citizens for aBetter Environment. 939-1985, Mon-Fri.Female Student wanted to share sunnyapartment with same for summer '77.Located at 53 & Cornell. Near Point &shopping. Rent $75 negotiable. Call684-8154 evenings.STAYING HERE FORTHE SUMMER?For a bit of variety becomea volunteer at Billingsa few hours a weekJobs in Emergency RoomsChildren's ActivitiesLabs & OfficesCall 947 5252The Student Advisory Committee ofthe Humanities Collegiate Division iscurrently seeking student members. Ifyou are interested in participating inthe committee's activities (curricularreview, teaching evaluation, etc.)please leave your name in Gates-Blake 117 or call 753-2698. The committee will be summarizing courseevaluations during the summer andwould welcome any help.2 Women grads to share Ig. apt. next tocampus. Summer w/fall option. Call324-4559 after 6.POLITICAL CAREE R OFPORTUNITY. Experienced campaignmanager needed for hi-level race,primary and general. Paid traininglikely Affluent independent suburbs.Candidate a Republican RenaissanceMan with common touch. Senddetailed resume with nature of ex¬perience, dates and references. Afterelected be victor's most valuedassistant. Local background a plus.EOE. ACT NOW!!! Mr. John, box 691,Ch'go 60690.Part time school bus drivers andmatrons. Transport children to andfrom school. Time in between is yours.For further information, call 545-1522during business hours. GRADUATING MATH MAJORS:Position available in programmingwith small but growing computersoftware firm. Call 281-1654.DRIVER—drive truck to Georgia,expenses plus bonus June 20th. CallMirsky 288-2595 PM's.PEOPLEFOR SALEInterested in typing evenings In myhome. Will discuss price. Barbara373-3594 after 5:30 p.m.HIRE AN ARTIST-illustration of allkinds-even on short notice. Noel Price.493 2399.RESEARCHERS-Free-lance artistspecializes in the type of graphic workyou need. Samples, references on re-quest. Noel Price 493-2399,For experienced piano teacher of alllevels call 947-9746.Experienced babysitter will babysit inher home anytime. Call 667-5816.Child Care in PM or just aft. campsuntil 6. Parent group needs additionalchildren to share our excellentbabysitter. Call 288 6130 or 373-2162.Typing in Home. Call after 6 o'clock.978-2522.Typing of any material by journalismmajor. 624-3192.Introducing word processing powerfor the student. Reports term papers,thesis papers, resumes, and letters ofintroduction can fnow be typed quicklyand erasure free. For more info call583-0221 or 693-5635. THE WORDSHOP.SCENESYEAR AROUND CHILD CARE: fullor half-day programs, 7:30 a.m.-6p.m.; ages 2-6; 3 classrooms; profes¬sional staff. Parent coop preschool:684-6363.Fly London-NYC for $100! DeluxeDC-10 flight departs June 12. Call Timat 323-3903.The Family Free School, 1448 E. 53rdSt., has openings for children 5-9. Openclassroom, established parentcooperative. Summer program also.643-2145 or 288 2985Borrowed a book from the Ida NoyesMystery Library? Please return it thisweek. Also, donatiors of mysteries andwesterns gratefully accepted. TheCheckroom, Ida Noyes.FLEA MARKET OUTDOOR CAFEthis Sat & Sun noon to 6 p.m. 57th &Woodlawn 1st Unitarian Church.GOOD STUFF.Harper Sq. Child Care Center 4800Lake Park: Full-day program($40/wk); half-day program ($20/wk.;538-4041.FREE FREEAre you tired of waiting on charities topick up your unwanted furniture andappliances? We will promptly pick up"Free of Charge," all "unwanted"USABLE furniture and "working ap¬pliances". 285 8221. 285-1128. 924-6867.After 6 P.M.Modern dance classes in Hyde ParkTues. and Thurs. mornings staringJune 21. For info call Bev 288 6366.FOR SALECANON AE-1Body $194.50AE-1/50m 1.8 $259.95AE-l/50m 1.4 $299.95MODEL CAMERA1342 E. 55th St. 493 6700CIBACHROME KITSpecial....$17.95Everything you need to print colorslides except a slide and an enlarger.Kit. includes color filters, paper,chemistry, processing drum, & in¬struction.MODEL CAMERA1342 E. 55th St. 493 6700 ILFORDHP5 instock.MODEL CAMERA1342 E . 55th St. 493-6700PASSPORT PHOTOSWhile you wait.MODEL CAMERA1342 E. 55th St. 493-6700FLEAMARKET-OUTDOOR CAFEThis Sat. 8, Sun. noon to 6 p.m.57th 8> Woodlawn 1st Unitarian ChurchGOOD STUFFQueen bed, beat-up couch, 21 color TV,2-chair dinette, serving cart, ironingboard, odds 8. ends, June 4, 1-5. 955-8835.69 Datsun/engine in good shape, bodya little beat up. $200. Pete 752 10001803.1971 VW411 wagon - excellent cond.Good gas Mileage. 629 2050.TWIN SIZE BED w/box spring $35.DRESSER $10. 667-5055.Bow for string bass, well made, goodcond. $75. 3-2732, 327-4148 eve.$32 - Queen Size OrthopedicBed ONLY. $140.00Large Desk ONLY 30.00Lamps. 241-709912" B&W portable TV; 7 mos. old; exc.condition; $65. Shopping cart; $6. Call363 4300, ext. 401.APARTMENT SALE-Couch, chairs,lamps, bed, dinette set, rug, bookcases, etc. CHEAP. Call 924 5002.evenings.Desk $25, des six drawers, excellentfor typing 40, rug 6x9 with pad 30,stroller, new, 15, dinette set, 50. Call643-0394.19" G.E. B.W. T.V. excell, condit.w/matching stnad $40 288-7721 after9:30 p.m.Doberman puppies. AKC, best of breed-champion sired Shots, cropped. Call 241-7520 jRummage sale. incl. cheap furniture. 513?Cornell «. Sun. 6 5.10 to 5. 324-4349Modern townhouse. exc location Hyde Park,3-4 bedrooms. 2Vj bath centra! air. By owner.Eve. 955-2097.FORD LTD 49 AC At Ps Pb Good conditionBest offer. 324 9123.1968 Ford, 57.000 miles, power steering &brakes. AC. 753-8041.REFRIGERATOR-1.5 cubic ft.. Like newAsking S85 Call 667 2366.Queen sz. Waterbed. heater, w/frame. Call325 4559 after 6.For Sale: Handsome, old Kimball upright,just tuned. S300 548 4774.KIDSTUFFBrighten up finals week byseeing the exhibit at BergmanGallery—children's art made in1st to 5th grade. The shew will beopen through June 10. BergmanGallery, fourth floor Cobb Hall.OPEN AUDITIONSStoppard's radio drama Albert'sBridge New Theatre, 57th &University. June 5 1-3 -t- June 6 5:307:30. 753-3582.RIDE WANTEDRide wanted to west side of Clevelandpreferably Sat. June 11. Call 684 3154evenings.Seeking ride to MASSACHUSETTSWill share driving and expenses; canleave eve. of 6/9. CALL Mark at 7533773 rm. 203.TENNIS LESSONSPro instructor has groups as cheap as$10 for 800 minutes in area colleges,YMCAs etc. You may qualify forFREE lessons. Al! levels, agesSpecial early morning crash programin H.P. 5 AMs per week, cheapv CallJIM SMITH 667 4038 before 10 PM.'jj^**3(r*3M'******#JM^^********#***#*******#****#**#**# GOLD CITY INNgiven * * * *by the MaroonNew Hours: Open DoilyFrom 11^0 Oente ito 9400 pjn. jA Gold Mine Of Good Food" *Student Discount: jj10% for table service 55% for take home JHyde Park's Best Cantonese Food f5228 Harper 493-2559 t|m„ Harper Cowl) £Eat more for less. J♦(Try our convenient take-out orders.)**&&************» A THEATRICAL EXAMINATION OFJAMES CONNOLLY AND THE 1916DUBLIN UPRISINGMay 27, 28, 29; June 3, 4, 5 at theBergman Gallery, Cobb Hall 4th floor,5811 S. Ellis Ave. 8:30 PM • gen. adm. $2,students $1.50 • ticket information 753-3581_ A COURT THEATRE PRESENTATIONGERMAN EXAMPass the German exam this summertake April Wilson's special crashcourse. Classes will meet five days aweek for five weeks. Limitedenrollment. For more information,call: 667 3038.RUMMAGE SALERummage Sale on ridgewood Ct.Saturday June 4 Starts 10 a.m.Raindate Sun AM.PAN PIZZADELIVERYThe Medici delivers from 5-10:30p.m.,Sun.-Thurs; 5-11:30 Fri. and Sat. 667-7394. Save 60 cents if you pick it upyourself.BOOKS BOUGHTBooks bought and sold everyday,every night 9-11 Powells, 1501 E.57th.WOMEN'SMAGAZINEPrimavera, a women's literarymagazine, is on sale in all Hyde ParkBookstores & Bob's Newsstand.Volume 3 isouW16" WOMENWOMEN! Come play 16" softball forfun. Sun. afts. Trying to organizeregular pick-up game. Call Noel. 4932399.ROOMMATEWANTEDNr. North, 2 Bedrm., 2 bath, pool,gym, sauna, laundry, anytimme Junethrough Sept. 30. Opt to renew, 71 EastDivision. Oliver Reid, day 368-0699.,eve. 266-1852. $220/mo.FOLLIESTickets for the Stephen Sondheim-James A. Goldman musical.FOLLIES, are on sale at the ReynoldsClub box office. Performances areJune 3 and 5 at 8 30, June 4 at 2:30 inMandel Hall. Admission is $3.00.Students $1.50.FOR RENT WANTEDWANTED: GRAD TICKETS. AfterFri. 10th. Will pay. 241-5945.SUBLETSublet—mid June-Aug., 2 Bed, 2 Bath,Lake. High Rise, 5050 S. Lake ShoreDr. $200/mth. 241-7648PESONALSDavid, who would have quit thenewspaper, If it had only beenpossible, and taken a bus toWashington and walked down Penn¬sylvania Avenue like Jimmy Carter(that was really beautiful): may yourdreams in stone come true (and minetoo, for that matter), jr.To all the Jewish cabdrivers in NewYork, I bequeath Mademoisellemagazine.Pedro the bitch, who reminds me ofthe tough little men of the LollipopGagn, forget all the Mondays and callme when you want to collaborate on abook. Juanita.Dan Wise, thank you for starting thehabit of imitating people's idiosyn-cracies. It was the high point of TheMaroon.Hey Jon how ya doin, bless you andeveryone who looks and talks like you.Mike (especially), Doub, everyone,everyone: goodbye, goodbye, and mailme The Maroon. Good riddance to my lost hours ofstudying and who cares about all themembers of the University community who have absolutely no ideawhat it takes to put out a newspapertwice a week. And one final suggestionto The Chicago Journal, all of whosemembers deserve a modicum ofcongratulations for puttinq out apaper, your paper would be muchbetter if you'd get some copy in it.TYPIST WANTEDWanted: Manuscript Typist to workfull time in summer, part-time in fall.55 WPM and up. Student preferred;pay competitive with other campusjobs. Call David Shields in mornings753-2518. Community and FamilyStudies Center.1/ane /leer&e6tauzantDelicious iontonc*e FoodFost Special luncheon:SI.95Mon-Thurs 11:30 AM-9:00 PMFri. & Sat. 11:30 AM 9 30 PMSun. 3:00 AM-9:00 PMCLOSED TUES.643-3407 1316 E. 53rd St.(We also carry leather sandals.)All furnished 1 bedrm. apt. duringsummer mo. rent negotiable. Call 324-7428.LOST & FOUNDFOUND: typewriter; cassette taperecorder, pocket calculator, ladieswatch, necklace between 12/16 & 5/77;submit written description and send toJRL 120 D.PERSONALSI haven't forgotten you dearie, I'veonly forgotten your name.Richard Taub for UC President!Adults for medical research. Requireadults having brother or sister orparent willing to participate. $15.00 foreach participant for 20 mi. of blood andmedical history. Call 341-8373. Mondaythru Friday 9 AM -11 AM.Writers' Workshop OL2-8277.Pregnant? Troubled? Call 233-0305 foraffirmative help. 10-2 p.m. Free Test.Pregnancy Testing, Sat. 10-2.Augustana Church, 5500 Woodlawn.Bring 1st morning urine saple. $1,50donation. Southside Women's Health.324-2292TAKCAVKANCHINESE-AMERICANRESTAURANTSpecializing inCAKTONISE ANDAMERICAN DISHESOPKN DAILY11 A.M. TO 9:30 9.M.SUNDAYS AND HOLIDAYS12 TO *90 P.M.Orders to toko out1319 loot 43rd MU 9-1062■iiiij.HJ.rri iTirmLaw School Aomission TestGraduate Maiaoemevt Aom TestGraduate Record EiaminationtttoicAi College Aom Test■ PROFESSIONAL INSTRUCTORS• CURRENT RAATERIALS■ ADMISSION/APPLICATIONSTRATE6YLOWEST HOURLY COSTOf ANY PR08RAMVI MAN | INI suiiai782-2185IS h«Wi CMC ROCKEFELLER MEMORIAL CHAPELSunday, June 59 A.M.Ecumenical Serviceof Holy Communion11 A.M.University Religious ServiceJERALD C. BRAUERNaomi Shenstone Donnelley ProfessorThe Divinity School“NEW HEAVEN ANDTHE OLD EARTH”A FINE CIGARCOMPLETES YOUR DINNERTREAT YOURSELFAND YOUR GUESTS •s pipe*ShopTHE ONLY ONE OF IT S KIND IN THE H P AREAAt Harper Court $hopping Center5225 5. Harper C 7 286 51519*1« CAf SS INSTART PNINTTfl tVO,PRINTING...IF YOUNEEDITFAST WE’RE AS NEAR AS YOUR PHONE...OUR SERVICES INCLUDE• Copying •Business C»rds»*«'0« Copies•folding •Meillers -Copying*•Collating »fiyers Duplicating-Fast• Wedding Invitations aChurch Bulletins I Call 684-7070• Padding Etc •Thesis - Term Papers• Envelopes •Funeral Programs•letterheadsPflSTma.,.v fist Hyde Park Bank BldgJJSJJK 1525 East 53rd StreetCROSS 'Chicago, III. 60615INSTANT PRINTING WHILE U WAIT Suite 626 CampusTownhouseThe E-l Townhouse is inmint condition: It has beenpainted from top to bottomand the lovely oak floors,just re-done, are gleaming.Four bedrooms and twoand one half baths. A lovelyfamily room opens onto theback yard.Urban Search337-2400New ListingAt 56th andDorchester:Five BedroomsThere is more space in thishandsome apartment thanyou will find in manyhouses. Gracious entranceand lovely large livingroom. Beautiful diningroom leads to screenedporch.Two baths. Lots of closets.Hardwood floors.Very reasonable monthlycosts in this well maintain¬ed six apartment con¬dominium. Parking includ¬ed.Urban Search337-2400ElegantThreeBedroomThe ShorelineBreathtaking views andj unvelievable space. Threei lovely baths. Excellent kit- Ichen, huge living room. ;Buy of the week at 526,000.Urban Search337-2400New ListingA HouseThat SingsThe most unusual offeringof this season includes agreen house and an area! with 26 tropical song-birds.i This 14 room 3-story brick |home in the Highlands has 1an institutional size, lovelymodern kitchen, modern |baths, and even a private |j sun-deck off the master ibedroom.One third of a beautifully '! landscaped acre with itsown gazebo. Two cargarage.A marvelous value atSI 25,000.Urban Search337-2400 Turn-Of-The CenturyCharm—Perfected56th & CornellThis charming Victorian, freestanding hou$e i$ a gem.Huge double living room with re¬built woodburning fireplace andhandsome stained glass windows.The lovely dining room still hasan original wood fireplace man¬tle. Lovely big modern kitchenwith lots of room for eating,cooking and storage.Master bedroom has a woodburn-rng fireplace, and o sitting room.Four bedrooms on the secondfloor and two sun-filled bedroomson the third floor.. .plus somefamily room space.Lovely hardwood floors and natu¬ral wood throughout. Recent re¬modeling: new plumbing and re¬wiring.All this and heaven too: a bockyard AND A GARAGE.Urban Search337-2400Fireplace,And ThreeBedrooms, Too5525 BLACKSTONEThe woodburning fireplace is thefocal point of a charming 27x12foot living room.Master bedroom is a large 18and a half feet by 12. Two otherbedrooms. Two baths Separatedining roomBeautiful floors. SpectacularI amount of light in this 2nd floori apartment. Building in excellent! condition.Urban Search337-2400 ■NEW LISTINGLight andTree/Tops56th & DorchesterThis charming two bedroom apart¬ment is o sunny third floor beauty,loveiy sun porch, hardwood floors,tots of seace and charmUrban Search337-2400NEW LISTINGA Jewelon HarperA small gem of a house in obeautiful campus location: 58th &HarperThis three bedroom house, withits large lot, has been meticulously cored for, woodburning fire¬place in living room, lovely diningroom, sun everywhereUrban Search337-2400 NEW LISTINGAt 56th andDorchesterFive BedroomsThere is more space in this hond-some apartment then you will findm many houses. Gracious en¬trance and lovely large livingroom. Beautiful dining room leadsto screened porch.Two baths. Lots of closets. Hardwood floors.Very reasonable monthly costs inthis well maintained six apartmentcondominium. Parking included.Urban Search337-2400Why Rent!You canBuy For Less!56th & CornellYou con own and enjoy this spa¬cious one bedroom apartment forless than you would pay to rentit.Four good size rooms and a bal¬cony.Urban Search337-2400DelightfulHouse FromA GraciousEra Gone ByThe exterior of this corner atta¬ched home with its turret andoval windows is very turn-of-the-century — but inside there arei the comforts of the modern world:central air-conditioning, lovelymodem baths, a new gas furnoce.Double living room with wood-bummg fireplace. Very chormingattic rooms Beautiful bock yard.337-2400ExceptionalFor SingleLiving(Or WithCompany)A beautiful four room unit is nowavailable at 5521 Blaclstone.There is a woodburning fireplace! in the hvmg room. New remod¬eled kitchen with wood cabinetsand fruitwood floor. Separate din¬ing room and small balcony.Charming large both. Burnishedhardwood floors throughout andhigh ceilings. Excellent buildinghas been restored to its originalbeautyUrban Search337-2400